khadiya's advice column | khadiya's Advice About Friendship

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Q: ok, i/m turning 14 in like a few weeks.. and my mom wont let me go out w/ this guy i like alot... i liked him 4 like 4 months n now he stared to like ask me to go to the mall n stuff.... n then when i asked my mom she said yes.. and then me and my best friend n i got in a fight... n when me n my bff went to the mall w. a bunch of pple.. shes like.. u'r gunna get raped.. n i didnt get touched!!(only followed) but then shes like.. i would rather you and anthony(the guy) go together.. i trust him more then maddy (my best friend) soo yesterday he asked me to go bowling w/ him.. n i asked today.. n shes like.."sure you can, but i need to talk to his dad so i know that he's going too..." ITS SO EMBARISING!!! PLeaSe help..

I guess I missed the part where it was embarrassing....have you been watching the News? Girls have been gettin abducted a lot. She is scared for you. You should be happy that she cares for you like she does. All you have to do is ask his dad is he going, you were just wondering. It won't be emvarrassing to him. Trust me.

Q: i have this friend who is 2 years younger than me (i'm a senior in high school, she is a sophomore) and we constantly fight.. sometimes we'll go 2 weeks without it but other times it's every other day. she made a huge mistake in the past and she knows it and we haven't been the same since.. and now we try so hard to keep this relationship together. but so many times we question whether it's worth it. we try to take breaks or say we aren't friends but it never works because neither one of us can last without the other. but now she has admitted to knowing she's an awful friend to me and always has to confess to something. i'm so tired of being hurt by her and having to forgive her... and i really just want to say we shouldn't be friends and stick to it, but i know i can't stay strong to that. but how do i deal with this? how can i get her to finally realize what she is doing to me and to stop? thank you for any help

be her friend but do it at a distance. Dont try to be her best friend, just be her aquaintance.

Q: 16-female
turning 17 soon and wanting to throw a party for myself with only like 5 people and 2 of them being guys one my boyfriend and one my best friend the others are girls my age we are all about 16 years old & there isnt much to do we have gaming systems at my house lik 2xbox360s an xbox and a ps2 but one of the girls doesnt like video games cuz they are nerdy and what not so i dont know exactly what we can do besides go hottubbing in my hottub....its going to be sometime in december hopefully when its snowy.

Please helpout with ideas i dont really want to go out and do things i need indoor ideas!

thanks =D

Why dont you have a nice dinner? Then maybe play the video games? You cant always please everyone all the time. What about a bowling party?

Q: Okay, My mate is fifteen and she went to a parety a few months ago and drank too much then slept with a guy from her class.
They were both virgin's before hand but she now recons she could have a sexually transmitted infection... Is that possible?
And also I think she should go to see a doctor for help but she's scared because she is under age for having sex.. Can they do anything like with the law or something if she asks for help? And also if she does have an S.T.I doesn't she have to tell the guy she slept with... how can she do that? help.. I'm worried about her, they can be serious sometimes right? x

If they are both virgins, then its not possible. Unless he is lying. She probably has a yeast infection or something like that. She should still go get checked out though, because Yeast infections are bad too. They can spread and cause serious internal problems.

Q: 15/f
i know this is long but to whoever anaswers thanks a billion!

i know im young and im gonna meet a lot of ppl as i grow up, but my bestfriend and i are completely split apart. A few months ago we were super close and tahts when HER bestfriend was hanging out with someone else and completely ditched her in a way, so we got even closer.(we've been friends since we were 10)so now shes friends with her bestfriend again and now shes tlaking behind my back majorlyyy like she hates me. i know i have a lot of other friends but in a way i miss her, shes still my friend. but shes doing to me what her bestfriend did to her. and i know this for a fact, she runs around her bestfriend like shes a queen and tells her absolutely evertyghing.

thats the short version, its a lot more complicated taht that with boys and..other things related to taht, but thats waht im worried about. How i was there and now she completely ditches me fro something "better". im not even kidding she kisses her bestfriends ass, and when something happened with her and her boyfriend she went to everyone else BUT me. and apparently when i asked her to hang out the other day(for the first time since..december?)she went to her bestfriend and asked her how to get out of it she hates me itll be awkward,,and so on. and her bestfriend just laughed. see her bestfriend doesnt like me so much because she used to be jealous of how close me and my bestfriend are.
anyways the end..
haha sorry this is sort of confusing but i realllllly need help please!!

anyways im just asking if i should try to deal with this, but i know if i talk to her she'll go tell the other person no matter waht(weve gotten into many fights before) or if i should just let it go...

also..one big problem is that i feel like im losing myself thsi year, and shes moves on especially because she thinks shes a lot better than me and im like ntohing and worth nothing.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Let it go. If she cant be friends with both of you then thats not a real friend. When you dont let this situation bother you so much then you will feel better about yourself. Just give up and find a new true best friend. Dont even give her the time of day, and if something happens and she tries to get back in your life tell her that you have found real friends.

