I don't answer questions much these days but you are more than welcome to send me some, and I'll get to them fairly quickly.
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Member Since: April 9, 2004
Answers: 16
Last Update: March 11, 2005
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hi Im a 'female teen' and in need of some very important advice :/
a little gross.....but..For a few months now Ive had a brown vaginal discharge with a strong odor. Im not sexually active, and I do not take any medication. Im afraid to go to a gynocologist for the first time so I figured it would go away with time, but its only getting worse, I know I should probably see a gyno, but Im looking for a way outta this besides taking that route...sometimes it gets all over my legs and comes at various unexpected times of the day...its very annoying and it makes me so uncomfortable at school because of the odor. Normally these things do NOT happen to me at all, I have inpecible hygiene, shower every day, and I eat right. i have no idea how this happened!!!!!!!!!!! sorry for writing a novel for you, but if you have any ideas at all PLEASE PLEASE let me know
*Thankyou SO very very much* (link)
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Hi! Thanks for writing to me. I'm glad you did. It sounds like you probably have some kind of infection. The fact that the discharge you've described has a strange color, strong odor, and has only gotten worse over time is a big tip off here.
Infections can happen regardless of your sexual status or how clean you keep yourself. But more importantly, they can also get drastically worse with time. I'm not trying to scare you, but the fact is that an infection can be treated much easier in its early stages than it can at a later point.
But you say you're afraid to go to the gynocologist? I was nervous before I went, too -- but when I actually got there, I found it wasn't that big of a deal. Remember that the doctor is there to help you, not hurt you. I sincerely hope you'll go to the gyno as soon as you can, for the sake of your health, and your peace of mind, as well!
If you'd like to know more about what actually goes on in the gynocologist's office, just ask and I'll be happy to give you the full lowdown.
Best of luck!
~Lady V.
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Okay, this is a weird question, I'm sure...but I figure I may as well see what y'all say.
Okay...my boyfriend kind of has a thing for "dirty talk" and I think it's totally ridiculous. I start laughing whenever he says something and expects me to respond. I think it bothers him that I keep giggling, but I can't help it! To me, it just seems so totally fake and stupid...
I mean, I've tried playing along, but I just feel so awkward and stupid, saying things like...that...
Should I try to do something about my giggling problem (lol)? Should I tell him I just can't do it? What do you guys think? (link)
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Hey there! You don't mention what, exactly, your boyfriend is saying in his dirty talk. But even though I myself love dirty talk, I can think of a few goofy things a man could say to me in bed that would make me do more laughing than getting aroused. In fact, I'm laughing right now as I think of a few I've heard! So thanks for the evening chuckle.
Talking dirty is actually a great way to create good communication in bed. But not everyone likes to hear their lover throwing porno-type lines at them during a roll in the sack. So try suggesting that he take a different route next time. Tell him you want him to try talking to you in a way that YOU know ahead of time you might find sexy. Suggest he tell you when he likes something you are doing. Example:
Him: I like it when you do it this way.
You: Yeah, how does it feel?
And move on from there.
This bit of conversation probably feels more natural than whatever it is he previously said. You could also try it the other way around:
Him: Do you like that?
You: Yeah, it feels really good.
Him: How does it feel exactly? What else do you want me to do?
Of course, it would be in your own words ... my examples are probably kind of stuffy sounding, but eh, I'm sure you get the point. It also wouldn't hurt to throw in a "You're amazing" or something to that effect, IF that's what you're actually thinking. If he sucks at doing something, don't be afraid to gently suggest he try doing it another way.
So try that, and hopefully that will feel more real to you than his attempts.
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I'm 14, and I have yet to wear a tampon! All of my friends do it, so I just pretend I do!.. I mean I've stuck one in there before, and it worked and it sticked, but I'm afraid like its going to go further, or I'm gunna try and pull on the stringy thing and its gunna break lose. Do you think any of those things could happen? Pllease help! (link)
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Hello! The short answer to your question is a simple NO.
