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I'll be honest. I have plenty of friends.The problem is none of my friendships are very deep.Some of them I will get closer to and feel like our friendship is doing great, but then when any of their other friends are around they completely ignore me! But if I start talking to someone else because they are ignoring me, they will start trying to get my attention. What should I do? (link)
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Dear Self Choice,
You don't need the attention of others to make yourself feel good. It's important that friendships are not based on having attention or being ignored. You need to appreciate yourself first. Enjoy the people around you and make conversations but don't allow yourself to feel like if none are talking to you at the moment that it means you are not worthy of their friendship or they of yours. It's important that you never let yourself get sucked in to a place that makes you fell less worthy. Be positive and have a mindset that whether you are talking to friends, acquaintances or even other people that you know that appreciating yourself and being a good person will catch attention to others who will want to be around you more.
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My friend is super insecure about everything and super clingy. She texts constantly and it's not that I don't like hearing from her, but she just makes me SO emotionally exhausted because every conversation we have ends up with her making self-deprecating jokes or her needing constant reassurance that I'm still her friend. Of course I'm willing to reassure her about these things, but having to do it all the time is just really exhausting. I have my own problems and I can't be putting all my time and energy into making her feel better. I know that if I tell her this though, she'll get super hurt and insecure, and it will probably backfire and I'll have to spend even more energy convincing her that just because I think she's being a little clingy doesn't mean I don't want to be friends with her anymore. How do I fix this without hurting her feelings? And please don't tell me "your friend needs professional help" or anything like that because that's not really helpful and she already has a therapist. The problem is she's treating me like another therapist. (link)
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Dear Polite Friend,
Honesty is the best policy for any friendship. It seems the world is full of people looking for reassurance. It's their way to avoid dealing with their true problems. Real friendships will deal with BOTH your problems and issues. Not just ONE person. The question that she needs to answer to you will determine whether or not if she is a true friend. First ask her if she is a true friend. Then ask her that question: Can she make room for your problems and issues to concentrate on as well? If not, then advise her to keep hers to herself and her therapist because there is no room for selfishness in this friendship. You can rely on one another but it is each of your jobs to uplift one another and if you can't help each other with a problem then be honest with it and advise the other to seek advice elsewhere.
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Hey everyone I just need some feed back and advice. My cousin and I are really close she’s younger then me 21 and I’m 27. She was hooking up with a guy who was hooking up with her and other people being shady. She found out was hurt but continued seeing this guy behind my back and behind other friends back. This guy then gets a beautiful girlfriend who I see out at the bar many times. I do not like this guy for the way he treats woman and for the way he treats my cousin. Him and this girl date and the whole time he is with the girlfriend he is hooking up with my cousin. As far as I know now my cousin is not Hooking up with this guy and I saw the girlfriend out Friday night. I was super drunk and could not be fake to her I said hi asked her if she was still dating the guy she said no and I said thank god he sucks he was hooking up with my cousin while you guys were dating. This then got back to my cousin and now she is not talking to me. I apologized it wasn’t my place or my relationship. I was called fake I didn’t defend my family. I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m upset for hurting someone I love. Help advice ? Will this blow over. What should I do i know I’m in the wrong and I feel guilty as heck. Telling her did not make me feel any better it made me feel worse. Thanks guys (link)
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Dear Devoted Cousin,
It's not always easy to keep quiet especially when you know someone is hurting a person you love and care for. Unfortunately in this situation it makes your cousin seem like she was the bad person because she was hooking up with someone who was already with someone else. I think if anything you write a letter explaining your actions and knowing that you did not mean to expose your cousin or make her feel less of a person but just wanted people to know this guy couldn't be trusted. Granted even if you went about it the wrong way telling her that you did not mean to hurt her even with a letter you are starting to make amends. If she has a big heart she will forgive you. Hopefully she as well learns from this that she should never put herself in that position and reiterate to her that she is better than that. Be her biggest advocate.
