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unhappy three
my boyfriend told me he has a
crush on another girl,
and i don't know what to do.
he says he loves me and wants to be with me,
and that he just wanted to be honest with me.
but now i feel as though i'm going
to be paranoid all the time.
i dont like feeling like this;
but i can't leave him.
i love him too much..
and today he spent all morning with me,
telling me how he doesnt want this to
interfear with our relationship.
he said it was weighing him down
and that he needed to get it off his chest;
but now that it's off of HIS.
it's not been put onto MINE.
what should i do?
-L
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Everyone keeps saying "at least he was honest with you"
To me, thats just not acceptable in this situation. He never should have put that into your mind. Thats just not fair. Yes, he was honest, and it's quite obvious that he would never do anything about his crush. But, why did he need to tell you. As you've noticed, that will only make you think about it constantly. Your probably thinking that your not as good as his crush.
But, that's obviously not true. He wants to be with you, not the other person.
It's normal to develope crushes, I'm sure you've had a slight crush on another guy while you were dating someone, but it really doesn't mean anything. As long as you respect the boundaries and don't act on anything, then you should be fine. As long as he still wants to be with you and not this other person, and doesn't try to act on his crush, then it should be fine.
Now... How do you get this off of your mind? hmm... It probably won't get off your mind until you realize that you have nothing to worry about. You have to realize that it's normal for him to have a crush, try to remeber when you thought someone else was cute or funny, yet didn't want to act on it while you were with him. Maybe if you can realize that you have nothing to worry about, you can keep some of the paranoia off of your mind.
I don't know if it would be a good idea to tell him how bad it made you feel that he told you about his crush. It all depends on if you want him to tell you about a crush that he has in the future. If you want him to tell you about his next one, then just thank him for being honest. But, if you would rather not hear about any harmless crush's he has in the future, then you should let him know that it didn't make you feel too good to know that he has a crush, and that you can't get it off of your mind now.
In my opinion, it was kind of selfish to lay this on you. Sure, it got it off of his mind, but he didn't really think about how it would feel for you to constantly have it on your mind.
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well, its good that he wanted to be honest and you have to accept the fact that he trusts you enough to tell you that. because that is a really big thing. it sorta depends on how you are with this other girl. if shes your friend, then you have a bigger problem then just some girl that goes to your school. you should ask him or find out if he still likes her like he did when he told you about it. if he does, then it might be more than just a little crush like he says it is. if its that case, you may want to consider taking a break with him. and see if that changes anything..
hope this helps!! :] ♥
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uhh..
well if he likes another girl..
then you should break up w/ him
these things happen..
sorry
<3 Lauren
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Hey. I actually have a good friend who was with this girl and he loves her and talks about marrying her. Well, anyway, sometime ago he actually started liking this other girl he had become friends with. He kept his distance from her and avoided her so he wouldn't think about her and he told his girlfriend the truth. From my perspective it is obvious he liked his girlfriend SO MUCH MORE because he told her and was responsible enough to do something to stop his feelings for the other girl so hat he wouldn't be tempted or have risks of doing anything stupid. However, I understand that in his girlfriend's perspective (and in yours with your boyfriend) it is scary knowing that your boyfriend was developing feelings for another girl. What if he has them again? What if he likes her more than me? What if this doesn't work out? I would suggest you to let your boyfriend know that you appreciate his honesty and you know it must have taken him a lot of courage to confy in you and risk loosing you. Also tell your boyfriend in a straight foward way that you aren't very comftrable with the fact that he sort of liked another girl (what can he expect? if you told him you had a crush on someone else he wouldn't like it either)and that you don't want him to see her anymore (as friends because as long as he has a crush on her or is on the verge of liking her he shouldn't be her friend). Don't say it in a demanding way but in a reasonable logical way. If he asks why or says you don't trust him (which I doubt) tell him that it's because you'll worrya bout it and get paranoid and you can't be in a relationship were you're constantly afraid your boyfriend is going to break up with you or cheat on you. He should understand and hopefully that will make you feel better about it until it is eventually practically forgotten.
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When we're young and unsure of a relationship it's hard to hear things like that from someone we care for like you do. However, if a guy told you he never looks at another girl he's pretty much lying.
He's being honest with you and telling you that in spite of this fact he wants to be with you. I would look at the positive side. He sees you as the BEST because in spite of is hormonal desires he chooses to be with you, and is open enough to share his true feelings. Not many guys are mature and secure enough in a relationship to share and trust their partner that much!
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Hun, I am soo sorry that you have to go through this. When I read your question I was like wow, what if that were to happen to my boyfriend and me.
So I thought about it, and the pain I would feel would be indescribable, and I am sure that is how you are feeling, so I am so sorry.
Like everyone else said, at least he was being honest, and yes the truth does hurt.
Now when he says he has a crush, what does that mean? Does he want to kiss and hug her, does he want to be with her, or does he just like her for her looks? Because you need to take those into consideration. I mean they all are hard to accept, but if he likes her for just her looks, then this will probably go away soon. But if he likes her and wants to date her....there may be a problem, and it would lead to you getting hurt even worse.
So really at this point, you need to talk to him more. Tell him EXACTLY how you feel. And maybe you two can talk it ou.
Well I am so sorry that had to happen to you...good luck with everything! If you need anything drop it in my inbox.
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He was honest, which is a good quality... in a friend. Which is why you should keep him... as a friend.
Sometimes, you're just going to have to let him miss you, so he can realize how much he really does love you. And if he doesn't come to the conclusion you obviously want him to... he's missing out, and that's his problem.
It's tough, and it hurts, and I'm sorry (which is why I'm being nice). But I really think you need to break up with him, and maybe try dating someone else? Just to let him know how it feels..
Live the cliche- If you have something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours; if not, it was never really yours at all.
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i can`t see how this had to hurt you in some way..
But honestly i do think he does want to be with you sweetie and does love you..
Sometimes things bother people and to mention it to the person they should makes them feel better..
I don`t think he ment to hurt you and put this on you..
I would just try to live day by day and try not think about it.. Think positive and defiantly don`t worry about something happening to you and him..
He said he doesn`t want this to intefer with you relationship so i think trust and believe in him..
♥Dez
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At least he is being honest with you.
Now before you go ballistic on me think about it.
If he tells you something like that, and then tells you he loves you and wants to be with you...you should believe him.
If he is going to dump you, he will be telling you. Hes probably not going to cheat on you.
So, while it isn't the best thing in the world to hear, at least you know where you stand with him. So far its all good.
Now that you have the info, don't bring it up all the time. You want to keep him concentrated on you and not her. It is probably just a crush and will be gone before you know it. :)
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