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crumbling relationship
hi i've been with my boyfriend for quite a few years now, but unfortunately, everyday i start to think to myself that i should leave him. why is because every single time we get into fights, he never is willing to stay and work it out. he either hangs up the phone and ignores my phone calls/messages or says "just drop it" with an attitude. he also calls me names like bitch when he loses his temper, and personally, i've had enough.
but as you can imagine, i have grown emotionally attached to this guy. i fell in love with who he once was, a sweet, considerate, man. but now it's like i don't know who he is anymore and lately it's just the only thing i can think about is how the quality of our relationship is slowly crumbling beneath us.
i personally do want to call it quits, or at least take a break from each other for a little while, but he refuses. he says things like he can't live without me, and if i leave him he'll kill himself. in a sense i feel that i'm forced to stay in this relationship because i don't want to live knowing i made someone commit suicide over me.
it's a really sticky situation, and i don't know what to do anymore. i do love this guy, but i feel as though i'm falling out of love with him for the person he has become.
please help...
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Let him know that things have to change. If you both are willing to work on the relationship and stay together, a comprimise has to be made.
As an example : Say, if he stops calling you names or treating you badly, that you will stay with him.
If you really do want to take a break though, just do it. What he is donig to himself seems like it is going on because of something other than you. You arent the one in the wrong, so dont think that. He is threatening himself when you havent even left him yet, so clearly it is not you.
Weigh each side: pro's and con's. What has he done to make you feel good lately? and What has he done to make you feel bad lately? If the list is lnoger for the con's you really shouldnt be with him. He cant keep treating you like crap when you dont want it. You ultimatley control what you do-- not what he does.
I believe that you love him- but people change. You loved what he once was, not what he is now. Tlak with him and make him realize that. Be calm about it and try not to get into a fight. If a fight feels like its going to start, calmly say "i dont want this to escalate into a fight so lets just calm down" and if he is unwilling to work with that much then the conversation needs to end.
Dont feel like you are forced to do anything you dont want to do. If you want to leave him, THEN DO IT. He is only bringing you down with him. Let him know that you just need emotional time by yourself. Let him know you still want to be with him, but he has to change for things to be able to work out. Take a break, and come back to him. If he hasnt changed, then get rid of him. This isnt fair to you, you arent getting what you need out of this relationship, and with the way his threats keep changing, it doesnt look like he is either. But ultimatley you need to keep one person in mind-- yourself. Do whats in the best intrest for YOU. You have catered to his needs for far too long. Do what YOU want to do. Not what HE wants you to do.
I really hope this does work out for you for the better-- whatver you choose to do. But keep in mind that you are also getting hurt in here, and he is the one doing it.
Good luck with all of this.
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yes that is a problem! you should try to get him to get help and tell him that you are doing it for the sake of both all yall! if he is threating to kill himself over you then this guy needs help! im not tellin you he is a bad person he just has a temper. i hope what i said will help you in some way!!! i hope to see you get throught this!
love you
-ally-
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What you just described is an abusive relationship. He's not physically abusing you, but emotionally. He put you in a situation where you want to leave him, but you can't because he's threatened to do something horrible if you do. That's his sick little way of keeping you.
As hard as it is, you're going to have to leave him. I know you don't want to be 'responsible' (even thought it's not your fault) in case he isn't bluffing, but you just have to do what's best.
I suggest telling someone who can do something about it... a guidance counsellor or a parent or anything. Try not to tell your friends, as gossip about that kind of thing spreads fast.
I wish you luck.
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You need to tell somone that is grown . Maybe his parents, your parents, the guidance counselor at school because this guy needs help . You need to tell someone how you really feel about him , and that he is trying to kill himself . He needs probably scicological help . But you need to tell someone because this guy just isn't the one you fell in love with and if you want to leave him then that opportunity should always be available to you . Tell...someone because you might just save his life . You know, this might just be a trick to keep you with him . I know that you've thought of this , so I'll lay off that prospect .
If you don't want him to leave and you want him to treat you right, then tell him what he is doing . Try to make him care. If he doesn't then you have to leave him . You have to move on and it's not going to be easy . You'll remember it and you should think of it as another hard lesson learned . Pity him but don't hate him . It's who he is and you can't change that . Even though you may want to believe he can change : maybe he can . But for now, follow your heart .
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I unfortunately understand part of what you are facing. That hardest part of any relationship is letting one end. If he is not willing to meet you halfway, then there is no way for you to heal this. You do need to inform one of his close friends or his family about his suicide threats and cutting, but there is nothing else you can do for him. You need to get out of this relationship before he distroys all the love you have for him. It will happen. I would have died for my husband, but after 4 years of emotional torment anything I'd felt for him had died. That is the saddest part of all. I have not one spark left to give to him even in friendship or anger. Had we parted even a year earlier we may still have been friends. Think about it, and don't let his depression make you think you have to stay.
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You are not responsible for his life. He is. If he is threatening suicide then tell a family member and move on. I know you are scared and I know you feel bad and guilty...thats just what he wants. Don't fall for it. :)
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Don't let him blackmail you into staying in an unhealthy relationship. He is saying these things to scare you and to make you stay. Let someone know about his cutting tendencies and get out of the relationship. You deserve better than this and you will feel better in time. It will take a lot of work on your part to recover. But he is a control freak and out of control. It is no fun being in a relationship that you have no say in. The fact that he is unwilling to compromise with you makes me say that you definitely need to go. Surround yourself with your friends and get busy doing something else with your time.
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Well maybe you should stay with him and try to get him some help. I know its kind of difficult for you right now but you just need to hang a bit and try to help him out. Maybe there is something going on with him. You should try and find out.
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If you're in a relationship that you don't want to be in, you need to get out. Do you truely want to leave him? Sit him down in person and try and talk it through. If he wont listen get up and leave. You've gotta make him listen to you because you've got a point of view too. I can't be too sure, but him commiting suicide if you leave him is just a reason for you to stay with him longer. Sit him down and tell him what you told us. That you want to be treated better. Name specfic times when you felt trapped and wanting out and how he made you feel. If he doesn't care you need out of that relationship because that's no way to live life.
-therocket♥
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