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HELP! AM i iN THE WRONG?
Okay so my boyfriend and I had this big thing well I may of over-reacted but I feel as if I was in the place to just because of the situation.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating nearly 10monthes. When we first met he did all that chewing tobacco also know as *dip*, well I told him I didnt like it an stuff an he quit it. Thing is before like his friends would do it around him an he never let it bug him he would just go get some sunflower seeds or ya know so he wouldnt have to think about wanting to dip.
Well seems like I was at a ball game with him an his sister was like *how do you feel about travis dipping* i was like umm last I checked he didnt do that he quit when we met. And by the way his sister is like 35, so like his sister was like well i dont know I seen it in his pocket today an askd him what it was an told him that its not good for him. And I was like i dont know ill have to talk to him then. SO yeah we were in his truck after the game and I was kinda silent so he knew something was wrong! And he asked me an I told him what I heard from his sister an he was like * you dont understands its a bad habit to break blah blah* so like idk why its such a BAD habit to break if he hadnt did it in all the monthes we have been together? Like what makes him change his mind now? And like i dont know I got real upset and was crying because he lied like we made a promise NOT to do that, an he always avoided dipping when his frineds had it or offered it. But am I in the wrong? Like i dont know I was so upset and crying because I feel as if he lied to me and broke some trust!? So am I in the wrong and would you in my position feel the same way as I did?
Thanks for the advice!
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I wonder if he has been chewing the whole time and just not doing it around you? Maybe he said he quit so's not to upset you.
You just have to be patient with him. Tobacco habits are not "bad" to break but very "hard" to break.
I smoke, and when I try to quit, I get VERY irritable and nasty. This is just something that happens as a withdraw symptom, and it is among many.
From what I understand it takes nicotine 14 days to clear out of your system and you suffer through many withdraws! It really sucks!
That is why I'm glad you don't use tobacco! It is a very awful habit to have.
I do hope your boyfriend ends up quitting. For his health if not for anything else. Smokeless Tobacco (aka dip, chew) can cause many mouth and throat diseases such as lip cancer, throat cancer, etc.
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Tobacco is a hard habit to quit no matter how you use it. Very hard.
Be flattered that he was trying not to chew around you. That in itself was hard for him to do. While stopping tobacco use is a wonderful thing to do...the person using it has to want to quit. Someone not liking it usually just won't matter much.
You will have to decide whether or not you like him for himself. If his use of tobacco really grosses you out and you can't stand it at all then you will probably just have to end the relationship.
If you can tolerate it because you like him DESPITE the fact that he uses tobacco then your relationship stands a chance.
I will agree it is a nasty habit and one that should be avoided. But for now it is legal if you are of age so it is basically a habit you just don't approve of.
I know if my hubby didn't like me eating chocolate...we'd be in trouble. Its not good for me and is legal (for now) too.
Just another perspective. :)
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This is so strange, I had the same problem with my boyfriend of almost a year a couple of weeks ago. We had the same problem. When we first started dating, he drank really bad and I hated it. He promised me he would stop, and he's only drank like, maybe three times since we've been dating. He's worked really hard to stop, and i'm very proud of him. But he got drunk the other night, and I ended up breaking up with him when he told me. I felt the exact same way as you did. But he apologized, and I realized that he was serious about trying to quit. I felt really bad about some of the things I said to him, but I made it quite clear that he was the one who messed up. Talk to him, but don't yell at him. I can tell you guys love each other a lot, so please work things out.
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I don't think he wanted to look bad in front of you, he probably does love you but didn't want to show that he couldn't quit it. Try and help him quit it, he clearly needs help, so do some research on how he can quit it and keep check up that he hasn't taken any, tell him your only doing it because you love him, and tell him to never lie to you again.
If you can show that small problems like this won't hurt you then he will be able to feel more open to you and to be able to look bad infront of you without him worrying it will destroy the relationship.
If you do this then you can see what kind of person he really is, if you still like him then this relationship you have if a very good one and will last a long time, if not then this guy is clearly not for you; this is how people stay together forever, or break up.
I hope you take the advice and be with him for a long time =]
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First of all,you are doing a good thing by helping him quit chewing tobacco,no matter what anyone says!It's okay to feel upset,he betrayed your trust and started chewing tobacco again.You need to talk to him.Tell him how you feel.You should google,"Chewing Tobacco" on the internet,and get some facts.Then,you could give them to your boyfriend,and then maybe he'll think twice before chewing again.
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Hey,
I've read your problem and i totally understand how you feel, and if i was in the same position as yours i would have felt really terrible too and would have kept crying.
But first of all, there is a point that i need to clarify to you, umm... some people take up a certain habit and they keep on doing it for a long while, and then later on when you tell them to quit it, they can't and its really tough for them because its something that they have been doing for long now and they got used to it.
Second of all, your boyfriend really does love you to the extint that when you asked him to quit this shit, he did it immediately and he listened to you, although it was really hard for him. And then when you found out , then he was doing it again, any other boyfriend could have just broke up with you and told you to bug off and not tell him what to do. On the other hand, your boyfriend called you and said that he loved you which is something very loving and caring for him to do.
Third of all, you are most definitely not wrong in anything you have done,because i respect the fact that you are a respectable person and you do not want your boyfriend to be doing such an action.
So your not wrong, and i don't mean anything, but he's not wrong too, because he started something and he tried hard to quit for you and he stayed for several months without doing this shit,but then he couldn't take it no longer and he couldn't resist the temptation when his friends just kept doing it infront of him.
Therefore, i suggest that you try and calm down a little and consider what i said and what i advised you with, and then call him or meet up with him or anything you want, and talk about this together, because your not wrong in this, no your not, and he's not wrong too. This is just a big old habit that he can't get over and he tried too,which was very nice of him, but he failed. So now you should talk to him , and offer to help him quit this thing only if he promises to try and quit it too.
So goodluck, and if you have any further troubles,concerns or worries. please be free to contact me.
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