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I raped someone I want to turn myself in immediately. Tell me what I need to do. I need to be punished. I will not say how it happen and why. I can't make up any excuses. I was drunk but it doesn't change anything. The person who was hurt doesn't want to do anything and prefers to just forget and move on, but I can't . I need to be punished and I want to turn myself in. The person wouldn't have to worry about trial or publicity. I just need to know what I have to prepare for. (link)
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If this is true, then you need to turn yourself in and face the consequences. Do not run and do not hide because this will be with you forever. The person you hurt has to forgive you because they will not forget as you won't forget either. The punishment will depend on not only the extent but if that person you hurt is willing to forgive you. You deciding to do nothing will be worse on you and will eat you up inside. The other question is not what you should do because you already know the right thing to do but why you did this and how you can get that help to never be this person again!
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I have a friend who I've never met - we're pen pals - but whom I used to talk to on the phone at least once a day. About five months ago she lost her temper with me for a very stupid reason and started calling me names online, on various blog sites. I asked her stop, she would for a day or two and then start back up again. She goes through this period of "I'm sorry" and I want to believe her, so I give her another chance, but then the name calling starts up again. She's done this four times now. All attempts of reasoning with her have failed. As have all attempts to let her know it's not fair to me to call me names, apologize and get mad that I can't forget the things she's said about me. It's always my fault - I'm not around enough, I don't call her, etc. And by the way, she's 25 and I'm 27, if that makes a difference; which I know, it shouldn't. (link)
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Dear Pen Pal,
The true meaning of friendship is one that you can fight and forgive one another. But a true friend will never take that fight to the public. It seems you get caught up in looking at yourself and wondering what causes these moods with her when you should evaluate and try to find out what is going on with her. If you don't you will continue being a punching bag instead of a support system.
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I've been friends with this guy since I was in 10th grade. I'm 23 now, so we've been friends for awhile. Recently, I got a phone call from this friend. He said that he was upset and he needed to talk. To make a long story short, he needed to borrow $80 to get himself to and from a funeral that was three hours away. I of course lend him the money.
The problem is, he lied about WHY he needed the money. There was no funeral he was attending. His friend didn't die like he said. He was going to some 3-day camping trip with like 500 other people.
He said he would pay me back on the first of the month and that's fine. But should I approach him about the fact that he lied to get money? Or leave it alone? (link)
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Sometimes we want to see the good in people. We ask ourselves that very question. But for something that was so insignificant why would someone lie about something serious like death. If we are compelled to help people do we do it for the right reasons or to make ourselves feel better. But in the long run when you look at someone like this could you really say ther were ever really your friend? True friends will lie to save you not to hurt you. Take your money and run. People like this will suck you down into their world of lies and misery.
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Tonight I am going roller skating for the girl scouts. One of my friends who lives in my neighborhood is coming with me. So, I asked my mom if she could sleep over. My mom said yes then she paused. She said the only problem was we are going to church tomorrow and my friend's parents don't like her going to church. One night she was going to come over but once her parents found out we were going to church they forbid her. My friend has only been to chhurch 3 times in her life! It's not fair that she can't go the second her parents find out that my family is going to church. She's the same religon as me so why does it matter? So I'm wondering should I still invite her over? What do I do? (link)
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If she is your friend than invite her over. With respect to her parents find out if you can drop her off in the morning. It doesn't matter what your family's beliefs are. Just give them the option. If your friend wants to go to church with you I don't see why it's wrong but you still need to respect her parents in their decision even if you disagree with it. Just compromise and spend time with your friend and see if you can work something out.
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I'm sorry it's long..
I know it seems generic, but I've liked a guy since 6th grade (I'm now in 8th) It's hard to say anything because he's been out with one of my friends, and I don't really want to chance our friendship right now.. I sorta want to wait until highschool. But anyway.. my friend is always obsessing over guys, and their relationships.. and when I told her at first that I liked him, she was ok with everything.. but I told her that I knew that he didn't like a few people and she freaked.. she told me to stop being obsessive over his love life and to move on with mine.. It makes me mad to think I could have shared this with her, and now I don't feel like I can share anything else with her.. like I've lost the will to. She's always saying things like that to me, so.. when it's mine turn it's not ok? *sigh* it's not like I can just, pick up and stop liking him.. this is a three year thing, just told her about it a month ago.. I don't know where to go from here.. I still like him, but I'm starting to hate my friend and it really makes me mad that she can be so selfish like this.. I just need some advice.. thanks.. (link)
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Sometimes friends have a way of saying the wrong things because they are hurting themselves. Your friend's love life is probably in the dumps and she is expressing it like this. At the same time she may be helping you because she has gone through the same thing and doesn't ewant you to get hurt if this guy doesn't like you. There's nothing wrong with liking someone but if you are not going to do anything about it then you need to be open to other options. If you obsess about this one guy you may be losing a chance with someone better. Just take that into consideration. Talk to your friend though and get that cleared up. Friendship is worth more then some crush. Just find out if she was helping you or hurting you when she said that.
