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How do I know if I'm making out right <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> Pressure to Get Married Soon. What Should I Do?

Feel Like a Loser, Don't Know Where to Go for Help. What Would You Do?


Question Posted Wednesday August 8 2012, 6:20 am

I feel more pathetic and useless than I can tell you and I feel like the only thing I'm talented at is screwing up. I'm almost 25 years old and I live with my parents, I dropped out of college, I suck at my career, I screw up SO many things that I try including school, relationships, jobs, ect.. I suck as a person, a friend, a girlfriend, a sister, and sometimes a daughter and I don't feel pretty, skinny, smart, responsible, or talented enough for most people. I am going to do my best to get another job so that I can buy a car. I haven't had a car in two years because I'm too stupid and too much of a loser to have the money for one. I have had a terrible year because of scares with my health and the health of some loved ones. Everything has turned out fine, but a couple weeks ago, I had one stessful day after another and when I thought it was over, I was there when someone I love was injured and that night, I had an anxiety attack. I thought I was having a heart attack. I don't have the money for a counselor, so I tried online counseling, but the only counselor who bothered to email me back told me that I have a twisted way of looking at life and didn't help me. What can I do to get help?

[ Answer this question ]
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ohmylanta answered Friday August 17 2012, 4:27 pm:
Hello beautiful woman!

YOU are making yourself feel this way. It's about perspective. When you think you are pathetic, useless, and untalented - take a look at how you are veiwing life. Don't be pessimistic. I assure you, you're not the worst. I assure you, you are not useless. You are meant to do something great. I could easily look at my life and say the exact same things as you, but I don't. Why? Perspective. Why would I live in a world that says, I can't when I have confidence that I can?
It's cliche, but you have more than those kids in Ghana who can't even afford food or running water. You have more than the guy down the street who sits at the corner begging for money. You have been blessed with so much, but it's the way you've began to look at it. Is it not enough? Are you striving for way more instead of sitting and realizing you have ENOUGH?

Look at yourself, I bet you are infact beautiful, fun, loving, caring, and honoring to those around you. Count your blessings. You don't suck as a friend, you don't suck as a girlfriend - if you really thing you do, then why do these people still stay around you? Probably because you don't suck!

You can do this. Look on the bright side of things.
Think of how many things you have been blessed with.
It's just this season of life. Strive through it.

[ ohmylanta's advice column | Ask ohmylanta A Question
]




LoveHopeFaith answered Wednesday August 8 2012, 3:53 pm:
Dear WORTHY,
I can completely relate to the way you feel. I’m 22, still a freshman in a junior college struggling to make it through, still at home with my mom and dad, my aunt and dad had major spinal surgeries and are both addicted to pain meds. My parents business is failing, and my boyfriend of two years dumped because he said I am too insecure and jealous and he just didn’t love me. I’ve been lied to beaten and abused in many different ways, and I hurt when my family hurts. Within three years I lost my grandpa, and both grandmothers, and even had animals pass away. Everything seemed to be falling apart around me and I felt depressed for a long time. The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I want you to know that you are not alone. Everyone at some point in time feels like a failure. Whether they show it or not humans are humans, we all feel lost, scared, sad, angry, and every other feeling out there. If you can’t afford a counselor the best thing you could do is help yourself. I had to learn that no one was going to pick me up and dust me off and kiss all my “boo-boos” away. Start by just taking a very deep breath. When you wake up in the morning try to tell yourself one thing you are thankful for. Even if you are thankful for just breathing, say it to yourself. If you are thankful for the ability to see mountains where you live, the ocean, an animal, or even just see grass. Thankful for the ability to hear, whether it be to hear music that gives you a nice feeling or the sound of birds or just hearing the wind blow, find the tiniest little thing you can think of and just say “hey I’m glad I can experience that.” You may not feel like a good daughter, sister, friend or whatever but if you’d like to change that maybe just go to just one of those people and give them a hug and say “thank you for being in my life.” Look at yourself in the mirror and find ONE nice thing about yourself, even if you don’t mean it at first, say it anyway. Even if it’s just saying “I like my eyelashes.” Be kind to yourself, its okay to hurt, cry, and feel scared, angry, or frustrated. If you start to feel angry, let yourself feel it, don’t beat yourself up even more saying “I shouldn’t be feeling angry I’m so (insert negative thing here).” Give yourself a break. You’re only human and no matter what you look like or what you’ve done in the past or where you feel you are at in the present, you are beautiful and worthy of a happy life. You just have to believe that, sweetie. No one can do it for you, you could be given the nicest advice in the world, but you control the decisions you make. I know it’s hard, but I promised you are not alone. Never lose hope, maybe try to research different religions and see if that helps, whether it is Christianity, Buddhism, Paganism, Judaism, which ever. Go for a walk, a swim, or a bike ride. Volunteer at an old folk’s home and visit elderly who don’t have anyone come to visit them. Adopt a soldier and send some of the soldiers in Afghanistan letters and care packages that some of those men and women don’t get over there. Go visit St. Jude’s and donate some stuffed animals to the kids or something. Just do things to explore what makes you happy, you don’t need money to do a lot of those things. I’ve learned that even when we don’t think it, someone out there does care about us. I don’t know you and I care about you. I want you to have a happy life; I don’t need to “know” you to want that for you. I hope this doesn’t make you angry or feel worse. Just know someone cares.

[ LoveHopeFaith's advice column | Ask LoveHopeFaith A Question
]



adviceman49 answered Wednesday August 8 2012, 3:07 pm:
Wow; that on line counselor should not be giving advice all he/she did was add to the problem.

I'm not going to add to the problem by trying to advice you based on the little information you have provided. It would be wrong of anyone to try to do this. From what you have written I see someone with low self-worth based on a variety of factors unknown.

Yes you do need professional help. The help you need is to talk with a good psychologist. I know you don't have insurance. Psychologist and psychology fall under mental health. Most state, towns and counties offer free mental health through their Department of Mental Health under the state Health Department. You can find a listing for them on line or in the white pages of your phone book. Find an office near your home and call them for an appointment.

Hopefully the fact that you are unemployed and uninsured at this time, you will qualify for any assistance they may offer. You should also contact you states office of social services to see what assistance they can offer.

From what you have written you have a lot to deal with. You did not say what caused you to loose your past job. Positive mental attitude goes a long way in keeping ones job. At this moment I don't see you having a positive mental attitude. A low self esteem is the primary reason for this.

[ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question
]



orphans answered Wednesday August 8 2012, 1:13 pm:
Hello,

Firstly, if you ever need to speak, you can e-mail me on flare901@gmail.com

Now, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. Having a car, or being skinny is not what is most important in life.

Regarding work, it's hard for everyone. I've been unemployed for over a year. You just have to shake yourself off, get back up, and carry on moving forward.

You should learn about what happened in certain situations. Did your relationship end because of something you did? Did you lose your job because of a mistake you made? If it was genuinely your fault, then you need to learn from your mistakes. If it wasn't, then you shouldn't blame yourself.

Good luck though, and do email me if you need someone to talk to :)

[ orphans's advice column | Ask orphans A Question
]
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