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When pregnant happen? (link)
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When have sex, pregnant happen.
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I don't wish to stir up a lot of controversy but rather to get info and opinion on circumcision. My friend just had a baby and wasn't sure whether to have this procedure performed. She's asking male friends their view.
She doesn't nor do I like the idea of inflicting pain on a child. I've read this operation takes 10-20 minutes and is hard on the infant. However, I've also read that an intact foreskin is hard to clean for a child, there can be cheesy discharge that hardens under the head and that the foreskin can crack or tighten as an adult needing the procedure. I don't know if any of this talk of preventing STDs, AIDS or cancer is true either.
I'm just hoping I can go back to my friend with a better idea of what I feel about it after hearing from people hear especially parents who did and didn't have it done and whether they would do it again based on what their experience was. (link)
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There is absolutely no medical reason to perform a circumcision on a healthy newborn with a normally formed penis. There are rare circumstances where it is medically necessary, but you would have been told about it if it was.
Yes, some extra steps need to be taken to keep the area under the foreskin clean, but it really is very simple to do. There can be a discharge, but this is avoidable if the area is kept clean. It is possible for an adult to develop a condition which will necessitate circumcision later in life, but this is rare. In the end, circumcision on an infant is performed overwhelmingly for religious reasons, and any medical reasons for it which are trotted out are very weak arguments indeed, used only by the people doing it for religious reasons so that they can justify it. The bottom line is that it's cosmetic surgery done without the infant's consent.
My son is uncircumcised. He is now two years old and has no problems whatsoever with hygiene or anything else. He's never had an infection in or around the penis. If he decides to get circumcised when he becomes an adult, that will be his choice.
I, on the other hand, am circumcised, and I would rather I hadn't been. I'm reasonably sure that it was painful at the time, though of course I have no memory of it.
It boils down to this: before undergoing surgery or having it done on someone in your care, the question one should ask is, "Why is it necessary?" In my opinion, and that of the majority of doctors not blinded by their own religion, the available reasons for routine infant circumcision don't come close to justifying it.
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Meaning of:"Regina sine labe originali concepta" (link)
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"Queen conceived without original sin".
That took me seven seconds to find on Google.
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I am 42 and I just recently got married to a woman I have known my entire life but we both got married to other people shortly after high school. She has three teenage daughters Sam is 19 Meagan is 18 and Audree is 16. Their father left them shortly after my wife had her youngest daughter and so she has raised them all by herself. They have always been pretty affluent because my wife's family has quite a bit of money and she is a magazine editor. She lets the girls get away with murder and they get everything rthey could possibly even dream of wanting. I have a very big issue with this since my three sons (19 18 aand 17) are expected to follow very strict rules. I was in the army for several years and my children are expected to abide by my rules or face the consequences.
The girls however are completely out of control, especially the youngest one, Audree. My wife and i both agreed on a curfew for the all six kids when they moved in. She convinced me to change the curfew of my sons to be midnight for all of the kids. I agreed but with hesitation. Like always before my kids have always gotten here on time or before their curfew while her daughters completely disregard the rules. For example, Audree was late for curfew 4 times out of the 7 days last week. My wife didn't even talk to her about it. When i confronted her al she said was "She is only 16. I think we should just let her live her life." I found out the other day that her girls have never been grounded, never had acurfew, and are very open about teh fact that they go to parties and drink. Sam has gotten in 4 accidents since she has lived here, and Meagan has her boyrfriend over all the time without supervision, all things i dont tolerate from my own kids. Audree came home in tears the other night because she got a ticket for driving 19 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! My wife just hugged her and tried to calm ehr down the entire night and i never heard a single word about the ticket, which i had to pay for sicne none of her kids have jobs. I almost feel as if she is condoning this outrageous behavior since she never repremands her kids. I don't know how to explain to my kids about thsi double standard in our house but i feel like i can't interfere quite yet with her disiplining (or lack there of)since i am not their real father and have only been in their lives for 3 years. I just don't know how much more of this disrepect i can take from them. They are beautiful girlsand i love them like my own. I wish i could treat them this way though. I feel like i owe it to them to lay down the law and punsih them for things like curfew and partying and bad grades but i dont know if it will just put more stress on our relationship that could eventually cause tension between my wife and I. How should i handle this? (link)
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I can only imagine what this is like for you, having never been in a similar situation myself.
