Kendra is a young woman working as a professional in Toronto. She's a cat lover, a bookworm and has always had a deeply rooted interest in people, love and what happens when the former attempts the later.
She's been in three long term relationships, lost her mother when she was 16 and has lived through her father's alcoholism and drug abuse. She's a college graduate in journalism and art, has a quirky personality and has acquired some realistic yet romantic beliefs about love and relationships.
She lives with her boyfriend. Life may not have always been good, but it is good now.
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario
Member Since: August 22, 2008
Answers: 207
Last Update: February 14, 2013
Visitors: 15408
Main Categories:
Love Life
General Sex Questions
Friendship
View All
Favorite Columnists
Razhie
|
| |
19/f
hey i dont know how to put this but my vagina latey has been very itchy and then when i itch it, it hurts too. i noticed that i have like cuts inside? and i dont know what that means. it really hirts and idk what to do. is it because of sexual contact? has anyone expeirenced thisss what do i do!? (link)
| |
Make an appointment with your doctor. You could also go to a sexual health clinic. Make sure you don't have any sexual contact until you're seen and diagnosed. It might be due to any number of things, but only a medical professional can give you a proper answer.
|
17/f
i feel like im the only girl in the world who doesnt like it.. like i cant orgasim from normal penetration.. it just frustrates me and my boyfriend.. whats wrong with me. (link)
|
Most women don't orgasm through vaginal penetration. Try oral, manual stimulation and you can bring toys like vibrators into bed as well.
Every woman's genitalia is different. Some women have larger clitoris, some smaller, Some need deep penetration, others need external stimulation, some need heavy vibrations and others need precision.
You can experiment with various positions. Woman on top is often the best position for females to control the action and get what they need. But if that doesn't work, don't sweat it. It doesn't mean you're broken or defective in any way. And your boyfriend needs to know it's not a failing on either of you if the big O doesn't come along through intercourse alone.
Pornography tends to show women coming like crazy over nothing, over little effort or attention to her needs. Real sex with real women is a much different story. You're like a fine violin, and you need to relax and take the time to understand how you need to be played. Women can take years to do this. You're so early in the game.
Do what it takes to orgasm, whatever works, and then enjoy it. You don't have to box yourself into some notion of what you "should" be doing to orgasm.
And of course, use a condom :)
|
|
My boyfriend had cam on my stomach. We waited probably up to an hour, maybe less? Than we had sex. He also had fingered me. I usually get my period between the 8th and the 12th. It is now the 11th and it hasn't came yet. I am getting very worried, and have been for about 2 days. Could the stress be holding off my period or do you think that i could be pregnant? (link)
|
If you mean that you've been having sex and practicing the withdrawl method, that is no condom and no birth control pill, patch or ring, and relying only on your boyfriend to not ejaculate-- then it's possible you're pregnant.
If you're telling me that your boyfriend first ejaculated on you and then afterward you had sex-- did you use a condom? Are you on the pill or something else? Did you let him ejaculate inside you?
See, men generate sperm pretty fast. They generally don't become ready to have sex again until they've got more sperm to deposit. Maybe they won't have that much, but there will be some. And some is all it takes.
Being fingered or anything else associated with female pleasure (like recieving oral) are aspects of good sex, but bear no impact on pregnancy. All that matters is if the man had vaginal sex with you. Once that occurs, if you are not protected, you can become pregnant.
Stress can affect a normal period, however, you have good cause to suspect pregnancy. Wait until the 13th and then take a test. I would locate the nearest planned parenthood and call them. They're not exclusively abortion providers, they offer medical help, advice about adoption, pre-natal care and parenting.
And if you're not pregnant, they can review some birth control options for you. Without contraception, the average sexually active female has a 60% chance of becoming pregnant within a year. That means your chances are higher of getting pregnant than not getting pregnant.
If you are on the pill, with regular use, your odds are closer to 1-3%. Or if you use it perfectly, 0.1%.
There is nothing wrong with having sex in a loving relationship so long as you're ready and you're being responsible. And consider it this way: if you both really love each other, you won't put each other at such high risk of becoming a parent before you're ready.
