My father has never been around. Ever. So technically speaking, my mother would walk me down the aisle. Well I don't want her to. I want my "adoptive" mom to. And why I say adoptive in quotes is because she's not actually. She's my best friend, but I consider her my mom because that's what I see her as. It started when I was on the brink of death in 7th grade. (I was suicidal). I was completely alone with literally nothing to live for, but this girl in my English class, who I didn't even know. She saw and helped me. We've been together since and I love her more than anything because she is the very reason I'm here today, and I'd do anything for her. My actual mom emotionally neglected me and has failed to show me love, support, and acceptance since I was a child. So honestly, I don't want anything to do with her. I have an anxiety disorder and I just don't know how to tell her that "Hey you're not walking me down the aisle because you don't deserve that honor because you've never even taken the time to show me any sort of love or appreciation." Because I don't wanna be a complete dick about it y'know? Plus yelling and screaming sends me into a full blown panic attack so I don't want to be screamed at. What should I do? Should I not invite her altogether??
I have panic attacks as well, so I understand where you’re coming from. You should be honest with your mom and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t have her on your wedding day. It sounds like you two need closure. Talk to her. Not about the wedding, but about how you want the two of you to strengthen your bond with each other. To let her know about your “adoptive” mom walking you down the aisle, maybe text her or leave her a note. You could have a friend help you write it so you don’t offend her. There’s also the option of both of them walking you down if you want to take that route. Either way, it’s your wedding day. In the end, it needs to be a choice that you make. Just make sure it’s what you want to do. If you have your actual mom walk you down, but really wanted your best friend, you might regret it. Yet, If you have your best friend walking you down and know that you messed up things with your mom you might regret it. I don’t know you or your mom, so this varies among people. Listen to your gut and do what you feel is right. Just think rationally and make sure you do it in a way that keeps your relationships
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Basics- 20, live alone. Always been a rocky relationship. We were on good terms untill...
So, at the beginning of the month me and my mother had a argument. It started of the fact that I need her birth certificate for a passport.stupid, I know.
The argument of course escalated, as they do, she said I was selfish, and never spoke to them or see them unless I wanted something.
Then I went on to say, I know I'm selfish, but least I know where I stand, you never make effort to see me first, its always me to.
Then I said it.. What shouldn't have.. 'who organized my brothers birthday, me! When was the last time you went out with any of your children?'
Now she wont speak to me! Its been a month!
Now this sito may seem abit silly to some of you out there, but our relationship has always be on the rocks. I just want to solve it, but we are both far to stubborn, I should step up and apologise, I really know I should, I love her after all, but I'm fed up with her bullying. I understand that's she's just a mother, who is hurt that her children have grown up. But why cant she just enjoy it with us. We was like best friends at one point... So maybe some advice on a subtle way of apologising, or a way just to get us speaking again?
I miss her, but I just cant say sorry. Its terrible, dreadful, but I stupidly cant bring myself to it. And besides I've finally stood up for myself urghh, shut up....!!!!!!
It sounds like you two have some problems, but it's great that you want to make a move in your relationship with your mom. And anyone would explode and sometimes ring up bad stuff when in an argument, so that I can understand. If you want to be friends with your mom again and she won't speak to you, maybe you should leave her a note or something in her mailbox telling her what you told us. Maybe she will agree, maybe not, but if she isn't speaking to you, then a note, text, email, or something may be the only way to get in touch with Her. But depending on how mad she is, she could've blocked you from texts so a letter may be the only way to be sure she gets it. Or if you have some money, maybe some therapy so you two can get to the bottom of your problems and sort them all out. Not everyone can afford that though and it's perfectly understanding if you don't want to do that. But I would say start off with a note and see if maybe she can talk, and if things go well, maybe you two can start getting along again like you used to
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My brother is 35 years-old, and for a VERY long time, has fallen into the pattern of dating girls who are superficial and manipulative. He also has a problem where he gets serious VERY quickly and basically allows who he dates to take advantage of him. The excitement of being in a relationship blinds him to the red flags that I see all to clearly. That said, he has been dating a girl for about 2.5 months, she is 26, already divorced, and has already brought some of her things to his apartment and had my brother pay $400 to have someone organize his entire place (not to mention she put up decorations, etc)... obviously it seems a plot to infiltrate his life. When we went out a couple times, her behavior struck me as bizarre- overly high energy, and attention seeking. When we were all in a cab, at one point she put her hand on my brother's mouth and said ,"no one cares what you think." The entire ride, she was spastic, overly high energy, etc. I can see she is superficial, manipulative, and attention seeking. Worst of all, she has my brother convinced that she is not. He likes her a lot, they are very into each other, and it worries me. I need to have a talk with him but do not know how to approach the topic or what I should say. Any advice?
