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October 25, 2006Answers:
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I won't say that I'll always have the right advice...or that I always know the answer. I don't.
But I will say that I've traveled to some dark places in my nearly 18 years of living, and that when someone is going through something hard...they should never feel like they have to be alone.
If you want to go it alone, fine. But when it really starts to hurt, let someone in. Even if its someone on this site that you don't know. Sometimes strangers are easier to talk to than a friend or parent...
Just be safe, and do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself...
I'll always listen.
advice
Should I rat on her to the cops?
No offense, but is this a serious question?
Anyways, regardless, talk to her first...see who its affecting (if anyone) and express that to her. Try to help her out, let her know that you want her to stop...pull in some other members of the family if you can.
--Starlight88
I'm 23 years old and I’m getting married in February, and everything is going perfect. I really love my fiancé, and we have so much in common like taste in music and movies. We both graduated from Columbia. My fiancé was born and raised in England, and I was raised in California. We met when I was at a launch party for the modeling agency I model for. His brother was the photographer for the agency. But here's the thing, he grew up in England’s high society. He's gone out with heiresses and girls a lot richer than I am, and I keep asking myself "why in the hell would he pick me? Why does he want to be with me when he can have any other women he wants?" Although he was a player before we were together. I was the first girl he committed to. I guess in some ways I feel inferior to him. Am I really the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with? I guess I’m afraid that one day he's gonna realize he made a mistake and pick-up and leave; but is that really enough of a reason to break off a relationship with someone I truly love? I don't know how to talk to him and I think he's noticed a change in my behavior too. He keeps asking things like "Baby, what's wrong or Is everything okay, do you want to talk?" And I feel horrible because he thinks he did something wrong. What should I do? Should I marry him?
It's good that your asking yourself these questions before you get married, rather than after. I understand completely ...but you cannot enter a marital commitment with these doubts plauging you mind. Sit down and once and for all tell him about the way you feel, tell him everything, even though it will be hard. And then let him tell you what he thinks...and then after that all you can do is trust that his answer(s) are sincere. That's it. Trust him and trust yourself, but TRUST him. Doubts alone are not a reason to end something with someone you love, and it really sounds like you love him. Good luck in you lives together!
--StarLight88
If you wanna talk more, e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net!
So as of October 25 2006 I had known my bf a year and November 12 2006 will 6 months and I love him so much. I love him soooooo much and he means the world to me. He came into my life when I least expected it and he came in the way I least expected a guy to come to me. I had been going through issues after a hard a** break up with this jerk who was my 1st love who I had been with for a 1 year & almost month. He broke up with me and I so wanted to hurt him, anyways I prayed to go for him to bring someone around I dont care who it was jsut to help me cope through it all. 2 days lata after I prayed that my now bf showed up like I said in the least expected way. He was perfect but I didnt love him at first neither one of us expeted to fall in lvoe but it sorta happened. He is so damn amazing and I am so addicted to him, and he said he couldnt leave me ever if he wanted cause im his addiction like major. HE says he loves me and he has never felt this way for another girl like he does for me. He is like I have loved girls before but not like you. He says I am different then any girl he has met before. We have tlaked about marriage and kids a few time, but anyways let me get to the point I wanna know if this dude right here seems like mr right!! I am 17 and a senior in high school and him the same so its not like I am way young anymore and he anit my 1st love but you think he might be the one?
Rainbow23 is right, very right. Don't rush into anything. I understand that what you're feeling is very intense, it practically consumes you, these feelings of love and need.
But you're still really young, I mean, really young. You've got your whole life ahead of you, so please rush into something on the basis that you are both crazily in love. That's good. Congratulations! Perhaps the two of you are meant for each other, but it's really too soon to know.
My advice is to finish your academic career first...go to college! Seriously. You guys can either attend the same or go to different ones. But college is the closest thing to being in the "real world" without being in it. If your relationship can survive that, then you two have found something special that people often spend their whole lives looking for.
Don't take what you have for granted, be aware that if this is what you want then you will be tested, either by life, people, and even each other. If this is what you want, if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person it is important to conquer each issue together, and to understand...what being together really means. As cliche as this sounds, relationships (married or otherwise, regardless of how in love you are)aren't always a simple walk through the park, there tough stuff.
All I have is one question for you, and the only person you truly have to answer honestly is yourself:
"Are you ready?"
