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ahhhh!
okay this is going to be long but plz i need the help! okay throughout my whole life i have never known my dad because he has been in jail for like ever! he was in jail because he abused my mom and almost killed her. but i really wanna know him...he is out of jail right now and is not allowed to come around me...but recently my dad seen my aunt and told my aunt to tell me he loved me but im not suppose to know this......i only know because i overheard my aunt on the phone with my mom and my mom doesnt want her to tell me and my mom doesnt want me around my dad. 4 years ago...he was out of jail i think and as i was walking home from school my aunt from my dad's side was in a car parked on the street waiting for me to walk by and as i did she started asking me questions like if i remember my dad and stuff. so like my dad or that aunt on my dads side would have had to been like watching me and to know if i still lived there and to know what time i got out from school. then like a year after that happened we had a court date which i went to and my dad never showed up for the court date so my mom has custody of me. now like a couple of months ago i was with my mom in the store and my mom saw my dad in there and told me that was my dad....my dad saw me and my mom but he like turned around and walked the other way as if he didnt want to see me or he was just shocked or scared that i would hate him.....my mom almost went crazy in that store when she saw him she started cussing and everyhting lol. but my question is now does it seem like he wants to see me....and is it wrong for me to want to know him even though he almost killed my mom.....whenever he was in jail he would always send me stuff but my mom never gave me them things...she would throw them away...except she did let me keep this little purse with my name on it....please help me i am so confeused about all of this....it's really hard not having a dad. but is it wrong for me to want to know him and does it seem like he wants to see me? thank you so much
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There is nothing wrong about you wanting to see your father. I have a father, who left my family and moved to georgia (i live in illinois) and i've only seen him a couple times, so i completely understand your desire for wanting a father. I think that if you really want to see him, make an arrangement to see him. If you're afraid, have somebody that you know (preferably an adult whom is not your mother) to go with you. He probably does want to see you, he was just probably afraid of what would have heppened at the store that day. If you deeply want to see him, try to take an action twards it.
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I don't think it's wrong for you to want to know him. Of course you'd want to know your dad! But I do think that if he was in jail for almost killing your mom there may be very vaild reasons for you to not know him. I do believe people can change but in this situation I think you need to be very careful. This is the man that caused your mom alot of pain in her life and she is probably terrified her could come back and do it again but with you. I think that your dad does want to see you. He sends you things and it seems that he had tried to be apart of your life, but he did miss his court date. I think it could be a good thing for you to know your dad but only if the courts say its okay and that you have someone with you at all times. But to answer your questions specifically, don't think you are wrong because you wonder about your father. You definitely aren't. But I don't think anyone can really tell you if he wants to see you except for him.
I hope you get the answers you are looking for and everything works out for you.
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number one thing to do is talk to your mom she may be able to explain this to some more.Tell her how you feel i know it will be hard to bring up old memorys for her so dont push to hard.Maybe you should try a note put down all your feelings maybe after reading it and seeing how you feel she will offer you an explanation or allow you to see him.your mom is probably trying to protect you although she should allow you to make your own decisions on the matter.Iknow you will always love him but sometimes love isnt enough to keep some one from doing wrong.My brothers dad was like that and when my brother turned 18 he could have gone to find him/sse him.But he chose not to because he realised he a wonderful family who loved about him he didnt care that he didnt have a father because he knows that his dad was doing him good by staying away.He thinks of it as his dads gift to him to love from afar where no harm can be done.I dont know if that will help you cope with your situation but it might.I know it hurts but sooner or later you will kinda not care as much or come to terms with it.I hope i helped my cousin and my brother went through this so if you want i can give you alot of advice from them i cant give you their email because they dont have that but i communicate waith them alot so just give me a shout if you need anything
mizztalk_alot@hotmail.com
~nikki~
lalagurly
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Your dad probably turned away because he knew that your mom might cause him a scandal if he tried to come close to you and say hi and he didnt want you to think that he was the one who started the problem at the store because your mom was already cursing at him when he didnt even walk over to you.Your dad mabey didnt want to look like a bad parent infront of you.But did you find out why your dad tried to kill your mom?Im sure he wouldnt get himself in jail for no reason,mabey it was your mom that did something to bother him.Find out the complete truth from your mom so you can decide whos right and who isnt.Its not wrong that you want to get to know your father but if the reason that he tried to kill your mom was just because he was angry at her for some small reason,then mabey you shouldnt meet him.You need to have a long talk with your mom about this though because youre old enough to understand and know the truth.Good luck.
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no. theres nothing wrong at all with that. you're just missing your father figure and even though that sucks..theres nothing you can really do about it...except if your mom got a boyfriend or something. shes probably scared he'll beat you or something which she obviously has good reason to. if i were you i'd just keep on writing letters or whatever you were doing before because it sounds like he's not totally trustworthy and you wouldn't want to go there and have something bad happen to you. it's really for your own safety. im sorry thougt, and i hope you can try to have the best *safest* relationship with your dad as possible.
:)
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First of all..."..he is out of jail right now and is not allowed to come around me"
Is this just because your mom doesn't want him around you or is this something a judge in court has said?
If a court has ordered it this way there are valid reasons for that. You cannot go against a court order, your dad would go back to jail.
I can understand your feelings of wanting to know him. That is perfectly natural. If you have never told your mom your feelings, I think now is the time to talk to her about it. If there are valid reasons he can't see you then you need to know what they are. You just have to make mom realize that you are old enough to know the whole story. I'm sure there are things that you know nothing about.
There are also other ways to have contact with your dad. You can write to him or you could email.
Unless that is part of the no contact if court ordered.
Talk to your mom and see what she has to say about it. She really needs to know your feelings on this. She is the only one who can help you with this one.
Good luck. :)
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If you really feel that you want to have a conversation and start knowing your dad I say go for it. Your mom is upset that your dad abused her and that won't change but that dosen't mean you can get to know your dad. Your mom doesn't want you to see him because she's afraid that he'll do the same thing to you and she doesn't want you to get hurt. Hoped I helped.
Sophia
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