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pregnant
I know this is long but please don't skip it. Ok, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 years and we've known each other for 4. I just had a baby by him. He's willing to help and he's been trying but the problem is my parents. They are extremely religious and they said that he could have nothing to do with the baby. I was 16 at the time I got pregnant and he was 20. I am now almost 18 and he's 23. My parents said that if he got involved at all with Christian, our son, then they would have him arrested for rape. They said that the only way he can get involved is if he comes and asks for "my hand in marriage" We're not in love though and it's not right to marry someone just because your parents want you to. We know that we made a mistake but we are trying to be responsible about it. But my parents are making it difficult. My father is always at work and my mom is sick now so things are tough around here. I wanted to call my bf and see if he could take christian until things got better or maybe we could work something out but my dad flipped out and said that if i did he would have him arrested. They also took my keys and I had to listen to a lecture about jesus to get them back. They said that they would rather put Christian up for adoption than have him go to his father. My question is can my bf get arrested for rape even though it was a while ago and I dont' want him to be? And also if they put him up for adoption wouldn't his father get rights to him anyways?
Please help me
*will rate high*
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even tho u out urself in this possition. yes he can get arrested for statuatory rape, and yes he has first rights to christian before adoption, and jw wht religion are u?
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get a job get sum money...once ur 18 get the fuck out of ur parents religious reign over you...dont let them control your life and certainly not your sons life...every child deserves to have both of his parents in his life whether his parents are together or there is joint custody...its better to have 2 parents around than 1 trying to play both parts...you arent in love with your boyfriend and christian is your son...once you are 18 your parents have no control and only you can press charges on him...just hold out on lettin your boyfriend be a part of christians life until you are 18 then it is completely your choice and your parents have no say over your actions...best of luck hunny...dont let your parents stop your child from having his father in his life...
~nichole~
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Ok. Well, you guys only have a 4 year difference in age, so it couldn't really be considered rape. The only problem is that he was 20, which means that he was an adult, and you were 16, which means that you were a minor. But you did it willingly, so I don't think that would be rape.
You should tell your parents what you just wrote there. That you realized it was a mistake, and you and your boyfriend are trying to be responsible... but you're just not in love. Your parents shouldn't be putting pressure on you like that... you're 18 now, and they really have no say over your life. Just remember, they have the ability to kick you out! So be careful.
If things are hard for you, then you should be able to have your boyfriend there to take care of your son! I would just let my boyfriend take care of and see the kid for a while.. no matter what my parents said. And even if they decided to try to put Christian up for adoption, they couldn't unless you all went to court and gave them legal gaurdianship... which doesn't sound like something you are planning on doing, so really, your parents can't do anything. They just want you to think they can.
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First of all, no your boyfriend can't get arrested for rape. He obviously didn't rape you and your parents are only saying this because they are trying to scare you. Even if they did try to have him arrested for rape, the police etc would never believe them because you are both still together and happy, you have a son together and you never said you were raped. Secondly, it is obvious that your parents are very religious and that what you are doing is against their beliefs. When you are 18 you are an adult and your parents do not have the right anymore to tell you what to do and what not to do. The more they interfere the more your relationship will suffer. I once gave advice to a girl in a similar situation as you are in. As soon as she was 18 she moved in with her baby, to a friends house. Before leaving she left a letter for her parents as she could not confront them face to face. She told them that just because they had their views, doesn't mean that she should follow in them too. This is the 21st century and it is not illegal to have a baby before you get married. By being like this she told them they were pushing her and the baby away and making her want to spend less time around them. She said she was staying with a friend until they realised that she is her own independant person and has a right to make her own decisions. By letting them know how you feel they will realise that you are not a child anymore. It takes a drastic thing like this for them to realise they can't control you anymore. What do you want? Do you want to move out? Do you want to move in with your boyfriend? Do you want to do as I recommended and stay with a friend for a couple of weeks? You have to think about what will make you happy and what will work out best for you, your baby and your boyfriend and not your parents. If you write the letter to your parents let them know that if you got married to your boyfriend you would be lying when you both took the vows because you wouldn't be meaning them. I hope I have helped a little and good luck x
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So long as you are under 18 they can get him in trouble. If you are close to having a birthday then I would wait.
If you won't be 18 for awhile you can get what are called emancipation paperwork done that make you legally responsible for yourself. It would mean moving into your own place with your baby, but might be worth it in the long run.
Your parents sound a little fanatical. I think getting yourself and the baby out of there as soon as possible is a must. The more attatched they become to him they harder they are going to fight you when you do decide to move out.
I could be wrong but I don't believe they have ANY say so about adoption. Even if they did the father would have to agree. Of course they could threaten him will arrest to get him to sign.
I really don't understand their thinking. You would think that they would like for both the babys parents to be involved in his upbringing. Of course if you decide at some point to get married you would take the baby from their home. They may already be thinking along those lines.
I hope everything works out for you. I was your age when I had my first...if you need anything else feel free to ask me. :)
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I am very sorry. I think you need to try and understand our parents are stressed and confused. Try telling them the way they they are acting is not verry christian and see where that goes
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Tch Your parents suck. I hate really really religious people. Even if they call the cops on your boyfriends, you can still speak in favor of them and not your parents. You can also move out of the house or live with ur current boyfriend. I say anything is better than ur parents.
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He can't get charged for rape if you and he agree that it was consentual sex. JK, he can...sorry. It depends on where you live...a good person to ask would be a sargeant lieutenant or captain of your police department!!!
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Oh you poor girl, I am sorry for the circumstances your in. Let me try to clear up somethings for you. Until you are 18 years old I believe (I am not 100% positive) that your parents are able to legally pursue him for rape (because you were under 18 at the time). When you are 18 years old I believe that only you can persue him for rape charges. As far as adoption goes, it requires that both parents sign off parential rights (or in some cases the courts will sign the rights off for them if the judge sees fit.) Right now (until you are 18) I would have him keep his distance. I am not sure what your future plans are or if you work to earn money now. But something you should seriously consider is to attend a local community college to get a certificate or Associates degree (in some career your interested in) so you can earn more money for your child. The money you earn with a degree from a community college is much more than you will most likely earn without having one. Plus most Community Colleges have free or discounted daycare for all day-time students, most of the daycare centers are of good quality. It may be difficult at first to do this but it would help you and your baby out in the long run. As far as your boyfriend issue goes, I would suggest for him to keep his distance until his 18th birthday. For now you should ask him if he can help contribute to the baby's financial needs. If he is a real man he will step up and try to help anyway he can.
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