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My girlfriend wants kids and I dont know what to do
I'm in a bit of an awkward possition. My girlfriend and I have recently been doing some exploration with our bodies and have stopped using condoms all together. A few days ago I found out that she wants to have children and that she doesnt want to wait till we're out of high school. I've also heard rumors from my friends that she's planning something. I want to know if, well, its alright to have children at a young age.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
ALL of the advice you have gotten so far has been great, from insightful columnists. So I will try not to repeat what they have said. Keep this in mind. What happens is not the point, it is how you deal with it that counts.
I know girls who have had babies and finished highschool. They jugle school and family, much like I juggle work and family. Babies are long hours and hard work, but well worth it. My regret is that I was 25 before I had my son.
There are some cultures that encourage young girls to get married and pregnant before they are 14 years old. They also have have ten wives, 25 chilren and their very own communites.
Maturity comes at different ages. I have known 16 year olds with more maturity than any 30 year old.
The question is ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?
9 Months of; "OH, I am so fat! GO get me some ice cream."
You must be careful. I do not know how moral your girlfriend is. She may have ideas to get pregnant even though you do not want it to happen.
Let me save you 15 years of learning from bad relationships. "I've also heard rumors from my friends that she's planning something."
First, you are listening to rumors instead of just asking her the truth.
Second, If she is the kind of person who would plan something, why are you with her?
Your best bet is to back off and not have sex with her until she grows out of this phase. And you know she isn't going to try and trick you by poking a hole in the condom. (I had it happen to an ex boyfriend. E-mail me sometime and I will tell you about it)
Here is an idea!
Find someone that has a newborn baby. See if they would be willing to make arrangements for your girlfriend to care for that baby for 48 hours every weekend for a year. She would have to stay friday night, all day saturday, saturday night and until 5 pm on Sundays. She would have to cater to the baby's every demand while the parents took a break from the exhausting demands of a new baby.
This would give her a taste of what it would be like as a young mother to take care of a baby.
You should try it too!
Anyway, here are some sites I think that you would benefit from.
Birth control methods go here!
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Information on how to control your orgasms, so that you do not release inside her. Go here!
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Good Luck!
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Baby, I had my first child at 15 and it ruined my life. Do I love my children... yes. Do I regret having them.... no. But I do wish that I had been more careful. Now I am a young grandma. I never finished highschool, I rent a trailer from a shady man named "Blood." I don't have a husband and I am flat broke.
Go to college, live your life, get married, have fun while ya still can!
Having babies takes the fun and money out of everything, trust me.
I am going to put you in my book of prayers.
Love
(36 year old) GRANDMA Betty Louis.
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Good God, no!! Always use a condom. Trust me, the last thing you want as a young person is a child. Many parents who are older, with their own homes and steady employment, have a hard time with their first child. Don't do this to yourself. And don't leave the responsibility for protection with someone else. As a young man, you have to be responsible for yourself. Insist upon using a condom every time you have intercourse, no matter what.
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it isnt alright to have children at young age (my opinion) you should sneek around asking.
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Yikes!!! You both must want kids if you are having unprotected sex! It is not the best situation for the parents or the child to start so young. It really could be a huge mistake! A child is for some girls a security blanket and proof of your love. Girls often idealize such situations and are in for a rude awakening later. You are going to have to take responsibility and be the one to live in reality. Go back to condoms everytime, since you can't trust her with female birth control. A child deserves a good family environment, responsible mature established parents that can care easily for the child and everything you can do to make sure that the situation is healthy and permanent. I was born to young parents, and of course like most young parents who are in love and get married, it did not last long. Yep, I am glad to be here, but I know the situation was not the best for anyone. If you can to better, why choose to do worse? Tell her she does not need a child to know you love her, and that if you both want to plan on a future together, you want it to be perfect and she needs to wait for the right time because the child deserves that. Now go buy condoms and hopefully you won't have to buy a pregancy test!
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Far more important then 'is it alright?' is this what you want?
Because it's alright if she wants children, but if she has taken steps towards having children without explicitly informing you then she is trying to trap you dear and use you for her own selfish ends. That is not okay. That is vicious and you should feel free to tell her so.
Is it alright to have children while in high school? Biologically, sure. Is it a good idea? Of course not. I’m sure you are not an idiot: you don't need us to tell you that. It's an awful idea and not a very smart thing to actively pursue. Yes, accidents happen and people deal with them as well as they can, but it is incredibly difficult. Why would you want that for yourself, or a child?
Sit down with your girlfriend immediately and talk about what it is you want. If you both want to walk down the path of teen pregnancy, fine. Sadly no one can stop you from making stupid choices, just do yourself a favor and don't expect it to be all sunshine and rainbows.
If you don't want a child, take control of birth control yourself, because your girlfriend has already proven she is capable of being underhanded and untruthful in order to get what she wants. She will bind you to her forever with a child, financially and emotionally.
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Unless you have a great job and your own home in a nice neighborhood and a fat bank account do not do it. Your parents will be raising these kids, 10 years down the road you will wish you had been able to party with friends, travel, and just plain have freedom. Are you ready to wake up every 2 hours to a screaming baby? Are you ready to pay up to $500 a month for child care,can you stand the thought of your parents having to bear the burden of helping to care for this little one.It costs on average $7000 per year to raise a child and that is on the low end. You will have to work full time and go to school.Please Think. You cant give this child a good life at such a young age. And as for your girlfriend she is trying to trap you and is using another human life to do it !! Put the condoms back on!!!Smile..Do not use any condom she has given you because teenage girls poking holes in them is not uncommon. If you decide to have a baby anyway,remember if your relationship ends it gets even worse, CHILD SUPPORT. If you make $300 a week at work, half of that will go to this girl, Your life will become more miserable.You cant live on$600 a month no one can.Then you will have to quit school and get two jobs, gosh that sounds like fun!! I have been there I had 3 Kids by the time I was 22. I have never had a social life, and I wont until they are 18. Tell her this is not a good Idea. I didnt mean to give such a harsh reality check but go to college, make something of your life, get that good job, marry that great girl and give your kids that great life they deserve, be their hero.And for god sakes PUT THAT CONDOM BACK ON !!!!! Have a nice day!
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It all depends on the parents to decide if they want to have kids or not. If you have a child at a young age then it is more likely for the baby to turn out mentally retarded. If you guys are only freshman, sophmores, or juniors I would say wait. If you're a senior you need to concentrate on your work. & remember that if you don't want to have a kid you need to tell her. She might get mad, but at least you told her what you felt.
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