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Q: Hi there. If I wanted to have sex with my 17-year-old boyfriend of 3 years (I am 14) and he was not forcing me or bothering me with the question (actually it was me who wanted to) is it wrong?

Is it illegal if both the 17 year old and the 14 year old are BOTH consenting?

DISCLAIMER: Even though I used myself as an example, I am not saying that i plan on having sex yet! I promise!

Legally, you're not old enough to legally give consent. So yes, in most states, sex between you two would be considered illegal and he could be charged with statutory rape, whether or not you were to willingly participate. This is because statutory rape isn't necessarily "rape"; what defines statutory rape is the ages of those involved. Even if you're willing, in the eyes of the law you don't yet have the right state of mind to participate in consensual sex because you're still legally a child.

Q: I have been dating this great guy for four months now. I love him so much. Is it weird to give him a blowjob after four months of dating? What's a good age to give your first blowjob? I feel like I'm ready to do it. Also, I'm a very strong Christian. Do blowjobs go against my religion? Have I gone too far by giving handjobs? 15/female

I don't really think there's a "right age" to give your first blowjob.... I'm 20 and have never gone that far. I have a friend who is 19 and gave her first at 16, but she's still what many would consider a "good girl" and not at all promiscuous. I've known of people older than me who have never engaged in oral sex and people as young as middle-school age who have. Personally, I think it's more about emotional maturity. You need to evaluate what YOU want, how YOU feel about this, and whether or not YOU personally feel ready for this, not ask other people what they think because everyone will have differing opinions, none of which you have to listen to. If you do decide to, just make sure it's really what you want, not what you feel like you're "supposed" to do; remember that you NEVER "owe" a guy sex. Most importantly, be SMART about your decisions, and be safe. You don't want your first sexual encounter to turn out with bad consequences like an STD. Talk to your boyfriend.

But I'm getting off topic... your religion. Ok. that one's tough. In my personal opinion, I don't see what sex has to do with faith or Christian beliefs. Yes, conservative religions in general are just that--conservative. They frown upon premarital sex & things like that. However, I feel like that's much more of a personal decision than one that needs to take an entire community's opinion into account. Lots of things are frowned upon or considered sins in the eyes of Christianity: premarital sex, lies, homosexuality, and the list goes on and on and on. In the end, I don't think Christianity is about whether you're a virgin, or how far you've gone with someone, or about avoiding anything the community has considered taboo. What I think matters is your faith in God, your desire to live a good life as a good person, and your intentions behind everything you do. The simple fact that you're even concerned about what giving a blowjob would mean in terms of your religion shows that you are of very strong faith and consideration, that it matters to you. Someone else can be a virgin, never even be kissed their entire life, but that doesn't mean anything if they are an otherwise horrible person.

Ok, I know this was long, but the bottom line is this: It's up to you. I'm not saying you should do it, and I'm not saying you shouldn't. I'm saying it's not up to anyone else to tell you that, not even church. Just know that whatever you decide won't make you any less of a Christian.

Q: 14/f almost 15

I've been cutting since I was in 8th grade. I'm going to be a sophomore. I hid it from my parents forever. A couple months ago I like had some weird panic attack or breakdown or something. I was crying like almost screaming. My brother came knocking on the door asking if I was ok. Then my dad started banging on it and almost broke the door down and I was screaming, "OK I'll open it!" I did and my dad grabbed me and looked at me. I was all cut up. I mean my thighs and my arms were horrible. Then he took me out to my mom and they both were screaming at me. I wasn't still bleeding so they didn't want me to the hospital.

Before that I was crying to my friend on the phone. She ended up coming over begging my dad to let her see me.

My dad took everything away from me. My phone, my computer, my mp3. He even took away my church and wanted to keep me away from my friend that came to help me. He hates her. And doesn't want me to have anything to do with her.

I don't understand. I don't know what to do at this point. They expected me to stop after all that. Like taking my stuff away is gonna help. Not seeing anybody for the whole summer?!

What am I supposed to do? I cut myself before because of everything. To be honest I didn't hate my life. I just mostly hated myself. I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, ect. I know I'm not but I made myself believe it. Because that's what my parents told me. It made me feel horrible. Then my mom had drinking problems going on. My brother was stealing things and I was failing a couple subjects in school and...it just came along to me.

My dad thought I was suicidal. When he was yelling at me he mentioned that he would help me kill myself because he doesn't care if I was dead because if I'm gonna do this to our family it was my choice. Then in another lecture he said the same thing.

Now all I do is cry every night. That's not what I want. Really. All I have is my friends. I actually have time to get on the computer when my parents are at work. So I always wondered what happened to unconditional love. That night when he was talking to me he told me I could tell him any problems that are going on. How am I supposed to tell him anything when he just tells me its ok to die. He mostly said "yeah I would be upset later on but I would realize that's what she wanted anyways" This makes me feel so bad.

Anyways, they just... I just don't know what to do at this point. My friend told me she went through the same thing but her parents got her help. I was told I had depression. It makes sense but I just haven't really talk to anyone about this except my friends.

I know my dad cares...sorta. I thought he did but after hearing that he would be ok if I was dead then it makes me not care about him anymore.

I just keep getting made fun of in my family. My mom calls me bad. My dad calls me stupid, crazy, and once, he called me a zombie. This doesn't make me feel great.

Anybody know what I can do?

First of all I'm really sorry for everything you have to deal with, and the fact that you've been thinking for the past 3 or so years that cutting would make it better. But I'm even more sorry about your family. What your dad said was harsh and insensitive, and just downright cruel. It seems your problem isn't even so much with yourself anymore, but rather your family.
Although this wouldn't make it ok, I'm going to give your dad the benefit of the doubt and assume he said those things simply because he's never had to deal with anything like this before and has no idea what to do or say, and that he doesn't know how his words affect you. After all, we all have a tendency to talk out of our asses & say things we really don't mean when we're stressed and confused.
Again, it doesn't make it okay, and in any case, you're totally right. Your parents handled this terribly. But then again, would anyone really know what to do? They're still your parents, and although you may not want to, maybe talking to them will help them understand better, because right now all they know is that you're cutting yourself... that doesn't make you crazy or anything, but that's definitely not the most sane thing to do. Talk to them. IF they truly love you, they'll have to try to understand, and by doing so, hopefully work with you rather than against you to help you get better.
Now, if this doesn't work out, talk to the school counselor, a doctor, SOMEBODY who can actually help you. Bottomg line, you have to talk to someone about this, and i mean REALLY talk. It may not seem like the most brilliant piece of advice, but if you don't, you'll be doing the same thing you're doing now: feeling sorry for yourself and crying yourself to sleep. No one deserves that.
As for what you can do in the meantime, to help YOURSELF, be with your friends. I know, it sounds so uselessly simple, right? Something you obviously want to do without having to be told. But that's just it. If you're feeling the way you're feeling, you're not surrounding yourself with the people who make you happiest, or cutting the people who make you feel at your worst out, which is exactly what you need to do. Many people will say that's actually the key to happiness. Again, uselessly simple, but really think about it. The feeling you get when you're with those you love the most, those laughs you want to get the most out of... that's what's going to get you through the day, and the more of that you get, the happier you'll gradually feel.
But first thing's first: Please STOP cutting. You know it isn't helping anyone, and if anything, it's only making life harder for you.

bio

If you think my username's dumb, you should see the one I made when I was 13...

Hi, I'm Marisol :) I'm 24 years old. I try to look at all different sides of a situation before forming an opinion. I may not always know what to say, but I always have something TO say. So as far as giving advice goes, I just give my best input and hope I can help. Let me know how I do with some feedback. :)