I'll tell you what I told a friend of mine a long time ago: Do you want your parents finding out you're on the pill? Or would you rather tell them you're prengnant? Because one conversation is way worse than the other, isn't it?
Good luck, and I mean that.
|
I read you answer to a question asked by a guy who wanted to do other things in bed with his girlfriend, but she didn't want vaginal sex.
Although your answer was great and informative, I just felt the need to point out that in general, girls do not lose their virginity until they are vaginally penetrated.
Really, oral sex still means you're a virgin.
Just be cautious with what you tell some people, because that particular guy could get very worried about something like that.
Sorry, I hope you don't think I'm a bitch now, because I appreciate the advice you give to people - it really is good. (link)
|
Definition of VIRGIN
1
a : an unmarried woman devoted to religion b capitalized : virgo
2
a : an absolutely chaste young woman b : an unmarried girl or woman
3
capitalized : virgin mary
4
a : a person who has not had sexual intercourse b : a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity
5
: a female animal that has never copulated
As you can see, there are many definitions by which a person can be determined a virgin, and the young woman I mentioned is not absolutely chaste. And the penile-vaginal intercourse definition excludes many sexual orientations and valid sexual experiences. Oral sex is sex, as is anal sex. I think it's dangerous to pretend that they're not.
I would recommend the book Virgin for further reading: http://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Untouched-History-Hanne-Blank/dp/B001G8W5W6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1286065202&sr=8-1
It's an excellent resource for those who are confused about the nature of what virginity really is, which medically speaking (you may be interested to know), does not actually exist. At best it's a weak concept with which society tries to control women and their reproduction in a patriarchal manner by chronicling the history of their vaginas with titles such as "virgin".
And I don't think you're a bitch at all, just programmed by contemporary beliefs, like most people are, which unfortunately fetishizes virginity to the point vaginal intercourse is seen as the most valid sexual expression, and all others don't compare.
It just happens to be the most risky act, but not the most important or the most definitive. Food for thought, and thanks for reading!
|
|
soo me and my boyfriend have sex all the time. but sometimes i just get this guilt feeling afterwards like im doing something bad. and likee sometimes its not even during sex. like we'll just be doing sexual things and ill make him stop because i start feeling guilty. its nothing like my religion and it has nothing to do with him. i love him with all my heart. but i just dont understand why. any ideas? (link)
|
1. Did you feel ready to start having sex?
2. Do you feel like your parents may disapprove?
3. Are you not using protection?
4. Are you afraid that nice girls don't have sex?
5. Are you ashamed of feeling pleasure?
6. Do you not feel loved by your partner?
7. Are you concerned you're not connecting enough to your boyfriend emotionally?
These are all possibilities. Some may be valid reasons to hold off on having sex (like 1, 3, 6, 7) while others may be issues to rethink so you can banish those unhealthy thoughts (like 4 and 5).
|
|
Okay so I'm 19 male and my girlfriend doesn't want to be penetrated. I'm okay with it. But she still likes doing sexual things with each other. We have been together for a year and didn't start fooling around till 6 months ago. Basically, we are getting bored with the things we do and i don't want to hurt her by suggesting straight up sex. I want her to keep her "virginity" but we just don't know what to do. I know this is an awkward question and i feel really awkward asking it but i could really use the advice and i think i derserve this since seeing how all the advice i've given. Thanks in advance guys(gals) (link)
|
If you've been doing sexual things for six months, your girlfriend is not a virgin. Vaginal sex does not determine virginity. If that were so, gay men would be considered virgins, even after doing anal. Lesbians would be considered virgins even after becoming experts in oral. Does that make sense? No, of course not, right?
So, perhaps your girlfriend has some sort of weird hangup about "virginity", or maybe you do. Why do you want her to remain a "virgin"? It's hard to determine how you really feel: you want sex, you want her to be a virgin? Is it religious? Because there's not a religion in the world I'm aware of that allows a penis in the mouth, for example, as A-OK before marriage.
So let's approach this from another angle, because her virginity is not at stake. If she's enjoying oral and mutual masturbation with you, it's pretty much a thing of the past. She's vaginally inexperienced, not a virgin.
