Hi.
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We're both 18 and have both almost finished our first year at University. Recently I've become very unhappy. I lost all my friends due to something really stupid and also because my boyfriend and I pretty much live in each others pockets, so I was always blowing my friends off to be with him. So anyway, next year is the year where Uni students usually venture out into the flatting world. My boyfriend and I have been planning to live together for the whole year, all up until a few weeks ago when I realised maybe this isn't the best idea. We've been fighting a lot lately because of my insecurities (I get super jealous super easily). He always goes out partying with his friends and girls and I have to sit at home by myself. I get jealous because 1) I don't have any friends to party with like he does and 2) Because he's always with girls.. So anyway I came up with the idea of moving to a different University in a different town, to be on my own and away from him so I could make friends without having to worry about turning my friends down to hang out because I'd rather go home to my boyfriend. A week passed and I started thinking into it more and I thought maybe that's not the best idea after all. Because of my insecurities, I feel as though if I move away, he might cheat on me or our fighting will get worse because he's going out with girls and what not when I'm not there. The way I'm pretty much seeing it is if I move we will break up due to jealousy and if I stay, we could break up for the same thing. Difference is, if I move, I'll have a better chance at making friends and getting my independence back..If I move, I could also lose him.. I just want to know what other people think, should I stay at my current Uni and live with him or should I move and so long distance for a couple of years?
I hope this makes sense! =S
I think either way maybe you guys shouldn't be together. If he makes you feel less than what you are, then you're right. By going out partying and the other girl’s it's not going to work.
You have to have trust in a relationship. I think it'd be best to end in the most mature way possible, just explain that you care for him but you're having a hard time trusting him and that trust doesn't seem to be coming back and it's making you unhappy and I'm sure him unhappy as well.
The break up part is difficult; you may not want to do it at all, because no matter how right it is to do it, it always hurts.
As far as moving, I think you should move only if it's what will be best for you. If the university you are at now has the best education you can get, especially for the major you have, then I would say don't move but still break up.
If there is another university you were looking at that has a lot more to offer you career wise, and educationally as well as to be a catharsis after the break up then yeah, go for it, if moving is something you've always wanted to do, but I wouldn't say move away just because the relationship up didn't work out.
I was in a relationship for 2 years so not anywhere near as long as you have, but he lives right behind me, and I can't move. I'm stuck in a lease first and second of all this is my dream and ideal place, job, and school. Therefore, even though it stinks being so close I honestly never see him, and we go to the same college.
Thus, it is possible to stay at this school/job/whatever if it's right for you, and to not be with him as well as make yourself happy.
In short, yes something needs to change if you are resenting him, don't trust him, and are fighting all the time. Hopefully it doesn’t end in drama. Next, if you want to move and have a dream to move away then yes go for it, but don't do it just to get away from a guy, it usually back fires. Good luck!
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What are some good sleepover ideas for 13 year olds?
Okay I'm not sure if this is for girls or for boys, but my God daughter is 13 and these are just things that she enjoys with her friends.
If you go out to Wal-Mart, K-Mart, etc. they have these cheap makeup packets you can buy and have the girls do make overs on each other. They can paint each other nails, put on lip-gloss, and draw on each other with things that will wash off easily in the shower and things like that.
Another must is music and movies. What type of music do they like? My God Daughter LOVES Justin Bebier, One Direction, and Big Time Rush. Download them, or even just have YouTube handy and let them sing along and dance around to their hearts content.
With movies, make sure you pick up enough popcorn for everybody. My God Daughter has a thing for Josh Hutcherson now, and it used to be Zac Efron. Find out who they are crushing on and have a movie get together with sleeping bags in the living room and on the couch and let them giggle and laugh over how "cute" they are. If your 13-year-old hasn’t quite hit that “he is cute” stage yet then find other movies or music that she really enjoys and can laugh at with her friends.
Another thing is games. Play charades, cards, and board games. I know that sounds old school, but trust me they still work! Even video games, if you have a Wii/Xbox there are TONS of games that even girls like to play such as the beauty shop make over and dance games.
Also, maybe even baking. Deeping on how many girls there are let them bake a cake or some cookies and let them veg out while watching a movie. If you’re not keen on the sweets have them help with dinner, unless you opt for some pizza, which is always good for hungry teenagers.
If they are boys I'd say definitely video games, and movies are still a go as well as the food. Obviously, the makeup and dancing are probably out of the question, but board games and imagination can still go a very long way with 13-year-old boys too.
I hope this was somewhat helpful. :)
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I dated this one guy and we were really close. Bestfriends and boyfriend/girlfriend. It was perfect and fun and easygoing. We never fought. But he broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend. When they didn't work out he came back to me. I was so excited and happy. But over time I realized he changed and is (pardon my French) a big douche! He also gets high and drunk all the time. We both don't like the way we act now. (he doesn't like that I won't have sex with him. I don't like that he kept asking and started doing drug.) so we decided, without even talking, that we weren't getting back together. The problem is, is that I keep thinking of how he acted when we date, this sweet, caring, thoughtful guy. I really miss him and how he used to act. I saw him yesterday with this girl from our school who is lets say easy. He was flirting with her, slapping her butt, they were cuddling and at one point she was basically giving him a lap dance... I felt like I was gonna bawl my eye out! I don't like how he acts anymore but I still feel like I like him. How do I stop this? I hate this feeling and I hate getting jealous and caring when i know he has moved on.
