|
step dad
Im 16 and my dad died when i was 8 and my mom recently got married to a guy who used to be in the army. I have two sister and now i have 3 step brothers. He is like way strict and his kids are like perfect angels but me and my sisters have never really been raised that strict and for lack of better words are pretty wild. my mom never really punished us for things and now this guy is trying to control us and take over our lives. What should i do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
The best advice I have ever recieved in my life is CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES. It applies to so many situations. Look, you love your mom and you wante her to be happy, so sometimes you just need to go with the flow of things, and be passive rather than aggressive in certain situations. The best thing you could ever be to someone you love is honest, and communicative. Try to choose your battles and remember, your stepfather is in the picture to make your mom happy. It's not his job to make you happy. You just need to put up with him and be courteous and respectful. Good luck.
37/f with a stepfather
]
Tell your step-dad that you've never had such a strict atmosphere before and you'll try to make him happy, but he's going to have to cut you some slack for a while until you get used to it.
]
hey
try talking to him... it's the only way to get through to him. if he really makes you feel that way, he may not even be aware of it! just sit him down and say, "can we talk about something that has been bothering me?" don't scream / yell / shout at ALL. he is an adult, and you want to be treated as an adult back, or seem like an adult anyway. just tell him exactly how you feel. how you think he might be just TOO strict. say like, "i know that you must be strict while having so many younger people in the house, but I feel like we could work together and make the household less strict, yet not wild and crazy. what do you think?" if you come off like a mature, intelligent, responsible 16-year-old, then he will definitely take your perspective into consideration.
]
I think this guy is just trying to give you some structure and teach you what discipline is. Sit down with your mother & stpedad and set some guidelines. But honestly, I think he's just looking out for you and has your best interests in mind. You may hate him for it now, but you'll realize later that most, if not all, of the rules he's put in place for you were beneficial to you in some way.
]
well he is your step dad. assuming he lives with you, he does have somewhat of control over you. However being he is not your biological dad, that isnt the baest way for him to be close to you. I would talk to your mom about it, and tell her how you feel, and she can relay things to your stepdad. if that doesnt do anything, you can try talking directly to your step dad.
HOWEVER, take it slow, dont yell, and KNOW what youre going to say when you talk to him. Be prepared for anything.
]
Talk to your mom, she's really the only one that can control it. When my mom married my stepdad she told him that I'm HER kid and he can't boss me around. I'm really sorry but I don't know what else to say.
]
He has no right to controll you especially because he just got into your life where he needs to be accepted, not where he needs to make people accept him, if you know what I mean by this. He cant be pushing you around when he just walks into your life if you dont accept him, so thats what you need to discuss with him. Tell him that your not used to his strict rules, so that he needs to be more patient and understanding with you, becuse you learn differently then his kids,and you didnt grow up with him, so he cant treat you exactly how you treat his kids.Tell him that your a generally good person with limits who will take correction, so that he can loosen up, then prove yourself to be that way, and he will listen to you. If you present this information kindly to him and act kind to him regardless, he will back off. If your discussion with him offends him in any way be sure to apologize that hes hurt, but that its the truth and thats how you feel. Even the harshest people have feelings, so remember to soften the blow when you basically tell him "your not my father, your cant boss me around like that." Even in the most heated moments, if any arise, just never say it like that, and everything will be fine :)
]
well my friend is kind of in a similar situation. her mom is pretty laid back and her dad (they are divorced) is really cool, hes a tatto artist and stuff. anyway so she got remarried a few years ago to this guy, who in my opinion is a total jerk. he yells at her and tries to tell her what to do, meanwhile he's super nice to their toddler.
i would try talking to your mom about it, and maybe she could talk to your step dad. he's probably just used to how he raised his kids and doesn't know anything different. if you're open about it, maybe he could comprimise with you and your sister and try not to take over your lives
goof luck
-*briana
]
Right now there isn't much you can do. Try to talk to your mom about it and see if she can get him to lighten up a bit. If that fails there isn't too much else you can do from this point. He apparently has high expectations for his kids. Although he isn't your dad,if he expects something of you that is unreasonable explain to him that you feel he shouldn't be asking that of you because he isn't your dad. But do not hesitate to call the police if he hits you! That would be completely unreasonable and in no circumstances should you take that from anyone. I hope it all works out for the better.
Good Luck :)
Sorry I don't have the great of an answer it's just situations like these are difficult.
P.S. If that doesn't work maybe suggest family counseling to your mom.
]
Well in my opinion is talk to your mom first. Explain to her that she's gotten really bossy and you can't take it anymore. Explain to her that this guy ISN'T your real dad, and you shouldn't have to deal with him treating you like shit. Tell her you'll except the marrage if things change, such as letting you have a little bit of freedom.
Write me in my inbox again, if you need anymore help. Sorry if it wasn't much.
Good luck.
]
Try and behave a little bit better. Anytime parents remarry it's like the kids always have to adjust in a certain way. Just try and be civilized and you don't have to love this new step dad. If it really becomes an issue talk to your mother and tell her how you feel. but try and give him chance. I'm sure he wants to give you one. Everyone deserves a second chance. Let me know if you want to talk again. Hope I helped hon.
]
well, this is tricky. I think you should find a quiet time with your step dad and talk things out. Now I not saying that you havn't realized that he is now your father figure but im saying that you should go with the flow and learn how to live with him. hope you find a happy medium.
good luck
14/m
]
It doesn't seem like there's a whole lot you can do. It depends on what he's punished you for and whether or not it's really unfair. Since you admit you grew up in a pretty relaxed household, probably you're just having trouble with rules and guidelines. Hate to say it, but unless he does something truly uncalled for, like hitting you, there's not much you can do. Try talking to your mom about it, tell her you think some of his rules are unfair. Maybe even tell him at a time when you're not mad. In the long run, having rules will help you. Right now it may be frustrating but I promise you'll get used to it. Good luck!
16/f
]
More Questions: |