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did my married friend want to have an affair with me?
I've been friends with a married man for about 3 years and we have never crossed the line. I knew him and his wife before they moved last year. I thought of him as one of my closest friends- he was someone I could always talk to. Well yesterday we got into a big fight on MSN messenger. I told him that I missed him (because I harldy get to see him since he moved) and then he made a comment "I'm a married man". Then I said "I know- just friends". I was upset and told him I didnt think we should talk anymore. He wanted to know why. I told him that his comment " I'm a married man" made it sound like I wanted an affair with him. I assured him I was not like that. I said I would never cheat with a married man because it happend with my mom and dad. I also said I hoped we could still be friends. Well I thought he would have respected me for saying that but instead he coldly responded with "good bye". He gave me no explanation either. I thought this man was my friend- surely a true friend would understand. Now he has completely shut me out. He won't answer my phone calls and I sent two emails saying that he was the best friend I ever had and I hoped we could still be friends. He is not responding. This man has been an important friend in my life for the last 3 years- this just doesnt make sense. Why do think he's being this way? Do you think he really did want an affair with me and now is miffed that he knows he won't be getting any?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
oy, this is a tough one. I'm sorry that this happened to you and I know, it sucks. I'd try calling him a couple more times and leaving heartfelt messages. Explain to him that you are truly sorry for the big misunderstanding. If he really won't budge, then call his wife. Explain to her the whole situation and how he took it the wrong way. Also tell her that you would never do anything to hurt their marriage. Ask her if she could talk to him about it. Maybe his wife's words will help him see that he took it the wrong way and you guys could be friends again. I really hope this helps and good luck!
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The trouble with MSN messenger and the like is that you rely on typed messages (I'm assuming that's what you were doing) and that typed messages are very easily misunderstood when you are using them to hold a conversation. This is especially true when you try to make jokes or communicate complex emotional stuff. You really need to see someones face and hear their voice to get a true feeling for what they are saying (It's why smilies were invented).
You should never argue with people that you care about on MSN, because there is so much scope for them to get the wrong idea about what you are saying.
If I were you, I'd write him and his wife a letter, just asking how they are doing since the move etc. This way he will know that you don't intend keeping anything secret. Keep it friendly and I'll bet he'll be answering that phone again before you know it.
Good luck!!
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no, honestly, i think it sounds alot to me that maybe his wife had a talk with him about you. it sounds like a case where she was tellnig him that she doesnt like him bein around yo so much, and he stuck up for you- now that its a touchy subject, he got all bent out of shape when you told him you missed him. i could be completely wrong- but this is the first thing that comes to mind when i read your question. hope i helped!- good luck!
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My brilliant answer:
Something similar happened to me. When a friend moves away (esspecially a close friend) both friends tend to want to shut their close friend out and so they over react at everything. They are doing this without knowing so. It sounds to me like you should not call or e-mail or in anyway contact him for about a week or two and then tell him your sorry and that you overeacted that you were wrong. You may not agree with what you are telling him, but a little white lie is worth what seems like a great friendship. Hope I helped!
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I hate to be so short but from my prespective he might of been kidding like "Oh but IM A MARRIED MAN!!" if hes the joker type.
but if he was joking.. then say u were kidding about the whole I dont want to talk to you again.
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Yeah I agree with the last person, it seems like you took his comment "I'm a married man" way to seriously. Is that all he said that sparked your whole cheating explanation that you proceeded to give him? If so, he probably read all that like "whoa...what are you getting at". He might have said that lightly as a joke, or just casually and then you proceeded to tell him that you didn't want to talk anymore, started talking about cheating with him and how awful that would be, and then started going on about how much his friendship means to you. In all honesty, I would have been freaked out by all that, I bet he didn't mean for you to think that was what he meant at all. All i'm saying is that from the snip-its of conversation that you wrote in your question, I didn't get the impression that he ever wanted to have an affair with you.
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I would like to give another scenario all together.
Maybe you took the comment way to seriously. He may have been joking around because your comment about missing him made him uncomfortable. Then by
going on about being just friends etc. He may have taken that as you protesting to much.
The thing about messengers and text messages is they can be taken the wrong way very easily. You don't HEAR the way things are being said and it sometimes leads to misunderstandings.
Has he always considered you to be HIS best friend as well, or has it always been just you considering him a best friend? Is it possible that he wasn't aware of your feelings? It may just be a role he doesn't want to play in your life.
He really doesn't sound miffed because he isn't going to be getting any. Quite the opposite.
Just something to ponder. :)
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Well, I think any time you involve yourself in a more in-depth relationship with someone that is married, you are kind of always walking on eggshells--or at least be weary. Married individuals that develop close relationships or bonds iwth another (single) person of the opposite sex can possibly encourter a heap of emotions and thoughts regarding that person. I'm not that guy so it's hard to sya what went through his head. For all you know, his wife would have been sitting there the night he said to you "I am a married man" and that was his way of making sure he didn't piss off his wife. As far as your actions, I think you handled yourself very well. I think you have done your job and it's kind of like the ball is in your court. If you have already tried contacting him via email and phone--I wouldn't do any more if he's not being responsive to you. I know it may be tough, but this may be his way of distancing himself--and for all you know it could be just temporary. I know you are probably hurt but if you continue to contact him he will feel like there's more to it than a friendship you are in search of and it could also cause problems for his wife. Being a friend, you wouldn't want to cause a rift in the relationship I am sure. Just wait it out. He may come around..or he may not. In the mean time, go have some fun and get your mind off the drama. :)
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