It is completely normal to miss what you two shared in the beginning of a relationship. Those were good times and your mind keeps going back to them.
Sometimes for the best, and sometimes for the worst, people change. They grow and it's not always in a mature way.
The guy you dated WAS a kind, funny, amazing kid... NEVERTHELESS, the guy he is now is none of those things. I know how difficult it can be and I've been in your shoes, many people have, but it's good that you are seeking answers to move on.
The best advice I can give to get over a guy/break up is to
1. Cut off as much contact with this guy as you can. Do your best not to see him, text him, find out what parties he is going to, etc. try to get him out of your life in a mature fashion. If guys go to school/work together, be respectful if you hang with the same group but don't make much of an effort to talk to him one on one.
2. Find a break up buddy. Find one person that you can call whenever you are thinking about your ex. Find a friend that will help you get your head on straight, that will be your inspiration to get up every morning, dress in super cute clothes and help you figure out who you are or want to be. A friend that you can share things with.
3. Get rid of his things and do a complete detox. Clean out your room. Get rid of his stuff. Some you can throw away, some you can keep in a box and give to your break up buddy for a few months down the road, and some you can give back to him or donate. Clean out your closet and give to those in need and safe up money for a new wardrobe to look fabulous in. Rearrange your room if you can/want.
4. Get in motion every single day. Instead of just going through the motions of school/work. Find time to do extra things too such as volunteer work with animals, elderly, kids, or special needs. Volunteering doesn't cost anything but your time. You keep yourself busy, make new friends, AND help others all at the same time. Also, if there is a new look you've been wanting to try, go for it! If you've wanted to lose some weight, gain some weight, tone up, take up a new sport, get a new haircut, now is the time to do those things.
5. Make this about you and not him. It doesn't matter who he has become, what he is thinking, or what he is doing. Your life is about you. You can't change this person (who doesn’t sound appealing at ALL) that he has become. So don't get down to his level and try to see if you can rekindle what didn't work the first time. Focus on YOU. Do you love to swim, write, do theater, play soccer, paint, sing, play instruments, etc.? What do you LOVE to do and what makes you happy. Go out and have fun, I'm not saying get totally wasted and have a one nightstand or something irresponsible, but go out and just enjoy being with friends and do something new or adventures. Even if you just try to go bowling or try rock climbing or something.
My point is it's great that you want to get over him, and I feel the best way to get started on that is to make your life all about you. Try not to worry about easy girl who is giving herself a bad reputation. Neither one are your concern, you're much better than that. There are many other suggestions but I hope these help. Good luck! :)
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Oh dear, I'm going to sound insane. But I've been wondering if I actually should get professional help. Thanks in advance for everyone who reads and responds.
One day the vague shape of a character came to mind. I'm a writer, so this isn't rare for me. But for some reason, I was extremely interested in this character. I tried to forget about her, but I simply couldn't. Still, this was fairly normal for me. So I began paying more attention and, like any any other character, started fleshing her personality out. My interested still didn't falter.
So that was how she first came to mind. Ever since then, she drifts around in my mind, coming to thought every minute or so. I'm a girl, and I'm not homosexual either, so it was strange for me to love this female character so deeply. I've had boyfriends before, and while most of them were great, the feelings I had for them don't compare to the feelings I have for this character.
I've heard of people falling in love with anime characters, or characters from a book, but they all forget about them in a relativity short time. It's been four, nearly five years for me, and nothing has changed but a deeper and deeper personality for said character.
People say to get help if it interferes with your daily life. Well, what would count as interference? She comes to mind every other minute, but I still hold many relationships with real people. If there were to be a happy afterlife, it wouldn't be complete without her there. I've never told anyone about this, and I've only decided to ask here because of the anonymity of this site.
I know this isn't exactly normal, but is it abnormal enough to be considered harmful? I really don't want to go to any therapist, because I don't/can't forget about her. I would never do it.
Please no rude answers.
On another note, one day I was browsing the web and I came across a disorder called Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder. I don't know if it's 'real' or not, but I do indeed display some of the tendencies that are linked to the disorder.
I know this question was long, so I'm sorry, but it was difficult to explain briefly.
Is it at all possible that maybe the female character that you are so fond of in your thoughts is perhaps a reflection of the person you'd like to be? Then again, is it possibly the type of person you'd want in a friend, significant other, or family member? Are those possibilities at all? It may not be but that was the first thing that came to mind when I was reading your question, but I could also not be understanding the way you view this character.
There have been moments throughout my life where I've seen, read, or even thought up myself a type of person that I just loved because it was what I wanted to see in myself, a friend, or a boyfriend, even slight moments in a family member.
