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Is it abuse?
Okay, so I'm pretty much a hardcore soccer player. I play it often. But my mom is always thinking she knows so much about it, and I tell you she doesn't.
She yells at me for stupid mistakes, for everything that goes wrong in our house, and finds ways to call me a loser, loner, and that I suck at stuff, without actually saying it. She's called me a bitch so many times I couldn't count. But my real question is, is what she doing really abuse?
People have told me it was, but I just don't know anymore. She did physically abuse me ages 7-10, maybe that's why I'm not sure or not. And I've been depressed, at least I think a lot. She's making me want to quit soccer from all the camps and stress. And many of my close soccer friends are scared of that because I'm that one girl on the team who puts on a good additude, never gives up, gives it her all, knows what she needs to fix, and would miss what is important to her just to play. And I also go outside and practice often. And I just can't play well anymore and starting not to love it.
so is it abuse?
any help or advice would be amazing.
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my mom will do those same things to me. inadvertently telling me i'm worthles and stuff like that. so i pretty much understand where you're soming from. it would be great if you could go live with a friend just for a week or two, just to relieve the tension. assuming your mom is not and over-sensitive psycho who gets pissed at you for breathing the wrong way, try and talk to her about it. dont let your mom ruin your life please dont. just try and get out of there if you can. a therapist may be a good idea.
good luck girl.
xoxo
ps. yes it is abuse
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yes it is shes emotionly abusing you and she also used to abuse you when you were yonger and if u didnt do anything about it last time she know you wont do anything about it now your should tell someone -- hope i helped ALLEY
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I can really relate to you on this one. My mom does the same thing, I can't even count how many times she's tried to make me feel bad about myself. It really hurts, i know it. She's always yelling at me for absolutley nothing, calling me a bitch, idiot, loser and so on. First of all dont quit soccer. I was on a swim team, and i thought i couldn't take it anymore, so i quit. Horrible Idea. It gave my mom something else to yell at me about, and then when i quit it realized how much i really did love, and now i wish i was doing it again. And about what you mom is doing, yes i would call it verbal abuse. But sorry to say, there really isn't to much you can do about it. It's the way she is. People have talked to my mom about the way she treats me, but afterwards she just doesn't care about what they said.
I think the best thing for you to do is to just stay back as much as you possibly can. Hang out with your friends, friends are the BEST thing in the world, and they have helped me through soo soo much.
I hope that helps you!
x0x Kaci
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I think it is abuse, and you want to know why?
You dont say those things to your children, you want them to be happy, and you scold them when you need to. But you dont critque and name call ALL the time, it takes its toll on people, I dont understand how people who claim to love each other say so much stuff like that, to their loved ones.
Please tell someone, other than someone on adviceanators, like an adult that you can trust.
<33
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It probably wouldn't be termed abuse, just having a bit of a sucky mother. If you like soccer in itself do not give it up no matter what she says about it. Your teammates clearly think very highly of you so her comments have no justification and probably come from either her own insecurity (which is therefore pathetic) or desperately wanting you to be the perfect child so it reflects well on her (which is also pretty pathetic...).
Calling your daughter a bitch is something a mother should really know better than to do and if she has a reasonable bone in her body you could try bringing the subject up with her either face to face or in a letter if you can't say it and tell her how crappy it makes you feel wehn she puts you down all the time. If she hadn't been abusive in the past I'd also suggest one day when she's being particularly unreasonable you yell right back at her for once as I've found this tends to shock them into thinking exactly why you reacted so badly but since she's physically abused you this is not a good plan.
The best you can do in this situation it seems to me is carry on doing the things you love and keep other people's compliments in your head while trying to push her negativity out. I know it can be really hard because it comes from your mum who you've spent your whole life being made to listen to but if you can bear in mind that you're achieving things she never has and gain some sense of your own worth regardless of her her comments will hopefully not affect you so much and you can leave them behind you when you move out.
I'm sorry you're in the position of having to be the adult in the relationship with your mum, it shouldn't be that way at all but as someone once said to me- one day you realise your parents have trouble functioning as adequate people let alone adequate parents. x
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My first question is, what IS she doing to find ways to call you a loser and all the crap? Is she like physically hurting you? but anyways..like you said, that she has abused you before, then yeah i would say its abuse. but its only abuse if you get physically hurt. and it can be mental abuse for her calling you names like loser, loner ect. i think you should stick with soccer if your really good at it. You can get a scholership for soccer, if you plan on going to college. but im just helping you. you need to make the desicions. so stick to what you think is rightt. and for your mom, dont listen to her. just say, "you wish you could play soccer like i do." lol.
Well, good luck=D
-stef*
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Since I don't know what your definition of abuse in (from age 7-10) I am going to answer this under the assumption that she did not do anything excessive.
The way she talks to you is inappropriate and it obviously has a very negative impact on the way you feel. Depending on how often this occurs, it could possibly be a type of verbal abuse, but that isn't really the issue. The issue is what are you going to do about it? You love soccor and want to play without her interference...and you need her to lay off of the language and negativity. Talk to your school counselor for ideas on how to get her to stop and how to approach her. I seriously doubt anyone will call social services over this, but you do need some help dealing with her, it's just unhealthy. The counselor know how to deal with this, it's their job. They can help you.
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Hi
Abuse comes in many different ways, and I would say that you are definitely being emotionally abused by your mother.
You didn't mention how old you are, but is there a guidance counsellor at your school that you could talk to about this? If not, how about a teacher, or your family doctor. Maybe even another adult family member that you trust.
Sounds to me that your mother is jading your experience with soccer which is so sad, because I can tell that you love it. Don't stop playing...it's a way that you can enjoy yourself and be around friends...an outlet to what you are going through at home.
You need to involve an adult in your situation. Just fighting with your mother will get you nowhere, and you deserve to be treated better.
I wish you luck, and try not to give your mom the satisfaction of taking away the one thing that matters to you....soccer.
Brenda
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