Ask her why she wants to hold off on vaginal sex, ask her if she thinks oral sex is not sex (it is), and let her know that you feel the need to move to the next level with her. Is she worried about pregnancy? This is a concern you can address and you can discuss BC methods.
To be frank, if she has problems with being penetrated because the idea repulses her, you really need to know this. It's information you deserve to have so you can decide if this woman is for you.
|
|
so all my friends have already had sex, and me, well, i havent. im scared its gonna hurt and such. i have a very low pain tolerance. its beyond low. anyways, i feel like im uncomfortable with my body. im comfortable with it, i just dont know if im comfortable with anyone else seeing it. i really love my boyfriend and when its the right time, i wanna do it for the first time with him, but i wanna make sure im comfortable. is there anyway to do this? and is there any explanation for the way i feel? (link)
|
Sex sometimes hurts the first time, but it's not a guarantee. The more gentle and attentive your partner is, the more likely the experience will be a good one. The more scared you are, the more tense you'll be, so the odds increase that it'll hurt due to your fear.
I'm going to suggest you practice breathing calmly while visualizing the act. Get comfortable with it and think very positive thoughts. Communicate to your boyfriend your concern about pain and your need for his patience and awareness: that if you want him to stop or go slower, you need him to pay attention to that and do as you say.
Spend time looking at yourself naked in the mirror and come up with five things about your body that you like. Lay down in the tub in the bathroom and take a pocket mirror and aim it down so you can see what your vagina looks like. Get used to it and tell yourself how attractive it'll be to your boyfriend when he finally gets to see it.
If you don't masturbate, you will want to start. Get familiar with what feels good to you so that you can communicate it to your boyfriend.
Girls often are uncomfortable because we have to see about 1,000 images a day of other women being sexy and we don't look like air-brushed creatures. We're lead to believe we're not good enough all the time. You're totally not alone.
What I've just described to you are tools to help you not just get ready for sex, but to truly make yourself ready to be a sensual person who knows her body and appreciates her awesome self.
You'll know when you're ready. Make sure you have condoms handy when the time does come. Best to plan ahead once you're aware your time has come, so that you won't get caught unprepared. No shame in being smart.
|
|
i keep feeling nusea like everyday and i dont know if i feel sick hungry or just nervous but i dont think im nervous or hungry yesterday i felt like i seriously needed to puke i was starving so i ate a hambuger fastish and i was around smoke from cigs but usually im not that bad around it but i kept for like 2 hours after eating feeling like i needed to puke like ligit i needed to and i went home and drank water laid down and felt fine. sometimes i feel like i have car sickness like bad and im not driving in the car haha. its just annoying and its going on for like a week now everyday why is this? (link)
| |
If you're having sex, you will want to take a pregnancy test. If it shows you're not pregnant, I'd still make an appointment with your doctor. It's not a good sign to be feeling this sick all the time.
|
|
i was wearing a panty liner for about 3 days for my discharge. Today when i was showering i noticed that my vagina (not the inside but by my lips) its looks irritated the best way i can describe it is to say its peeling,dry, and red. no bumps or scabs or anything. i'm hoping its from the discharge on the panty liner. do you have any idea what it could be? (link)
|
I would make an appointment with your doctor ASAP. I don't mean to alarm you, but from the sounds of it, you may have gonorrhea.
Symptoms include:
Frequent urination
yellowish discharge
redness and swelling of the genitals
burning and itching around the vagina
It may be something else, I'm not a doctor and even if I was, I couldn't diagnose you over the Internet, but I have to repeat, make sure you make an appointment with your doctor and don't have any sex (though I doubt you're having any right now in your condition) until you do.
|
|
Alright wel i found this brwn spot on my niple. I wuz wonderingif i could be pregnant? my vagina is also smelling. and i might bloated. I am soooo scared if im pregnant or not? helpp)": (link)
|
New spots on your nipples should be checked by a doctor. They're not signs of pregnancy, but they should be looked at.
Changes in smells and bloating sound like your period is coming. If your period is late by a week, take a pregnancy test. If you're not using birth control, start immediately.
