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Should I stay or should I go?
Hi.
So I've been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We're both 18 and have both almost finished our first year at University. Recently I've become very unhappy. I lost all my friends due to something really stupid and also because my boyfriend and I pretty much live in each others pockets, so I was always blowing my friends off to be with him. So anyway, next year is the year where Uni students usually venture out into the flatting world. My boyfriend and I have been planning to live together for the whole year, all up until a few weeks ago when I realised maybe this isn't the best idea. We've been fighting a lot lately because of my insecurities (I get super jealous super easily). He always goes out partying with his friends and girls and I have to sit at home by myself. I get jealous because 1) I don't have any friends to party with like he does and 2) Because he's always with girls.. So anyway I came up with the idea of moving to a different University in a different town, to be on my own and away from him so I could make friends without having to worry about turning my friends down to hang out because I'd rather go home to my boyfriend. A week passed and I started thinking into it more and I thought maybe that's not the best idea after all. Because of my insecurities, I feel as though if I move away, he might cheat on me or our fighting will get worse because he's going out with girls and what not when I'm not there. The way I'm pretty much seeing it is if I move we will break up due to jealousy and if I stay, we could break up for the same thing. Difference is, if I move, I'll have a better chance at making friends and getting my independence back..If I move, I could also lose him.. I just want to know what other people think, should I stay at my current Uni and live with him or should I move and so long distance for a couple of years?
I hope this makes sense! =S
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I used to have the same problem with my current relationship. I was so insecure, no friends to hang out with while he is out partying with friends and girls, lost track of my friends... my world completely evolved around him.
I am happy that you are now in that stage, you are starting to realize that you are missing something in your life and you are now longing to gain your independence and have friends again. I understand that right now, you are afraid that if you start having your own life back you "might" lose him.
Talk to him...make him aware of how you feel, let him know of your intentions and don't be afraid to share your fear of losing him. The next part is crucial... after letting him know of these things, he must be able to assure you that, no matter what your decisions are, you won't lose him, that you have his full support. In that way, if you will pursue transferring to another Univ., then you won't feel afraid of losing him. You would also appreciate your time together as you won't be able to see each other often. But the effort of being together mustn't come from you alone.
Now if his reaction, after telling him of your intentions and fears, then maybe you should consider other options.
Time apart from the person we love is healthy, we tend miss them and appreciate time together. Strengthen the relationship and make us not end up with the wrong one. It also helps us not lose our own identity.
"The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you."
― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
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I think either way maybe you guys shouldn't be together. If he makes you feel less than what you are, then you're right. By going out partying and the other girl’s it's not going to work.
You have to have trust in a relationship. I think it'd be best to end in the most mature way possible, just explain that you care for him but you're having a hard time trusting him and that trust doesn't seem to be coming back and it's making you unhappy and I'm sure him unhappy as well.
The break up part is difficult; you may not want to do it at all, because no matter how right it is to do it, it always hurts.
As far as moving, I think you should move only if it's what will be best for you. If the university you are at now has the best education you can get, especially for the major you have, then I would say don't move but still break up.
If there is another university you were looking at that has a lot more to offer you career wise, and educationally as well as to be a catharsis after the break up then yeah, go for it, if moving is something you've always wanted to do, but I wouldn't say move away just because the relationship up didn't work out.
I was in a relationship for 2 years so not anywhere near as long as you have, but he lives right behind me, and I can't move. I'm stuck in a lease first and second of all this is my dream and ideal place, job, and school. Therefore, even though it stinks being so close I honestly never see him, and we go to the same college.
Thus, it is possible to stay at this school/job/whatever if it's right for you, and to not be with him as well as make yourself happy.
In short, yes something needs to change if you are resenting him, don't trust him, and are fighting all the time. Hopefully it doesn’t end in drama. Next, if you want to move and have a dream to move away then yes go for it, but don't do it just to get away from a guy, it usually back fires. Good luck!
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