Long answer:
The vagina has a sort of "trapdoor" at the top of it known as the cervix. The cervix is a round bit of tissue with a very small hole in the center, called the "os." The os is enough to allow menstrual fluid to pass through, but nowhere near big enough to allow something as large as a tampon inside. So while a tampon can go all the way up your vagina, it can never go PAST the vagina to where you wouldn't be able to retrieve it. It might be useful to obtain a diagram of the female anatomy to see what I mean.
As far as tampon strings go, they are meant to be unbreakable. A tampon cord is a strong rayon string woven throughout the tampon itself. Even thin tampon cords, like those found on o.b., are extremely unlikely to snap. Not to mention, a tampon is meant to come out with a gentle tug or two on its string. If your tampon doesn't come out that easily, then it's simply not time to take it out.
I hope that cleared up your concerns!
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See, I like this guy but I don't know if he likes me . I don't want to ask him because, he's really proud and he can sometimes be a jerk . He's never been a jerk to me though, but one of my friends asked him if he liked me , and he supposedly called me ugly which lead to no . I have tried to get over him and at times I think I'm over him . So when I pay him no attention it's like he's paying me attention, and I totally get pulled back into liking maybe loving him because this has been going on for a year . Do you think maybe I have a chance with this guy . Do you think that I or maybe he is playing a game ? What should I do? PLEASE HELP ME BECAUSE IF I THINK ABOUT THIS ANY LONGER , I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY STUPID . (link)
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The guy is definitely playing a game, and it's a very stupid and immature one.
By thinking about him as much as you do, you're doing exactly what he wants you to do. Knowing that the girls who can't have him, want him, makes him feel special and important. Knowing there's a girl out there who doesn't care about him makes him feel insecure, so he goes running after that girl (in this case, you) to try and remedy the situation for the sake of his ego. It's pathetic, and he knows it, and you deserve way better than that.
Leave him alone, but when he comes running after you (like usual), pay him no heed. Until he can start acting like a big boy, let him play with the little girls.
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Ok, this might sound stupid, but o well... Ok, our skool is going on a fieldtrip on a thursday supervised, but we can walk around and stuff. All the couples in our group r supposed 2 have sex. Lets just say, im young and i dont want 2. I heard it from my boyfriends friend and i dont want 2 do it either way. Expulsion if we get caught, in trouble, pregnancy, etc. My whole skool life and regular life at that would be destroyed. I love my boyfriend very much and i dont want him to break up with me or dump me, cuz i love him 2 much!!! I also dont wanna seem "soft" either. PLEAZ help me as soon as u can!!! THANKS!!! (link)
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Your group's idea is, to say the least, a very stupid one. You, on the other hand, sound like a very smart girl. I can tell you right now that if these couples carry out this plan, it's almost guaranteed that somebody's going to get caught, and then the entire plan will be exposed and everyone involved will get in trouble. I remember countless incidents from my own school days in which couples made plans to sneak out and were either caught in the act, or discovered later. The aftermath was not pretty. I can also tell you that you are probably not the only person in the group with misgivings about the whole thing, regardless of whether anyone else is being open about it or not.
You don't say whether your boyfriend wants to go through with this plan or not, but I certainly understand that you care about him a great deal, and are afraid of looking foolish in front of him. But if he loves you, he'll listen to what you have to say and support your decision. I know that doesn't necessarily make talking about it any easier, especially when it feels like everyone else in your group is eager to carry out the plan. But I highly suggest you talk about this with him in person, when no one else is around to butt in on the conversation or overhear. Say something like: "You know how everyone's supposed to sneak off and have sex on the field trip? I don't feel comfortable with that, and I don't want to do it." Tell him what you are thinking -- that you aren't ready to have sex yet and you especially aren't ready to have it in a PUBLIC area where you could be discovered any second. Make it clear that there's no way you'd enjoy that. Tell him you'd like to spend time with him on the trip, but you want to spend it doing things both of you can agree are fun and worthwhile, not something somebody else has decided everyone else is "supposed" to be doing. End it with, "I'm not trying to judge everybody else, but this just isn't right for me. I know you'll understand what I'm saying because we care about each other so much." Indeed, your boyfriend *should* understand what you are saying, whether or not he wanted to go through with the group's plan, simply because he cares about you and doesn't want to do anything to make you unhappy. Now, I don't know if he would ever try to pressure you into sex or anything else, but if he does, please remind him of that!