Q: Hey i have a frend named Mark, and his best frend told him some girl likes him. So on face book they were talking about him.
So i said "yeah i heard she likes mark" and the insults started flying. Turns out she doesnt/never liked him. I sent him the conversation, and he flipped out. He said i shouldnt have opened my big mouth and he was saying i hate you im done with you and kept telling me to F-off. I just didnt want them to be talking crap about him behind his back without him knowing. cuz were real tight. I tried explaining this to him. But he just doesnt care. what do you think?

I think mark was right. It really wasnt your business. And when you said "I heard she likes mark" after everything that was said you should have just kept it to yourself, I think what hurt him the most was the overall conversation that was had. If I was you I would just give him space.

Q: Hey 15/F

OK so there is this guy at my school, Sam. He is really nice and I think he is a really good friend but i think he might like me as more than a friend and i dont know what to do. And im like a huge flirt and i flrt sometimes without even knowing. So i think he might think that i like him too. When truly i dont. I really like having him as one of my friends but i know i would date him or anything it'd be to weird. So what do i do?? I still want him as my friend but nothing more than that.

Well if he just likes you it isnt really an issue. But if he approaches you and ask you out or something like that, the best thing to do is be honest and tell him the truth. He's a great friend and you wouldnt want to ruin your friendship.

Q: I have a guy friend who has dated my best friend off and on.Her and him still talk like nothing ever happened between them. My guy friend lets call him S, has a weird friendship with me. He acts like he's my best friend when we are on the phone or not around a big crowd. But when we are with a group for example sitting down at lunch together (which is everyday except for when he has lunch detention or is absent he tells me to sit by him) he jokes about me,says bad things about me & talks about things that he knows & everybody else knows isn't true then I end up cussing him out. Then people are like how can you be friends with him & do that stuff. So its like we can only be friends around each other and only each other. Yesterday he told me I was his best friend that was a girl. And I am thinking are you serious which I knew he was. So should I #1 when we have lunch tomorrow not talk to him or sit near him but with a different group of people. #2 continue treating him the same & just act like nothings happening. #3 talk to him about the way he treats me. #4 none of the above if you choose this give an explanation. AND THE BIG QUESTION is he my true friend. PS is this signs of him liking me even though I don't date my bff's exes

This is a possibility that he does like you.
But talk to him about the way he treats you and let him know that it pisses you off. And if he still does it after that, stop talking to him. Dont completely cut him off just dont tell him all your business and dont talk to him as much.

Q: I grew up with this girl whom I always used to defend and then in middle school we parted ways, she dumped me but just for a year until she became like my stalker but i no longer want to be her friend. Shes always there and like all over me so i had my friend talk to her and it didnt work so i talked to her it didnt work so i have just plain asked her to leave me alone but it didnt work. wat do i do?

Tell her again. But tell her more than "leave me alone" Tell her its not ho it used to be and you dont want to hang with her anymore. Also let her no that it would be appreciated if she left you alone. Try not to embarrass her. Or hurt her feelings.

Q: my friend thought this guy was hott and stuff and so we were both like YAH HES REALLY HOTT! then we go to this party and he's asking her for something and he mixes up her name and calls her brianna..or something like that. I kinda caught that she looked all embarassed so the other day she goes who would you make out with this year and i say him, and she's like he's not that great or anything. Is she just mad because ONE guy doesn't pay attention to her. Now she like puts him down all the time. She has to get it through her head that all guys won't like her. is that the case? she just doesn't like him because he doesn't even know who she is?

Maybe after having a brief conversation with him she doesnt like the type of person he is.
If she does feel hurt by the incident, there is nothing you can say to her to make her feel any different. I think you should just blow that off. Its better things in life to worry about except a boy who doesnt know your friends name, and Your friend who is hating on someone she doesnt really even know.

Q: I have a friend who's dad is a pric. He is a sick person who has done sadistic things to her. the thing is she hides it. She's been hiding it for years. I didn't know about it until recently and i've known for 6 years. Well she's been using drugs and she's been trying to stop so shee was in a lot of pain. Well i keep telling my friend that she needs help that she needs to go to the police or her dad will never stop hurting her but she's afraid to. Then she told me that she got help and i found that she lied about it. she just didn't want me to worry. I'm not mad at her i just dont know how to help her. I tried going to the school but they cant do anything until she wants to do something. i know she wants help she's just scared how can i convince her that she needs to get help?

Why don't you go to the police, or call DHS?? The school cant do anything about it, but DHS, which is the department of human services, will investigate even if she doesn't tell them anything. And its confidential so they wont even say you had anything to do with it.