Yeah, she sounds like she's using him. To be honest, I doubt she even likes him at all, just probably wanted a free place. No doubt she's a gold digger. If that's the case, she won't hold on to him for long and will date other guys behind his back. I think you should keep your eye on her and see if she does anything suspicious. I'm not saying stalk her, I mean to look out for any signs that means she's cheating. Though you would have to have proof. And try to introduce your brother to some different girls and pretend that your only intention is friendship. If he gets to know a different girl, this will soften the blow and could have him end up with someone who cares about him for who he is and no what he has. That's probably your best bet. Good luck, and I hope he gets someone who truly loves him!
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I want to know how to tell my parents that i am bi. All my Friends know But no one in my family does so how do i break the news to them?
Breaking the news to your parents that your bi can be hard. To start with, you need to put them in a good mood so they won't be so hard as to yell at your or kick you out or anything like that. Now hopefully they wouldn't kick you out anyway--but you need to do something that they will enjoy. Maybe that them out to eat or do a barbecue. To start with they may think something is up, so keep this going for about three or four days, and when they are in their best mood, let them know ahead of time that you don't mean to make them mad, and it's something you just havnt been able to control, then break it to them that your bi. It's best to start out saying you think your bi, that way their first reaction won't be "how could he choose to do this!!?" Instead it may be "I can't believe he's bi." Or something to that nature. Thy won't automatically jump on your case. On the bright side, your not actually gay, so your parents may think that you will still end up with a girl, and it will be easier for them.
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I am 24/f. I recently moved out of my house and moved to graduate housing at my university. before i begin, i just want to give a brief description of my family. they are extremely controlling. my mother is absolutely nuts. she is a narcissist and i can tell you that she has ruined my life. both my parents are the most irresponsible people i have ever met in my life and how someone gave them a child is beyond me. i was adopted at birth. all of the paperwork and everything was set up before i was even born. she confessed to me that the reason the adoption finally went through is because she called continuously and harassed them until they gave her the child. i would like to meet the social worker who ruined my life. at this point in my life, i love them because hey are my parents. but, i don't LIKE them as people. i know it's hard for some people to understand. some of you have already read some of the things that i've written, but i will write it again for those who didn't. i need to add a couple more things that happened this weekend.
basically, my mom plays a great actress when she pretends that she wants what is best for me. she doesn't. she wants whatever makes her look good or has money. i am a person of great faith (i am just angry right now). i always thought that the reason that she didn't like my current boyfriend is because we don't share that same faith (we were already together before my conversion) and because she thinks that he didn't have money. She said that he "lacks drive" and just isn't her type. I get that she doesn't like him, but she threatened me several times. She said that if I stayed with him, I could just think of her as dead. You think that might solve the problem if she was just out of the picture, but that isn't true. her threat is just that... a threat... what it really means is that she will make my life miserable. she doesn't mean that she will stay out of my life... but rather, that she will stalk, harass, show up at my door. she even threatened that she was going to beat him up. everyone says to call the police. but, seriously, the police isn't going to do anything about a verbal threat. he has also threatened her because he got angry. so, both of them would be in trouble. i basically told my mom that we broke up, which isn't true. but, it got her off my case. she has been harassing me and harassing me about finding a new boyfriend. she says that she wants to live to see her grandchildren. so, i basically told her that there was a guy from class that i thought was cute, just to get her off my back. at first, she saw a picture of him and she said he was ugly and "forbid" me from seeing him. Then, a few weeks later, she was pretty much telling me that i better knock on his door and throw myself at him. I told her my "concerns" about him were that we didn't share the same strong beliefs and that he was poor ( i just wanted to see what she would say, since that was her gripe about my bf). She said it didn't matter because he was "hot."
The other day, I came back from church and told her I had seen a friend. She asked me if he was cute (the only thing she thinks about is hooking me up with a guy). I told her who it was. I'm here thinking that she would think that this was the perfect guy. The reason I am doing this, by the way is because I'm trying to test what it is she would want from me. what is her ideal vision for my life that I could have for her to leave me alone. this guy is a little bit older, makes a lot of money, we met at church. i was like... she's has to give a positive review. She threw everything on the floor and almost started punching me. she said she forbids me to ever see him and that he's not allowed in the house ever. so, i got in my car, and drove an hour back to my dorm because i said that this is not home if i can't even bring a friend here. additionally, i would like to add that this person has been a great friend. like, he has gone above and beyond what it means to be a friend and if i were a mother and witnessed that, i would be writing thank you notes instead of forbidding the person in the house. i told her that i wasn't angry about her not liking him. i really could not care less. what I'm angry about is the way that she treated me with a lack of respect. till today, she continues to call me to tell me that i am wrong and try to get me to see things from her point of view.