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i am so shy around guyz i dont know. I dont try to be but i can deffinately tell i am. I dont see how this is when i am always making friends with the other girls. How do i be less shy? (link)
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Don't look at this in a bad way. Some guys like shy girls. You are a fun-loving and exciting person just waiting to come out. You just have to see yourself in that way. It's easier around your friends that are girls because you know what their interests are, just like yours. What you need to do is find out what are some of the interests that maybe a particular guy you like has. You never know, you two may have some of the same interesta.
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my friend is always bugging me she is so annoying (im not the only one who thinks so) but when its just me and her she is so great she is really sweet and all but if there is a guy around she goes into annoying mode when i try to explain it to her she gets mad and then if i hang out with anyone knew or have any other friends she gets mad at me and i dont know what to do? (link)
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So why not try talking to her and asking instead of trying to explain why she does the things she does?
It sounds like this girl may like you more than friends so you'd better confront and settle the issue to see where this friendship is going.
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I have more of a comment then a question right now...I look at this site as a great way to make new friends and to get helpful advice so i can see what im doing wrong in my life and how i can improve it....I love asking questions and getting feedback but what i dont like is opening up answers and seeing rude remarks and dumb comments....Thats really not helpful and in some cases it makes me feel lower then i was before i asked the question...Im sure im not the only one who feels this way but i think this needs to stop...If you think its funny to make fun of peoples personal problems then go make fun of your own because you obviously have them if you feel you can say some of the things that i have seen said to people....Im open for any feedback but please i ask that this comment not be deleted because im trying to get a message out about how i feel and if you delete this then you are just as bad as those who leave rude remarks...Thanks alot...Xo~CaReBeAr~oX (link)
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If you start to let those idiots bother you than they are winning the battle. Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by their comments. They are probabaly miserable people who need to bring others down with them. just concentrate on the positive feedback you get back and work on doing what's right for you.
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I have two friends, or I think they are my two friends.. they are always leaving me out.. like I'm just there for a good laugh or two everyonce in a while but they can cast me aside like an old toy that's lost it's shine. Everytime I make a friend I'm either left for someone else or end up giving up on the whole thing entirely. When they are around me they act like I am their sister or something.. but then they will go off to do things alone.. and they never invite me. I always invite my friends other friend, I always try and include them.. but no.. I'm the third wheel all the time.. v_v I need some help on what to do.. do I stay with my friends.. or should I try and find some new ones.. (link)
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Sometimes you need to talk with your friends and let them know how you feel. These two friends may feel that you don't like to do the things they are doing and are leaving you out because they don't want to burden you. If you talk to them and see, maybe you can do more things together that you all like.
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Me & my friends played a prank on this girl in my school that was picking on me, and she turned us in. Yesterday, I wasn't in school and the guidance conselor called all my friends down to the office, turns out EVERYONE was sayen I did it, even my best friends. I did do most of it, but not all of it. & I admitted to it. Are they real friends? (link)
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Confrontation with friends usually resolves certain issues. Tell them how you feel about what they said and that they should have stepped up as friends. Your true friends will admit and apologize. The others will run.
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I hang out with a big group of friends who used to be really nice. My boyfriend and I split up and now our whole group of friends is kind of split down the middle. I don't talk to my ex and he doesn't talk to me and it's really uncomfortable. I still have friends there but I find being around my ex hard and most people there seem bitchy now. I would go and make new friends but there isn't really anyone else that I get along with or click with. What should I do? (link)
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Sometimes you need to confront people to make them understand the issue at hand. Your relationship with your boyfriend has nothing to do with your friendships. It should not come between you all. Make them understand just because the relationship between you and your ex is not there doesn't mean your frienship should die. Let them understand that it didn't work out but that you don't feel uncomfortable around them so why should they feel uncomfortable you.
