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I really need some help Sorry this is long
23/f
Ok I have this friend Terry (26). He is a very good friend and we always have fun hanging out. And yes I do have a crush on him. We flirt all the time but it is always ALL talk. We can about literally anything. I can talk about guys and he won’t bad mouth them and it is the same when he talks about girls. Sure of course there is a twinge of jealousy when someone tries to get in the picture, but I don’t do anything about it. That is just not right. I want him to be happy. I know I have to give it time if it is meant for me and him. Sometimes I feel that it is right there in front of us but neither one of us is blind to it. Well I thought I would make a little effort on new yrs eve. My friends and I were out bowling having a lot of fun. I thought it would be cute and bought this cheesy mistletoe. Last day out of the year to get away with something like that. My friends got a kick out of it. (FYI I am sober throughout this whole thing) I also ran into Terry at the alley too and said he was going to have some people over at his house and that me and my friends were invited to come along. Well I wanted to get there before midnight but my friends just took a little longer then I wanted them too. We got there just a matter of minutes afterwards when everyone is rushing outside to light off the firecrackers. I wanted to wish Terry a happy new yr, just was a little too hard with so many people around. I finally was able to stop him in the kitchen and I had the mistletoe. I thought it was a clever little trick to be able to kiss him. And it did work; also that it was new yrs too. I felt very proud of myself too, that I took a little initiative. And we went on with the evening like nothing had happen.
Well.... turns out, there was a girl that didn't know that was kind of with him. She was almost always around him. At first I figured it was one of these young little girls (teenagers) that do have a tendency to follow him around since he is attractive. Well that was until I saw them sitting on the couch holding hands and cuddling. I felt like such a fool. If I had known they were together that night I respectively would not have tried anything. I know when to not step on toes even when it does happen to me. So I mentally tell myself, “ok I have to back off, and let it be” So the next night I am at our Tuesday karaoke Night which we always go to. Terry is there and the girl wasn’t. But we didn’t do anything out the ordinary. We still continued to banter and flirt back and forth like nothing was different, because it wasn’t. I few of us went up to his house since it was up the street. While most were down stairs, I was alone with Terry upstairs and we were talking and I made the effort to apologize for the night before for kissing him not knowing he was technically there with someone. He told me not to be, since they weren’t actually together and the girl ( her name was Jenny20 yrs old) was very needy, moving too fast and that she lived in Sacramento and had come up to see him for the night. Also said that he thought it was very cute and that he had liked the kiss.
Now what I need to know is what should I do about this? Should I just let things take their course? Should I forget about it? Am I in the right to be feeling like this? This has never happen between us. He is always telling me about these girls that like him but he doesn’t really want to start anything with them, since his last relationship really hurt him, but then he is looking for Mrs. Right and not Miss right now. And he does tell this to the girls and they seem to kind of leave the picture, not even wanting to be a friend, yet I know well enough to keep being his friend. You think he is trying to tell me something and I am not taking it in all the way? I don’t really think he is trying to play me because he does look out for me and has not tried anything. I know this is very silly but it is still something on my mind. Any advice would be great. Thanks for making it through all this.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Im sure that he likes you more then any of those girls that he tells you about. I think you should just keep going with the way things are. In time he will heal from that last relationship and notice that you are the Ms. Right for him. Be patient Best of luck
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Okay so it's kind of complicated, but doesn't mean it's over between you and him. You just need to let him have time to get back together. Just be his friends, do what you've been doing and when or if he's ready, he'll come to you. You just have to give it time. He obviously has something for you, believe it or not. And you like him. Yall need the time to accept it. Both of you. Things happen for a reason and if you don't end up with him, then he'd be a good friend. You don't want to lose a awesome person as a friend, it sucks. Hope I helped and good luck.
- Lacey -
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Since he's confiding in you, it's obvious that he thinks very highly of you and you're probably his best friend. Woo!
It's good that he's looking for something meaningful, and by the looks of it, he's more than likely found that in you. A huge hint that he'd be willing to take things further with you is that he accepted and admitted to enjoying the kiss you shared. Plus that, and it's so daring of you that it leaves an awesome impression! That and you went about it in such a cute manner!
And even if he doesn't take this friendship as a relationship right now, it's bound to fall into place.
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Christ girl.
Ok. Your friend sounds clueless. Hes going to need help.
Fact 1. This friendship isnt going to work well. Because if you like him being just a friend is always going to suck.
Fact 2. Guys rarely pass up an opportunity handed to them if they dont have something better on the table. Its why guys never say "lets wait" when offered sex on the first date. Its why if you want to go out with him you've got a pretty good chance.
Its time to grab him by the balls metaphorically. Just being his friend is going to suck for you. Take the risk. Look him in the eyes and tell him he should ask you out on a date sometime. When he gives you a double take or cracks some kind of a joke being disbelieving or whatever, keep looking him in the eyes and repeat yourself.
"No, you should really ask me out on a date"
Leave your intentions clear. Let him know what you want out of him. As scary as being direct can be, it also is alot of fun and puts alot of power into your hands.
At the end of the night, when hes wondering how the kiss should be, dont let him go until you get a very nice kiss, preferably a little making out. Send him a clear signal that thats how you think about him. Give him the "play your cards right and you WILL fuck me someday" signal and youve got a pretty damn good chance he will jump at it.
Keep something in mind. He might have been sending you guy signals. I have no clue, but girls and guys think differently so what we think is an obvious sign you might not pick up on, the same way you might send him obvious signs and he doesnt pick up on them.
Oh, and a personal story to back this up. Years ago when I was a freshman in college I was best friends with a girl the entire year whom I wanted to date. Tried and tried, talked her through the other guys she DID date. I made my move too late after she found someone else she was genuinely interested in.
Dont miss chances.
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You two obviously have something great, even if you're just friends. But I personally think that he IS trying to tell you something more. It sounds to me like he has feelings for you. He might want to be with you.
It sounds like you would like to be with him too. If you do, I would suggest taking things really really slowly. Keep at the same pace you are right now. I don't know what you guys do when you hang out, but if you ever hang out alone, ask him to go do something cute like ice skating or something. It's still winter and it's a season that people want to be close with others. You might get another chance to kiss him, and maybe the kiss will mean something more and last longer.
I think that after one more kiss, he might come out and tell you that he wants to be with you.
In some cases, best friends can make awesome boyfriends, and this sounds like one of those cases. I think there is something more there.
I hope everything works out :)
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What I feel you should do is just kind of bring it up. It will be awkward, uncomfortable and, hopefully, it will do the trick.
Say straight up "Terry, I don't know if it's just me, but that's what I want to find out. In my mind it seems like we're always flirting and I do kind of like you and I just wanted to know if you feel the same way."
You could also say something along the lines of...
"I understand if you don't have those kinds of feelings for me and if you don't I hope it doesn't effect our friendship because I have really enjoyed being your friend for all of these _______(months, years, whatever)".
If you're as good of friends as you say you are then it shouldn't be so hard to say something. Just tell him that you wanted to kiss him on new years and you have liked him for a while now and you've been getting mixed messages and just want everything clarified. If he likes you too, great. If not, I guess you'll have to live with being just friends or start to distant yourself if it's going to cause chaos in your life.
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