I'm also not sure if the kids in your group are people you normally hang out with, or people you will only be hanging around with for the field trip. Either way, if they start getting excited about the idea and talking nonstop about it prior to the trip, remain quiet. If they ask you questions about it or try to make sure you're going along with the plan, simply tell them that no, you aren't going to. If they badger you about it, just say something like, "That's just not cool for me. I'm sure you're all going to have fun, but I really just don't want to. I hope you'll tell me all about it later though!" This way, you will sound like you aren't judging them for their behavior (even if you privately are) and that you're cool with your own decisions. People should respect you for that, for kids seem to react in a negative manner most often when they feel like they are being judged or looked down on by those who choose different decisions. If you act like you are fine with whatever they want to do, regardless of what you yourself choose to do, they should leave it alone.
Worst case scenario: the boyfriend dumps you because you refuse to have sex. I hope this wouldn't happen, since you love him, and I'm assuming he's a good guy who is cooler than that. But if he does? Then you know he's an ass, and you know you deserve better. I know it will hurt anyway, but you certainly don't need anyone who isn't going to let you be yourself. Once again, I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, it's definitely not your fault!
Above all, remember this: In five years, you'll be so glad you trusted your gut instinct and did what was right for *you*, and people's reactions won't matter. The kids who chose to do something they didn't really want to do, just because everybody else was doing it, are still going to remember that they made that decision and feel pretty stupid about it -- and that's really sad. That's why I hope that not only will you firmly stand up for what you feel is right for you, but that others will follow your example, and say, "You know what? This isn't something *I* want to do either!"
I sincerely hope this helps. You sound like a very caring girl with a good instinct. Please let me know if this helped you out or if you need any additional help with this or any other problem, and I also hope you will let me know how it all works in the end. Best of luck!
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All of my friends are really worried about me because I cut myself. My parents don't know I still cut, but they know that I used to. I'm addicted to hurting myself and I don't want to stop. Everyone wants to change me but I refuse to. How do I get everyone to stop trying to get me to change? (link)
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The simple answer: change. Of course, that isn't what you want to hear. I used to be in your position, and I didn't want to hear it either. Sometimes, I still struggle with wanting to hurt myself. I am well aware that it is extremely difficult to stop and easier to just keep doing it and pretend that you don't need to change.
You should realize that if you do not stop, your friends may wind up telling your parents that you still do it. It is only a matter of time before they find out.
Every time you cut yourself, you are not just hurting yourself. You are hurting people that love you. The more you hurt yourself, the more you hurt them, and the more likely it is they will do something drastic to get you to stop.
I highly suggest you talk to a counselor or some other adult figure you trust about the situation. This isn't coming from somebody who doesn't know what it's like; it's coming from somebody who still has nasty scars from her own self-mutilation.
You may not like my advice, but I believe your letter is a call for help, whether you realize it or not. I am quite sure you knew before writing it that most, if not all, of the people who answered it would not be giving you the solutions you say you are looking for. There is a reason you are hurting yourself. Please - try to find out what it is and where this is coming from.
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My best friend just became really close to this girl named Briana. Briana's really fun to talk to, but I recently found out some bad stuff about her; she cheats on her boyfriends, backstabs all her close friends, and she smokes pot. She told me about the pot thing and even asked if I wanted to join her! I, of course, said no. I don't know how to tell my best friend, because she'll accuse me of lying because "Briana's so nice!" I'm just scared that Briana will get my friend into smoking and stuff. HELP. (link)
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It's possible your friend already knows these things about Briana and simply hasn't mentioned them to you because she is afraid of how you will react. To find out if this is the case, you may want to mention to your friend that Briana asked you to smoke pot. Say something like, "I have something really weird to tell you. Briana asked me to smoke with her the other day. Did you know she smokes pot?" At this point, your friend will either 1) say she already knows this, 2) say she didn't know that and ask you what else you know, or 3) accuse you of lying.