Q: see my old best friend hates my new best friend what should i do

The old one doesnt hat the new one the old one is jealous of the new one. The best thing to do is to make the old one feel included in everything you do. That person feels like the new bbest friend is taking their spot. They might feel like you treat them different. You should ask the old best friend, why do they "hate" the old best friend.

Q: This may sound horrible, but I am getting so bored of my friends now.
They are all getting into all this new stuff, like all the scene kid stuff. You know? And they are getting so concieted(sp??) and becoming myspace whores. It seems like all they want to do is either sit around, or sit around on myspace. And they constantly make fun of what I like etc.
Not only are they getting quite annoying, they are getting quite boring also!
Like I said, the only thing they want to do is go on myspace. They used to be so fun, so active. I don't know what to do now, because I don't just want to ditch them.
But whenever I try talking to them, they just blow me off.

leave them slowly. Just you know dont hang out with them as much, and eventually just stop. They will get the picture.

Q: well I have this friend that i've been best friends with since she moved here. Me and her have been through thick n thin because she got mixed into the wrong crowd and left me to do drugs and stuff. She finally got caught and we are best friends again but her mom has her on like lock down. Well yesterday was my friends suprise party and she went and it was her first time hanging out with someone besides me in pretty much 4 months! And she totally was acting like the center of attention and kept like pushing me out of me way when i tried to talk to MY FRIENDS. im not jealous of what she was doing just annoyed. what can i do?

Tell her. She may not realize that this bothers you. She was just excited too. She hasnt been out in awhile. But just let her know that shes doing it.

Q: 15/f

i just started highschool, and me and my best friend arnt in any classes together. and she hardly calls me. i always have to call her, and she always tells me she has to go. usually she always called me.

what should i do?

let it go. you and her are growing apart. just dont call and she will wonder why you arent calling and she may call you. But in the mean time, try and make new friends.

Q: This is a pretty big problem for me, I'd love to hear some different takes on it since I can't speak to any of my friends about it. I changed the names...

I know for a fact that my best guy friend(Drew)'s dad is cheating on his wife. His "girlfriend" happens to be my best girl friend(Laura)'s Aunt, that's how I know about the situation (she told only me about it). To complicate things more, Drew and Laura used to go out a couple years ago, Laura knew about the affair and didn't tell Drew.

I have a lot of trouble with all of this, because my father had an affair, and when I found out, i had reason to believe my ex boyfriend knew about it and was so upset and hurt to think that he would keep something like that from me.

I don't think it's my place to say anything, but if Drew finds out, he'll KNOW Laura knew all along (I mean this affair has been going on maybe 10 years, maybe more....)
and with her knowing, he'll ask me if I knew... could I lie about that?

anyways, morals are hard to figure out I'd love some imput.

thanks, much love.

WOW totally not your business!!
Tell him nothing. If he does find out I doubt he would even ask you if you knew. The reason I say this is its somebody else's aunt. He may ask the girl. You cant be upset about an affair. Yea, understand that you went threw it, but it was never your fault. You didnt make any of them do a damn thing. They are grown. So just live life.

Q: My friend's brother just got sentenced to a jail term of 2-3 years. He is a really bad man. He has mistreated her in the past, and she forgave him. I have never forgotten how badly he mistreated her, she forgave him because he's her brother. Well, she is really upset about him going to jail and worrying for his wife and kids and I simply don't know what to say to support her sadness/disappointment without being phony. What do you think?

nothing you can say is going to make her feel beter because he is going regardless. So just leave the situation alone. The only thing you can say ro her is he will be out before you know it.

Q: 14/f

Ok so last year I met this girl and she's my best friend. We laugh a lot and have fun together. I've never had a real best friend because all of my friends turn their backs on me. But she's not like that.. lets call her Jane

Recently, Jane has been obsessed with boys... and I know that it's normal at this age... but this is just getting out of control. She's crushing on 3 different guys!!!

guy #1- her neighbor, she says that he is only a friend... but constantly wants to see him and spend time with him

Guy #2- Her ex, they've been together for about 1 or 2 months... He's one of my friends. He's always talking about her, and she's spending time with him

Guy #3- 1 year older than her, she just met him... I met him, he's very funny and nice. She calls him a lot on his phone and is always looking forward to seeing him at church.

GAH!! It's driving me insane!! I really like Jane as a best friend and I don't want to lose my friendship with her.. but it's just sooooooooooooo annoying because she is always talking/seeing/watching boys

I've confronted her about this, about 5 times, and I told her that I'm so annoyed that she is obsessed with boys. I keep asking her who she truely likes and she can't crush on 3 guys. She tells me " I know, I know, I know... but I like all of them and I don't know who i like the most!!!"