there is nothing to see. she doesn't want what is best for me. her judgement is clouded. however, she continues to control me because i'm living on campus, not in my own apartment. realistically, no matter how much is say i won't speak to her again, she weaves her way into my life. my entire family takes her side because she is "unwell" and i should "know better." they will come to my door and call the police if i chose not to answer. my mom will put herself in an institution just to make it more dramatic. and everyone will say i'm evil. they already do. apparently, i'm the cause of everyone's misfortune.
when my mom has been out of money... since she decided not to work for 20 years. the solution was to steal my identity. even before i turned 18, i had a ton of debt because she used it up. that debt was deleted, but no legal action was taken and no apology was issued. before i came to the faith, my family was involved in the occult. when my 17 year old boyfriend broke up with me, my mom's idea of making me feel so much better was taking me to a warlock who sexually abused me. when i have brought it up to her, she said that she was just trying to make me feel better. i told her that a mother is suppose to build up a child's self esteem, not make them want back a guy that did so much harm to them. she told my cousin about the incident and then they both laughed about it.... i don't think it's funny. and i hate when people say "it could be worse." Everything could be worse. try telling that to a child who was sitting there afraid, being sexually abused and people laughing about. i finally told my dad about it and he said he was angry at both of us. I was just a child and I made that very clear to him. he said my mom has always been very smart and he doesn't know what happened. by the way, my parents are divorced.
most of all, i feel like my dad is a coward who left me with this lady so that he could get away from her. then, everyone just tells me that she is my mom and wants what is best for me because she loves me. she does not love me. she is obsessed with me and thinks that i'm her little barbie doll. if she really did care about me, she would be trying to direct me towards a guy like the third one I mentioned. She would treat me with respect and not throw things at me and people have to stop her from punching me in the face. if she cared about me, she wouldn't steal my identity to buy clothes and then think it's justified because some of the clothes were for me. she wouldn't be laughing about happened to me. i was a victim. i'm so angry at both of them. they could take them to jail, fine them, put a restraining order on them... but honestly, they don't see what they have done wrong. that is what gets me angry. i feel like i am owed an apology. if i can't get that, i feel like i need validation from a jury... someone. i feel so alone. please help.
now, about her being irresponsible
I am so sorry for what has happened to you. You mentioned that you were at least 18, so legally, your mom can't control you anymore, so make it clear to her what the law says. And try to get a job so when you get off campus you will have money to get your own place. If she stole your identy, you actually can go to the police because that is identy theft, which will most likely send her to jail. What she's doing is illegal, and she just let you be abused and laughed about it. Not quite sure what the punishment for that will be, but taking you to someone who abused you sexually, and then laughing about it and not doing anything to stop it, is not what a mother should do, and even though she's not the one who raped (or attempted rape) she can probably get in big trouble with the law for taking you there and not taking any action. i know you may not want to do this, because you would be putting your mother in jail, and on top of that, people will see you as a bad person, but it is illegal, and you really should take action. If you do this and need a place to stay, you can see about staying with a friend who understands and is trustworthy. I wish you the best of luck. God bless you👏
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So I was adopted by my grandma. My mom was in my life, though. Basically my mom and my grandma both raised me. Anyway, I'm 24 and I'm living in my own townhouse with my boyfriend in a completely different county. When I lived at home, I paid the bills and helped any way I could, because I lived in the house. However, now I have my own bills I need to pay. My grandma called me constantly asking for money to pay her such-in-such bill because she couldn't afford to pay it. I refused her once, and she would always bring up the fact she adopted me and that she raised me and that I owed her for it. Then, I end up having to go to court FOR her because the old landlord sued her and she refused to go. I'm now having to pay this debt to him because I was the one who showed up. Now, again, I'm having to go to court because of something she won't pay and won't go to. I tell her that I shouldn't have to go, and she, once again, brings up the fact that she raised me and that I owe her for it. It makes me feel so horrible. I didn't ask to be born, why does she keep doing this to me? And not only that, but it is getting me and my boyfriend into HUGE fights. What can I do about this?