When my grandfather passed away, I was reading a book and the character just had so many characteristics of my grandpa that as I read the book I pictured him and fell in love with the character more and more.
In addition, there are traits I've thought of over the years that I wish to aspire to myself. Someone beautiful but humble, strong but compassionate, fearless but loveable... Things like that.
I'm not sure if it's the same thing but what exactly about this character you've envisioned do you love? Maybe it's reflecting what you ALREADY love in yourself or another person?
Again, these are just some possibilities I suppose. It's what first popped in my head. You could talk to someone such as a professional about this if necessary without losing this girl if you felt it was needed.
I THINK what it's meant to have something interfere with your everyday life is, does this character prevent you from being with a guy or a girl in a relationship? Does it prevent you from focusing on school/work? Does it prevent you from spending time with family or friends? Does it interfere with hobbies you once had and enjoyed? Can you still sleep at night and function through your daily tasks appropriately? If those things aren't an issue then in my OPINION it's not "DANGEROUS."
I hope I was able to help somewhat, if not I sincerely apologize and hope someone else can give better insight. :) Good luck!
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Several months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up due to his infidelity (he kissed another girl, did not have sex with her). I've grown to forgive him for his ways, and a part of me would like to give our relationship another shot. He broke up with me so I'm unsure if he would even be willing to give us another chance or if he's still attracted to me. How should I go about trying to re-ignite the spark? Am I an idiot that should just move on completely? PS 19.f.
First of all, you are NOT an idiot. Not at all.
It is completely normal to wish to get back together with an ex, no matter how much of a scumbag they are or not.
This hit home for me, what girl hasn't forgiven an ex for something crummy they have done?
There is nothing wrong with you, but I would definitely advise you to move on. You are MUCH better than that.
If this guy didn't realize how fantastic you were the first time, what makes you think he has changed? If he cheated on you, and then dumped you, he is the one missing out.
Whether he still finds you attractive or not is irrelevant. You don't even want his attention at this point.
You deserve a guy who is only going to want to kiss YOU and to keep YOU in his life. Not someone’s second choice or "do-over.”
This guy may have been great, but like I've said on here before, "just because two people are great people separately, does not always mean they are great together as a couple or even friends."
I say focus on you right now. Stop missing the loser who kissed another girl while he was supposed to be in a committed relationship with you, and turn yourself into the most fabulous version of you that you can be.
Throw yourself into your career/school. Go out with friends, have new adventures try new things, spend time with family, volunteer, lose some weight, gain some weight, take up yoga, go to an animal shelter (the dogs there are way better than the one you knew.) Find out who you are and what you love. Build yourself up and focus on other things besides this messy relationship and I swear a MUCH better guy will come along.
I know this is not really, what you asked, you want to know how to get back with him, but from personal experience of a recent break up myself. He's just not worth it.
It's good that you have forgiven him, but don't forget what he did.
Ask yourself this: If my best friend in the whole world, or younger sibling came to me and said, "I want to make a move on the guy that cheated on me, dumped me, and broke my heart to get him back." What would you tell them? Would you want to see someone you love so much to get back into a relationship where they weren't respected the first time? Or, would you tell them how AMAZING they are and that even though people can change and there are some incredible people in this world, that cheating jerk was NOT an amazing person for them?
Just food for thought here. You are amazing and you deserve happiness. Why settle?
Keep the forgiveness, but drop the guy. :)
You are nineteen, not too much younger than I am, we have a lot of growing to do, and it is highly UNlikely that you will not meet another, better guy soon. :)
Hope I could help a little. Good luck! :)
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Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen to me. I am terribly confused. I have a crush at school. He likes to talk to me, but I have to approach him first. Otherwise, he's with his friends. But today, I saw him EVERYWHERE I went unexpectedly. We are both rather shy people and we are only ourselves around our friend group. My friends are telling me to go for him, but I'm not sure. (We have been sorta friends since last year). Thanks. (If you need to know my age and gender, I'm 15 and a girl).
Of course, any time. :)
As far as what to do about this guy, it's somewhat difficult. I would say try to just hang out as much as possible, and build a friendship and see where things go.
I want to make it clear that my advice is from MY personal experiences only and there are always exceptions. With that said throughout my life if a guy really likes a girl he'll do what he can to talk to her and be around her, no matter how shy he is.
I don't believe in telling girls to throw themselves at guys. Be polite, let them know you are interested, yes that's fine, but to be doing ALL the work, no.
I know it's so common for girls to be "independent" and "fierce,” which I am ALL for by the way. There are also guys who say, "Oh I like confident girls and girls that approach me." In my opinion though, get over yourself guys, and girls can be independent without being desperate. If you've ever seen a guy who is just completely into a girl, he will do WHATEVER it takes to be around her.
When I was 15, in high school there was a boy I had a crush on, but he liked someone else. He and I were friends and so we knew a lot about each other. His mom took his phone away, he told me at school since he didn’t have his phone he snuck out, and walked over five miles to get to a pay phone to call the girl he really had a crush on.