If she says she already knows that, then you have a chance to discuss with her how worried you are about what Briana might get your friend into. Tell her you agree that Briana seems like a nice and fun person, but as your friend's best bud, you can't help but be a little concerned.
If your friend says she didn't know that and pumps you for more info, share what you have heard. Make sure you emphasize that yes, Briana does seem nice, but you do think your friend should be careful around her.
If your best friend is really as close to you as you say, she will NOT accuse you of lying. She's obviously been friends with you longer than she has with Briana, and she has no good reason to say such a thing. BUT if she does, tell her you're sorry she feels that way and assure her that you would never lie. Ask her, "Have I ever lied to you before?" Remind yourself that a good friend will keep your advice in mind rather than making ridiculous accusations.
Above all, remember that the truth will come out in time; it always does. Just hang in there and keep a close eye on your friend. If she starts doing things that make you nervous, talk to her about them and tell her that you, as her best friend, are worried about her. Otherwise, just let it be and keep on hanging out with her (without Briana tagging along) as much as you can. If Briana has a history of backstabbing people, she may well stick a knife in your friend's back, and you will need to be there for her in that event.
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i care a lot about what people think
what should i do? (link)
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Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone here; most people are very self-absorbed and probably worry so much about what others are thinking of *them* that they don't notice how self-conscious *you* are.
Realize that life is short. You do not have the time to waste on worrying what other people think. Try to adapt this adage: "I shouldn't care what anybody else thinks unless they are someone who is personally important to me in some way that matters." Family members, close friends, your boss, your teachers, etc. are the only ones you should really be worrying about, because they are the only ones with opinions that count. Even more important than their opinions, however, is your own. Learn to trust yourself and listen to your gut instincts. Every time you want to do something that doesn't feel quite right, ask yourself if you're doing it for yourself, or doing it because you don't want people to think badly of you. Figure out where *you* want to go in life, and follow that path and that path alone.
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Hey I've liked a certain guy for a long time, and I really want to tell him how I feel. I'm too shy to tell him in person, so I thought I'd write a note. What should I write on it? I don't want to sound creepy, or not know what I'm talking about. Help! (link)
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Avoid saying things like "I've been watching you for a long time" or "I really like you." Keep the note brief and to the point. Tell him you think he's cool and fun and you would like to chill sometime, if he's down with that. If you haven't already, talk to him in person (just small talk) before you write the note. Find out what he is interested in, then make a suggestion that you do something pertaining to that interest in the note. For example, if he likes soccer, ask him if he wants to come to the next game with you. If you find out he likes a certain band that's playing near you sometime soon, grab tickets to the show and invite him. Once you ask the question, finish with "Just let me know!" and sign off. He should be very flattered, unless he's a complete ass, which I'm assuming he's not since you like him so much :). Good luck!
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My friend thinks that she is addicted to smoking, but she has only been smoking for about a week. Could she really be addicted or is she being stupid!!? (link)
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Nicotine is a highly addictive drug, and some people who use it can become addicted relatively quickly. However, your friend is definitely being a little melodramatic if she claims she is addicted after one week. She can, and should, drop the habit before her claims actually begin to have merit.
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i was wondering...i'm the ultimate good girl...i haven't done anything remotely sexual. i haven't even gotten kissed yet. but i'm curious...about fingering, blowjobs, handjobs. can someone please explain to me how to do those? hah. i know that's rather stupid and could leave u open to lots of answers...but i need answers. and also pubic hair...shave? trim? i'm lost..any help is appreciated. and when you stop laughing at me maybe u can gimme some advice. ;) hah. (link)
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Allow me to recommend a fantastic book to you! This book will answer all of your questions about sex, show you cool techniques, AND it's very amusing and fun to read! It's called "Guide to Getting It On" and the author is Paul Joannides. The book is published by Goofy Foot Press -- check out their website at www.goofyfootpress.com. I bought this book last year and I love it. If you are too embarrassed to buy it at the store, you can order it online from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble or a similar site.