--Star
(If you wanna talk some more, e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
Hey my name is Rachel and iam 17 years old and my ex best friend is being a total bitch right now.I thought I could trust her with one of my deep dark secrets that i've never told anyone not even my mom and now it's going around school and everyone is finding out that my dad molested me when I was 6 and now she's calling me a 6 year old pervert and the other day she called me a bitch,slut,and a whore.I thought i could trust her since we've been best friends since the 5th grade and we are both in the 11th grade.I've been there for her for everything that's happened to her in her life like the time she got pregnant at 14 years old i was there for her.I even asked my parents if she could move in with us for a couple of months untill she got her own place and now i can't even trust her with a secret like this that was why i didn't tell anyone i just needed somebody to talk to about it and now i don't have anybody i can trust what should I do?
This is tough...
Its hard to put your trust in someone and then have them throw that trust back in your face. It makes you feel like you cannot trust anyone, which isn't true. She's hurt you, this friend, and you have every right to feel hurt and angry, etc.
Do you have someone to go to at school, I mean like a counselor or school psych? It may sound weird, but my school psych is one of my closest friends. The reason for this is because I've spent a few years battling my own demons, and she made the fight a little more bareable. This is a difficult time you are going through here, and the best thing (and about the only thing)you can do, short of changing schools, is let it all pass.
It will pass, it will just take some time...when people come up to you and try to provoke you, just ignore them. Don't get mad, don't get upset, because that's what they want. Don't give that to them. Don't let them hurt you, because once they see how unffected you are, and how you don't care (even though you really do) they'll stop.
As for you your friend, forget her. Feel the hurt, experience the pain for a few minutes and then let it go. Its over, its done with. My grandpa once told me that "You can't worry about things that you have no control over." Its easier said than done, but its true. Forget your friend, and dont even refer to her that way anymore, because in order to do such a terrible thng, she was never your friend to begin with...
Luv,
--Star
(Wanna talk more? E-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net!)
is there any way i can get past the webscene block on my schools computer?
Uh...I wouldn't do that. Especially if there is anyway that the stealing of the names and passwords could be traced back to you.
Why do you need to get through the block? Do you not have a computer on your own?
In my opinion, the degree of trouble involved, simply isn't worth it.
--Star
ok so i like this guy right but he's been going out with one my friends for like a year but now they on a break. and i know he still likes her buut my best guy friend is his boy so he's like he likes u alot but he still likes the other girl so like yeh i have no idea what i should doo still like him or blahh iddnoo hdfsfdklsjdfskl
help please?
Okay, In my little world...if a girl's my friend, her boyfriend is off limits until otherwise specified. If I like him too, which has happened in the past, and they've broken up, I'll wait awhile and before I go for it, I'll make sure she doesn't mind.
Judge your friends emotions though, if she's heart broken, it'd probably be best to wait awhile.
My suggestion here is to just give everyone involved a little time. I doubt your feelings are going anywhere...
yea so listen up
my girlfriend just broke up with me but i feel there is still feelings between us but she said she broke up with because of distance but the thing is our towns are literally neighbors
so what do i do
do i pursue the relationship
or not?
To be brief, let her know how you feel, but if she still insists on your not being together give her space. Respect her wishes and give her time to sort things out...
Talk to her and let you know you understand, ultimately you cannot make anyone love you...but you can be brave and put yourself out there...
--Star
how do you get a guy who is interested in you hooked???
...Step 1: Just be yourself...
Now, tips on how to get the guy, while still being yourself.
Smile! Guys love girls who have a great smile, and who show it off.
Wear clothes that are flattering to your body, but not overly exposing...no matter what a guy says, 9 times out of 10...he likes a girl who knows how to dress without making herself look like 'you know what'. Girls who are easy...eh, aren't treated too nice.
Find a signature perfume that you really like, and wear it often, so that it becomes your own scent. And whenever he smells it elsewhere, you'll be one of the first images that pops into his mind!
Find excuses to be around him, or try and catch him alone somewhere. Find something that the two of have in common...like a class, or an evil teacher.
Find things to compliment him about in the hallway or something, like: "Nice hair" It shows that your noticing him, but at the same time doesn't look like your too pushy...
Most of all, just be yourself, because if whoever this special guy doesn't want you for you...find someone else who does, girlfriend!
--Star
(Wanna talk more? E-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
As much as i love my best freind, kate, i cant help think shes trying to leave me out of groups,For example: one day kate got together with one of my other close freinds Lexy, and then next day in school they were bragging about what a great time they had, without me, and they had all these inside jokes and whatnot. Also kate is into shows that i dont watch, and a good percent of my freinds watch the same shows as her and so in school shell keep bringing up the episodes (which i dont care) but then when i try to change the subject, kate will ignore me and keep going. This may not seem like your typical problem and i know its studpid to get mad about, but its been going on for quite some time, and quite frankly, im sick of it. I need advice badly!