Therefore, my point is, if you like this guy I do encourage you to put yourself out there, BUT if he isn't making much of an effort at all, I don't care how "shy" he is, then move on and realize you deserve better.
IF he hasn't made a move yet because he doesn’t know how you feel then DEFINITELY let him know.
In short, make more of an effort to talk to this guy, try to hang out alone (or with friends if necessary) go to dinner, movie, bowling, etc. Be confident and bold and let the invitation to make his interest known as well, but if he doesn't reciprocate, just chalk it up to a friendship and find a guy who isn't so "shy" to show you how he feels. :)
I hope I answered that question appropriately, and could help/give perspective. Good luck, Hun! :)
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I used to date this guy last year off and on. Then, we broke up and stopped dating for a few weeks. One day, he said something really mean to someone and I got really mad. We got into a huge fight. Now, in September, I still have feelings for him and I don't know what to do. He hates me because of our huge fight and he ignores me or insults me. I know it seems wrong of him but I was kinda rude to him too. But the fight was many months ago. I'm ready to forgive him. I wish he would forgive me. Apoligizing isn't going to work though. No explanation needed. I want to go steady with him a lot. I've liked him since 4th grade!I hate to ask for a complicated answer but I do adore him a lot. And I'd do (almost) anything to win him over. I hate fighting, and I hate arguements.Advice?
I can honestly say from personal experience, you cannot make people forgive.
It doesn't matter if it's to forgive you, themselves, or someone else. Unfortunately, it’s not possible.
If you apologize and if time has gone by, and talking things out is not an option, in my opinion there isn't anything anyone can tell you to do that will MAKE him forgive.
It's good that you have because you are the only person who can control you. It's unhealthy to walk around with hate and holding a grudge.
I'm sorry that he isn't willing to let go but if you truly feel there is no getting through to him by asking him if you guys can talk, or writing him a letter just explaining or SOMETHING, then no one can force him.
IN MY OPINION ONLY: it's better to keep the forgiveness for yourself and do your best to move on. It's normal and okay to miss him like crazy and want him back, but you can't make people like or love you.
If this guy isn't willing to forgive and realize how awesome you are, then truthfully he is not worth your time.
There is a saying that "just because two people may be GREAT does not mean they are great together."
It's okay that you realize how awesome he is, but if he can't see how amazing you are then it's just not worth it.
I know this is exactly NOT what you wanted to hear and you may get upset, but I promise you I don't mean it to offend or make you angry.
I don't know how old you are but if you were my younger sister (which I have told her the same thing as I'm telling you) or even if you were my friend I'd say the exact same thing. I'd say it to any one that I truly cared about. Not to hurt but so that you see how incredible you and see that if he isn't going to come around on his own, it's time to pick up and find a guy who is better suited FOR YOU, because if he can't forgive, it's obviously not him. :)
I know it's hard when you've liked someone for such a long time, but I guarantee there is a better guy out there for you, and in ten years, this guy won't hurt you so much. :)
If you do get him to talk, write him a letter, text, call, e-mail, facebook, etc. the only thing I can say is to let him know that you apologize for the way the situation panned out. Let him know you forgive him and hope he can find it in his heart to forgive you. That you don't want to walk around not liking each other because of what you once shared and chalk it up to being young OR a learning experience (since I don't know how old you are). I hope that he'll respond in some way. Other than that, if it's not going to happen if he doesn't respond or if he does in a negative way, you have to let him go and understand he'll have to come around on his own time or not at all.
Again, I hope I could give a different perspective or help in some way. In addition, again, sorry if this made you angry. I just think people deserve happiness and this guy not forgiving you or even letting you talk to him about what happened isn't happiness. If you are still adamant about finding a way to get him to talk, good luck. I do hope he comes around, but if he doesn't, don't forget how awesome you are.
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Ok I'm 17 f and I was hanging with my two friends that are girls. My boyfriend was also there but he said I was weird because I act different with my friends and that he felt left out. My boyfriend wanted to give me a hug and kiss but I didn't let him get to lovey dovey because my friends would of felt left out. I was to bussy trying to make my two friends feel less weird by totally not being lovey dovey with my boyfriend and I guess I ignored him in a way, even though I didn't want to. Should I invite my friends when I hang with my boyfriend? Or keep inviting my friends but this time not ignore him and kiss and hug in front of my friends? I'm very akward person so sometimes I don't know what to do..
Thanks for reading!!(:
In my opinion there does need to be a true balance. If your friends are single, (maybe even some that are newly single), the last thing your girl friends would want is to have that shoved in their face.
Nothing is more awkward than when you are right in the middle of laughing or talking about something and your friend starts groping her boyfriend or vice versa. It's a tiny bit rude, and somewhat weird.
In my opinion try to include your boyfriend in on the conversations you guys have to make him feel more a part of what is going on.
Then, try to find those moments when your friends aren't completely focused on you to share a sweet stare/smile and maybe a hand/leg touch or short hug/kiss.
