HCOloverr22's advice column

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Q: ii really like this boy :(

ah, unrequited love sucks, but it's bound to happen to everyone at one point in their life. you know what i say? screw the guy! if he "loves" a girl more, then it's his loss! dwelling on a situation like that not only is unhealthy, but it only ends up with a deeper hurt, and you won't be able to focus on finding other guys that are gentlemen and won't treat you like this boy you like. as hard as this sounds, and i especially know it's hard, you're going to realize that you really are better off. i hope i helped, ask again if you need to.

Q: so yeah theres this guy who sort of has a girlfriend. they went out and broke up but are still talking. and like he met me not to long ago & he said hes fallen for me. & that the other girl he isnt into as much anymore. shes very obsessed with him and always wants to talk to him 24/7. that gets him mad, he wants his own space. they dont hangout much, she always makes excuses wich why she cant. & recently she said shes moving out in march and gettin her own apartment. she asked him to move in with him. hes like shocked. he told me he didnt want to. i mean she doesnt hangout with him a lot and what makes her think living with him will make things work? well shes totally jealous of me becuase she can obv see somethings going on. me and him are hanging out next fridayy. i live kind of far from him. but im moving soon and the good thing is its the town right next to him. he always tells my friends that im the most amazing person the world and we have amazing talks. he tells me he likes me more then the other girl. but im wondering if im just a rebound? & like i dont know im really confused.

this story changes like everyday so if your like really good at giving advice please leave your sn so i can talk to you daily on whats been happening.
THANKS A TON!

there are guys that do this all the time, they don't want to make critical decisions until someone does it for them. although you two aren't quite "serious" yet, if he talks to his friends and says you're amazing, i think you're getting there. if you want this relationship to really go anywhere, he needs to make up his mind about this girl he's still "talking" to. you don't deserve to be caught in the middle of this, and he should realize that. for your sake, i would suggest you tell him upfront that he either make up his mind about his ex, or you want to give your relationship some space because it's not fair for you. if you think this is the advice you're looking for then we can talk more, i love to do it haha. i'm sort of young though (17), so im not a guru with relationships, but i do know a thing or two.

my aim sn is annesavage09 (dont ask i know its weird hahaha its an inside joke) i dont get on every day, but every other day is more like it.

Q: okay well i recently posted a question on my mom and how to tolerate her sober well....she didn't exactly stay sober. She just went on a really bad drinking benge and i went to stay at my sisters house. My grandma had to drug her in order to get her off of the beer and hard liquor. now i have been going through this my whole life and nowthat i'm getting older i know how to handle it and all but i don't want to have to take care of my mother when she is like that when my grandma is gone. I do try to help some but my grandma has bee ndealing with it more. I'm tired of being on the edge and not trusting her to stay sober at 15 i have no escape routes only my sisters for a few days. I have talked to my mom about when she is sober and she knows how i feel and she always says i'll never do it again but as her closest duaghter i know that it isn't true. SHe knows it deep inside to. She went to the doctor for anti-depresents but she drank on those before also. when she drinks my mind is focussed on her and not on school so my grades drop and i can't sleep. I need to find sometype of realese for this stress. I pissed off at her all the time because of her problem i know that i shouldnt be but i can't help it. I;m nice to her and hold my anger inside hping she won;t start again because everytime i let it go there she goes again she can't handle pressure . I want to get awawy but i don't know how i need to know some options because i can't live with this constantly and i can't baby her all the time i need to know what to do.

i've had to learn the hard way, but you have to realize that although you might have some affect on your mom like taking care of her, it's her responsibility to take care of herself if she makes bad decisions. as she is an adult, she has the mental capacity to realize that you, the child, are not supposed to take care of your parent. because this is an addiction, sadly, the addiction is seen as more important to her than what should be her main priorities.

so, although you've told your mom how her drinking affects you, you might want to confront her with a more clear-cut statement. tell her that the choices she makes directly affect you, no matter what she thinks. you could set away some time and make a list of exactly how you're affected, maybe your grandma could be there when you confront her. but your mom needs to know why you're hurting so much, and why you need to move in with your brother.