-jan
This is a tough one, Jan. In my opinion, she may be completely oblivious to the fact that she's hurting you, then again, she could be sending you those signals in hope that you take the hint. (That she doesn't really want to be around you)
Regardless, take her aside sometime, like after school and speak with her. Do this face to face so that she's more inclined to be honest with you. It's important not to go into a conversation like this feeling bad or angry, instead take some time before going into it and gather your thoughts.
Tell her how you feel, give her an example of how you feel like she's excluding you. It's important in a situation like this to use more "I" statements than "You" statements, because then you'll sound less accusatory. Don't accuse her of excluding you, just tell her about how you've been feeling recently and go from there.
If she is your friend, she'll listen and hopefully you guys can find some common ground...
I hope this helps...
(Wanna talk more? Please e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
my boyfriend has been pressuring me into sex and im 14,i know it might sound stupid but iv had sex before with other lads, but im not sure if im ready to with him! he told me that if i don't then he's going to leave me. please help me out!!!!!
I applaud you for not giving in to your boyfriend.
Bottom line, you told him no, and did you tell him why? If not sit down and talk to him and tell him what you're feeling. Don't let him force you ro do anything that you are not ready for. I'm not sure about how long you've been dating...
But regardless, you are fourteen, and though you have experienced sex before, its your body and you have the right to wait or do what you wish, as long as you're safe. (Please be safe)
No means no, and if he is willing to end your relationship over the fact that you don't want to have sex with him at this time, then he honestly does not respect you in the way he should.
If he doesn't care about your feelings or chooses not to understand, then thats not your problem because he may be one of the many guys out here who isn't worth your time, though you may feel like he is now. If he truly cares as much as he claims then he would understand and wait.
You don't have the problem, sweetheart, he does. Accept that and move on to someone else who knows how to enjoy the pleasure of your company.
(You did the right thing by listening to yourself and realizing that you weren't sure. Bravo!)
--Star
(If you wanna talk more, e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
Hey Advicenators =D
A lot of time has passed, and I feel that I have become a socially awkward person. I have trouble trusting people like I did before, or having a deep, and productive conversation with someone for more than 10 minutes... It hurts me because I feel like I'm growing more distant from those closest to me, my friends and even my family. I don't know why, but I feel that this sort of "anti-socialism" stems from prior experiences where I've trusted some people, only to be taken advantage of later. Is there anything I can do to help my situation?
Thanks a million ♥
I don't think what you're going through neccessarily sounds like depression...however, this could be a subconscious way for your mind to keep you from getting hurt again, and to avoid any unneccessary pain.
While in your mind this method may seem ideal, it will only hurt more in the long run, and that I can guarantee.
My suggestion is to take 30 minutes to an hour and write a quick list of those who hurt you, just the names and maybe a note or two about them and then flip to the next page. On the next page list everyone whom you know deeply cares for you and would never hurt you on purpose. Then, put the notebook away...
What you are essentially doing there is "boxing" those memories, not forgetting them, just filing them away in a place where they cannot clog your mind but still be easily accessed. And each time something happens and someone has truly hurt you, take out the notebook and pencil their name...and then flip to the section with everyone who cares about you (Hell, someone like your mom or your best friend could easily end up on both lists!) and just glance over it to remind yourself about all those who care about you.
And once you've done that here comes the harder and even cheesier part, Forgive them. You don't neccessarily have to tell them or even be friends again, but you'll feel better if you can find it within yourself to forgive them and move on.
Try to understand that everyone doesn't always do the right thing, and that sometimes when they make a mistake and end up hurting...its not because they don't care, but because it was a mistake...
I hope this helps...
--Star
(If you wanna talk more, please e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
I'm really athletic, but I have recently became anorexic. The thing is I don't want it to make me weak or have trouble running and stuff. Do you think it will effect me??
Yes sweetheart, yes, yes, yes! It will affect you...it will make you weak, it will make your bones brittle, and it will weaken muscles...becoming anorexic can even keep you from playing sports in the long run.
If you're a serious athlete then there is no need to worry about your weight and seek to remedy it this way...even if you weren't an athlete...
I've done the research and you should too, please don't go this route...