Two forms are best. Your boyfriend should use a condom and you need to use either the pill, the patch or the ring. When you talk to your doctor about the changes in your nipple, talk to him or her about using contraceptives as well.
|
Yesterday I met up with an ex against my parents' wishes. We wanted to talk things out and start over, as friends this time. However when I got to his house after a while one thing led to another and he began to kiss me. We were fooling around on top of our clothes, but he had to "adjust himslef", but then about 7mins later, we weren't thinking and I let him finger me.
What are the chances I could be pregnant? I'm 18, I have a pretty regular menstrual cycle (which I hope starts back up on September 24th or close to it), and I was in an ovulatory stage. Right now I'm scared out of my mind. Please help me.
(link)
|
Sperm is required for pregnancy. Sperm doesn't come out of fingers, only the penis. Without his ejaculate getting a clear path to your vagina, you're not going to get pregnant.
The only thing I could think of would be if he got semen on his finger first (Which you would have noticed because men don't exactly ejaculate nonchalantly onto their hands) before inserting it into you.
So unless dude coated his finger with semen like mustard on a hotdog, I think you're fine.
|
|
My boyfriend REALLY wants to have anal sex with me and I told him he could next time we're alone but I'm so scared it will hurt. He said he heard it hurt a lot for girls to get anal their first time. My friend said butt sex is gross and so we don't talk about it and I can't ask for advice. How can I not be so scared of having anal sex? Will it REALLY hurt? And does it feel good? I don't know anything about it really except I can't get pregnant doing it. (link)
|
Anal sex is not something everybody does. For those that love it, they know how to do it properly, and they work up to it slowly and it involves a lot of trust. But you don't need to feel like you have to do it.
Honestly, so long as you're scared, I wouldn't do it. Fear makes people tighten their muscles up. Tightness will cause pain, no matter how much lube you use.
I would suggest talking to him about your fears openly and honestly. Ask him questions. Share your ideas. This can't be something you both go into without adequate conversation.
If he gets mad that you want to wait and hold back till your comfortable, dump his ass, because YOUR ass belongs to you, not him, and you get to make 100% of all decisions involving it.
If he's a good guy, he'll be patient, understanding, won't pressure you and will be more than happy to talk it over and wait until you're ready. And if you never get ready, that's fine too. Nowhere is it written that a woman must accept things in her anus. I wonder if you boyfriend would be comfortable with something going into his.
|
|
What do i do if i get pregnant and my parents sont approve and i am too young to have a baby? What do i do? (link)
|
If your parents don't approve and you feel too young to have a baby, then you can either place the baby up for adoption or have an abortion.
Neither option is right or wrong, though some people have no problem telling women what to do or making them feel ashamed, so you have to decide whether or not it's right or wrong for you and you alone.
There can be a sense of regret with giving birth and giving your baby away, and sometimes women feel sad after an abortion, though there is no recognized phenomenon as "post-abortion syndrome" as some anti-choice people would have you believe. Statistically, most women feel relief so long as they were not coerced into aborting.
If you are less than three months pregnant, you are medically eligible for an elective abortion, however depending on where you live it may cost money or you may need parental consent, or you may have to travel on multiple days. Contact your local Planned Parenthood for more information.
If you are further than your third month, you should be seeing a doctor to monitor your pregnancy and looking at adoption options. There are agencies that your doctor can refer you to.
I wish you all the luck in the world. You're in a tough spot. I also recommend asking Planned Parenthood about birth control options to avoid this from happening again. Some people would say, "Just don't have sex," but that's not my business. Most people have sex without wanting to start a pregnancy. The important thing is to use contraception every time.
|
I lost my virginity to a guy, Guy A, i was with for a year. we broke up about 7 months ago & i don't regret him being my first.
After we broke up, I went out with this guy, Guy B, who basically pushed sex on me.. he was a virgin, and lost it to me as well. I went along with it because i figured after the first time having sex, its no big deal about who you do it with next. But we lasted probably 2 months and i regret it, me being the one he lost it to. we despise each other now and wish he wouldve waited for somebody else.
so for the last five to seven months, this other guy, Guy C, has always been there for me & made his way to be my best friend. weve been together for 3 months romantically, and he wants to lose it to me. We are so amazingly attached at the hip that i would normally think it's not a big deal.
