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I have a problem with my boyfriend touching me 'down there.' We have been going out for 3 years now, we have had sex and all and I am still afraid to let him touch me down there or even see me down there. But I have a very good reason, I was molested at the age 5-6 years old, I have told my boyfriend this because he has asked me numerous times if that was the reason so I finally gave in and told him the truth. Now he knows, but he still tries to touch me there even though I have told him it makes me uncomfortable and I am not ready for that yet. I have always been shy about it, when he tries to touch me there it turns me off and it brings back memories of being molested. My question is how can I overcome this? And why does my boyfriend keep trying to go down there even when he knows, and when he does I push his hand away and he sort of seems mad and doesn't get it but sometimes he acts like he does get it, so I am not sure why he keeps doing this?
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3 years is along time. if he really loves you he will understand and obay your wish but if he doesnt i dont know what to tell you maybe hes not the one.
rate please
xXSexyLadyXx
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be very firm don't let him touch you there you have a very good reason for him not to so put your foot down and call him on it if he gets mad talk to him about it but don't i repeat don't let him touch if you don't want it
he should understand
stripella
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well .. i was molested too. so i do kind - of know how you feel .. BUTTTTT - i like it when my ex boyfriend touched me there ! it was GREAT !* it gave me so much pleasure . but now , i often have to use a " vibrator " because no one will go out with me because i have genitle herpes <33
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hmm. it looks like your boyfriend may sort of only want you for that thing. however, i dont really know the whole story here. Keep trying to explain to him that it's uncomfortable for you and you will let him know when you feel more comfortable with him doing that to you. If he doesnt listen, well, thats your choice from there.
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Hey hun,
well i can understand how you feel.. recently i have been raped twice over this summer by an ex boyfriend while i was with my boyfriend.. and when i was about the same age you was when you was malested i was too..
I was very uncomfortable with my boyfriend touching me at first but i overcame it cause he told me he wasnt going to ruch me and that he cares for me.. i would think if your boyfriend loved you like that he'd say something similar and not try to touch you even tho you've told him how it makes you feel..
I mean i dont know how to tell you how to overcome this cause i dont know how i became comfortable with my boyfriend but i do know is that you'll never forget it and always remember it.. im sorry for what has happend to you.. and hope everything with you and your boyfriend turns out okay.. ♥ Dez
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I'm so sorry that happened to you, sweetie. No one should have to go through anything like that.
I was molested when I was little. When I became sexually active, there were ways I couldn't stand to be touched. That lasted, to be honest, for many, many years. I would feel dirty when I was touched in certain ways... especially when my breasts were touched. I hated it. It made me feel like I was doing something wrong.
When I met the man who would become my husband, I was still feeling the same way. I still couldn't stand to be touched in certain ways. Whenever he tried to touch me in those ways, what I have come to call my 'demons' would rear their heads and I would retreat and go back to feeling like I was doing something wrong.
He and I talked about what happened to me. I told him everything I remembered. I made an effort to remember that this man wasn't the one who hurt me. I decided to stop letting my demons have power over me. I couldn't have done it without his love and patience. He was careful not to go to fast. He paid close attention to my reactions to things we were doing and if he saw or sensed a negative reaction, he would stop and we would talk about it.
There are still times when I feel wrong for something we're doing. When that happens, we take time and work through it.
This is part of how I'm getting past the way I react. I'm also in counseling to try to work through other parts of what happened. Now, I won't lend out my husband :) But counseling can do wonders if you give it an honest chance. The hardest part is learning to trust your counselor... at least it was for me.
You have something going for you that I didn't have. You know why you feel the way you do. I took me a long time to realize that. I envy that about you, I have to say (if that doesn't sound too wrong). I spent years actually thinking that it was me and that I was dirty and bad for doing what I was doing... never knowing that it was my past and not me.
Hun, I don't know why he's being the way he is. Maybe he just doesn't understand how it hurts you to remember... to be reminded. Tell him. Tell him how much it hurts to remember... to be reminded in that way. If he truly cares about you, he will be patient. If he wants you to be happy, he will learn to understand. Maybe a guy can better answer about why he's being the way he is.
Stay strong, sweetie, and remember... you are not alone.
Big hugs,
bound
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Well to answer your first question, the only way to overcome this discomfort with him touching you is by sheer force of will. You have to realize that as bad as being touched down there was when you were 6 you're a woman now, and stimulation administered there feels good. As for him, be firm, if he touches you there put your clothes back on and ask him to leave or take you home or what ever. He'll learn eventually that touching you down there has disastrous consequences. Be firm, and don't be afraid to put him in his place. Hope this has helped in some small way, good luck.
-The Knight Owl
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Well, I know it's hard trying to "do stuff" With your boyfriend after that kind of thing. He keeps doing it because well...He's a guy...and guys have urges. He's probly not doing it to make you feel uncomfortable though, so don't think that for him. Just remember that your boyfriend isnt the creep that molested you when you were 5, and it's a different circumstance. You're not being forced to do anything, so just remember that. Try, I know it's hard, to put that stuff a little farter in the past and realize that the chances of being molested are slim. Just take what i said and try to mold it into an answer or an explination of your problem, things will work out...it just depends on what you take from all these answers and things WILL work out soon enough, believe me, they have their ways..
-Kadi x3
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ok what you need to do is talk to him and tell him how you feel. even though i know you have already told him what has happened in your past. what you need to do is move on.. you were 5-6 years when that happened too. it is sad what happened but you got to know it has already happened and you cant go back and fix the past you can only forget or at least try to forget about.. maybe your boyfriend goes "down there" to show or try to show you he cares since action speak more then words.. but the only thing you can do is talk to him and explain to him how you feel.. and when you move his hand away maybe try kissing him or something else (if he looks mad).. you got to know your boyfriend loves you and cares about you and doesnt want to hurt you... i hope this helps you out.
*~Stephanie~*
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Well he's your boyfriend rite..Well a true boyfriend will always try to listen to you!So if you want him to stop touching you "down there" then you need to tell him that you feel really unconfortable when he touches you "down there".If he don't listen then i think there's going to have to be some braking up sumtime!
Hope you liked my Advice.plez rate if you want!
Lub *♥Kristine♥*
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