~StarLight88
(If you ever wanna talk more, e-mail me at cardenb@countryday.net)
my sister has a horse, which is really expensive. the up front price of the horse was over 20,000 dollars. then there's room and board, horse shoes, food, vet (each appointment is $800), and horse shows which are easilly over $1000 dollars each. my dad says that the horse costs about 10,000 dollars per year. did i mention that this is her SECOND horse? i don't horseback ride, i play tennis instead which is not expensive at all!!! but my sister gets just a little less for christmas than i do...i don't think this is fair at all. like not to sound spoiled, but my parents usually spend about $1000 dollars on me at christmas and just a hundred dollars less on her....i just think i'm getting the worst deal ever for me because she gets soo much more money spent on her than i do, i don't think i should be punished for not participating in a way overpriced sport!! you know? and for christmas i'm a new bedspread and shelves and stuff...but i think that's pretty much all i'm going to get because it kind of adds up. the bed spread was 885 dollars because i had it custom made. i just really want stuff that i can actually use for christmas and i don't know how to ask my mom without sounding like a brat. but i just don't see how this is fair at all!! how can i tell my parents this?!
You seem to enjoy tennis, your sister seems to enjoy horseback riding, your parents *have* to spend money in order to take care of the horse because its a living, breathing creature, and yet...they still spend a substantial amount on you.
I'm not quite ready to say that you, perhaps, are the unfavored sister. Any gift you receive should not be about monetary value, but about the thought behind the gift. I understand where you're coming from, but I also think that you'll have less of a problem if you stop tallying every monetary inequally between yourself and your sister.
Instead of worrying about her getting or having more than you, look at all the things you have...all the things that you have been blessed with and be grateful, because (though I'm sure you know this) there are some kids who can only dream about having what it is that you and your sister have.
(Wanna talk more? E-mail me at cocoabee_swirl88@yahoomail.com)
talk to. its about a boy
im f/15
i transferred to another school in sep. and well...i have a boyfriend now. he asked me out two days ago and i only known him for less than a month (is that bad?) but he goes to my school. i always wanted to wait for the perfect boyfriend for me like the one im goin to marry and and have kids with but i guess i was just feeling like i needed a boyfriend.. now that im goin out with him i realize that he's not my type but it has been only 2 days. part of me wants us to be over and another part of me wants to be with him. but i feel like it's too late to leave him because i dont want to make him mad or feel bad that i dont have the same feelings..the girls in my school say that he goes from girl to girl and i've seen how he was talkin to other girls and then me. i dont know what to do. i think i just want somebody because of my hormones, not that im thinking about loosing my virginity to him(made the decision to do so when i marry). i havent tounge kissed him yet because it'll be my first time and im nervous like what do i do? i've kissed him on his lips though and i think i had my eyes open lol i cant really remember. but yea i feel like i went to fast that we should have took some time to get to know more of each other before we went out. (we took some time but it wasn't enough). what do you think i should do about the situation also have u ever been tounge kissed..can you tell me what it's like.. i had plenty of chances to experience it but chose not to...thanx
It's not too late babe, its never to late. It's wonderful that you have made the decision to give such a special gift to your husband, and that you have the guts to say so.
It's been two or three days, so, I'd say give it another week, but no more. If you're sure, then be sure. Trust yourself. He'll feel worse if you continue to date him. If you want a chance to salvage any part of your relationship and be friends then end it soon, and don't feel bad. You're being honest with yourself.
Just make sure that the rumors you're hearing around school aren't the underlying factors influencing your decisions...
And by the way, the purpose of dating is to look for a potentiial husband or wife, but also to see what you like or don't like in a person, or see what types of personalities you may or may not be compatible with, thats all. So don't be afraid to date.
And as for french kissing, it can be a little messy...and you know if the person is doing it wrong if you end up with saliva all over your face or his tongue is being jammed down your throat. It can be fun though, and feel rather nice...ah, with the right person...
(Hope this helps! Wanna talk more? Feel free to contact me at cardenb@countryday.net)
well i just made a new set of friends at the end of last year. and then one of my friends started being friends with them over the summer. the 4 of us are kinda a group. the 2 new friends and my friend are now really close and they all kind of just ignore me now and don't bother to talk to me, although i'm with them a lot. i feel if they could choose, they would choose not to be my friend.
what can i do to make myself not feel this way? or
what can i do to make them want to be my friend.. if they don't?
If you're feeling left out, it's probably for a reason. Sit down one day and examine your feelings. Grab a piece of paper and quickly jot down a couple of feelings or reasons, or even some examples of when some action made you feel invisible or left out.
As crazy as it sounds, they might not even realize that they're doing it.
