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scared he's gonna leave
i need help. okay, i've been with my boyfriend for a while now, but there's a small little problem that i'm having in our relationship. i love him to death and i know that he feels the same way, but when he talks to other girls.. i often get jealous and feel as if he's going to leave me for this girl even though i know they are just friends, i feel like maybe he sees something more in the girls he talks too. i feel this way because in the past, every guy i was with.. left me for another girl or was seeing another girl behind my back. i just got used to it & so now everytime i get into a new realtionship, i feel as if the same thing is going to happen even though i know all guys aren't the same, it's just something that sort of stuck in my mind. i expect guys to leave me.. i guess it's so i won't get hurt like i did in the past. i've talked with my boyfriend about this and he understands why i feel like this because of past experiences but he always reassures me that there is nothing going on because he doesn't want any other girl in this world besides me & that he loves me more than i could imagine. i mean, we've even talked about spending the rest of our lives together. i don't always have this problem when i'm with him.. but then there are times when i do. i hate it a lot because i really don't wanna feel this way, i TRY to tell myself "hes not gonna leave you" and it works half the time but then other time it doesnt and i get really upset. just so you know, i do BELIVE that he loves me, i don't doubt that.. it's just i really don't know how to explain it. maybe someone knows where i'm coming from. the point is, is there anyway i can convince myself that he's not going to leave me? is there anything at all i can do? or am i gonna be stuck feeling like this for the rest of my life because of what has happened to me in the past?
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You shouldn't get worked up about him talking to other girls. He should be able to talk to them without flirting. If he does start them you should talk to him about it.
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girl you cant have this low self-esteem. you got to believe in your self.this is what you should say through your head: "i got this boy.obviously he wanted me.im the shit"..you got to boost up you self-esteem.i understand why it's low and mines would be to if i were you.but remember its all in the past.and you've been with him long enough.if he was going to cheat,he would of done it already.
trust him and love yourself
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Ok, sweetie, I think I can help. First off, when I was 16, I WAS JUST LIKE YOU! I had a boyfriend that was always telling me that he loved me more than anything and would be with me forever. He always reassured me that he would never leave me (unless I cheated on him - which I didn't). Even though he told me this all of the time, like you, I got jealous becuse all of his friends were girls! However, he was dedicated to me and just kept reassuring me that he wanted to be with me forever! Well, last August we went to college together and he got an apartment. We were 18 and 19! We had been together for almost three years! Well, I continued to be insecure and question his devotion to me. I didn't trust him! He eventually got tired of it and he will tell you this exact quote "I would have given you everything! But, since you didn't trust me, I got tired of it and it was easy to cheat on you." YES, THATS RIGHT! He ended up cheating on me because he was tired of me questioning him. He found some other chick in California (through the internet) and now he is HOPELESSLY in love with her. He makes her more happy than I ever did because he got annoyed with there being no trust in the relationship! I was hurt beyond believe for a while, but the fact is, we were TOO YOUNG, and so are you! Men mature later than girls do and the fact is that I wasnt even that mature when I met my ex and I never should have gotten as involved as I did! So, DON'T LET THIS BE YOU! Give your guy his space and don't question his friends because if you trust him and he knows this then it will be harder for him to cheat on you or fall for someone else becuase he wont want to break your trust. But, your really young and have almost your whole life ahead of you! If this guy is your "one and only" then it will work with little to no effort! I assure you! So, just try to trust him so you don't push him away! Now, on a lighter note, I have something that may make you feel better! I am now with a WONDERFUL GUY who I trust completely. Now, I wont lie, it is hard to trust after havng your heart broke by someone you thought would never hurt you. So, I understand how you feel. But, now, I am 19 and I am more in love with him than I could ever imagine! Wanna know the catch? I MET HIM WHEN I WAS 11 or 12!!!! We did the whole "boyfriend/girlfriend" thing back then and after my recent breakup I realized that I really cared for him and thought about him a lot and it turns out, were back together now and I am happier than ever. We were just too young when we first met and needed to mature! We plan on being together for a long time and we make eachother TOO Happy! So, I guess my point here is that you CAN meet that special someone when you are young. IT HAPPENS! So, don't be discouraged! Just know that you need to trust him and take some time to mature! Ok sweetie! Hope my story helps! Let me know if you ever need anything! *Smiles* *Hugs*.
