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my daughter and her stepfather dont get along
I need to know what to do about my husband and daughter. My 5yr old daughter dont talk and avoids my husband.. My husband tells me he loves her but thinks she is a brat. He told me i should think bout puttin her in counciling. I told him he should go with her..because the problem is both of them..My husband refuses to make the 1st move, like talking 1st or asking her to come sit with him.. He says he aint letting a 5yr old run his life.. he tells her more when she does something wrong then praise her. She has her moments of not listening..she gets punished.. he says shes too far up my butt..however i am a very affectionate mother..both of my girls are always over me..this is affecting our marriage. he says he dont know whats going to happen if she dont change.. she is my world as my other daughter is..the only difference is ..she isnt biologically his..she comes from my previous marriage..but her real father took off after she was 3. he is always holding, loving on and playing with my 1 1/2 yr old, and looks right by her.. what should i do? am i going to have to make a choice between her and my husband? how can i fix this? Please help..
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i have been through this and i can tell you that it is not you and it is not your daughter, it is completely and totally your husband. a 5 year old does not need counseling in the way you mean, but she probably does or most certainly will need it at some time in the future if she continues to live with your husband. some men can not accept having another mans child around. my most earnest prayer for you and your children is that you will run,not walk out the nearest door.
your daughter avoids your husband because on some level she is afraid of him and she might not even verbalize that because she is so afraid of what might happen to her if she did say anything.children basically just want to be loved and accepted by their parents, being rejected by their parents leaves them feeling totally alone and betrayed. please don't make the mistake of thinking that you can make up for his emotional neglect of this child, it doesn't work that way. i didn't understand that when i was going through this with my own child and i didn't understand the emotional and psychological destruction that was taking place.
its only afterwards that you will be able to see it for yourself and please take my word for it, that is somewhere you don't want to be.
this man has no love, sympathy or compassion for this child.by trying to fix this, you are trying to fix everything but him, because he has no interest in trying to get help for himself. i can guarantee you that he does not feel that he needs any help.to him , it is you or the child or both of you that make him behave the way that he does towards her. just remember this, you are not the one making the choice. he has already made the choice by his actions, you need the strength to carry out what you know is the right choice for yourself and your children.
i know that you must have your own issues and insecuities to be putting yourself and your children through this emotional nightmare. perhaps you feel inadequate to be on your own with two small children, or perhaps you have little or no self esteem. just believe me when i tell you that you do not want in my position in another fifteen to twenty years when you are looking back and understanding that you should have made different choices so that your child would not have had to go through the emotional abuse that they went through. understanding for the first time exactly what kind of toll it can take on a child. and you will understand it because your child will no longer be on this earth with you and your heart will break over and over and over because your love could not make up for the person who did not love your child.
please go to someone, in some kind of agency somewhere who can help you and your children to get out of this situation. may you and your children find peace and happiness soon.
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Could it be that you are afraid of your husband? It seems that your daughter is terrified of him. You need to stand up for her, since she is too young to defend herself, and growing up in fear will leave her messed up and confused, if she doesn't commit suicide in a few years.
There are a couple of things you can do do help this situation......
If you love your children, tell your husband to get over it or get out or
Take your children and leave. or
Make him go to counseling or a psycologist would be better, cause he definitely has issues.
And if you are scared, there are people, and government officials who can help. Don't let anyone bully you and your children.
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Ok, I am here to tell you that your husband is the one with the problem, and he hasn't complained about any of your other daughters has he? Nope, probably because they are biologically his. If there will be any choice to make, it is your 5 year old daughter, she is 5 years old! What 5 year old is perfect and a sweet little angel? None. Every 5 year old is a little brat. You don't need to change her! Change your husband, he is being a jerk, you need to tell him he better clean his act up because hes the one whose far up his butt, because he is. Do not think otherwise. And on top of that, he won't even help, hes acting like a child to tell you the truth, acting like a 5 year old should be perfect, please, he won't even make a first move. Sorry, your gonna have to do something, if your daughter is your world, please treat her like it, and don't try to believe him when he says a 5 year old is running his life. He needs help. Notice how hes loving towards the child whose actually his? You can either consider marriage counseling and making him act like an adult and acknowledging that he has a poblem, and needs to fix it, or just split, your daughter is more important in this situation.