If she adopted you, she made an agreement to take care of you and is required by law to do that. You don't owe her anything. you didn't have to help pay bills when you lived there, but did it anyway. You now live on your own, and shouldn't do all that for your grandmother. You should just block her calls. If she calls, it's just gonna be about needing money or whatever. Tell her that your over 18 and no longer have to listen to her. Change your number even if you have to, and make it to where she has no way whatsoever to get in contact with you. if she was required to go to court, and she was the one being sued, let her stay and not go. That will only cause her to end up in prison, and that should scare her enough to make her lay off. If you don't want to go, just ignore her when she tries to get ahold of you
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Me and my cousin used to be friends. Real close. That all changed when my family became homeless and I had to spend time with her more often. I felt very uncomfortable around her. The reason is because she has a hoarding problem just like her mom. She also has an issue with personal hygiene. She doesn't shower or cleans her clothes properly. Her mom is a pet and toy hoarder that lives in the basement of my grandma's house. I can't even enter the basement because it's so full of toys, clothes, cages, and pets (dead and alive). I couldn't stand being in that house because I felt so filthy just standing there by the front door. My cousin has not only no sense of personal hygiene, but no acknowledgment of personal space or boundaries. She has attempted to grope me multiple times during my homeless days and tried kissing me just to make me feel uncomfortable. I've told her that I don't want her doing that to me but she ignores it. It has driven me away from our friendship and now I can't stand her anymore.
Her mom died recently and now she has to stay with my family over the weekend and it's caused me to be beyond stressed. She's behaved inappropriately in my home and has been given a free pass to do so. Normally my mom would tell everyone to keep quiet, but now she's been telling only me to be quiet. She's even told me that she wants to replace me with my cousin and now I feel that everyone in my family really does hate me. My dad tells me that he strongly dislikes my cousin for the same reasons I do (loud, inappropriate, sexual, ect.) but still makes me feel like I'm the one with the problem. Just today I asked my cousin if she could keep it down because I'm sick and my head has been hurting and she tells me no because "you're loud all the time anyway, so don't tell me to be quiet." She then called me a jerk for this. I'm sick of this "free pass" to behave this way and I'm sick of being made the main suspect with this problem. What exactly have I done wrong? Get sick with a pounding headache? I can't even discuss this with my family because they'll say "you should've been nicer to her." She doesn't deserve my kindness any longer. She doesn't even deserve to be treated like an innocent baby. I honestly don't care if her mom is dead or not, she needs to stop acting this way.
I completely understand where your coming from. Sometimes it's not easy living with someone, even one your close to. Your parents shouldn't give her special treatment, but I guess they feel they have to considering her loss. You didn't do anything wrong. I wouldn't done the same, and have! I've lived with someone I love very much, but it wasn't easy because there are no manners and would always leave me with a mess to clean up. Maybe you need a little break. When someone is Annoying you this bad, sometimes you need to be able to ignore them for a little while. See about maybe staying over at a friend's house, that way you can cool off and have a little break. I've lived with someone like that, and it always helps to stay at another's house and be able to forget about them for a little while and keep your mind off things. Do what you can to ignore her for a while, that way your parents won't get mad when you get annoyed. Being annoyed is gonna happen when you live with someone like that, so the best thing to do is get away for a while
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My father has another wife and a kid in another country. He and my mom are not married but he comes over everyday for dinner when he's in the country which is most times and takes us out for dinner/vacations/everything a father does. He didn't tell me about this other wife and my sister. I found out on my own. I don't know what to do with it though. He's a great father. And I can't wrap my head around this. My mother knows but when she had me she didn't. He promised he'd marry her. But he didn't yet he still is around with her. He doesn't give her much money only when she really really needs it and even then its a loan. So she's not here for the money. Every weekend we go to his house and they don't sleep together they actually talk. Sometimes past midnight. So I'm guessing he loves her. But I can't fathom why he wouldn't marry her or divorce the other one. But I was hoping someone here can help me with it. I don't know what I should do with this information. What should I do with it? And also any ideas on why he's doing what he's doing?
The reason you probably didn't know about the other family even with your mother knowing, is mostly likely one of two reasons. 1: they were afraid on how you would look at them if you knew about him having another family, or 2: they just didn't know how to tell you. Being sixteen, they know you are old enough, but I'm sixteen too and I know sometimes we automatically think the worst without getting the whole story, and maybe they wanted to figure out to tell you in a way a teenager would understand. I can't say for sure whether or not he will leave his other wife and marry your mom, but if he truly loves her I'm sure he will. Maybe he just needs time, 'cause I'm sure he loves his other kid too, and it may take time so he can figure it all out. As for him paying for your stuff and not your mom, you did say that she has a good paying job. Maybe he doesn't make as much as her salary. He probably wants to pay for your stuff and schooling because he loves you and wants to be a good dad. Just give him some time and show him that you love him, and if he really loves your mom, he will marry her.
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