So for about 4 days, I've been ignoring her... because I want nothing to do with her life right now.

Is there anyway I can get her to focus on me more, and less on boys?? Or change her mind about them?

I need advice!

She can crush on all the guys. She isnt obligated to just like one. As long as she doesnt start dating them all.

When she starts talking about a guy just plain out tell her,, Im sick of hearing about boys, can we talk about something else? You asking her who she likes more is going to make her think that you really give a damn who she really likes. Just support your friend. Thats about all you can do.

Q: Hi My problem is well I have been bfs with this friend lets call her jo for almost five years now and I have always been there for her and she for me but you see she turned 18 a few months back and I dont turn until two weeks and well I new she would get new friends and yes I am a little jealous I supppose but its not unfounded you see she recently made this new friend lets say amy and well she doesnt have time for me now. we used to phone each other every night and now when she tells me to phone shes never there shes out with amy. It at first didnt bother me but now it pisses me off cause we made a deal that we would never let someone come between us and that wed always be there for each other.
Also any time we spend time together as I say a rareity in itself shes always txtin or phonin this person and not payin any attention to the fact that shes supposed to be with me.
I guess what im sayin is that I think Im loseing the one person I have ever trusted and Its killin me and I cant tell her cause then ahll lose her anyway and that will kill me once and for all.
Another thing that really bugged me was she asked me if I wanted to go clubbing with her and when I said yes as its the week after my bday she said that I could "TAG ALONG" with her and amy.
I really need help cause this is really gettin me down and soz its so long.
lxx
please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im assuming hat amy is already 18. So when jo turned 18 she got access to stuff you couldnt, and thats when amy came in to play. Dont feel bad. Start including yourself. At least you were invited which lets you know that she was at least trying to include you.
Honestly, I think you should tell her that you feel a little left out. Then she will start to include you more. Or just ask her what happened to us? I think we grew apart and see what she has to say. You cant just hold back because then you will never know.

Q: Okay, theres this girl Cara, we used to be such best friends about 1 year ago. Then Well call her, B. B comes along, After B came along, cara and i drifted, I hate B with a passion, i know hate is a strong word, but i hate her. B started being rude to me, again [shes a backstabber, i hate her, and btw, cara and B go to diff schools, us 3 go to diff schools.] and cara and i drifted, i feel like im putting more effort in being in a friendship than she is with me. I im her, i call her to make plans [which never work out because of b] and all this stupid stuff! She never tells me anything, i used to be her secret storer and we knew EVERYTHING about eachother, i told her i got a new kitten, she was like, oh oh my goddd! no way! .. i got the cat over about 2 months ago. and she had a boyfriend, we promised to tell eachother our crushes and EVERYTHING..... 2 weeks ago im like your going out with [r]? she was like yeah, i thought i told you, i was like no, we havent talked in 1 month. but, after b went to Brazil, we started to talk more. do you think its just B or do you think were drifting? im so confused,

*** i was with my friend [c] and we were talking to her on the phone.. well i "wasnt there" and she asked if she hated me she was like no i dont why do you? and [c] said no i dont, she thinks you do because you dont talk to her or put effort into a friendship for her. and cara said well, tell her i dont. ***

what does all this mean? i mean i love her and all, but should i dump her as a friend.. or should i wait for her to talk to me....?

When people grow up they dift apart. Dont take it personally. She is still your friend, "b" is just up on the ladder a little more than you. Meaning they are closer than you and her. Just make some new friends to take your mind off that.

bio

Its A brand new year!! And I havent really been giving advice lately so now IM BACK!! If you have something to ask dont hesitate to ask. DONT BE SHY!! I've been there! Or I know someone who has!

I am a black albino female whose been through alot!!! I have a lot advice to give. Im a very knowledgeable person, and i look at things from many different views. Im very blunt, so if you dont want to hear it straight dont ask me!! any thing else you wanna know get at me!

LET ME REINTRODUCE MYSELF REAL FAST, REAL QUICK!
iM A BLUNT PERSON, IF YOU ASK A GROWN UP QUESTION, IMA GIVE A GROWN UP ANSWER. RECENTLY A GIRL ASKED HOW TO GIVE A BLOWJOB AND I WAS VERY BLUNT AND UPFRONT WITH HER. I GOT SHUNNED FOR MY ACTIONS SO, BASICALLY. IM GOING TO TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING QUESTIONS LIKE THIS. BECAUSE ALL THOUGH THESE KIDS ASKING THESE QUESTIONS ARE YOUNG, THEY OBVIOUSLY BEEN DOING SOMETHING THEY AINT GOT NO BUSINESS DOING BECAUSE THE WOULDNT BE ASKING THOSE TYPES OF QUESTIONS.