reach28's advice column

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Q: I think I have depression, and I want to see a counsellor. I walked passed the room today but i couldn't go in, i just felt like i would be wasting their time and that I don't really need any counselling.

I have been feeling like thi for about 3 years, i used to self harm about 2 years ago but i got that under control - i still want to when i get wound up.

I often think about what it would be like when I'm dead, I wonder who would miss me, who wouldn't miss me.
A few months ago, I was going to commit suicide, i started to write a letter to my mum, but I couldn't finish it, I jut burst into tears.

I need someone to talk to. But I can't bring myself to walk into that room.
How can I overcome this?? Why can't i bring myself to walk into the room?

Please help me. x

I really can't add too much too what already is out here, there's some good advice here. If you have friends, talk to them. thats what they are there for. If you feel you can talk to your parents, that's good too. you're better of than i am. If your having a really bad time, call a teen crises line. There's no shame in using hotlines or counsellors. that's what they're there for. I've just started seeing a counsellor, and wish i started a lot sooner. i still cut, but im trying to stop. anyways, the point is that you're not alone, and if you look around, you'll find somebody in your life that cares about you and wouldn't mind you reaching out to them.
hang in there, goodluck :),
~reach28

Q: Hey reach28! Just wondering if you were going to answer my question about committment and my boyfriend and stuff, or whether I should direct it to someone else? Just wondering!
Thanks!
~Casey

sry, i don't want to seem like i'm ignoring your question. you, know, a couple of months before, i would of thought that i had the answer, but right now i'm going through the same deal. With my, i can feel completley comfortable with talking about just about anything. except for the subject of what happens after school. I think i'm going to listen to my own advice here: If you really feel comfortable w/ him, then go ahead, talk about it. It doesn't have to be heavy, just bring it up lightly, and it should be just fine. Sry i took so long. let me know what you do.
~reach28

Q: I'm not sure I have the lyrics to this song completely right .. but theres a rap song thats like..
"We got that hydro, we got that light green, we got that bobby brown"

Does anyone know the name and the artist of that song .. or even the correct words to it.. i can't find it on any song search engines and i want to download it.
Thanx

Bin Laden by Three 6 Mafia

Q: how comes when i try and download a song from limewire it keeps saying in the bottom bit that it needs more sources?

when you download a song from limewire, you're taking it from a (or more than one) computer across the internet. It says it needs more sources when it can't find any computers logged into limewire that have it. If you try again in alittle while, it might resume downloading because it found a new source

Q: first off is there anyway to get an STD if you dont do anything sexual? cuz my friend has never done anything like that and apparently she has an STD...how does that work? T H A N K S !

it could be heriditary, like she had it when she was born. or you can get stds from someone else's blood. thats why drugeees who share needles risk stds. regular kissing or touching won't give stds

Q: so my boyfriend and i just had sex for the first time together...he was a virgin i was not...and we both love eachother and so we both decided we didnt want to have "kinky", "horney" sex...we wanted loving, passionate sex..so when we were having sex i expected it to be amazing...but i was kinda dissapointed cus i thought he would look at me , or telll me he loved me while we were doing it...but he dditn..he did not look at my face the whole time...and he didnt say he loved me once....was he just using me for sex..?

wait until the second time. lots of people talk about how much the first time is supposed to mean. But there's all these worries, nervousness, how's it going to be, how the other's feeling, the technical aspects. Its a lot of stress. Wait until the second time, when your both more comfortable. Then it'll mean more. like others have said, tell him how you feel. Try again, and tell him how you like to look at his face, and in his eyes. it sounds like you two are comfortable w/ each other. Make sure he gets how close your feeling to him, and he'll show you that he's feeling the same way.
Hope this helps
~reach28

Q: Hey Swimming is coming up, do you guys know how to tone the arms/shoulders?

The best way to prepare for the swim season is to start early. start going to the pool now to get some distance in. if you can, borrow some hand paddles and do some laps with only using your arms. maybe do several sets of pushups a day. free weights and stretch cords wrok good too. hope this helps

Q:
okay. since i cant let my computer have any viruses.

what will happen if i download limewire, download 10 songs or so and then uninstall it. then just install it whenever i need it.

im willing to do anything not to get a virus. because my mom said if i crash my computer one more time then i cant get it fixed anymore..
and walmart.com has nothing to chose from!

thanks..

Limewire doesn't cause viruses. the songs you download might have viruses though. If you have a regularly updated virus scanner, you should be alright. Bottom line, if you're so concerned about getting viruses, don't use viruses.

Q: how would you define cheating??

kissing, sex, multiple relationships, etc etc??

i was juss curious.

thanks!!

It's cheating if you feel like its cheating. If you have to wonder whether or not somethings is cheating, then it probably is.

