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friend who cuts
im 13/f and ive been getting really close with this guy in my grade, like friend ship close. and hes been opening up to me and told me he cuts and i cut to. so weve been talking and im really afraid and i want to stop him from cutting but i dont know what to do.. any suggestions??
oo and theres another problem with this guy.. people have been telling me that we should go out because we talk on the phone for hours and we know each other inside and out, but hes hung up on this one girl like really really hung up on her but shes totally wrong for him and we both know that. is there any way i can help him get over her?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
(by the way, i have never cut. i just know alot about this stuff because my friends dad is a psycologist and many of my frinds cut. =])
Its nearly impossible to stop a person from cutting. Beleive me, I've tried it several times. Everytime I give it a try, they can't stay clean for over a few weeks. Ive noticed that the main reasons for cutting are: family issues, friend issues, or bf/gf problems. He can't really even decide that he doesn't want to cut anymore. Once he starts the habit, whenever something bad happens, he will allways know that cutting is an option.
But there is a way you can help. Try to keep him away from negativity. Same as yourself, you should also stay away from negative things. Even wearing black can contribute to a negative outlook on life. If you have a more positive life, your mind won't need emotional support from cutting.
I don't think it would be very good to have a boyfriend that cuts as well as you. Two negatives only make a positive in math. (lol, yeah, a stupid joke i just thought of). What Im trying to say is if you 2 go out, you will always be miserable because 2 sad people together isnt the best thing. by the way, just since your friends say you two go out doesnt mean you have to. Decide for yourself if you like him. Also remember that with love there is heartbreak. This might ruin your friendship once you 2 break up. Keep that in mind.
- but, to get him over her, just be more flirty with him. This will distract him from her.
Ex's and Oh's
-brittany
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You aren't exactly the 'best' person to tell someone to stop cutting. Why? Because that would make you a hypocrite. It's like telling someone "Stop smoking" Yet you go outside just after you told them not to, and smoke. It doesn't make sense, and also will make you lack credibility.
I recommend you both stop. Heh, make it a group effort. Turn it into a game, see who can go longest without doing it.
If he knows she's wrong for him, he would be reasonalbe and not go out with her. If not, try to reason with him.
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hey, i dont think that you should be worrying about making him stop cutting himself if your cutting yourself too! there are other ays of dealing with pain then cutting. if you only feel like your friendship close and not ready to become a couple then tell him and everyone else. if your ready then take the plunge and ask him out or wait for him to ask you. you cant make him not like a girl. he has to do it himself. maybe if you show hima good time hell forget about her. cait♥
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hi,
first of all i understand that cutting yourself is a way of releasing your mental pain by substituting it with pysical pain, but this is not the answer! there are so many other ways of dealing with your pain. you really need to talk to some one, go and see your doctor and ask him/her to refer you to a counsellor, and to give you phone numbers/adresses/websites of support groups. there are so many young people out there who think that this is a way out but its not. and i understand its like an addiction. if your friend cuts too then you should disscuss what makes both of you cut and try and find another way of dealing with it. cry, scream, smash plates, but please dont harm yourself concentrate on this problem first before you think about having a realtionship.
email me if you have anymore questions.
lisa x
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T0 me, that really upsets me that people feel the need to to actually do that. how do you guys have the NERVE tto actually put a knife up to your wrist. w.e maybe you have a screwed up childhood or life. STILL...NO EXCUSE
okay so you know cutting is wrong.. and you want him to stop.. why shouldnt you too!?? there is no reason to do that.. im sorry. its like running away from your problems. you guys neeed to find a way wheere you can express and solve your emotional and other problems by words and no "lets almost committ suicide because that will help" because it wont sweetheart. i know im coming off way too strong and im sorry. but this is a big issue. if your worried about him, why arent you worried about yourself? you can get into a lot of trouble. and i know you know all of this...so why dont you stop. you know it will only be for the good. & if you guys go through and stop together, im thinking that will even bring you closer. PLEASE STOP THAT.
just keep the things the way you have been *minus the cutting* be yourself... butt dont talk negative about her. it will just kinda confuse him.
im sorrry for being so rude but well, this would be a major deal and you know tht
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um, well. first of all, cutting isnt that good for you. and if you expect him to stop cutting, you should expect yourself to also stop. just tell him the consiquences, and how bad it is, and he'll feel worse if he cuts, -- adults will find out and screw everything up for him, and trust me, i know this. i was a recent cutter and when my mom and adults find out, everything was screwed up, and trust me, they will find out eventually. and you'll deff. regret it. but thats not the point, its not good for you, and can lead you to do other things, you wont want to do.
and, you shouldnt help him get over her if he really likes her, tell him how you feel about him and if he likes you and feels the same way, great! but if he doesnt, im sorry, but you cant change how a person feels about someone if their really into him, and you should never get involved with a relationship or you'll hurt someone.
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This guy sounds a little messed up. You don't want him pulling you down, depressing you, or tempting you to do bad stuff. I say get away and get away fast.
However, you probably won't take this advice so let me give you practical advice to answer your questions... How to get him to stop? First of all you have got to stop cutting yourself and lead by example. Once you do, he sounds like he is relying on your friendship, so I would say " I really care about you, but you know that I have been down the cutting path before myself and I just can't stand to see you on it and I can't let myself be tempted or influenced by hanging with someone who does this. Therefore, if you value our friendship, I'm asking you to have enough respect for me to stop." Second point, you can't force relationships and you can't bring someone else down, but you can continue to build yourself up in his eyes until she just doesn't seem important to him. Also, if he ever mentions her around you say- listen I think this conversation is getting old and boring- you're so boring when you talk about her- lets talk about something else.
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Okay, listen to me. If you like this guy, and think you'll both benifiet from a relationship then you should be with him. He's hung up on some girl? well, politly show him she's wrong for him. persuasion is key here.
-Panda
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