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he cheated on me
my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 3 years. early in our relationship he cheated on me with one of my friends (it was like a one-time thing) but we got past that and i know hes been faithful since then. well he just got back from vacation and the first thing he tells me is that he had hooked up with this girl he met at the beach. he was like sobbing and saying that he felt so bad about it but he had to tell me cuz he didnt want to keep anything from me, and that it didnt mean anything and that he hates himself for being so stupid, and how much he loves me, and please forgive him.
well i know your gonna say dump the jerk. and maybe i should. but then i think, maybe i should forgive him? i mean, at least he was honest about it. he didnt have to tell me and i never wouldve found out. and we have been going out for so long, im the only girlfriend hes ever had, so maybe its natural that he'd be curious about other girls, even though he really does love me? or am i just making excuses for him because i love him and dont want to lose him? but if i stay with him, is that sending the message that its okay to cheat on me? is he really just a cheater and always will be? or was it really just a mistake? i dont know what to do!
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there is never a good excuse for cheating... if he hooks up with someone else it means that he wants someone better than you... you DESERVE a guy that wants you and only you... your making the "but he felt sad and cried excuse", but in reality, he doesnt deserve someone as forgiving as you...so dump him and look for a better guy... and if he says he misses you, dont fall for it... he SHOULD miss you, because you are are deeply missable...
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You should hook-up with another boy and see how it feels for him. o__o; No, jk. That was awful, don't do that. >_>
Alright.. Well, your situation can go both ways. 3 years a damn well long time though, it's obvious you're not ready to leave him. And your relationship must be going very well if he's actually WILLING to tell you the truth, and was crying about it, nonetheless! But honestly.. he's cheated before, and you would've thought he would've learned from his mistake. I can't believe he had the nerve to not control his actions and DO IT AGAIN. But still, he was honest and out about it, which you should really appreciate. I think it's like you said, he loves YOU, but he's still going to be curious about other girls. Maybe he wants to explore a bit, just to make sure he loves YOU. I would ignore hanging out with him for a while though, he needs some kind of punishment. I'd make him apologize with flowers and hot cheetos((Maybe in your case,chocolates but whatever.)) I mean, he can't honestly get off THAT easy, you don't want him to expect it's okay to cheat ever again.
But after you two have cooled off a bit, go to dinner and talk about how it sincerily hurt you and that you really wish he'll never do it again.
Best of luck =]
x
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That is really good that's he's honest about his actions and doesn't lie about them or keep them hidden. I don't really agree with anyone staying with a person who cheats, but there are some circumstances.
I get where you're coming from saying you don't want to break up since you spent 3 years together but think about it. A lot of people, including someone in my family, that once a cheater always a cheater. He cheated on you with the friend and he cheated on you again on vacation. You could go with three strikes you're out, but honestly the chances of him cheating again are great. Staying with him is sort of sending the message that "you can cheat on me, and you can count on me to forgive you", since he's done it in the past.
My advice is to either give him another chance or break up. If it was me personally I'd break up with him since he cheated on you before, but maybe you want to give him one more chance. If you do stay with him, and he does cheat on you, you know he's like a serial cheater. No offense but no point in staying with a guy who's just going to cheat on you and think it's okay.
It's been 3 years in the relationship so maybe it's about time to call it quits, if you want to break up. There's a lot of other guys out there, and there's plenty of sweet guys who wouldn't dare cheat on a girl. Maybe it's time for you to move on.
Good luck, and I hope this helps you. If you'd like leave me a message if you need anything else. :)
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It was good that he told you. Now you have a big decision to make!
Forgiving one time I understand. Usually though
that forgiving comes with the stipulation or assumption that it is NOT going to happen again.
You say the first time was a "one time thing".
It may have been at the time, but it isn't anymore.
"Hooked up" means different things to different people. Did he have sex with these people, or did
he just have a make-out session?
What you are feeling, and wanting to be true is
normal. I do think forgiving a second time could
make this behavior a habit with him. He will
think all he has to do is confess with tears and
all will be well with you again. Don't be a pushover.
If he had sex with the others he not only
cheated but put you at risk for STDs. Not
something you do to one you claim to love.
Good luck to you. This is one of those decisions
you will have to make on your own. Hope we have
at least given you some things to think about
and make your decision a little easier. :)
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I'm sorry he is putting you through that. It's actually natural to make excuses for the guy when you're in the position you are in. Of course you don't want to throw 3 years away that easily. But you can't be in denial everytime this happens. It actually drives me crazy when people throw out the words "I love you" & then have the nerve to cheat anyway. Yes, it's only natural & harmless to be somewhat curious about what it'd be like to be with another girl (since you are his first girlfriend). But if he truly loved you, he would NEVER act on those type of feelings. When you truly care about someone, you just don't act like that. I'm sure he's a great guy & I'm sure he cares about you, but I don't think he cares about you enough to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He doesn't care enough to have any self control or respect. He is selfish & doesn't seem to care about the relationship as much as you do. Basically, he's done a lot of damage this time around & you have to open your eyes & see that. To answer your question: yes, you will be sending the message that it's okay to cheat again. Although he was disappointed in his decision, came clean & apologized, you are taking him back anyway. In the back of his mind when he's tempted with another girl, he'll remember that all he has to do is say he's sorry. But he's done this once before (& now twice), what makes you think he won't do it again? I will not sit here & tell you that he's a cheater for life & will never change. People make mistakes, but he's made this one twice. I just can't see a relationship lasting any longer after this time.
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I'm really sorry to hear that. But I'd forgive him. Yes, he cheated twice, but at least this time he apologized and came right out and said it. He obviously felt terrible about it, and you know guys, there stupid. But I wouldn't dump him. Hey, this is a good time for you. As he tries to apologize,you get candy,flowers, any thing he can to suck up. I'd stay with him. Hey, what do I know. My friend Sahara went through the same thing. He cheated in Chicago on a business trip, came back and apologized. And until this day she still gets whatever she wants. So it works out either way. Good luck. ;)
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if he told you right away and was literally sobbing about it, i could almost gaurantee that he was telling the truth about how bad he felt about it. i think you're exactly right..he's curious about other girls even though he DOES love you. in my opinion, people have to be in love or damn near it to make a relationship last for over two years. the crying thing was key though..a guy could totally say all he wanted about how he felt just to make you think he's being sincere so you won't leave him but they can rarely force tears and make a whole big scene. i think he definitly seems like a good guy and although this is his second time, he was truthful, sorry, and neither of you want to break it off. its obviously up to you but with how he reacted to his naughty behavior says a lot about him. if it happens again, i'd ditch his flippin ass =]
oh and ps..don't forgive him right away or push the issue aside. keep it in full view for at LEAST a week so he knows how big of a deal it is. don't let him get the idea that if he does something wrong (especially cheating) that all he needs to do is cry and apologize and everything will be fine and dandy the next day =]
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Three years is a long time, so I doubt your really wanting to totally get rid of him. Let him know that what he did was not okay and that you are hurt by it, but that you are glad that he told you. Tell him that you need to take some time alone. Don't be particuarly friendly about it but don't totally bless him out either. Just kind of hive him the cold shoulder. Take maybe a week of not seeing him. You should still answer his calls bit if he asks to see you, just tell him that you are'nt ready to see him yet. He's obviously sorry for what he did, maybe he should get another chance. But keep in mind, this IS the second time he's done this. If he was truely sorry the first time, he wouldn't have made the same mistake. Brush him off for a little while and then slowly work your way into getting things back to normal. Make him WORK for it though.
I hope everything works out.
Sarah
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