|
scared
I am 20 years old an i am engaged to my wounderful boyfriend of 2 years..i recelty found out that this month he has been poking holes the size of tumb tacks in our condums.. i was woundering if there was a chance i am now pregnant...and what should i do..he dose not know that i found out???? i want kids i am just scared that we are not ready
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Um.. my question is how great of a boyfriend is he really? Can you trust this guy? Poking holes in a condom doesn't sound very big, but that is really serious! Yes, it is very possible you are pregnant. My advice would be to talk to him about this a.s.a.p. You need to set both of you guys straight as to what both of your wants are. Also, trust is a huuuuge factor in any relationship. Think about that before you actually take the big step that is in your future.
]
Vikki said it beautifully, listen to her, it is great advice hon.
]
your boyfriend sounds like a real freak! who does that? are you comfortable with that? i think you should ask yourself that question..good lord, the things girls put up with it...it really is unreal.
]
What an incredibly awful thing to do!
The main issue that needs to be addressed here is you need to find out whether his selfish actions have caused you to conceive. Go out now and buy a pregnancy test. If you don't want to do it at home, go to a friends house, your parents house or do it somewhere else where he won't know about. Regardless of the result, you need to seriously consider what you intend to do next.
Now, the point that concerns me the most. You are engaged to this guy and he has deceived you in one of the most selfish ways possible. Consider this for a moment. You have, for who knows how long, been deprived your most basic right as a human being and as a woman to make the choice whether and when you wish to procreate, by the one person you should be able to trust more than anyone in the world.
As someone has correctly observed below, there is a strong possibility this is a form of entrapment. You fall pregnant with his baby and as far as he is concerned, you are his whether you wish to be or not because you are carrying his baby. Personally, I'm deeply worried about this, as it really does suggest something about him as a person.
Regardless of whether or not you have conceived you have GOT to confront him about this. His actions were utterly selfish and inconsiderate and if all you do is replace the condoms or abstain from sex, you are still letting him off the hook over this. You have got to understand the gravity of his actions. He deliberately attempted to ensure you fall pregnant, without any concern as to what YOU wanted and he was doing it my deception.
Clearly, you love him and your next actions with regard to this are entirely up to you but please think very carefully about the sort of man you are marrying and consider the behaviour he has shown here and what it could mean for the future. You may love him but loving someone does not always mean you should be with them.
]
That is a extremely selfish, manipulative and dangerous man you are engaged to. After you break up with him, get yourself checked out for not only pregnancy, but stds from your doctor. This is not something you should forgive and forget, but take as a sign to run, before he ends up ruining and controlling your whole life.
]
Two things came to mind when I read your query:
1. That is really fucked up.
2. THAT IS REALLY FUCKED UP!
Yes, there is definitely a chance that you could be pregnant. Go get yourself an early pregnancy test and do at least two of them. If they're both negative then you're in the clear, but if one or both of them are positive then go to your doctor or Planned Parenthood and get an exam to find out for sure.
The issue here is that you're engaged to a sociopath that has no regard for you or what you want. If he really has been poking holes in the condoms then he's got big problems and you need to reevaluate your relationship. Ask yourself why he would do this. Ask yourself why he would deceive you in order to violate your body (and life plans!) by secretly pushing for a pregnancy. He doesn't own your body, but he's trying to force your body into something that he wants... without your knowledge or consent! That is so incredibly wrong.
Do you want a marriage, a family, and a life with someone who has no respect for your personal plans, body, and boundaries? That's the question at hand. Until you figure out the answer to that question, get on the birth control pill. You want kids eventually, but I can tell you right now that you don't want kids at 20 years old without any kind of stable foundation in a relationship with a liar; don't do that to a kid.
Personally, I don't know what point there is in calling your boyfriend on what he's been doing. If he's the kind of guy who would do something like that then he's probably a pretty good liar and he'll be able to convince you that he wouldn't ever do anything like that to you. You either make up your mind to leave him and look for someone respectful and honest, or you stay with him and start a marriage and a family with someone you can't trust. It's your life... you just need to decide what you want out of it.
-Carollani
Did your query make it today? Check and see at queries4carollani.blogspot.com
]
what sort of a "husband to be" does that?!
and if he wants kids(which is why he's doing this...what other explanation for it is there? )...dont you think he'd consult you first...after all...you would be the one carrying it around for 9 months while he hasnt got to worry about his body and looking after his future offspring. after all, it sounds as though he doesnt care aboout you..if he did, then why the hell would he be putting holes in your condoms?!
you need to confront him about this, and depending on what he says (which i think you ought to tell the advicenators about), you should re-consider if he REALLY is "wonderful" - and if he realy is the one for you.
i wish you the best of luck
dia (alex)
]
Yes, you could be pregnant, go get a test! And then dump him... what the hell is wrong with this guy, is he unstable? Psychotic? Either way it doesn't matter, you should never have sex with him again, obviously you can't trust him, I can't believe you'd call him wonderful!
]
well apparently he thinks you guys are ready since he is increasing your risk.
i wouldn't start to worry about being pregnant until you've missed your period.
& if you've already done that, then take a pregnancy test.
]
Hmm. I agree with the person under me. I think that the reason that he is making the risk of you getting pregnant higher is that he's worried that you're going to leave him or back out. I would first take a pregnancy test and see if you are pregnant but then also reassure him...if you aren't...that there is no way that you would want to back out of the marriage. and then once thats said maybe mention that you know about the holes in the condoms.
]
Okay.. it seems like this.
You're engaged right?
He's poking holes in the condoms yes?
Well if you get pregnant.. he probably thinks.. YOU CAN'T LEAVE HIM because of that.
So if you thought of backing out of marriage, you "cant" because you need support.
Maybe I'm wrong but
Buy some new condoms and switch them every night.
Or you can confront him about this.
Ask him why there's holes in the condoms. You don't want to have a baby yet. He needs to respect that.
Also.. please find out if you're pregnant
and if you are.. then don't give him the news.
Wait it out and see if.. what I said first, was right..
]
Yikes! Yes you could get pregnant.
You need to confront him about this. I know you don't want to but girl...he is doing this behind your back. That is very dishonest behavior and you really need to find out whats up with him BEFORE you say I do.
Having a baby is a decision you should make together as a couple. Not something one or the other just decides is going to happen without consulting the other.
Talk to him. :)
]
More Questions: |