But i made a mistake with Guy B, and I can't do that with Guy C who has treated me like the most important person in his life, which i am and vice versa.
I just sort of feel like crap. Guy C makes me feel a way ive never felt before, but he'd be my 3rd 'partner', sexually, while i already made a mistake with my 2nd. I dont want to make the same mistake again. he tells me it wont be a mistake, which i do understand but at the same time theres something in the back of my head that just feels bad, you know? I don't want him to just be my third, and i'm his first but he may regret me. should i just talk to him a bit more? .. (link)
|
I think you need to evaluate your feelings about sex in general. You seem upset that you have already had two partners and this guy would potentially be your third. As far as numbers go, your worth is not determined by your sexual history.
Pay attention to how you feel. Do you want to? Or do you not want to? Does it feel right? Or does it feel like it's too soon? Are you declining because you're having guilt over choosing your second partner?
Really get to the bottom of how you feel and why, because this numbers worry you have is misplaced. When the love and respect and affection between two people is real, the sex is beautiful. You can't dilute the experience when it's the right person because you've once slept with the wrong person. You almost sound like you consider yourself damaged goods or something similar. You're not.
My advice to you is to let go of "my third" business and start evaluating him as a man, as a person, and yourself as a woman worthy of a healthy sex life of your choosing with a man of your choosing.
This man may or may not be right for you. I don't know. But you can sort that out if you're willing to accept bad sexual partnerships sometimes occur and it is only something that happened *to* you, not something that defines you.
|
My best friend just told me something really bad tonight that I am not supposed to tell anyone. But its really bothering me and i need someones help on what i should do. & i dont wanna hear that I am a bad friend for saying this online when i wasnt supposed to tell anybody.
My friend went to her 20 year old sisters house to hang out with her. She met this kid while being there and took him back to meet her sister. One thing led to another and the two started making out in another room. Her sister and her boyfriend walked in and her boyfriend ripped my best friend off of the other guy and started taking off her clothes and feeling her up. the kid she met who she was making out with started joining in while her older sister watched and encouraged this to keep going in order to have a foursome. She doesnt want to tell her mom because she says it will ruin the family. Should i keep it a secret like i promised or say something to her mom? I don't want her to be mad at me but no matter what i need to do whats right. (link)
|
Your friend was sexually assaulted. Her body was abused and her will was ignored. It's not your place to take her will away from her. If she wants to tell her mother, that's her choice, not yours.
Here's something a lot of women don't understand until it happens. The system is not kind to rape victims. Many women have called it "being raped twice". The defense finds ways to blame the woman for what happened. It's an ordeal and it's traumatic. You absolutely cannot impose this on your friend. If she wants to go through with it, it has to be her choice. Choice right now is of paramount importance, her choice.
Be there for her. Let her talk. Encourage her to talk to a counsellor. Reassure her when she needs it. Explore the idea of her telling her mother with her, but don't take away her autonomy. She needs to be in control of what happens about this from here.
I've been in your boat. It's a terrible place to be. I didn't tell her mother. She didn't tell her mother. I encouraged her to come forward and she never did. This was a decade ago. We were teenagers. We talked on the phone all the time, talking everything out. She spent the night and I woke her from nightmares. We wrote in journals together and wrote letters we never sent.
No one ever gets over being sexually assaulted. But a good friend can give you the strength to cope with it.
|
|
Well im 13 and well ive been masturbating for yearssss like well yuo know how babys, they like "touch themselves" well i figured out the masturbating thing when i was like 5. i didnt know it was an orgasam.... duhhh cuz i was five. but i dont think im normal. Am i? and could this happen to other people too?? (link)
|
Yes, this happens to other people, boys and girls. Sometimes a kid just figures it out early and goes to town with it. They don't know it's sexual until much later, they just know it feels good.