Q: how do you lose weight in stomach

please make your advice helpful by experience or some proof or whatever

the best way to lose weight in your abdominal region is cardio- whether it be jogging or dancing or swimming, something that ups your heart rate will slowly lessen the fat around your middle. you should also combine that with an exercise such as yoga or pilates to tone your muscles. you might also consider cutting unnessacary fats out of your diet like fried foods.

Q: okay so i really want pink lots and lots of pink. A pink clutch, jewlery, a tiara, shoes...and a really girly dress. Does anyone know any sites that carry alot of shortish dresses and accessories that match?

check out bebe.com or ardenb.com. they ALWAYS have vibrant-colored clothing.

also, for getting everything pink, you could go to a bridal/prom store because they can dye your things to a specific color.

Q: K so me and my boyfriend have only been going out for 3 days and it is so hard to talk to him...i feel so nervouse!!! Please dont tell me " well if you gyes don't talk and feel weird around each other you really truly don't really like each other!" thats what i have been hearing from everyone!!! i really like him and he is way nice and i really want this to work out!! please help! how do i not be so shy around him?!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how do i get the guts to talk to him?

whoa sorry it took me so long to write back haha. your situation is seemingly difficult, but it's actually quite simple. since you two are going out, you must have some kind of chemistry so that's a great blank canvas for getting to know each other. i'd suggest you find out something you two share in common, like a sport you watch or music you both like. you can either find out by conversation, his friends, or maybe his myspace/facebook. then see if there's a concert or a game you could go to. as for just talking to him, the hardest part is taking the first step. once you start talking to him, you'll see how easy it becomes. you already know he likes you- you're going out, so dont feel like you have to have his approval. good luck!

Q: I am in love with this boy. I am 14/f and dont say im too young to know what love is because i would do anything for him. There is no such thing as being too young to love. Well he is in almost all of my classes in school. We sit near each other in most of them. We always flirt and hang out and are close but no t best friends. Well whenever i look over at him, hes looking at me, and i smile and he smiles back and looks away quickly. Well we are always flirting and everyone always says just go out already and he gets embarrassed and looks down so i am pretty sure he likes me but almost positive he doesnt love me. His name is "CHRIS" btw

His close friend is "SAM" well i am close with him too. Everyone says he likes me because he acts different around me and is always flirting with me and whenever i flirt with the guy i love he gets mad and gives me dirty looks.

I want to tell the guy i love how i feel but i dont want to ruin my relationship with Sam. So i talked to sam about it online once. I said everyone said that you like me bc of the way you act around me. He was like well i dont and got mad and went away like GOD WHATS YOUR PROBLEM I DONT LIKE YOU, NOT EVERYTHINGS ABOUT YOU! and i called him and am like whats wrong? he said you dont care, go hang out with chris and hung up. I think he really likes me, and i dont want to hurt him, but i dont want chris to move on and not like me anymore. What do i do about sam? how can i talk to him when he gets mad at me? And what can i do to make him accept me and chris? and how should i tell chris?

Sorry its so long, and confusing, but thats just how my mind is right now. Thanks sooo much!!

sadly, if you were to become boyfriend/girlfriend with chris, sam would be obviously be really mad. of course, im sure if you two are close enough he'll come around, but he would need time, just like everyone else, to get over you. when and if you do go out with chris, i would just suggest you tell sam something upfront and leave him with it to think about it, like "i would be really sad if we were to stop being friends just because of chris. i'd like to keep our friendship, and i hope you do too."

Q: hello. i need some songs for the following situations:

-i really like this girl and she knows i do. i want a song that i can dedicate to her.

- i want to ask the girl out. any advice on what song i should play when i ask her.

we like any type of music. but preferably acoustic, indie, alternative, emo, anything like that.

something like: cobra starship, cute is what we aim for, albert hammond jr., etc.

THANKS SO MUCH IN ADVANCE!

hmm here's some..
stolen by dashboard confessional
so much love by the rocket summer
around the clock by the rocket summer
wake up by coheed and cambria
always feel this way by tristan prettyman
good luck!