It's a happy medium.
When I was 15/16 it was like I had to be all over the guy I was dating and he had to be all over me, but as I'm going into my mid-twenties (close to 23 now) I don't really think about it much.
When I'm in a relationship or dating a guy it's almost like an understanding.
If your boyfriend was hanging out with his buds would he really have his tongue shoved down your throat the whole time and being all sweet cuddly (I'm over exaggerating), or would he want to talk about sports, cars, music, or whatever interest he may have with his guy friends?
Every person is different, but again, I'd say to just find the little subtle ways to show affection with the looks, soft touches, and including EVERYONE into whatever conversations are going on instead of making either party feel left out or uncomfortable. I hope this helps a little. :)
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I had a Friend who was one of my best friends. In fact he was more like the little brother I never had.
About a month or so ago, he got back with his ex, who had cheated on him in the past. He said at the time, he felt like he was making a huge mistake, but he loved and missed her and she felt the same. I said as long as he was happy, I was happy.
Anyway, she recently kicked off at him about us being friends and he explained to her we are only mates and we have a brother/sister relationship. Bearing in mind He's 19, I'm 24 and I am actually engaged to my partner of 6 years and I love him.
There has never been anything more than that between us and never will be, we were just very close. Anyway she was fine with it after he'd explained.
She then kicked off about a week ago again, and sent me a message on facebook pretending to be him, saying don't ever speak to me again.
When I questioned him about it, he said he was sorry, but he couldn't speak to me ever again as he needed to save his relationship. I was absolutely devastated.
I then got a message off his girlfriend, saying she didn't appreciate our relationship as we "flirt" too much. Her interpretation of flirting is a few messages from me saying "hiya sweetheart are you having a good day?" or "have a good day babe"
We've always spoke to eac hother like that by the way.
She went on to explain that she dosen't like the manner in which we speak in and feels it's not acceptable for us to speak that way. I said to her she is obviously insecure because I have a partner of 6 years and I love him. There is absolutely no reason for her to think otherwise.
Anyway my friend said they had argued about it and now as a result he's cut all contact with me. She's told me never to speak to him again and she says that he says the same. She said she feels better now nobody is going to call "HER boyfriend" sweetheart.
I think it's absolutely ridicilous and I haven't stopped crying for days. Not only have I lost one of my best friends, I've also lost someone who was like my brother.
I'm so angry, hurt and upset because I know she's made him choose between us, and while I wouldn't have wanted him to choose her over me, I wish he would have valued me as a friend and told her straight that she is being ridicilous. It shouldn't have even come to this, there's never been anything more between us. I'm absolutely heartbroke, but I've respected what he's said and not contacted him, but I did message him saying that I'll always be here.
His girlfriend is obviously very jealous and insecure.
I just don't know how to deal with this. I know I can't do anything but she is controlling him and it breaks my heart.
When I apologised to her during our conversation for her being upset, she said fair enough, I know there's nothing going on between you. So why was there still an issue here?
He's blocked me on everything by the way.
First, I'd like to say I'm so sorry to hear this situation has happened to you and your best friend. My response is not going to be short, I’m sorry.
In my personal opinion and experience, it can be EXTREMELY difficult to have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex and have romantic relationships outside of them. To be honest it has been a struggle for me in the past so I feel I can see both sides of this.
I was homeschooled for a while I was very, very sheltered and really didn't have a lot of interaction with kids my own age until the middle of high school and then college and a job. Whenever I first started becoming more sociable in high school I thought everyone was my friend, but of course high school is high school and it always ended up being either the guy liked me and i didn't feel the same way or i liked the guy and he didn't feel the same. I struggled with it.
To make matters worse every relationship I've been in (except for my last one) I was cheated on. Therefore, I can understand the very insecure part that your best friend’s girlfriend may be going through. It's heart wrenching when you don't like yourself at all and you feel like you don't deserve the guy you are with because you are constantly comparing yourself to other girls that maybe getting his attention. Someone in her shoes feels so little about themselves, sometimes so little that it can be dangerous to her own well-being.
HOWEVER, I had to learn that just because I was in an abusive relationship in the past and been in relationships where I have been cheated on DOES NOT mean that EVERY guy is just like them. I also had to learn that it is possible to have guys who are seriously just like brothers to you, which I now have a few of and don't know what I'd do without them. They are awesome and we all know where we stand. It's truly just pals being there for each other when needed and hanging out. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way, and by that, I mean I lost my last boyfriend who did not cheat on me to MY jealousy and insecurities. Surprisingly enough because of that break up was how I found my first best guy friend.
With all of that said, now that I know better and realize I am an adult and the people I have relationships with are adults as well, I don't have to always be afraid that my high school years will come back to haunt me.
What I'm trying to say is, you are right, and in my opinion, this girl is in the wrong, but I see where she's coming from and I feel incredibly sorry for her. It's something she is obviously struggling with and I wouldn't wish that struggle on anyone. Eventually if she can't cut this out and stop trying to control every single person that your best friend and her boyfriend talks to, eventually she WILL lose him. He will realize he has had enough and won't be able to stand not being himself or being with people who really care about him. No matter how much he may care for her if she can't allow him to be himself and has this "tight leash" if you will on who he can see and talk to, eventually it will get tiring. She can't stop him from talking to people (including the opposite sex) forever.