Q: ok so i just had unprotected sex yesterday, and i havent had my period for this month yes and just hypotheticaly speaking if i am pregnant then will i have a period this month or will i not because i preganant or does it not start till your 2nd month?

if you are pregnant, you won't get your period. The hormones of pregnancy prevent that. however pregnancy can cause bleeding sometimes that might seem like your period, but tis not.

Q: Im in 11th grade, and I have to do a project on "The Odyssey" it can be anything i want. Any suggestions? I want it to be really creative and original.

how about making a board game out of it? like in the style of candyland or something. and have different events in the epic on the board either to reward the players or set them back. hope this agve you an idea of what you want to do

Q: Somehow I think you'd be a good person to ask for advice. The person I love more than anything is holding something from me; he says he doesn't want to bring it up because he's afraid it will deter me. How can I tell him that he's my best friend, that I will always be there for him, that I will love and care about him through the heavy and light aspects of life? I know he knows this, but it's like there's a part of his life that the door is closed on, that he doesn't want to talk about. If he truly doesn't, of course I will respect that, but I want so badly to understand him and know what he has been through. I want to let him know that whatever it is, I will be there because I /want/ to be there, and nothing he could ever say or do would change that.
I also want to talk more to him about college. He knows how afraid I am of that, how I keep bringing it up, how I can't hold back a flood of emotion when thinking about it. And I want to tell him how I feel that he is someone special to me; how I'm not willing to give that up because of being separated by distance. I want to tell him that everything I say is sincere, and that he's not just some high school boyfriend to me.
It's hard to bring this all up without making everything too serious and heavy. Maybe you can help me?

If your special someone really cares about you, then I'm sure that he already knows how much you mean to him, and vice versa. It sounds like your very close to him, and that you two have been though heavy stuff before. If it appears that he's hiding something from you, i'm sure thats not what he means to do. With things that happened along time ago, sometimes its hard for someone to relate tough times to someone else because that means that he has to relive them all over again. (even if it is someone that he cherishes with all his heart). However, if you truly want to know, someone who's that close to you would share it with you when the time is right. Above all, for somone you know that cares about you that much, never be afraid to tell him how you feel.

(sorry, per advicenators guidelines, only one question per request. see the FAQ. If you want, submit a seperate question ;) )

hope this helps,
~reach28

Q: Male 13

I didnt know what category to put it in.
But here it is

Give me a step by step on how to shave facial hair Mustache in particular

Thanks

first, wash your face with a hot washcloth. It takes the grease off your face and the heat makes it easier to shave.

lather on the shaving cream (or gel) on all parts you want to shave. considering your just starting, you probably don't need to shave your whole face.
with the razor, shaze with smooth, downward strokes. don't shave the same spot more than a couple times, or you'll get razor burn.
If you're shaving under your chin, shave upwards, but be careful, your skin is more sensitive there.
For your upper lip, take it very slow there, like only take little short strokes at a time. Otherwise, the razor will catch on this rougher area.
hope this helps.

Q: i am a 14/f. sry this is so long.
my b/f and i have been going out for almost 4 months. his birthday is next month and we have talked about "experimenting". we want to see what it would be like if he were to stick his penis in my vagina. we wouldn't actually have sex so i would still be a virgin. but i know that guys pre-ejaculate and i was wondering if we should get a condom just incase he does pre-ejaculate. but we don't know 'who' to get it from. we have friends who have condoms but we don't want to ask them for one cuz rumors will spread. and we don't want to go buy a whole box 1.) b/c i'd get caught and in trouble 2.) b/c he would get in trouble. What should i do? should we still experiment if we can't get a condom? please help me.
thx

Ok, first of all, sry to burst your bubble but that would be called sex by just about anybody's standards. If you do what you're talking about, you don't keep you your virginity. If your still thinking about it, DO NOT do it WITHOUT protection. it just isn't worth chancing. you can get condoms at most big conveinance stores, like grocery stores, Walmarts, walgreens, or maybe if there is a pharmacy near you. Besides big boxes, they also come in smaller , squarish boxes with only a couple each. No one is gonna refuse to let you buy them, just make sure you dont know whoever is at the checkout.
I'm not going to force my opinion on you, but it's your job to think (really, really consider this) if your ready, considering age, how you feel about him,etc. I don't know if you already done this, but it would be a good idea to first "experiment" in ways that don't go so far. Hope this helps.