Q: I recently fully realized that my wardrobe is a bit sparse. So I want to shop to fill it up. These are the clothes I already have:
-Black Roxy skinny jeans.
-Dark canvas skinny pants.
-Medium-wash whiskered low-rise designer Levi's.
-Ralph Lauren white turtleneck.
-American Eagle black and cream pleated mini.
-AE pink henley sweater.
-Burgundy Deb cable-knit pull-over.
-Plaid short-sleeved ruffle Delia's button-down shirt.
-Tight cerulean blue Gap skinny jeans.
-Free People grey-taupe lacy vest.
-Zip-down 3/4 sleeve black sweater.
-AE purple plaid oxford.
-AE dog-pattern grey sweater-vest.
-Pea green lacy spaghetti-strap tank.
-Long grey cardigan.
-H&M dark pink tunic.
-Pink argyle sweater.
-Dark grey plaid walking shorts.
-Urban Behavior plaid short shorts.
-Cream and blue striped spaghetti-strap tank.
-Tommy Hilfiger plaid riding boots.
-Steve Madden black Mary-Janes.
-Pink ballet flats.
-Coach bag.
-Tommy Hilfiger blue pleather tote.
-Antique pearls (real).

I have a clean preppy style and like to get really high quality clothes cheap. (I get my stuff from Marshall's and TJ Maxx, and other things off clearance racks.) My favorite color is navy. If anyone could give me clothes that I should have in my wardrobe that mostly can be worn in most seasons (I wear winter clothes in summer and vice versa) that would be great. (Except for shorts, etc. of course.) Thanks so much.

Of course I don't have a million ideas but here's some essentials I find I use A LOT:
-black flats, any kind of material really.
-small diamond studs. (real or fake)
-plain black jersey dress. you can dress it up or down, and if its the right length you could wear with skinney jeans.
-long black cardigan. i saw you had a grey one, but black matches everything.
-white/any color overshirt. they look great under sweaters, and once again you can dress the look up or down. They also come in handy for last-minute formal events.

thats all i can come up with for now haha. your wardrobe sounds adorable already though haha.

Q: k so, i have been really good friends with this guy since the end of last school year and we have liked eachother on and off through out this time but we have never dated. but recently i told him that i like him. and he told me that he liked me too but didnt want a girlfriend and he told me he felt like a jerk for saying it but he said that he didnt want me to wait around for him because our friendship wont turn into a relationship. and, i mean i really like him. more than ive ever liked anyone and i feel that if we acctually gave eachother a chance we could have something really good and special. theres just times where hes kind of left out and i go over to him and sit with him. and he does the same for me. i don't get it though. if he likes me enough why wont he try us out. but, he said he liked me. but what i dont get is if you like someone enough you would date them. so is he lying or telling me the truth. and lately he hasnt been talking to me in school or on the computer like he usually does. and to tell you the truth, im crushed.i know its not that big of a deal. but, i just really feel as if we would be good for eachither; anytime we talked or hungout we got along really well and the conversation wasnt delayed or anything and hes just a really good person to talk to. he listens and helps me with anything i need.
oh, and sorry that this is soo long.

i don't really have a question but like, i need advice. what do i do how do i found out if hes lying and i just don't know. is there anything i can do to get him to change his mind? :p anything will help.

Okay there could be several things going on in his mind. One could be that he's scared of a relationship, I'm guessing you're in middle or high school, and boys are really unsure for quite awhile about girls in general and how they should act around them. He might be still too immature to want something more than a friendship. You're right, he could be lying about not wanting to be in a relationship because many people use that as an excuse so that they don't hurt your feelings.

I would say lie low, because he knows very well how you feel. Unrequited love sucks, but it happens to everyone. You never know, he could come around. Just be yourself because that's why he loves you as a friend!

Q: I was looking at fashion merchandising and management courses at FIT and LIM in New York and I was considering it.

But could someone tell me what exactly these courses entail? What kind of jobs am I going to have access to with a degree in fashion merchandising.
And more importantly, will these jobs be good jobs, will I have a chance to move up in the world and make a good living out of them?