But if you don't have the money to spend on a book, try looking up some sex tips sites online. I would be careful about this if you share your computer with someone, however.
As far as tips I myself can give you, I can tell you about all kinds of techniques; however, every one is different and no one technique is going to work on every single person. Blowjobs and handjobs are things you learn and become good at as you go along. Ask your partner to show you what he likes. And when it comes to his pleasuring you, tell him what you would like him to do and help him do it correctly. If you have trouble with these things, you aren't ready to be doing them.
As for pubic hair, it's really up to you what you want to do with it, although it never hurts to ask your partner for advice. I like to keep mine shaved, but that's my own personal preference.
There's nothing wrong with asking questions like these, and no one should ever laugh at you for it ... sex is a wonderful thing, and learning about it is certainly very fun. Just remember that nobody ever starts out knowing how to do everything perfectly!
If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask me and I'll help you out as much as I can!
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A bunch of my friends keep complaining that they do not have dates for prom. They have even stated that they will not go if they do not get a date. Some of them have gone so far as to say that they will not go unless someone asks them.
I, for one, have a date, because I got off my sorry ass, swallowed my pride, and asked my best guy friend to go with me, because I'd rather have fun and have fond memories of prom than ruin it by going with anyone I'm remotely romantically attached to - I learned my lesson at my ninth grade social. Whenever my friends complain and I tell them that maybe they should do something about it, they pretty much tell me to shut up because I have a date and "I'm not one to talk." Which is fine, but why complain to me when I took care of the situation already?
I really want my friends to be there, and it's not like they don't like my date or anything. This is the only time of their life they'll get to do something like this, so why don't they want to go? I understand that money can be an issue for some people, but not going because you don't have a date is a stupid reason to give.
What should I tell them the next time the situation arises? (link)
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I understand why this behavior is annoying the hell out of you. But rather than just tell them to do something about it, why not *help* them do something about it? Offer to play matchmaker. With their permission, talk to your own date and see if any of his friends would be willing to step in. Got any guy friends who had planned to spend prom night doing something lame? Tell them to get off their asses and ask your awesome friends to the prom! Or maybe you know someone who goes to a different school and has prom on a different night.
If none of these solutions are going to work, or if your friends don't seem willing to take you up on your ideas, offer one final suggestion: that they go to the prom in a group, and have a fun ladies' night instead! Tell them this way they can leave the prom whenever they want, eat a delicious dinner together, attend the after-prom party and have a girly all-nighter sleepover. While you're talking about this, build it up to make it sound really cool, then say, "Damn, that sounds fun. Now I'm kind of wishing *I* didn't have a date!"
If they don't even respond to that idea, then sad to say, they are hopeless. In that case, treat them like a boring lecture and tune them out. Think about how much fun YOU'RE going to have at prom instead, and be thankful that it isn't too far away, meaning that they don't have much time left to bitch.
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I am my worst enemy when it comes to men. I build a room that I mentally lock myself away in from men. I know that it's there yet I don't know have to fix it. I am a single 36 female, single, no children never married and have only had 2 other serious and sexual partners. It has been 2 years since I have been in a relationship.
I went to this party back in the begining of Oct and was introduced to the nice guy. No stars or anything he never crossed my mine after that night. Althought in my opioion I think I came off kind of rude...(He walked me to my car when I was leaving. I thanked him got in and was ready to drive off. When he took afew steps back to the car to offer that he could sit and wait with me while I warmed up the car I said it wasn't necessary thanked him again and just drove off.