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about a month ago, i asked how to tell my best guy friend of 7 years Fredo that his evil blood-sucking cant-wait-till-the-full-moon vampiress of a girlfriend Lupitalili was going to dump him. the advice was great and it all went well, but now i have a new dilemma: i just recently realized that i have the HUGEST crush on him! what he hell do i do? this is a different kind of crush because we're really good friends...JUST really good friends (who by the way established that with each other and everyone else a couple of years ago). if i tell him, he wont totally freak out like maybe other guys, but things will defenitly be different, and i cant risk our friendship. telling other guys i like them is one thing, BUT THERE'S A TRUE FRIENDSHIP AT STAKE! I cant just hide my feelings for him either, because, like i said, this crush is just...different somehow. what do i do? there's also a whole bunch of girls who are like in love with him.i always thought of him as a brother who i couldnt love anymore even if he really was MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD. having a crush on him changed a lot of things going on in my mind and will change a lot more on everyone else's. what do i do? (link)
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Sometimes it's hard to be around people who we want to be with so much. Distance is the key. Don't disappear completely, but make yourself a bit gone for a while. If he questions it, then you'll be able to tell him and see what his reaction would be. If he doesn't make a move than you know he doesn't really care and you can concentrate on your life in finding someone who will appreciate you. Now if you are someone who can't stay away from him , then tell him now and let him tell you how he feels. Let him know if he doesn't feel the same that's fine but you still want to cultivate the friendship.
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Ok one of my best friends is cool in all but shes kinda of a really big flirt..and i mean i dont think she means to do it but she flirts with like every guy..and i mean she flirted with this one guy that i liked and she knew i liked him n then he stoped liking me and started to like her..it got me really upset and im over it now but now i think its happening again with a differnt guy ...shes supposively talked to him about me and he said that he liked me and that he wanted to ask me out.. but the last couple of days i have seen her go and flirt with him and she will come into our class and talk to him as if she liked him..and im like wtf i dont know what to do! PLEASE HELP ME! (link)
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Being that she is one of your best friends, you need to communicate with her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't know what she is doing or maybe that's her way of not being insecure..by talking to as many guys as she can. Anyway. talk to her and see what a real friend she is. Instead of thinking just do it because you will know if she cares or not.
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Okay well I am a 17 female and i will be 18 on Saturday. Lately i've had really low self esteem which is really strange for me. I'm a good athlete and I have no problem with my looks or my body, and I have lots of friends. But for some reason lately I just get this vibe from EVERYONE that i'm just not wanted. And it is for no particular reason, nothing has changed and i haven't gotten into any fights with my friends or anything. Its so weird, like for example, if one of my friends calls one of my other friends when i am with her i will feel hurt becuase she didn't call me, which i know is really silly and i've never been like this in my life. One of my teachers didn't agree with an opinion i gave in school today and she agreed with one of my friends and i just automatically thought that she hates me and doesn't like me which i know is obsurd. In my head i know i'm acting ridiculous but I'm still hurt everytime something small like this happens. I'm starting to feel really bad about myself and I can't figure out why, but it's driving me crazy. I won't even go to partys anymore becuase I feel like no one wants me there, but I have no reason to think this. I'm becoming very antisocial and this definitly isn't me. I'm desperate for some help! (link)
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Insecurity about yourself will only put you in a box that no one will open. First you have to feel comfortable for who you are. You are a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. Be positive with yourseldf and the people who hang around with. They will feed off your energy and want to be around you more.
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Hey ok well theres this dance comeing up and i really want to ask a friend of mine if he wants to go to it with me but, i cant dance, and i mean i dunno if he is a good dancer but even if he isnt i dotn want to make a fool out of myself. Also, i dunno, maybe it would be awkward if i asked him toit and he said no...cuz we are really good friends, i just want to go with him lol as friends.
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Well there's nothing wrong with being friends with someone and asking them to a dance. Let him know that you need someone cool to go with so you won't be bored. Now if it's more than friends you need to handle that issue as well, but if it's just friends than make him clear of that so there is no tension between you two.
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