I'd love to get into fashion merchandising as well as you do, and I know that princetonreview.com is a really amazing website that helps you explore careers. It shows you a typical day in the career, what you'll be paid in 5, 10, 15 years, and so on. Sorry I don't know the specifics but I assure you that that website does.

Q: okay so in elementary school. everyone was like a teachers pet, but no one cared. includig me, i have anxiety and at the time, since i couldnt be with my mom in school they were the next best thing. my friend and i enjoyed helping our teacher in the class, and during recess. so i kinda got the teachers pet rep. 6th grade came nd i was totally weird. but i still sort of kept up my habits, except my teachers didnt like me like my old ones did. mostof the teachers liked my best friend who was like a perfect kid her parents were really strict and she had people over like every weekend. 7th grade i got better, not so weird and by 8th grade i was normal (normal isnt the right word but i cant think of anything elses.) i hadnt had a boyfriend either at all. so now im a freshman, and my friends and i are slways hearing about people having sex, getting drunk blah blah highschool stuff. one day in lunch somehow we were talking about whos gonna have sex 1st and everything and i ended up at the very end, im sure my friends didnt know but i was kinda hurt by it. i mean i dont wanna have sex now but im not gonna be the 40 year old virgin either. then at a small aprty for new years last night a girl brought a water bottle of alcohol and we all had some. not enough to be smashed but just a little bit. so i have a boyfriend now and also with my rep is that im really tight and i dont talk to guys and stuff

i just wanna know what i can do to turn my rep around. i dont wanna be known as a slut, but i dont wanna be known as a boring girl.

You know what's the number one thing (usually) a guy really is attracted to? Confidence. I can tell by your tone that you don't have an abundance of it because you've portrayed this type of image to people that you aren't the most fun girl. And honestly, I would be a little bit mad too about the whole sex conversation with your friends, but really one comment doesn't mean the truth! I guess it really depends on your morals as preachy as that sounds. I personally know having sex early in high school leads to tons of hurt feelings and complicated issues, so I would lay off of it until you really think you and your boyfriend are ready, which you might never be, and that's perfectly fine. And about the alcohol, if your comfortable with drinking it, I wouldn't go crazy at the next party just to prove yourself because it's too obvious. Just be chill with it, and pace yourself. Good luck!

Q: ok so im having this problem where my ex boyfriend who i went out with i dont know 8...9 moths idont know one or the other still that a longg time rite and well its been like a couple months when we broke up b.c we had weird feelings for eachother when we started 9th grade it just was no chemistry at all. it was awkward we had excuses to not hang out ne more but any way i was so heart broken then i thought hanging with other guys with out a realation ship would help but it didnt i ended up messed up you know so i stoped that. well now we are friends again we have been for like 3 years now. and he calls me i call him and we talk for an hour a couple hours i told him i still really liked him he says he doesnt but ik that i could never go out with him again idk why i just cant. but he says he doesnt like me and we are supposed to go to the movies this weekend and uk what on saturda or firday this week is supposed to be the one year annaversery that we started dating its like breaking my heart i didnt realize it after we said we would go now idk for sure ne more rite! i need serious help here does he like me? is he just a friend? should i say that no i cant go to the movies with you ? stop calling him? i mean i dont have really strong feelings ne more but there is a feeling there uk what i mean and im sure if i go to the movies with him this weekend ill just break down in tears its a sad story but i so need help here like rite away!!!!

WELL this is typical ex-boyfriend behaviour. Obviously you guys are good friends, but he doesn't realize that it's painful for you to just hang out with him after the break up, especially since you like him and he doesn't like you. It could plainly be physical, he could want to be friends with benefits, but I just think that he's completely unaware of the fact that you need space. I suggest you take a break, maybe you don't have to completely cut him out of your life, but definetly lay off the hour long phone calls and movie dates.