That's why they have those silly clichés about how important trust and communication is in a relationship. As well as why it's SO important to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.
With all of this in mind, the best thing I feel I can suggest to you is to try to wait it out. You have completely put yourself out there. You have apologize to both of them (even though you didn't do anything wrong, but you were being the bigger person which is fantastic), you tried to talk to both of them about the situations and to reassure them both about how innocent your friendship is, and you let your little brother/best friend know you will always be there for him.
I truly don't feel you could have handled that any better than you already did, Hun. You said he has blocked you in every way, which is so unfortunate, but at this point the best thing I feel I can tell you is to, again, wait it out.
He will realize that it is going to get strenuous to be under so much pressure from someone. I'm so embarrassed to say I've made a guy feel like that too (the difference was the guy I was with admitted to having a crush on this girl but said it was platonic which is the worst thing you can say to your girlfriend who has self-esteem problems.) Again, he probably will just get sick of her flipping out and getting so angry and upset by every person he talks to.
I've seen it many, many times. Not just me personally but from friends and friends of friends.
You have done everything right that you can. IF you do ever get the opportunity again to talk to him, I'd try to find a way to talk where his girlfriend is not going to see everything. Just simply say, "I know that you feel you are doing what is best for your relationship. I get that, and I completely respect you and how you feel you need to handle this. I would just like to let you know you have felt like family to me, I miss you like a brother, and I truly care about your well-being. If you feel you get to a place in your relationship where we can be friends again just know I will be here with open arms."
Once you've said your peace hopefully, he will realize how great of a friend and person you are even more than he already knew before, and will come around. If not, hopefully when things do fall apart, and believe me if his girlfriend keeps this up it will, then hopefully he'll know that you will be there to catch him when he falls and can learn from this situation. Also, pray that his girlfriend can learn from this too. I know what she is doing is so aggravating, trust me, but this poor girl must be going through an awful lot and feel so low about herself to be causing this much turmoil to keep him away from you. Try to forgive and not be angry, feel sorry for her and wish her that best that she will learn to love herself and to trust so she can have happy and healthy relationships.
I hope you and your friend reunite soon. It really is a tough situation. I hope I could help give some sort of different perspective in a way that is somewhat comforting.
Try to hang in there, continue to do the best you can to be patient. Know you are a good person and great friend, and he will come around and you will be the one to help him get back on his feet. Good luck!
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I'm 11 and I have big boobs already! I'm pretty sure I'm A 38 or something like that. My mom has really small boobs so I'm skeptical. My dad does no have boobs of course but I was just wondering if by this rate I'm going to have big boobs? I started wearing a bra in 4th grade but... I'm just hoping to know if this will unfortuntly lead to big boobs. Reply soon?
There really isn't a sure way of knowing, but I would like to share some information.
My sister decided that she wanted to have breast implants someday and asked if I would go with her to talk to/ask different doctors about pricing, risks, procedure etc. because I ask A LOT of questions, especially with doctors.
Well, every single surgeon and doctor we went to (there were about 8 I believe) all said that a woman's breasts can continue to change until about the age of 24. Then, if a woman gets pregnant after 24(or before age 24), or has some sort of medical/hormonal change in her body her breasts can change AGAIN.
They all strongly encouraged my sister to wait a while before actually getting the procedure done because she was 20 at the time, and it had nothing to do with the price.
My point is the human body is always changing, especially in the female breasts region. Not that you are asking about implants but I’m relaying the message about how long it can take for them to change and develop on their own.
I was about a 32/34 B when I was 16. I am now 22 and a 34/36 D-DD depending on where I buy, and my weight has never been a factor. I've maintained a healthy body weight for my height and I'm pretty athletic being on a swim team and dancing all my life. Even now as an adult I’ve swam with a local triathlon group almosy daily. Also, my biological Mom is a 34/36 A cup naturally. So, in all honesty your Mom being small doesn’t say much either.
You just have to let your body do what it's going to do. No one is ever really going to be able to give you an exact answer on how big you will get. You’re 11 you have PLENTY of growing to do in all aspects of your body and life. No worries. : )
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how so i kill myself with out pain
Please reconsider what you are thinking. I don’t know you personally, but I know that you are worthy of living a happy life. I have no idea what you have been through in life to make you think about suicide, but there are ways to talk to people.
There are websites, books, and hotlines you have access to. You have access to this website, which is great, which means you have access to other websites too. I know that when people struggle with money it seems impossible to get help, but I swear to you there are ways around that.
There are support groups out there and people who want to help you get through whatever it is that you are going through right now.
