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He's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
He's hurting so much. My fiancee. He learned last September that the father he never met died three years earlier. We were only engaged for two months when he learned this. He is so distant now I can't even reach him on this subject. He doesn't talk about it. He is so different now. I ask him. he doesn't say. It is so strange now. We went from sharing everything to sharing some things. It's killing him and it's killing me. I don't want to be selfish but I need to be the one he turns to. He hasn't talked to anyone he says. Do I need to just back off or should I pursue him. I need to get him back to good.Please help.21/f
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I understand that you want to be the one that he turns to, but maybe he's afraid of bogging you down with all his problems. Maybe you should suggest he go to a grief counselor, but let him know that you are there for him no matter what. Let him know that you love him and you're willing to support him in his time of need.
Cheers.
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oh man. theres alot of different veiws, like you want to be there for him right, but you also wanna give him space?? he might be running from the problem, or maybe he hasnt accepted. try marraige consuling or w/e.
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I'm not quite sure why this would be so bad for him. Do you even know if he's hurting as much as you seem to think? Why does he have to gush about something that might not even be bothering him?
I think that this is something you need to really back off about. It's very possible that your over-reacting because you think he should be hurt. But that doesn't mean he is. You say he's so different now, but I think it's just your outlook on him that is different. You seem to be imagining things that aren't really true. You think he's become distant and isn't telling you everything, but maybe he is telling you everything.
He didn't even know his father, why should it matter. He has absolutely nothing to miss.
I met my father when I was 16, I'm now 21 and honestly wouldn't miss him a bit if he died. This sounds very harsh, but I don't know the guy, he makes no effort to know me, and I've never had him around, so I have nothing to miss about him.
Your fiance has nothing to miss either. If you continue to bug him about it, he's only going to pull away more. Let him come to you, if there is even anythign that he needs to come to you about. But seriously, from what you've said, it just seems like your the one taking this death harshly, not him.
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Give him time he will come around all you can do is comfort him and tell him your there for him if he wants to talk. You cant really pressure him into talking to you because that would just make things worse and maybe try to explain to him that if you guys plan on spending the rest of your life together he has got to open up to you and trust you with his feelings and everything he has to share with you because your their to help! Im so sorry about your fiancees father! I hope everything works out for the best! Xo Blondii
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I wouldn't jump to marry this guy until he gets his head together.He needs to talk to someone.I'm sure this was a blow to him.He may have always thought that he would one day meet and get to know his father. Now of course that option has been taken away.He needs to talk to his mom and find out everything he can about him.It must mean a lot to him to know about the guy. He shouldn't feel guilty about not getting to know his dad. Dad was the grown up and never made the move to know him.I'm sure there are lots of things going on in his head about it.He needs to get over it though and get on with your life together. It has been long enough that he should probably seek professional advice to help him sort out his feelings.Until then I would hold off on getting married.
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Thats horrible, I'm so sorry. But, I think that you should at least tell him this, "I know this is very hard for you, it pains me to see you the way you are, but I just wanna let you know that I am here when you're ready to talk about it, and you take all the time you need to feel better, I am here for you, and I feel bad that I can't help." Basically, all you need to tell him is that you're here for him, don't approach talking to him about that very subject until he feels ready, he just needs to know that you are there and you understand why hes upset and not talking much. Don't worry, you are not being selfish, you are caring for him, and thats what is good about you, and don't worry about the way he is right now, he will heal, and it may take long, but he will get through it, you may also want to ask him everyday if theres anything you can do or him at all, small favors, big favors, anything that he needs so he knows you love him and you are there for him, I really think thats all he needs right now. You may also wanna get his mother involved, or a family member, and ask them for help, maybe contact them. But, I hope he gets back to his old self, good luck.
-TheTeenGirl
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