But bringing your feelings to their attention may change everything, and it may not. Perhaps sit them down all at once and tell them how you feel, and give them examples of when and why you felt the way you do.
If they really care, they'll do their best to remedy the situation. If not, then as hard as it is, seperate yourself and find some new friends.
(Hope this helps! Wanna talk more? Feel free to contact me at cardenb@countryday.net)
ok well ive liked this guy since around the time school started. then he started going out with my friend and they barely ever talk or do anything. they look uncomfortable around eachother but yesterday after school they kissed. all that keeps playing in my head is him leaning down to kiss her. please tell me what i can do to block that image out of my head and not be so worried that anytime i turn around they will be kissing
Try this:
Play it in your mind one time without cringing, or tearing up, or even disgust. Play it one time and one time only, and then file it away like you would if you saw it happen in some movie a long time ago. When you see them at school, think of something else...find another memory that you have of your friend and use that to block out the other image.
If they do start making out at every corner, sometime when its just the two of you, suggest that they tone it down...at least in public, and if they are making you uncomfortable, sit her down and tell her just that. You don't have to tell her why, because that could put a strain on your relationship, just tell her that she is uncomfortable. Plain and simple.
If she really cares enough, she'll do her best to take your feelings into consideration.
(Hope this helps! Wanna talk more? Feel free to contact me at either cardenb@countryday.net)
so i've met this guy last jaunary. we've been dating since march.. and i lost it to him (lets just say i didnt think about it before i let things happend). and well for the past month or so, i've been feeling so annoyed and irritated by him! i've tried breaking up with him twice! its not working!! hes not letting it hapend! he bugs so much! and ive told him im annoyed by him! he just gets mad and says he doesnt do anything to annoy me! half of it is him that bugs to be arownd me, and then the other half is me, that i get annoyed easily! ive tried asking for a break, but he says hes only gona give me my space.. but thats not even working! he still constantly calls, text, ask if he can come over everyday! and i dont know what to do about it! and i feel like hes always trying to win me over from my friends! and i hate it!! please help asap!
Tell him NO!
Don't answer his calls, or text messages. Ignore him at school.
If this doesn't work and he's still persistent, get someone else involved, as previously suggested.
13/m ok i like this girl. I have a strong felling she likes me , but im not sure. is there any way of knowing without having to say anything to her. it sounds like im shy but im not i just dont want to mess anything up 'cause weve been friends for about 4 years. and that friendship is really important to me.thanx alot in advance.
The previous poster was right, you just might have to take a chance.
However, you could take things a little slower and just find a reason or two to hand out together sometime. If you're uncomfortable doing something outside of school, find a reason to sit with her at lunch! Do you have mutual friend?
If so, you're in! If not, then its possible to find another way. Maybe you can study together...
It may take a little longer, but you may find out that you just want to be friends, or that you like her even more than you thought.
(Hope that helps! Anymore questions, please feel free contact me at cardenb@countryday.net!)
So today I had a really unlucky day...everything that could go wrong went wrong. I even didn't feel good today. I still have the migrain i had an hour ago. Anyways At the very end of the schoolday I took my phone out to text my boyfriend when I was done i put my phone in my pocket. When I was on the bus with my boyfriend I was about to call my mom and it figures my phone wasn't in my pocket so it must have fallen out. I called my mom on his house phone and told her and she got really pissed. She was talking so negativly to me about it saying i will never see it again. How does she know? Then she was telling me that i don't care about anything and I don't take care of my stuff... She was basically telling me its all my fault. Is it my fault for it falling out of my pocket? Then when I got off the phone she calls right back and tells me i shouldn't be with my boyfrined and that we need time apart. Now what does he have to do with this? She made my day much worst and made me feel like total crap. I can never confront her because she gets even more mad. She just loves pulling those guilt trips. I'm just so upset right now.
I can relate, and the only thing I can say to you is don't get upset, don't get angry, and don't get depressed.
Are you any of those things? (I don't think so)
Then as hard as it is to do so, let it go.
People will make a living out of speaking negatively to people when they've had a bad day, or just simply don't know how to respond to the situation. Mistakes happen, people lose things all the time. Just be as careful as possible and, if it helps to get her off your back, offer to help pay for a replacement phone by helping around the house, or with actual money.
Guilt trips are good for making you feel guilty, but that doesn't mean you have to stay that way. Everything's not your fault, and everyone makes mistakes.
That's what being human is all about.
(Hope that helps!)
(If you have anymore questions, feel free to contact me at cardenb@countryday.net!)