Q: So i want to get my boyfriend (13) something for christmas. Not to expensive ($20). any ideas? i've already ruled out video games, cologne, and clothes. i really appreciate it your help. We've been going out for about 3 monthes and he said he'll like what ever i get him but i dont want to get him something stupid =P
PS- i was thinking a movie. any good movies?

it really depends on his personality and his likes/dislikes. i would get a universal movie like spiderman 3 or something that you both like, and say something cute like 'we can watch it together!'

a movie isn't a very original choice, so if you were going for something more personal, i would either have a picture framed of you two and put a personal message in fabric paint around the edges, or give him a bag of his favorite candies and a little thing representing his favorite sports team. i hope i helped!

Q: I'm 17 years old. Male.

I recently got a job at Sears. I love it. This may sound weird, but I wear eyeliner. I guess I just like it. Anyways. When I wore it to work, my manager told me not to wear it anymore. The next day, I still wore it. He told me that he would make me leave if he saw me wearing eyeliner at work again. He said it isn't "business professional".

To me, this seems like it's prejudice. Women can wear it, but men can't? In the handbook, Sears claims to not discriminate based on gender, but I'm starting to think otherwise.

What should I do? I really want to wear it and express myself at work, but I also need this job.

Legally, yes, it's gender discrimination, and that overrides any kind of boss's opinion or wishes. But you might want to see it from his point of view. Our society looks down upon anything especially out of the ordinary (unfortunately,) and it is also very judgemental. People could make many right/wrong assumptions about a guy wearing eyeliner, and give the store a bad name. Of course, this is never always the case, but in business, you have to be more 'professional' and not 'expressive.' I would suggest that if your boss insults you or you feel like you've been discriminated, in that he told you he'd fire youif you wore eyeliner anymore, I would talk to someone legal about your rights. Now, I would talk to him and try to find a compromise if that's at all possible.

Q: 16/f My boyfriend and i have been going out for 6 months and it has been amazing, but before we met he used to drink and smoke. He doesnt remember some nights, and i know he would drink and then drive. yes i know, no me gusta =[ He also smoked, mainly cigarettes, and pot just once. He realized how bad it was for him and decided to stop, and he hasnt done anything since. (i am strongly against drugs and alchohol. i wouldnt date anyone who did those things, and he gave it up for me along with his benefit in mind. me=straightedge =]) He doesnt plan on it and i support him all the way. He deeply regrets doing any of it, and i've told him everybody makes mistakes, nobody's perfect blah blah blah, but i was wondering if anyone could think of anything i could tell him to make him understand that he shouldnt hate himself for making those mistakes. its hard to explain what i want to tell him, idk. he is the most amazing guy i've ever met and we love each other SO much, but he can't forgive himself for it. any thoughts? please and thank youu =]

well, i participate in those things occasionally, but i applaude you for your belief against it, i think it's an overall smart choice and you should applaude your boyfriend too! its not easy to get out of the thrill of smoking or drinking, and that shows how strong and mature he is. obviously he is trying to convince you that he is guilty of his past, and that shows he's insecure and afraid of not receiving your approval. you might come off as too strong on your beliefs, and when you scold people who take part in illegal substances, he might take it to heart because of his past. the next time he brings it up, i suggest that you give it to him simply but strongly, such as "I will only say this once. Choosing to end your actions made a much greater impression on me than what you did before that. I never judged you because you realized your mistakes, and I'm very proud of you for that. I understand your guilt for your actions, and I completely recognize that, but I would love if we could move on from that." i hope i helped!

Q: ok so the past few weeks i have been kissing a lot of guys & doing other stuff & such, which is fun but i am never turned on, none of the ones i have messed around with i have felt the least bit turned on with.. i mean i like hooking up i just don't know why i don't feel anything towards them at all? please help!

i would definetly say you need to slow down, because getting all this guy-action at once is too much of a thrill at once that gets boring. Besides, when you hook up with alot of guys at once, you obviously (im guessing) aren't all too close to them. so, hooking up with a bunch of guys you know just alittle bit gets old. i would wait for the right guy to come along, then that'll just be exciting all on its own.

