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moving in with my dad
tuesday i turn 15. and i have lived with my mom since i was born. her and my dad got a divorce when i was realy little. i go to my dads every other weekend. my dad hasnt really been the kind of dad he is suppost to be. but i still love him. Well my dad lives in newnan and i love it down there all my friends are there and i have so much fun down there. My mom lives 2 hours away in lawenceville and i hate it here. We moved here a couple months ago and i have been in this new high school for 1 month now. I have no friends, everyone is stuck up and annoying there. I want to move in with my dad. Not because i love him more, but because i like it better there. my mom is always complaining that we dont have any money and i spend too much. Well i love her verrrrry much but if i tell her i want to live with my dad, she will get very upset adn like cry and all. What are some good ways i can tell her without her getting so upset? any help is wanted.
I RATE HIGH!!!
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I would explain to your mom how bad the new high school is. Make sure she knows that is the reason you want to move in with your dad. If you make it about school and friends, she won't be as likely to be hurt by thinking you're choosing your dad over her. Good luck.
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you should tell her in person something like, "mom i think it would be more convienent for me to live with dad because my friends are down there and i would do better in school. i know it'll be hard for us but i think that's whats best for me." tell her how you dont like the school here and that its affecting your grades(well i dont know if it does but saying that may prevent her from taking it personally). i dont think its a good idea to mention the money problem.
sure, she might get a little sensative, but when she does tell her you love her and youll call her everyday and visit her as much as possible, like every weekend and on holidays. your mother should want you to be happy.
good luck and i really hope this helps:-)
-Andrea-
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well just tell her that all of your friends are down there and you are not happy at your school tell her if she loved you she would do what is best for you and that is leting you move good luck xxx xWhiteTigerx
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Hi There. I'm sorry to hear that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have a little bit different background, but I think I can sympathize.
Growing up I had a great childhood. When I was 12, my parents informed me out of the blue that their marriage was over, and that my mom was moving out. So, I was posed with the same difficult dilemma. Which one of my parents do I stay with? I ended up staying with my dad because we were in a better school system, my friends were there, etc. I can't say it wasn't hard and that it didn't probably hurt my mom. But everyone knew it was for the better of all of us. My mom and I had a difficult time for awhile. We got into huge fights and things were strained. But over time, we rebuilt a new relationship and even though we don't live together, we're closer than ever in a new way.
I would suggest sitting down with BOTH of your parents if they can be civil. If not, then just your mom. You have to express to her how you are honestly feeling without being accusatory or disrespectful. Explain to her that you are not doing well at your new school; that you miss the familiarity of your hometown, and that it in no way reflects your love for her. Assure her that you think this is better for everyone and that you will spend time with her on the weekends etc. and DO IT.
Part of being a teenager is making the transition of a child-parent relationship to an adult-adult relationship. It's not easy to reach that level of honesty and trust. In the end, I hope your mother will respect that you are making decisions that will benefit not only yourself but your family.
Good Luck.
Anne Nonimous
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Your mom should know that you love her dearly; but reminding her before you break the news is a good idea. I'd sit over dinner with her and tactfully bring up the topic of the move. If things get explosive/emotional, assure her that you aren't making your decision based on popularity, or that you love one parent more than the other. Let her know that you are doing what you feel is best for your future - that Newnan holds more opportunities for you.
Also, I'd make sure that moving in with dad is the absolute right thing to do. If you haven't spent a lot of time with your dad lately, you might think your mom is more annoying than he (complaining about the bugdet and things) but when you get to your dad's house, he might start doing the same things your mom does. It's normal for parents to do stuff like that, so you might find that the grass isn't so green over dad's house.
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Oh honey, I feel for you, I really do. Of course you miss your friends and the happier life you have with them, of course you miss your dad, and still love him, and of course, you don't want to hurt your mother. But you shouldn't feel bad. Remember that pain is above all else something we create in our selves, that if we allow another's actions to hurt us WE are ultimately responsible. (There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, such as abused children, who can and must never be held responsible for the actions of their tormentors.)
But your mother is no such exception. She must understand that the pain you have to go through, the negative energy you expend just on living day to day in lawrenceville is wearing you down, making you ill. Explain matters to her in no less strong terms than that. Obviously, she knows you love her(though telling her won't hurt-I still tell my mum I love her all the time, even though I'm nearly 22 :-)).
Having said all of that, I'm not entirely sure that just packing up and moving back with your dad for good is the answer. You suggest that he's a little inadequate as a father-perhaps weekend parenting is about his limit? (Note I'm not saying this for sure, only wondering aloud). Probably your mother fears for your wellbeing staying with your dad, as much as or more than any division of your affection. My best suggestion is that you move back with your father for a trial period of, say, a month or at most,a quarter.Make clear to all parties the time limitation, at the end of which the rest of the future can be discussed. The very best of luck, and do let me know how it all went. Lucretia xxx.
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I'm sure your mom is going to be upset at frist, what mother wouldn't be? You know how close mothers are with their daughters. You should have a nice long talk with her at home one night, or maybe even over dinner. Don't bring this up out of the blue, kind of inch your way towards this subject. Tell her how much she means to you, how much you love her and how much you care about her. Explain to her that you aren't doing this to hurt her feelings but you really want to live with your dad because you feel it'll be best for you. Tell her that you don't have any friends at this school you're going to and all the people going to this school annoy you. Explain to her that you life isn't too good down here. If you moved in with your father you'd be so much happyer. You have friends down there, people you know and are close to. You'll have things to do on the weekends and people to hangout with and have fun with at school. Things you have if you move in with your dad, you don't have while living with your mother. If you explain to her just how much you really don't fit in here and how well you will fit in if you'd move in with your dad. Maybe she'll realize it'll be better after you tell her all this. Just explain everything to her and also remind her that you love her. Tell her you'll call her everyday, you'll always be close to her and you will always love her, no matter the distance.
♥ Krissy
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