Don't worry, you're not abnormal. Most people don't talk about kids masturbating because it makes them feel uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or weird or anything negative. It just means you had a more exciting private life when you were a kid. So congratulations ;)
|
|
What is the best sexual position? (link)
| |
The one that makes you feel the best. Everyone has their favourites.
|
i'm 18/f
i had sex for the first time recently so my knowledge of everything isnt quite clear yet. my question is, even if i'm not on birth control, if the condom was used correctly (which i'm pretty confident it was) does that mean i'm safe from being pregnant? (link)
|
100% safe? No. Very safe compared to no condom or no method at all? Absolutely. Two methods of birth control are recommended if you truly want to avoid pregnancy. Combining condoms with spermicide, the ring or the pill would eliminate virtually all risk. There are also IUDs, cervical caps, diaphragms... Talk to your doctor to determine the best method for you.
Using two methods would be so unlikely to produce a pregnancy that a couple would not need to worry. Using one method means that if it fails or if you make an error using it you're toast.
An IUD is highly effective and your doctor inserts it (and will have to remove it when the time coems) and then you can forget about it. It's good for monogamous couples. The pill requires vigilant use, but it's easy and you can stop any time. Rings are hormonal and you leave them inside you for a week at a time, so they're easier to remember than pills. Diaphragms and caps aren't hormonal, but you must insert them prior to sex and then remove and clean them afterwards.
|
|
To begin, I have never had sex. I have fooled around with my boyfriend but he's the only one I've ever been with. However, and I don't know if fooling around is the cause, I've had a yellowish creamy discharge problem. From what I can remember, it's been like this for maybe a year but I always thought it was normal so I never found a need to say anything. But from what I've been reading, it sounds like a problem. I don't go to the gynocologist so I really don't know what to do. Are there any medicines that I can buy at a store that would fix this? Any help is appreciated, thanks. 17/f (link)
|
Does it smell really bad? Is it a disturbing texture? Does it soak through your underwear?
Because if not, it may well just be normal everyday discharge. Every vagina secretes fluids daily. You don't say how old you are, but if you're in your early teens, then it just may be another notch of puberty working its magic in you.
If I were you, for peace of mind, go to your family doctor (You don't need a gyno for this) and have him or her take a look at you and answer your question. My guess is you're fine.
Don't buy any medications for yeast infections or anything of the sort. The vagina is not something to mess around with if it's fine.
|
I just started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago. He's a pretty good guy but he bought up sex nearly a week ago and about how he's horny a lot of times. I know he's trying to signal me to see if I'm ready to do it with him but I'm not.
The truth is, I don't want to have sex while I'm young. I'd rather wait until I'm married and ready for the responsibility. I probably sound absolutely retarded saying that in this day and age but god we're only 16 and I just couldn't handle if something went wrong and I got pregnant or...just something, you know?
Anyway, does he really care about me or do you think he's just after sex? Will he care if I tell him I don't ever plan to have sex with him unless get get married or something? Should I tell him that? I'm really confused and I'm afraid that dating him is a bad decision if he's already talking about this stuff 2 months into it, y'know? Gosh, I just need some advice on this...please help... (link)
|
Not wanting to have sex is your prerogative and 100% your choice. There is certainly a chance that he's not going to want to continue the relationship if he knows you're not going to sleep with him in the foreseeable future. And that's a common reason that couples break up: not being on the same page, wanting different things, differing sexual needs.
So I'd talk to him, let him know where he stands with you on the subject of sex and see what he does with this information. Or you could end it yourself if you think you and he want different things out of each other.
Not wanting to have sex at 16 is perfectly normal. You can wait however long you want, and if you're waiting for marriage, that's your choice. And it will be your boyfriends choices down the road whether they also want to wait or find someone more compatible with their interests, you know? This is something that ought to be discussed.
As for whether he cares about you or just wants sex, it's possible that either A. the answer is just sex or B. the answer is both. A guy who cares about you will wait quite some time. But expecting a teenage boy to wait till marriage (Years and years) if he's ready to have sex now... well... dollars to doughnuts, that's not going to happen. You're better off only dating casually at this stage of your life if you're not ready for physical intimacy.
Serious relationships (the kind you'll have as you get older) tend to include sex. It's a very natural desire. So until you're ready to consider a sex life, don't enter serious relationships. It'll be easier on you.
|
|