I’m twenty-two and I quit school to help my mom take care of my dad and sister because my dad is now 100% disable from the war. I’m twenty-two and live at home. My Mom and I work; taking turns helping my dad go to doctors’ appointments. My parents used to own their own company and now it’s just my mom and I who work for other people again. Money is scares, and our lives have been turned upside down, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because he couldn’t handle my families “situations,” but I am thankful every day that I am still alive. I can’t do it alone though. There have been people I have needed to talk to, to get through these hard times.
Whatever is going on, talk about it first. Go to support groups, talk to people on here, or free chat rooms online, call somebody. I don’t know if this is because of money, a failed relationship, a lost loved one, feelings of failure or anything, but I promise suicide is NOT the answer. If you want, I will do my best to help you find things in your area to find people or a person to talk too. For now, please don’t do anything drastic. Check out these sites and call some of these numbers.
http://www.preventsuicidepa.org/?gclid=CJDjls2s9LECFQ-c7Qod_WsA8A
http://unsuicide.wikispaces.com/Online+Suicide+Help
http://us.reachout.com/wecanhelpus/
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14 / Female
I know I might be to young to have sex but I still have questions .. I've almost had sex a few times but I was to scared too . Why am I so scared ? How can I get over my fears ?? My insecurities ?? How do I know if he is the right one ?? Im confused because i want to have sex with a friend so if im not good they wont leave me but i want to have sex with my boyfriend of a good amount of time so i know its special .. I dont want to mess up or anything .. Any advice I would apreciate (: Thanks
I am aware that other people have answered this question already, but this really caught my attention, so I am going to add my two cents.
I know you may not take ANYONE’S advice to wait, but just so you know, fourteen years old is incredibly young to be doing anything sexually.
My cousin had a child at the age of eighteen. Her daughter is now thirteen and I am her Godmother. This is why this hit home so hard because you are only one year older than she is. Therefore, I'm going to tell you what I would tell her if she ever came to me with something like this...
It's okay to be curious about your body; it's also okay and normal to be curious about the opposite sex. Your hormones are going crazy and it is all so new, exciting, and even confusing. It’s insane how early kids are being sexual now though, my goddaughter told me there is an eleven or twelve-year-old girl at her school that is pregnant.
If you honestly insist on having sex or doing anything sexual besides holding hands or a peck on the lips type of kissing, then you NEED to educate yourself on ALL possibilities. You need to know how easy STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) can be spread, and to learn the different types out there, ESPECIALLY the incurable ones. You need to know how easy it can be to get pregnant once you have already had your first menstrual cycle. Also, know how to get condoms and other protection, which in my opinion should ALWAYS be used no matter what age until you are married and ready to have a family.
You have so much to learn, Hun. I am not trying to talk down to you, or make you feel like you don't know any better because I commend you for asking someone on here. In my opinion though, until you can answer some questions on your own, you should wait. Go to a library and read books on these things or talk to your doctor. Seriously, even being under age if you go to see a gynecologist (which if you have already started a menstrual cycle you should be seeing one every six months) they cannot tell your parents what questions you ask about sex. In fact, when I was fifteen and I went to see my doctor they asked my Mom to leave the room so they could ask if I had been sexually active. The answer was no, but they will know where you can go to get more answers on things or even just answer them themselves. Some even give books and packages.
You really should talk with your mom about this, but I know some kids don't have a mom or dad they can do that with which is why I'm saying please talk to a doctor first. Let them educate you on the facts about having sex at such a young age.
I know you don't want to hear this I get that. I really really do, but just because you are young and these guys are young does NOT mean that diseases can't be spread and that pregnancy can't happen. Please just ask more question to an ADULT and NOT your peers about something like this. Adviceman49 was right, you are feeling scared because it is your brain expressing to you that you are not ready yet for such an intimate relationship, listen to it, please. I hope I didn’t upset you, and good luck.
P.S-If you refuse to talk to a doctor check out this website.
http://www.avert.org/
http://www.avert.org/std.htm
http://www.avert.org/sex.htm
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this sophmore ( im a juniro) asked me to come over to her house, randomly. she always texts me throughout the day and im sure she likes me. Does she want to hook up? even if i dont respond in a minute or 2 she has sent me a message saying stuff like "you dont want to tlak to me." shes sexy and i honestly only want to hook up , do you think she has the same intentions? PS . this girl kept texting me a while ago but i ended it cuz she was obsessive but she just started texting me again.
Being a girl, when I was a sophomore in high school I NEVER intended to hook up with guys.
You really should be honest with her. She may actually have some real feelings for you and out of respect, it'd be better if you let her know that you are only interested in hooking up. After that let her make the decision, as to whether or not she wants to keep talking to you.
It wasn't until I was in college that I didn't mind relationships that are more casual. Girls think differently than guys do, but it's always important to be honest about your intentions.
Please don't be rude and lead her on and just assume. Don't be afraid to be honest about things. Tell her what's up, tell her you're only interested in the "friends with benefits" role, and go from there.
If she continues to text like that after your honesty, then it's on her if she gets hurt in anyway, unfortunately.
