|
Drugs & Friendship =/
My friend, Jayelle (16) is very into drugs and although I have been friends with her for three years, I'm way different than her. I'm not into that and no one can influence me to do so. However, she's ruining her life and she doesn't care and slowly she's trying to drag me with her.
Her parents don't know that she uses drugs and I don't see how. She's always high and she has drugs in her room. They're clueless. I don't feel comftrable being around her anymore and I have talked to her about it but it goes in one ear and out the other so I stoped trying.
She got upset with me because I did not want to hang out with her because of it and I honestly did not feel guilty for it.
Here's the problem. Both Jayelle & I got invited to a college party but I would not go because they're crazy and I did not want anything bad to happen but she still decided to go. She called me at 2 in the morning asking me to come pick her up. I'm also 16 and I don't have a car of my own so there was no way I could leave. I felt really bad because I knew she was in deep trouble. High, drunk and with a bunch of older guys. I freaked out so I called her older sister who is 18. She acted calm and went and picked her up. I got a phone call from Jayelle the next day cursing me out and blaming me for getting grounded. I felt really bad but I honestly don't feel like it's my fault.
Even though I don't want to be friends with her because of the things she does, I still don't want anything bad to happen to her. Her mother found her drugs and basically cursed me out for it because I didn't go with her to the party and "protect" her. I was shocked.. hearing that from an adult! My mom took my side and is proud of me for not following into her footsteps but there is a part of me that feels horrible. What do I do. Thank you so much!!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
this actually happened to me a while ago with one of my best friends. ive never done a drug in my life and i dont care what anyone says but my friend started getting high and smoking cigarettes. well she wouldnt tell me because she knew i would get sooo mad so i always found out for someone else. i sat down and talked to her, i said seriously if your gonna keep doing that i cant be friends with you. im just looking out for you because i care about you so much and i dont want you to get into trouble. and she hasnt done it since..ever since i talk to her about it. i know that you did the right thing sweetie and honestly you did nothing wrong and should not feel bad about anything that happened. its a good thing that you didnt get involved. talk to her, and if she keeps doing this stuff; id take a break from her.
]
Okay, what I advise you do is tell her your whole side of the story. If you don't agree with what she does tell her again and make it CLEAR. If you have to drop the friendship because your not comfortable, so be it. Let her know you care though; don't make her think she is alone.
Good Luck,
Corbie-Leigh♀
]
You and your mother are correct.
How to explain this succinctly...
Drugs are a personal choice. People who choose to do them take on the responsibility of doing them and are responsible for their own safety. It is NEVER your obligation to spend your time taking care of someone who cant and wont take care of themselves.
She isnt really a friend. And I can guarantee you its not her fault, from the sounds of it her mother has been teaching her how to avoid taking responsibility for the things that she does.
You do have a problem though. Your friend is going to have to hit bottom to realize her mom is wrong and she needs to take responsibility for herself. As long as she has friends like you protecting her from herself, she ISNT going to hit bottom and she isnt going to learn.
Its time to end this friendship. I dont know if thats possible for you, but its in both of your best interests. The more you let her hang on the worse its going to be for her. At least at 16 shes got the chance to fuck her life up while still in her parents house, which makes it easier to get back on her feet after. It gets worse if she moves out and then fucks up with less of a safety net/no safety net at all.
]
Take a deep breath and deal with feeling awful for a little while.
What you did was correct. You know it was correct. It's okay to have feelings that aren't rational (like feeling guilty when you've done nothing wrong), just so long as you stick to your guns and don't back down just because you don't feel great about your decision. Everyone knows it was still the right one, probably even Jayelle and her mother.
Their anger is about their own failure, not anything you did.
At least her mother's behavior has clarified one thing for you: Jayelle is not going to change any time soon. Why would she? If he parents are convinced it's YOUR fault (and everyone else's) not Jayelle's, there is no reason for her to change and no reason for her to take responsibility for her actions.
If her adult mother has decided to blame a teen-aged peer for her daughters drug use and safety, you can certainly see Jayelle does not have a good role model as far as ‘taking responsibility’ goes. This situation is going to get worse before it gets better.
You are perfectly right to remove yourself from situations you find uncomfortable. If you can do that and still remain friends with Jayelle, go ahead. If you can’t, don’t feel too guilty about gently letting the friendship die. You are responsible for yourself first, not her. If talking or being with her makes your compromise yourself, stresses you out or otherwise makes your miserable and subjects you to abuse for her or her mother, then end the friendship. You might feel bad about it for a while, but all your need to do is take a deep breath and deal with that irrational feeling too.
]
maybe you should give a little time to settle down. then maybe call her up or ask her to meet you somewhere and tell her why you did what you did and why you feel bad. talking to her is the only way you could resolve things, if that is what you are looking to do.
]
I think you need to tell this girl that you cant hang out with her until she stops doing drugs.
Its a sucky situation, and you just have to move on.
Shes an idiot for using drugs, and you should be proud that you wont let yourself be influenced to do the stupid things she does.
xxtiffany
]
More Questions: |