Q: im a junior in high school and this girl is a freshmen, we became really really close in like 3-4 months, we called each other best friends. we were OBSESSED with each other but now for the past like month we can't go two days without fighting. everything we say to each other is taken offensively and everything is a competition. we get mad at each other for everything and nothing works out. i havent fought with anyone in years before her, and now sometimes i just like hate life. she makes me absolutely miserable sometimes and we've both said some pretty hurtful things to each other. we've taken space.. but it doesn't do anything, we always just make up but a day later we fight again. basically what i'm asking is how do you know if you're supposed to just let her go or keep working on the friendship? eeven with everything i said before i can't imagine my life without her.. even when we're fighting i'm constantly checking her away message or facebook or whatever.. i jus can't imagine not being friends but i can't go on the way we are.. any help woould be great thank you

that's definetly a tough situation, but everyone has to deal with them from time to time. from what your question is stating, it's like a love/hate relationship. you cant live with your friend, you cant live without her. i would say to think about the subjects that you argue over, are they trivial or based on your morals and whatnot? arguing a lot with a person obviously means that you have a lot of differences, and usually that's fine, but if this friendship is affecting your life, i would say it's unhealthy. you need to really sit down and think if it's worth it or not, and make a type of pros and cons list to figure it out. i understand how hard it is to detach yourself from a relationship that had grown close, but you have to think of yourself and your life.

Q: i'm going to start tanning at a tanning salon soon. i don't want a tan that's way too dark, but i definitely want it to be noticeable. my skin is not pale; it's the skin color that most caucasians have.

i'm going to be smart and wear spray-on sunscreen. if i want to get a noticeable tan while staying safe, what SPF should my sunscreen be? i don't want it to be too low (that would be unhealthy for my skin), so please help. :]

i've researched some on tanning beds before for a school newspaper, and i would say that sunscreen really can't help you at that point. tanning beds are all-around unsafe. wearing sunscreen cannot and will not prevent you from the harmful UV Rays, and if it does, it does it minimally. i go tanning, and i recognized my consequences when i started. unless any type of skin cancer is prone in your family's genes, you're very unlikely to develop any cancerous illnesses from going tanning a couple of times. what sucks is that you have to go tanning repeatedly to keep it intact, probably once a week, or less depending on what you want. so you have to make a list of pros and cons- what is more important to you? prioritize, that's what i did. i hope i helped!

--also, using a (high quality) bronzing lotion will help you get a tan waay faster, and also help you keep it. they're ridiculously expensive in the tanning salons, but buying them from the brand's website is waaay cheaper.

Q: im extemely shy when it comes to new people. im going to a different high school. all my friends in 4 months. it so hard to talk to people unless their friends if im with atleast 1 im crazyer than hell lol. but i cant talk to other girls but i can talk to guys. i just dont know what to do. 13/f

i understand what you mean by it being hard to talk to people, but there are several things you can do to make it easier on yourself. first, as cheesy as it sounds, smiling and saying hi is the best way to meet people. REMEMBER, other high schoolers are just as shy and self-concious as you are, so when you seem to give them the "cold-shoulder" because you're shy, they could see that as a message to leave you alone. i would also say that getting some friends that are girls BEFORE guys is very important, because they're your support system. as easy-going and fun as guys are, they are guys, and they'll get tired of you if you hang around them a lot because they like their "guy time." besides, girls in high school can become vicious and jealous bitches when they see that you go immediately to guys your first day of school. of course, you should meet boys AND girls, but i would suggest you find some girls that you fit in with first.

bio

Hii I'm Mel. I've been through a lot and I've been my own counseler way too many times, so I've basically dissected many situations. You could call me crazy, whatever, we all are. I kind of have a borderline insane interest in the idea of fashion and creativity, and also in the French Revolution. I LOVE music, I could give you the soundtrack of my life for a million dollars. Umm yeah that's it. BY THE WAY, I would very much like to have a line forming all the way outside the funeral home the day of my wake. :)
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Things I've experienced, therefore your benefits..: eating disorders, depression, suicide, heartache, sucky friends, sucky friend's boyfriends, deaths, marital affairs, divorce, icky confusing relationships, heart- wrenching relationships, fakes, bitches, and the ever-popular player! (Gotta love those.) OF COURSE the list goes on, silly!