Two weeks later I get a called from my friend and learned that he has been begging and hounding my friend for my phone number. I couldn't even remember what he looked like and thought hell why not. We chated off and on over the next few months. We went out the dinner 2 times and had enjoyable conversation. 4 months into knowing each other we had a hot and heavy date. Tons of fondling and caressing but remained fully clothed. We talked several more times after that evening with conversation getting hotter and hotter. It was obvious that something was going to happen. On MBA allstar weekend he called we started talking and I put the question what gives on the line. He doged the question and when I offered that we be phone buddies he said ok if that's what I want. And that it wasn't what he was saying. Needless to say I got bolder and down right invited him to an "adult outing". He said he wanted to watch the game and would call me after. Well for the next 3 days which covered allstar weekend I felt like I was pulling teeth with him. I am a direct and up front person. If it is on my mind and heart it will come out. I told him directly it has been over 4 months what does he want and expect is this going somewhere or should we cut ties. He wanted to be in a open relationship sex if it happened but with no string. This concept is foreign to me. I have had two partners and both occured as committed monogus relationships. I blow up from his reponse and said well that wasn't what I was looking for and wished him will but told him to loose my number. I later learned from my friend about his past and his last two relationship and then I felt bad and wanted to eat my words. I have tried reaching out to me but he won't call me back. I had my friend call him and he said yeah he will call me but it has been over two weeks and he hasn't called. Should I confront him in person myself? Or let it go and take some classes or use a book to write my feelings? He is 37 single, no children, never married but once engaged. I know he is a nice guy and I could still be his friends even if not a sexual partner. What should I do? Also, after talking to my friends and family I seem to be like a dinousur or something is it really ok to have sex with someone with no strings attached? Am I wrong? (link)
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First of all, I'd forget about this man. If he really wanted to be "just friends," he would've called you by now. He's avoiding you because your rejection of his sexual offer hurt his pride. He should get over himself, stop being a baby, and move on! But I wouldn't bother to try and tell him that in person. Don't waste your time!
If you do not want to be in a sexual relationship without strings, then by all means, do not get into one. There is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with avoiding getting into something you do not feel comfortable with. Our society today tends to shove sex in everyone's faces and make us feel like we have something wrong with us if we aren't ready to hop into bed with every cute stranger we meet! While that might be okay for some, it's not okay for all, and that does not make you a dinosaur.
I suggest that you try to figure out why you feel so uncomfortable around men before you get involved with another one. Take some time out to really get to know yourself. Keep a journal. Get involved in some activities that YOU like and make some new friends. Don't try to force yourself into getting involved with anybody you don't feel 100 percent comfortable with. When you are ready to date again, you'll know.
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i have a bf who is cheating on me and wat shold i do (link)
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Sounds easy enough. Dump his ass.
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In our school, we have teams that everyone is seperated on each year. We dont usually associate with the other teams. This year my best friend and I were put together...but next year, we won't be. I know everyone says that I will make new friends, but it is the hardest thing in the world, because I will never see the person that means the most to me! What can I do? I feel really empty inside...I can't live without seeing her everyday! We won't be in the same hallway or anything, not even the same classes! Now what? (link)
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There isn't any reason why you can't stay friends just because you aren't on the same team. Can you sit together at lunch? If not, realize that life goes on outside of school. You can hang out on the weekends, talk on the phone at night, or join an extracurricular activity together. This way you'll be able to catch up on all the things you missed while you were at school. Think of all the gossip you will have to share from your separate teams!
Another idea is to start a friendship notebook. This is something my own best friend and I did back in middle school. We had a notebook that we would write long notes to each other in, and then at the end of the day we would exchange notebooks, read what the other person had written, and then write a response. The next day before school, we'd exchange again. You can start something similar for you and your friend.
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My friend got fingered by a guy, and she has had her period. I was wondering can you get pregnant from being fingered. Does that also mean ur a no a vergin anymor?? PLease write back thanx (link)
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It is not possible to get pregnant from being fingered, unless the guy has cum on his finger. Otherwise, you are in the clear. So be careful when you play around, even if you aren't having sex.
As for virginity, most people believe that you are a virgin until you have vaginal intercourse. Of course there are some who believe differently, but it's really up to you to make your own definition.
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