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I know how you feel. I often get the case of the jealous jitters. It's always good to be cautious, but you have to give him his space and not harass him or get worked up about your jealousy. That's a real good way to end a relationship and drive him away from you.
If you REALLY love him, then you also need to be able to TRUST him as well. You can't have one without the other. Just tell yourself that he loves you, and only you. Try to push all the cheating thoughts out of your mind. I know it's hard, but in order to have a good and stable relationship you're going to have to trust him.
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I was laughing while I was reading your issue because I'm going through the same thing. You know what don't even sweat it. Remember there will always be other girls and getting jealous is normal just don't let your jealousy take you over. Look at it this way you have your whole life ahead of you there's nothing that says you have to marry this guy. Have fun and dont get caught up. If you lose him or if he leaves you it's always ok to cry but pick yourself up and move on. You'll find the one that's right for you eventually. Just live life.
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Whatever you do, don't show that you're jealous and don't say it either. Guys don't want to be with girls that freak out over everything and need to be constantly reassured. If you come off as independent and confident, he's going to like you more! If it comes to a chick that's really hitting on him (and other girls KNOW this stuff immediately) continue to keep a big confident smile on your face in front of her, then in private only tell him, that it made you uncomfortable. Say it clearly when you have his attention, but only say it once. That's another thing guys hate - girls that harp on a subject endlessly. I know at 16 I totally loved my bf and wanted to be with him forever, but know that this guy is not the "one" forever and ever... even though this time of your life and this guy are your whole world right now... there is SO much more beyond 16. Good luck.. Be confident because at least for right now he IS yours.
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What has happened to you is a common pschological association. Because of all the cheating and heartbreaks, you've grown to associate relationships with dishonesty. The jealousy you feel is a natural defense mechanism against this association from happening again. So your ability to get rid of these feelings really isn't unusual. So don't worry, you're not weird or messed up, it's MOST LIKELY just a psychological thing. I do however suggest talking to someone about it if the problem continues or gets worse.
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I've been trying to write you some good advice for an hour, but I can't! I'm sorry but the fact is, you will not find a man at your age that will commit fully to you.
The reason why you think that he might be interested in other girls is because HE IS. He's a 16 year old male, don't expect much.
Enjoy dating, but don't get too serious, you will just get hurt. You will know when you meet the right guy (and it wont be for a while).
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It is normal to get jealous when your b/f is with other girls. But don't you think that if he wanted to leave you, he would have already? I mean you two have been together for 6 months, and I'm sure he didn't just start talking to girls 2 weeks ago. Ya know what I'm saying? If he doesn't have a past of cheating on girls, or liking a lot of different girls (especially at the same time), then I think you should be fine! If he tells you that he loves you, and that he cares about you..and you can honestly say that you believe it..then I think you will be fine! You have to understand however, that MOST high school relationships don't always last forever! You are going to get your heart broken a few times, and you are also going to break a few hearts yourself. That's just part of life! I get the same way tho, only over everything! I get jealous so much, it's not even funny. But you (and I) just have to learn to tell ourselves that not everyone is out to hurt us, and that maybe it will last this time. When you feel jealous just try to talk to your b/f about it, and tell him how you feel. He probably gets jealous when you talk to guys too! Another thing that might help you figure out if he wants to or is going to break up with you for another girl is to see if he acts the same way towards you when the other girl is around or in the picture, as he does when you two are alone. If he treats you bad, or tries to show off in front of the other girl by being cocky to you, or whatever the case may be..that could be a sign that he wants attention from her. If you need anything else, just let me know and I'll see what I can do to help you out! Good luck!
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The trust issue you have is understandable. I think you need to get over and through it. Normal people do in fact see therapists and perhaps visiting one to discuss how fearful you are of being cast aside by guys.
Now, I KNOW as do you that you have met many guys who cast you aside. This person however, is someone else, clearly likes you and probably would not do that to you. Give him the benefit of the doubt. One thing I know is people get turned off by suspicion, clingy people and jealous people.
All three of those may have driven most of your boyfriends into the arms of someone else. Lose that behavior and you will do so much better than before. I still think visiting a therapist over these fears and that mental/emotional block you have going on and trust issues would help.
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