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Is this good?
A Soldiers Tears
I was scared stiff
For i knew that this pain wouldn't ever lift
I took one last look at my baby
Hoping one day maybe i would see her again
I looked around
I saw 20,000 frowns
But we all knew
As the wind blew
Today wont go by fast
It wont be a thing of the past
It will stay in our minds forever
Please someone just pull the lever
He gave us the go
And we all began to flow
I felt a tear
Symbolizing my fear
I knew it was the end
Good bye my dear friend
We began to march
And we formed our arch
We placed them on our shoulder
The wind made it colder
The leader yelled."FIRE!"
And we raised them higher
I looked at the guy across me
And i wondered why
Why did we have to shed each others blood
And sink into this warm flood
I wanted to just be their friend
This all has to end
But this country is full of hate
Each and every state
So I pulled up my gun
And i fired one
It hit him in the leg
Then he fell to his knees and started to beg
"Please Lord",he said!Just let there be peace
Im sick of the fights!
We should all have the same rights!
The Lord said yes i know theres to much hate
But you make your own fate
All the guns began to burst
It hit me first
I looked down and i was about to drown
Everywhere blood
Making a little flood
Men everywhere fell
It looked like Hell
OH GOD PLEASE HELP US NOW!
Bloody terrified yells
From all the brave males
I knew i was about dead
I would now go to my dark bed
I would never see my family again
My last memories were of these brave men
I began to fell numb
This world is so dumb
How would this make anything better
It would just make peoples faces wetter
This isnt a solution
Its a deady pollution
But as i lie
About to die..
I take my last deep sigh...
And i wondered.....
Why?
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wow!! i love that!! im proud of you!! 2 thumbs up!!-trix
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Totally awesome! Thanx for sharing it and it saddens me to know that's what really is happening.
.::Chelsea::.
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it was really good. the begining was a little confusing but the ending was awesome. im anxious to read more. keep up the good job...:)
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yawn...
the first bit was confusing and badly-rhymed. I was really hoping after that you might kick into something sensical. No such luck.
The idea isn't bad (if I'm thinking of what the idea is, the imagery was so diluted by cheap aabb rhyming that I don't really know). The rhythm is off and so is the metre and rhyme. The whole poem is awkward by design.
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hunni...* That is sucha great poem... I*d love to hear m0re...!!*
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i love it!!!!!!!! i give it a 10!~
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I thought your poem was very good. I just love reading other people's writing and yours was just wonderful. I wish I could write as well. :-D Anyway, keep on writing and thanks for sharing your poem.
Crystal
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dats a very nice poem...keep it up :0
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yeah thats really good...while i was reading that i dont think i blinked like once..lol but yea..that was really good..i'd like to hear some more poems from you!GOOD LUCK!!
*much love*
*~tasha~*
*plz rate me!THANKS*
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Yes it is good. And its the truth too. :)
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