Member Since: March 23, 2005
Answers: 1
Last Update: March 23, 2005
Visitors: 442
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I need to know what to do about my husband and daughter. My 5yr old daughter dont talk and avoids my husband.. My husband tells me he loves her but thinks she is a brat. He told me i should think bout puttin her in counciling. I told him he should go with her..because the problem is both of them..My husband refuses to make the 1st move, like talking 1st or asking her to come sit with him.. He says he aint letting a 5yr old run his life.. he tells her more when she does something wrong then praise her. She has her moments of not listening..she gets punished.. he says shes too far up my butt..however i am a very affectionate mother..both of my girls are always over me..this is affecting our marriage. he says he dont know whats going to happen if she dont change.. she is my world as my other daughter is..the only difference is ..she isnt biologically his..she comes from my previous marriage..but her real father took off after she was 3. he is always holding, loving on and playing with my 1 1/2 yr old, and looks right by her.. what should i do? am i going to have to make a choice between her and my husband? how can i fix this? Please help.. (link)
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i have been through this and i can tell you that it is not you and it is not your daughter, it is completely and totally your husband. a 5 year old does not need counseling in the way you mean, but she probably does or most certainly will need it at some time in the future if she continues to live with your husband. some men can not accept having another mans child around. my most earnest prayer for you and your children is that you will run,not walk out the nearest door.
your daughter avoids your husband because on some level she is afraid of him and she might not even verbalize that because she is so afraid of what might happen to her if she did say anything.children basically just want to be loved and accepted by their parents, being rejected by their parents leaves them feeling totally alone and betrayed. please don't make the mistake of thinking that you can make up for his emotional neglect of this child, it doesn't work that way. i didn't understand that when i was going through this with my own child and i didn't understand the emotional and psychological destruction that was taking place.
its only afterwards that you will be able to see it for yourself and please take my word for it, that is somewhere you don't want to be.
this man has no love, sympathy or compassion for this child.by trying to fix this, you are trying to fix everything but him, because he has no interest in trying to get help for himself. i can guarantee you that he does not feel that he needs any help.to him , it is you or the child or both of you that make him behave the way that he does towards her. just remember this, you are not the one making the choice. he has already made the choice by his actions, you need the strength to carry out what you know is the right choice for yourself and your children.
i know that you must have your own issues and insecuities to be putting yourself and your children through this emotional nightmare. perhaps you feel inadequate to be on your own with two small children, or perhaps you have little or no self esteem. just believe me when i tell you that you do not want in my position in another fifteen to twenty years when you are looking back and understanding that you should have made different choices so that your child would not have had to go through the emotional abuse that they went through. understanding for the first time exactly what kind of toll it can take on a child. and you will understand it because your child will no longer be on this earth with you and your heart will break over and over and over because your love could not make up for the person who did not love your child.
please go to someone, in some kind of agency somewhere who can help you and your children to get out of this situation. may you and your children find peace and happiness soon.
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