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What should I do??
Ok, this might sound stupid, but o well... Ok, our skool is going on a fieldtrip on a thursday supervised, but we can walk around and stuff. All the couples in our group r supposed 2 have sex. Lets just say, im young and i dont want 2. I heard it from my boyfriends friend and i dont want 2 do it either way. Expulsion if we get caught, in trouble, pregnancy, etc. My whole skool life and regular life at that would be destroyed. I love my boyfriend very much and i dont want him to break up with me or dump me, cuz i love him 2 much!!! I also dont wanna seem "soft" either. PLEAZ help me as soon as u can!!! THANKS!!!
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Your group's idea is, to say the least, a very stupid one. You, on the other hand, sound like a very smart girl. I can tell you right now that if these couples carry out this plan, it's almost guaranteed that somebody's going to get caught, and then the entire plan will be exposed and everyone involved will get in trouble. I remember countless incidents from my own school days in which couples made plans to sneak out and were either caught in the act, or discovered later. The aftermath was not pretty. I can also tell you that you are probably not the only person in the group with misgivings about the whole thing, regardless of whether anyone else is being open about it or not.
You don't say whether your boyfriend wants to go through with this plan or not, but I certainly understand that you care about him a great deal, and are afraid of looking foolish in front of him. But if he loves you, he'll listen to what you have to say and support your decision. I know that doesn't necessarily make talking about it any easier, especially when it feels like everyone else in your group is eager to carry out the plan. But I highly suggest you talk about this with him in person, when no one else is around to butt in on the conversation or overhear. Say something like: "You know how everyone's supposed to sneak off and have sex on the field trip? I don't feel comfortable with that, and I don't want to do it." Tell him what you are thinking -- that you aren't ready to have sex yet and you especially aren't ready to have it in a PUBLIC area where you could be discovered any second. Make it clear that there's no way you'd enjoy that. Tell him you'd like to spend time with him on the trip, but you want to spend it doing things both of you can agree are fun and worthwhile, not something somebody else has decided everyone else is "supposed" to be doing. End it with, "I'm not trying to judge everybody else, but this just isn't right for me. I know you'll understand what I'm saying because we care about each other so much." Indeed, your boyfriend *should* understand what you are saying, whether or not he wanted to go through with the group's plan, simply because he cares about you and doesn't want to do anything to make you unhappy. Now, I don't know if he would ever try to pressure you into sex or anything else, but if he does, please remind him of that!
I'm also not sure if the kids in your group are people you normally hang out with, or people you will only be hanging around with for the field trip. Either way, if they start getting excited about the idea and talking nonstop about it prior to the trip, remain quiet. If they ask you questions about it or try to make sure you're going along with the plan, simply tell them that no, you aren't going to. If they badger you about it, just say something like, "That's just not cool for me. I'm sure you're all going to have fun, but I really just don't want to. I hope you'll tell me all about it later though!" This way, you will sound like you aren't judging them for their behavior (even if you privately are) and that you're cool with your own decisions. People should respect you for that, for kids seem to react in a negative manner most often when they feel like they are being judged or looked down on by those who choose different decisions. If you act like you are fine with whatever they want to do, regardless of what you yourself choose to do, they should leave it alone.
Worst case scenario: the boyfriend dumps you because you refuse to have sex. I hope this wouldn't happen, since you love him, and I'm assuming he's a good guy who is cooler than that. But if he does? Then you know he's an ass, and you know you deserve better. I know it will hurt anyway, but you certainly don't need anyone who isn't going to let you be yourself. Once again, I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, it's definitely not your fault!
Above all, remember this: In five years, you'll be so glad you trusted your gut instinct and did what was right for *you*, and people's reactions won't matter. The kids who chose to do something they didn't really want to do, just because everybody else was doing it, are still going to remember that they made that decision and feel pretty stupid about it -- and that's really sad. That's why I hope that not only will you firmly stand up for what you feel is right for you, but that others will follow your example, and say, "You know what? This isn't something *I* want to do either!"
I sincerely hope this helps. You sound like a very caring girl with a good instinct. Please let me know if this helped you out or if you need any additional help with this or any other problem, and I also hope you will let me know how it all works in the end. Best of luck!
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