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I remember when I was a kid I was watching a movie with my mom that I THINK was on Lifetime. It had Jamie Lee Curtis in it and she had been in a coma for like 15 years or something at her home with her family and she suddenly wakes up older and her kids have aged. Me and my mother both remember the movie but we can't think of the name. We both searched Wikipedia and IMDB but couldn't find it.
I also thought of "Forever young," as well as "Between the Darkness and the Dawn," or "Forever LOVE." Even though the last two don't have Jamie Lee Curtis in them, "Forever Love" has Reba MacEntire and the "Between the Darkness and the Dawn" has Elizabeth Montgomery. I'm not 100% sure, but they are both over ten years old and are about a woman being in a coma for many years. Hope this helps some!
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I read your answer to question #607212. I didn't see anything wrong with your answer other than formatting. It was one long paragraph making it very hard to read.
When I answer questions I try to use as small a paragraphs as I can. Then I double or triple space between them to make them easier for the questioner to read.
It appears your new to this site so I thought I would pass this along to you.
Adviceman49
Okay, I apprecaite what you're saying. Thanks for the input. I typed everything in WORD incase my computer crashed since it automaticallty saves what I've typed. I did add spaces not realizing they wouldn't show up when I copy and pasted my response in here. I also saw some errors from it in my actual column where quotes and commas should be. I'll be more aware next time.
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I feel more pathetic and useless than I can tell you and I feel like the only thing I'm talented at is screwing up. I'm almost 25 years old and I live with my parents, I dropped out of college, I suck at my career, I screw up SO many things that I try including school, relationships, jobs, ect.. I suck as a person, a friend, a girlfriend, a sister, and sometimes a daughter and I don't feel pretty, skinny, smart, responsible, or talented enough for most people. I am going to do my best to get another job so that I can buy a car. I haven't had a car in two years because I'm too stupid and too much of a loser to have the money for one. I have had a terrible year because of scares with my health and the health of some loved ones. Everything has turned out fine, but a couple weeks ago, I had one stessful day after another and when I thought it was over, I was there when someone I love was injured and that night, I had an anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack. I don't have the money for a counselor, so I tried online counseling, but the only counselor who bothered to email me back told me that I have a twisted way of looking at life and didn't help me. What can I do to get help?
Dear WORTHY,
I can completely relate to the way you feel. I’m 22, still a freshman in a junior college struggling to make it through, still at home with my mom and dad, my aunt and dad had major spinal surgeries and are both addicted to pain meds. My parents business is failing, and my boyfriend of two years dumped because he said I am too insecure and jealous and he just didn’t love me. I’ve been lied to beaten and abused in many different ways, and I hurt when my family hurts. Within three years I lost my grandpa, and both grandmothers, and even had animals pass away. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me and I felt depressed for a long time. The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone at some point in time feels like a failure. Whether they show it or not humans are humans, we all feel lost, scared, sad, angry, and every other feeling out there. If you can’t afford a counselor the best thing you could do is help yourself. I had to learn that no one was going to pick me up and dust me off and kiss all my “boo-boos” away. Start by just taking a very deep breath. When you wake up in the morning try to tell yourself one thing you are thankful for. Even if you are thankful for just breathing, say it to yourself. If you are thankful for the ability to see mountains where you live, the ocean, an animal, or even just see grass. Thankful for the ability to hear, whether it be to hear music that gives you a nice feeling or the sound of birds or just hearing the wind blow, find the tiniest little thing you can think of and just say “hey I’m glad I can experience that.” You may not feel like a good daughter, sister, friend or whatever but if you’d like to change that maybe just go to just one of those people and give them a hug and say “thank you for being in my life.” Look at yourself in the mirror and find ONE nice thing about yourself, even if you don’t mean it at first, say it anyway. Even if it’s just saying “I like my eyelashes.” Be kind to yourself, its okay to hurt, cry, and feel scared, angry, or frustrated. If you start to feel angry, let yourself feel it, don’t beat yourself up even more saying “I shouldn’t be feeling angry I’m so (insert negative thing here).” Give yourself a break. You’re only human and no matter what you look like or what you’ve done in the past or where you feel you are at in the present, you are beautiful and worthy of a happy life. You just have to believe that, sweetie. No one can do it for you, you could be given the nicest advice in the world, but you control the decisions you make. I know it’s hard, but I promised you are not alone. Never lose hope, maybe try to research different religions and see if that helps, whether it is Christianity, Buddhism, Paganism, Judaism, which ever. Go for a walk, a swim, or a bike ride. Volunteer at an old folk’s home and visit elderly who don’t have anyone come to visit them. Adopt a soldier and send some of the soldiers in Afghanistan letters and care packages that some of those men and women don’t get over there. Go visit St. Jude’s and donate some stuffed animals to the kids or something. Just do things to explore what makes you happy, you don’t need money to do a lot of those things. I’ve learned that even when we don’t think it, someone out there does care about us. I don’t know you and I care about you. I want you to have a happy life; I don’t need to “know” you to want that for you. I hope this doesn’t make you angry or feel worse. Just know someone cares.
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