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My friend lost her virginity and she smokes!
13/f and my friend is 13/f
My friend, alex, lost her virginity last week. I got really mad at her. I don't know what to do. She moved to Indiana too. I don't feel like being her friend anymore because she lost her virigity at 13. First, she started smoking, then she gave bjs, now she's lost her virginity. I feel so weird. All my other friends are virgins. I really don't like my friend anymore. She used to be nice, happy, and cool, but now shes... gross, rude and... Virginityless... Not a word, but ok. I wish my friend could've been smarter. What do I do?! Plz help!
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you cant change the bad choices that your friend has already made. shes probably looking for attention and this might be when she needs you the most. shes looking for attention from these guys. maybe you should talk to her about it. theres no guarantee that youre gonna change her mind but tell her that shes throwing away her reputation and ruining her friends. tell her you liked the old person she used to be.
xoxo
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Alex may have exercised extremely bad judgment here but she still remains the same person you were always friends with. Nothing has changed except her opening up and telling you about her private life and sex.
She may even be making things up as a lot of girls do her age to sound cool in front of her friends. Then again, she may have done everything you said she has.
It's not for you to judge her based on that even though we're talking bad decisions about sex. They are her mistakes and decisions to make. You and others can try to get her to see they are wrong for her, harmful for her age etc. but cannot make her change.
The whole bj, hj situation seems to be very common with people your age and older these days. While it isn't right for 13-year-olds you cannot judge her over it. Has there ever been a time where you did something that was precieved bad and she didn't judge you?
We've all sinned, made mistakes but don't throw away a great friendship based on whether you approve or disapprove of the decisions she has made. Share your insight and opinion with her but don't judge or throw everything away over this.
Would she be any les rude, gross etc if she hadn't told you? Think about that. Have a talk with her and mention that you don't think she's making good decisions about sex and life lately but you still want to be her friend. Ask her not to talk about her personal life with you.
Point out where she may have turned people off or been rude/gross and resume your friendship. She will have to learn on her own as does anyone that she's doing something that isnt healthy as you can show someone the way but cannot convince them.
The other thing I would do is confide in your parents the info you know about risky sex and behavior with boys and see what they can tell you to do here or perhaps they can approach her parents and not using your name tell them that they heard a rumor that her daughter did X, Y, Z go talk to her.
If she has only told you however it poses a problem. If you think she's being used, will get pregnant and is in over her head you can tell your parents and get adults to intervene. However, if this was told in confidence to you it can damage the friendship permanently but some secrets need to get out to adults.
You can also tell your teachers, guidance counselor that you are concerned about her because of what she has told you and that she's in over her head. If anyone is to intervene it should be an adult and not you.
Try to continue to be friends and don't judge her as I'm sure there are facts about you or big mistakes you've made that you wouldn't want people who know you to drop you over. Even though she's done these things she's still the same person, your friend. All that's changed is what you've learned about her. It doesn't affect her personality.
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Okay this is a great question, You are very smart to not be like her i mean there is no excuse for her stupidity! I mean you cant really do anything about it right now, but for the record you shouldn't ignore her because when she relizes what she did and how it was totaly wrong she will need you so dont ignore her. But sooner or later she'll thank you and only you for caring about her.
But i hope it all turns out ok.
love always,
Bubble2Gum
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Dont ignore her, or not be her friend. This is the time when she needs you most. Of course she shouldnt have lost her virginity at 13, but still you shouldnt just ignore her. Also maybe she doesnt think that sex is such a big deal as you do, but you should still be there for her. She needs you most at these times, instead of you ignoring her, stay close to her, and let her know that you are here for her whenever she needs you.
Hope I helped :)
-MCRxoLoVeR
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Okay first of all.
I do think its wrong that she had sex so young, and did the things she did.
But thats life, there are WORSE things she could have done, or that could have happened. Believe me. Just because she did that, doenst mean you shouldnt be friends with her. I hate to break it to you sweetheart but as you get older more and more of your friends are going to do that, they are going to try drugs, have sex, do slutty sleezy things and someday they might regret it. But its their life, not yours, and you have to realize what your friend did was her choice, definitly NOT the best judgement but its what she did. And she may not feel bad about it now, but I know since shes this young and she did that, in time she will regret it.
You need to just get over it.
Dont be imature and get mad at me for saying this, a true friend is there through thick and thin, and maybe if you were there for her when she was considering doing this stuff you could have stopped her. And peer pressure, maybe she was peer pressured into this stuff. Who knows, but its happened, and you need to be a good friend. Because you not liking her just because she did that, is just as bad as her doing what she did. You both are equally imature.
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Stop being so closeminded.
Just because she obviously doesn't hold her virginity as sacred (for lack of a better word) as you do doesn't mean you should judge her, or not be her friend. She probably needs the strength in a friend that you can offer.
She's just a little sucked up into that kind of life.
It will chew her up and spit her out, and she'll need you then, too.
It wasn't stupid if she doesn't care and doesn't regret it.
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Tell her all that you've just told us. Seeing as she moved away from you, if you don't want to, you can be mean about it, or you can just explain it to her that you don't want to be friends with her.
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