-TheTeenGirl
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well sit them down and tell them look you guys are both going to counceling together wether you like it or not or go as a family and then it like a family thing and yall are all spending time together and talk to your dughter and ask why she dosen't like or care for him and she what she says and her side and feelings good luck in your journey
bye , bye
perfect101
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Sounds like your husband needs to grow up... he needs to be a man and come to her first!!! I am only 13 and I am the same way with my stepdad... gosh he gets mad at me for everything! my gosh sometimes i just cant stand him!
Maybe try and figure out what your daughter has a problem with, and what your husband doesn't like about her and talk to them both about it and try and get them to change it. My mom has tried this many times, but we still fight constantly. Some things can't be forced and there wll probably always be tension between the two but eventually they will stop and love eachother. :P hope i helped! BEst of luck, RiLeY
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I agree with you. He needs some counciling!
Your daughter could feel that he cares more for the youngest. Kid's aren't stupid as you well know.She could be a little shy too. Has this just started since the littlest came along?
He really needs to make special time to hang out and just watch a movie or whatever with the 3 year old. Make her feel special too.
You need to make him realise that HE is an adult.The 3 year old just wants attention, I doubt that she is trying to run his life! HE needs to be the one to put forth a little more effort here.
I would hope he wouldn't be that immature as to have you choose between him and your daughter.
I wish I had better advice to give.I think that unless you can get him to help with the problem instead of making it worse it will never get better. I suppose if he's willing to pay for counciling she can go and learn to deal with a parent who doesn't accept her because she isn't his biological father.
You have some major decisions to make.Make sure that YOU at least shower the 3 yo with attention any 3 yo deserves okay?
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Your daughter does not need counsling. She lives in fear of your husband, that's why she avoids him. I'd say it is your husband that needs the councling. Your children should come first before anyone.
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Your husband is an ass. A five year old doesn't have the ability to make the first move. He couldn't be stupid enough to believe she is. I think he is making excuses not to love her because she is not of his body. I think he is jeleous that she takes any time away from you and the daughter the two of you have. His behavior is immature and unacceptable. I can't tell you how to fix this. He needs couceling as much as your little girl, but if he isn't willing to put any effort into the relationship things will continue to go down hill. Good luck.
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You're daugher should of course come first! If you don't put her first, then she's going to put you through hell when she's older! As for the guy, he needs to understand that a child should be the first priority! And I don't think counsiling will help a 5 year old very much since she is very young and probably won't understand what the heck is going on! But your husband can still go and maybe that will help him make the first move of showing some affection and love to your daughter. But I say definetly choose your daughter before anything else! You can find love from another man any day if this one gives up! Guys will be guys but your daughter should always be your first choice! I know I would be so pissed off at my mom if I ever found out that she was confused about choosing me over anyone else! But good luck with everything!
♥ Always,
Maria
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...I have 2 kids.. at the age of 17 ones 5months(Brianna) and the other is almost 2 years old (Kaylee) They are my world. Both little girls both the most adorable children ever. But the one thing not in common they are from two seperate guys .. the oldest kaylees father and i are not together but i am engaged to briannas father. Briannas father is 22 and kaylees is 19 I am scared myself because the guy i am with now hates it when i ask him to watch both the kids while i go take a shower or run to the store. I feel like i am more mature then he is. When kaylees father has her and i ask my fiance to watch brianna his daughter hes fine with it.. but he always throws a fit when he has to watch them both. I love him.. but my children are more then he'll ever be to me. And if he keeps up.. i will definetly make the right decision and get (him) the negative things out of my life.. afterall im still a teenager trying to raise 2 kids ... i have enough drama to put up with.
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chose your daughter because she is only 5. there is no reason a grown man should be so pissed off at a little child who doens't know better. i dont think he has the patience to be a good father. my little sister is 5 and she acts just like yours does, but understand the fact that she's 5 and that she doesn't know better, and the funny thing is i'm only 14. and he's hopefully a lot older. i hope i helped and that you either get rid of that guy or tell him that or child your daughter is only 5! not 16 with a car!! lol! i hope i helped again.
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