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Im a virgin and..
14 / Female
I know I might be to young to have sex but I still have questions .. I've almost had sex a few times but I was to scared too . Why am I so scared ? How can I get over my fears ?? My insecurities ?? How do I know if he is the right one ?? Im confused because i want to have sex with a friend so if im not good they wont leave me but i want to have sex with my boyfriend of a good amount of time so i know its special .. I dont want to mess up or anything .. Any advice I would apreciate (: Thanks
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
I am aware that other people have answered this question already, but this really caught my attention, so I am going to add my two cents.
I know you may not take ANYONE’S advice to wait, but just so you know, fourteen years old is incredibly young to be doing anything sexually.
My cousin had a child at the age of eighteen. Her daughter is now thirteen and I am her Godmother. This is why this hit home so hard because you are only one year older than she is. Therefore, I'm going to tell you what I would tell her if she ever came to me with something like this...
It's okay to be curious about your body; it's also okay and normal to be curious about the opposite sex. Your hormones are going crazy and it is all so new, exciting, and even confusing. It’s insane how early kids are being sexual now though, my goddaughter told me there is an eleven or twelve-year-old girl at her school that is pregnant.
If you honestly insist on having sex or doing anything sexual besides holding hands or a peck on the lips type of kissing, then you NEED to educate yourself on ALL possibilities. You need to know how easy STD's (sexually transmitted diseases) can be spread, and to learn the different types out there, ESPECIALLY the incurable ones. You need to know how easy it can be to get pregnant once you have already had your first menstrual cycle. Also, know how to get condoms and other protection, which in my opinion should ALWAYS be used no matter what age until you are married and ready to have a family.
You have so much to learn, Hun. I am not trying to talk down to you, or make you feel like you don't know any better because I commend you for asking someone on here. In my opinion though, until you can answer some questions on your own, you should wait. Go to a library and read books on these things or talk to your doctor. Seriously, even being under age if you go to see a gynecologist (which if you have already started a menstrual cycle you should be seeing one every six months) they cannot tell your parents what questions you ask about sex. In fact, when I was fifteen and I went to see my doctor they asked my Mom to leave the room so they could ask if I had been sexually active. The answer was no, but they will know where you can go to get more answers on things or even just answer them themselves. Some even give books and packages.
You really should talk with your mom about this, but I know some kids don't have a mom or dad they can do that with which is why I'm saying please talk to a doctor first. Let them educate you on the facts about having sex at such a young age.
I know you don't want to hear this I get that. I really really do, but just because you are young and these guys are young does NOT mean that diseases can't be spread and that pregnancy can't happen. Please just ask more question to an ADULT and NOT your peers about something like this. Adviceman49 was right, you are feeling scared because it is your brain expressing to you that you are not ready yet for such an intimate relationship, listen to it, please. I hope I didn’t upset you, and good luck.
P.S-If you refuse to talk to a doctor check out this website.
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Well. Cosy sex with a 'friend with benefits' or real passion with someone you're hot for? But are they the one? And, God..don't let it be a disaster!
OK, you are young. Don't rush into things. But you'll ask yourself these same questions MANY times in your life, not just at 14! They're adult insecurities, so don't feel childish about having them. In many ways, they prove you ARE growing-up, but there's no rush. Best wishes.
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I will put what GiddyGeezer said another way. Fact is you said it yourself; "I know I might be to young to have sex." It is not might, you are too young to have sex. The fact that you are to scared to go through with it is your own self-protection devices working overtime to keep you from doing something that you will regret for the rest of your life.
Sex is a wonderful thing between TWO CONSENTING ADULTS. You are a long way from being and adult. By law you are a long way from being legally able to consent to sex. In most states you must be at least 17 years of age in order to be able to consent.
There are so many things that can happen and go wrong by having sexual intercourse at your age it is just not safe for you to do so. First no matter how mature you may be and form your writing I see a very mature 14 year old. You have not gained the maturity to engage in intercourse. While you may have the body of a women and feel like you are ready for intercourse, you are not. Your body is still maturing many ways that will make intercourse much more enjoyable if you wait. Right now it will be painful and unfulfilled.
Pardon my directness but there are many other ways to control or relief raging hormones, aka homeyness. Any of the methods you and your boyfriend might engage in are far safer, less painful and do not result in an unwanted pregnancy.
My advice is to wait until you are much older. A recent survey released in just the past few weeks shows that girls are waiting much longer to loose their virginity. The average age 10 years ago was 15. Today it 17.5 There is good reason for this so stay with in the survey data and wait. Do not be forced into anything you are not ready for.
Short answer to your question. By being scared your body is telling you that you are not ready. When you are ready your body will tell you.
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You are right to be concerned. A lot of things can go wrong if you have sex before you are ready. You could end up with a bad disease or an unplanned pregnancy. If your boyfriend really cares about you he will not try to push you into something you are not ready for. You can still be intimate with your boyfriend without going all the way. I want to tell you at 14 to please not engage in ANY sexual behavior but I know that is probably not an option you want to hear. Please talk to your Mom or a trusted adult. They may understand a lot more than you give them credit for!
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