Q: Ok, so I masturbate on school nights out of fear that I won't be too horny the next day and look at one of my friends the wrong way, ya know? But lately it hasn't been working so well, I still feel horny sometimes when I am at school. Don't suggest doing it in the morning because I barely have enough time for breakfast as it is, add that and well, it'd get messy. And also I have enough morals not to do it at school. So, if anyone knows the cure to unrelenting horniness please tell me.
15/m

Ok, first of all, everything that you talked about ,its pretty normal. It's perfectly normal for someone to masterbate, and it would be very hard to find someone that has never felt horny at school. I bet that a lot of guys your age feel that they have the same "problem" (its not really that big of a problem, if it makes you feel better). The best thing to do is to stop thinking about how its going to through you off. The more you concentrate on it, the more you're gonna feel yourself getting horny. besides, mentally, maybe it isn't a good idea to really on doing it at a certain time to relieve "pressure" for the day. You'll find yourself depending on it to get you through the day, and that not a good situation. It sound hard to do, but just stop thinkng about it. Try to think of something else when it happens. And if you do feel a little excited during the day, taht's perfectly okay. Odds are, no one's going to notice (unless there just starting at your pants, but that's not likely :) ) hope this helps

Q: http://onlinestorez.cingular.com/cell-phone-service/cell-phones/phonedetails.jsp?q_deviceId=cdsku9870060&_requestid=76934

i really want to get that phone but i dont know because i heard it didnt get a lot of service so i have some questions

1. does it get enough service?
2. if i were to buy it in the store would it be free
3. i have a cingular phone right now so could i just change it and still keep my plan

thanks!

Most of cingular's phone deals are with their plans. like, if you want to get this phone for free, notice that you have to sign up for a 2 year contract to get the deal. Even though you already have Cingular, you won't get the deal unless you buy a new plan. i just got cingular, and although i didn't try that phone, the sales rep said that she didn't recommend it cuz it sucked through battery life pretty fast. hope this helps.

Q: heyyy,i need to know some free trials of paint shops BESIDES corel,links and webbies would be nice!!:]

mucho thanks ^.^

try The GIMP. its an astounding imaging program. no need for free trials, its free like most open source. It takes a little time to get used to, but you can do amazing things with it. I hardly use anything else.

http://www.gimp.org/

if you're looking to download (and if you have windows), go to http://gimp-win.sourceforge.net/

checkout the screenshots to see if its something you like. i don't know what you looking to do, but i hope this helps

Q: Alright, a question for the boys out there...

on deciding physically if a woman is attractive, what counts more; her body or her face?
I'll put it this way--would you rather have a girl who has this amazing beautiful face and an okay body--or a girl with an okay face but an amazing body?

kthnx

yeah, agreeing with TheOldOne here. as trite as it sounds, personality and how a girl is like is more important than looks. i know it sounds cliche, but it really is true. anyway, between the two options, i would say that the face is more important, its were all the expression is. you can't look at a girl's leg (or elsewhere) and see how she feels about you.

Q: Well, I like this boy who I liked forever!. I'm 18/f.
I liked this boy named Nick for a LONG time. I mean like seven years. Since my 5th Grade. I never told my friends because they think I got over him after middle school. I still have feelings for him. I know this will sound too juvenille, but I told him I liked him in 5th Grade. He never said anything.
During middle school, I didn't really see him too much. Whenever I would pass him, he would act so cool and mean around me. Well, not really mean, but sarcastic. Like he would say "Get out of my way!" In a sarcastic way. He still does that. I know this sounds kinda eager, but I think he likes me.
I REALLY like him. I never liked anyone else. If I did, I still liked Nick.
Please help me!!!

Signed,
Loving Long

maybe he does. even if he doesn't, you'll never know unless you don't find out. if you had an interest for him for that long of a time, it isn't gonna go away. tell me if im interpreting this wrong, but the way he talks to you in the hall sounds like he kinda jokes with you, which means that he might be open to knowing you more, if doesn't want to already. in any case, that really doesnt matter, because if you don't ask him, you'll regret it for a long, long time. and if something does happen, think of what you'd miss out on! Good Luck!

Q: OK im a 14 year old girl. I November my gramma died, and a week later my parents got a divorce. I have an older sister who is perfect and gets awesome grades and is really pretty and popular. Like it isnt hard enough just being a freshman in high school, i have all of this to deal with. I have always felt like im stuck in the shadow of my sister. I was especially close to my gramma, and i still am afraid to accept the fact that shes gone. My parents getting a divorce has been really hard, because i was really close to my dad, and now he doesnt live with me. It just seems like this is all building up, so im really moody. Everyone tells me i need to talk to someone, because hiding isnt good. But i dont feel like there is anyone in the world who can understand what I'm going through. It seems like i cant relate to anybody. What should I do? Do i really need to talk to someone?

PS-I am a very good Catholic, so i believe in God and pray to him, and i am at church all the time. But i dont even feel close to God anymore.

hey, i can't really say anything more than what other people have answered already, but you really will feel better if you had a good talk with someone about it. Find a friend, couselor, or someone at your church you can talk to. or maybe you can phone you dad and let him listen to how you feel. you have a strong belief, so you know you can pray for help and strength. You can see from people that answered and people in your life that theres those that can understand what youre going through, and care about how you feel. remember, you're never alone.