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My cutting...
14/f almost 15
I've been cutting since I was in 8th grade. I'm going to be a sophomore. I hid it from my parents forever. A couple months ago I like had some weird panic attack or breakdown or something. I was crying like almost screaming. My brother came knocking on the door asking if I was ok. Then my dad started banging on it and almost broke the door down and I was screaming, "OK I'll open it!" I did and my dad grabbed me and looked at me. I was all cut up. I mean my thighs and my arms were horrible. Then he took me out to my mom and they both were screaming at me. I wasn't still bleeding so they didn't want me to the hospital.
Before that I was crying to my friend on the phone. She ended up coming over begging my dad to let her see me.
My dad took everything away from me. My phone, my computer, my mp3. He even took away my church and wanted to keep me away from my friend that came to help me. He hates her. And doesn't want me to have anything to do with her.
I don't understand. I don't know what to do at this point. They expected me to stop after all that. Like taking my stuff away is gonna help. Not seeing anybody for the whole summer?!
What am I supposed to do? I cut myself before because of everything. To be honest I didn't hate my life. I just mostly hated myself. I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, ect. I know I'm not but I made myself believe it. Because that's what my parents told me. It made me feel horrible. Then my mom had drinking problems going on. My brother was stealing things and I was failing a couple subjects in school and...it just came along to me.
My dad thought I was suicidal. When he was yelling at me he mentioned that he would help me kill myself because he doesn't care if I was dead because if I'm gonna do this to our family it was my choice. Then in another lecture he said the same thing.
Now all I do is cry every night. That's not what I want. Really. All I have is my friends. I actually have time to get on the computer when my parents are at work. So I always wondered what happened to unconditional love. That night when he was talking to me he told me I could tell him any problems that are going on. How am I supposed to tell him anything when he just tells me its ok to die. He mostly said "yeah I would be upset later on but I would realize that's what she wanted anyways" This makes me feel so bad.
Anyways, they just... I just don't know what to do at this point. My friend told me she went through the same thing but her parents got her help. I was told I had depression. It makes sense but I just haven't really talk to anyone about this except my friends.
I know my dad cares...sorta. I thought he did but after hearing that he would be ok if I was dead then it makes me not care about him anymore.
I just keep getting made fun of in my family. My mom calls me bad. My dad calls me stupid, crazy, and once, he called me a zombie. This doesn't make me feel great.
Anybody know what I can do?
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Iam so sorry tat your parents do not seem to want to help you with this problem if this helps I looked up some ways to stop cutting yourself on the internet and here they are:
Talk to a friend,parent, or other family member to help you. you could try using a rubber band by snapping it on your wrist ( don't intentionally bruise your arm with it). write what you are feeling down in your diary. Iam sorry that I looked it up but I wouldn't have been able to help you other wise. I will keep you in my prayers.
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wow your dad is an asshole just like mine because thats exactly what happened to me. you do need help because cutting is a vicious cycle that if you keep doing it you may never get out of. i know know this is what a lot of people would say but try talking to your friends mom. since she went throught that with her daughter she might have a better idea on how to handle your situation. she could talk to you parent and persuade them to get you help. i had to get help in secret because my dad thought i just wanted attention and the only thing i really wanted was to stop. call hot lines or anything, talk to me this is my aim: murderbycheering.
i hope i helped, i really would like to help you
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you have received and may continue to receive from others.
Panic attacks, cutting and low self esteem are all symptoms of depression for which you should seek a doctor’s help. Once under a doctor’s care it is possible you will see things in an entirely new prospective.
When your father finally caught you cutting yourself he did not see this as a cry for help, he reacted poorly by punishing you instead of seeking medical help for you. I too believe you suffer from some form of depression and therefore, while I believe what you have written, I also have to understand that some of what you have written could be misinterpreted by you because of the depression.
How do I know this? I too suffer from depression and fight every day from regressing back into the depressive ways of my past. With the aid of medication and the aid of a good therapist I have been able to keep my depression under control. I now see life in an entirely different light. I interpret thing entirely different than I have in the past. I find it amazing how depression affects ones impressions of just about everything.
What I would like you to do is calmly sit down with your parents and ask them to take you to the family doctor. Take the letter you have written us with you to the doctor and let him/her read it. I am positive that after reading your letter the doctor will prescribe some medication to help you feel better while arrangements are made for you to see the appropriate specialist.
If you are absolutely certain, or after talking with your parents, that they will not help you or take you to the doctor there are a couple of other things you can do. The first thing is, and you can do this now or at anytime, is to call the hot line at Boys & Girls Town. The Number there is: 1-800-448-3000. The call takers there are specifically trained to help you and to help you locate professionals in your area to deal with your depression. You can also go to any hospital emergency room, again bring the letter with you that you have written us. Do not worry about the cost; there are programs to cover the cost. Once the doctor’s read what you have written they will know what they need to do for you to help you feel better.
Lastly if at any time you feel like cutting yourself, don’t. Instead pick up the phone and call 911. Tell the call take what you are thinking of doing to yourself, they will send the appropriate emergency service to help you. Yes, most likely the service sent will be the Police and Fire Department. Do not be afraid, they are there to help you.
There is help out there for you; you do not have to hurt yourself to feel something. Please call the hotline for advice. See your doctor or go to the emergency room for help.
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I'm really sorry that your parents are so strict & un-supportive of you. I know exactly how it feels because I used to cut too. Thankfully, I stopped last year and haven't cut since. I've had urges, but my life is too good to go & slip & fall back into my old habits.
I know that even though your father has said that you're better off dead, he doesn't mean it. He does love you, he just doesn't know what to do with you. A lot of parents don't deal with this type of thing, and then when they have to - they don't know how to. I'm not even sure cutting is in a parenting book. But that's not important.
You need to tell your parents sweetie. Tell them you would like help for this because you need it. If you don't get the help you need, your problem will only get worse. You can die from cutting whether killing yourself was a plan or not. It can happen, so you need to get help before it escalates even more.
Tell your parents how you feel. You have to tell them calmly. Explain that you love them and that cutting isn't because of them (fully) and that you would really like help for it. Tell them that they shouldn't blame themselves for it. Make sure you tell them how you think they think of you. You have to be straight forward with them. You also need to ask them not to get angry or overreact when you tell them because it can only make things worse and that you'd like their help and their patience/understanding so that you can get better.
Your parents are saying what they are because they don't understand you and they don't know what to do with the situation, but you need to approach them and tell them so that they do know. Trust me, if you approach them asking for help, they will get it for you.
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. If you'd like to e-mail me with more questions, or if you're just looking for someone who understands, my e-mail is: 123abchristina@gmail.com
I am more than willing to listen to you and talk with you. I definitely understand how you feel. Make sure you approach your parents ASAP. I really hope you get the help you need sweetie. You can overcome your depression and your cutting.
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First of all I'm really sorry for everything you have to deal with, and the fact that you've been thinking for the past 3 or so years that cutting would make it better. But I'm even more sorry about your family. What your dad said was harsh and insensitive, and just downright cruel. It seems your problem isn't even so much with yourself anymore, but rather your family.
Although this wouldn't make it ok, I'm going to give your dad the benefit of the doubt and assume he said those things simply because he's never had to deal with anything like this before and has no idea what to do or say, and that he doesn't know how his words affect you. After all, we all have a tendency to talk out of our asses & say things we really don't mean when we're stressed and confused.
Again, it doesn't make it okay, and in any case, you're totally right. Your parents handled this terribly. But then again, would anyone really know what to do? They're still your parents, and although you may not want to, maybe talking to them will help them understand better, because right now all they know is that you're cutting yourself... that doesn't make you crazy or anything, but that's definitely not the most sane thing to do. Talk to them. IF they truly love you, they'll have to try to understand, and by doing so, hopefully work with you rather than against you to help you get better.
Now, if this doesn't work out, talk to the school counselor, a doctor, SOMEBODY who can actually help you. Bottomg line, you have to talk to someone about this, and i mean REALLY talk. It may not seem like the most brilliant piece of advice, but if you don't, you'll be doing the same thing you're doing now: feeling sorry for yourself and crying yourself to sleep. No one deserves that.
As for what you can do in the meantime, to help YOURSELF, be with your friends. I know, it sounds so uselessly simple, right? Something you obviously want to do without having to be told. But that's just it. If you're feeling the way you're feeling, you're not surrounding yourself with the people who make you happiest, or cutting the people who make you feel at your worst out, which is exactly what you need to do. Many people will say that's actually the key to happiness. Again, uselessly simple, but really think about it. The feeling you get when you're with those you love the most, those laughs you want to get the most out of... that's what's going to get you through the day, and the more of that you get, the happier you'll gradually feel.
But first thing's first: Please STOP cutting. You know it isn't helping anyone, and if anything, it's only making life harder for you.
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Ok... your family isn't supportive at all. A father should do anything for his daughter, and so should a mother. But whether they're supportive or not, you shouldn't take it out on yourself by cutting or not believing in yourself. Your 14 almost 15, your going to live a very long time. Do you want to be happy? Then change right now. You don't have to let what your parents say about you effect you. "I thought I was ugly, fat, stupid, ect. I know I'm not but I made myself believe it." You don't have to make yourself believe that. There's no use in bringing yourself down.
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