This much is clear, however: you won't be able to do anything on your own. The girls have absolutely no reason to listen to you or give your disciplinary measures any weight as long as their mother does nothing. They know that they can always go to her and receive a get-out-of-jail-free card, so why should they bother worrying about what you think?
They're in desperate need of discipline, that's for certain. Unfortunately, 16 years of lax parenting has done its damage, and it will be very difficult to undo at this stage of their lives. Since you are still a relative newcomer, they're likely to blame you for what they will see as unreasonable demands and intrusions into their lives. Finally, the 18 and 19 year old are both legal adults and there is a limit to what you can do about them; you can insist on a curfew, but you have no real means of enforcing it, since as a legal matter they can be out as late as they want.
In order to have any effect on these girls whatsoever, you need to get their mother on the same page with you. That is a fact, and if she won't do it you may as well give up on the matter, because nothing you do on your own will make the slightest difference.
In the case of the older two girls, you're limited in your tactics due to the fact that they don't have to live under your roof; they can go off on their own any time they want to (though how they'll survive I have no idea). Actually, the most effective course of action may be to kick them out - in which case you will have gained two very bitter enemies who will use your relationship with their mother to retaliate. Furthermore, if you use other tactics on the sixteen-year-old (who you do have some measure of control over), she will resent it and likewise turn against you.
So, what can you do? In the end, the sad answer may be "nothing". But there is one thing that might do a little bit of good.
I suggest you talk with each of the girls, one on one, and see if you can give them the benefit of a little wisdom. Address the problems that they're all having as a result of their behavior, or the problems that they're GOING to have, and see if you can get them to at least think about whether that's the way they should be living their lives (fortunately, you've got no shortage of bad examples to point to in the media: Paris Hilton, Linsdey Lohan, Britney Spears, Nicole Richie, etc.). Maybe they'll blow you off; maybe it won't do any good. But at least you'll have given them fair warning for what's coming, which is that Life is going to give each of them a major wake-up call someday.
And, it goes without saying that you should be careful not to let your boys be affected by this, if at all possible. Fortunately, they should be able to see for themselves the consequences of having no self-discipline, and it shouldn't be hard to keep them on the right path. They'll probably be thanking you for raising them right after all is said and done.
When it does come down to disciplining the girls, there are some effective measures you can probably take. I'm assuming they have access to a car, or that they each have their own vehicles. However, if the title is in yours or your wife's name, you can take away the keys. If you're paying their cell phone bill, you can cancel that account. If they get some kind of allowance, you can cut it off.
These things may or may not be effective, but they will definitely NOT work if you and your wife are not working together. If she's undermining your efforts to discipline the girls, then nothing you do will ever have any effect.
Someday, these girls are going to go too far, and when they do you AND their mother need to be united - or they will divide you. If it comes down to a choice, odds are your wife will choose her children over you. You need to show your wife that by setting necessary limits and making them face certain consequences, she IS choosing the welfare of her children. If she can't understand that, then I suggest that for the sake of your own kids and your own sanity, you end the marriage on your own terms.
It's a terrible situation. Best of luck to you and your family.
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Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and she's not a bad parent but...
Well it's just us, and she has barely any friends and no one to vent out anger onto. So when she's feeling angry (Which isn't very often don't worry) she vents it all onto me. She'll yell at me for the littliest things, ground me and send me to my room. If I try to defend myself...she hits me.
She's been angry lately and I'm scared she'll hit me. She's been saying threats like one day she'll grab ahold of my throat and won't stop until I pass out and I'm getting scared to just do anything. I get really apologetic and apologize for the littliest things.
I can't talk her out of it because any word that comes out of my mouth she yells at me and gets even angrier. She seems to think that because she's the adult and I'm the child I don't get an opinion or the right to say something.
What do I do? When I tell my dad he thinks I'm just saying it because Mum and I are in a fight. I don't trust teachers or councillors and I don't want my mum to get into trouble. (link)
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My sincere condolences for your situation. No one should have to go through what you're going through.
You must take action. This cannot be allowed to continue as it has been. Here is what is at stake:
(1) Your life. People who cannot control their anger are inherently dangerous, and your mother apparently has this problem. The day may come when she hits you just a little too hard.
(2) Your relationship with your parents. Unless this problem is solved, you will grow up resenting or even hating them (and you will have reason to do so). A good relationship between an adult child and his/her parents is a wonderful and valuable thing, and should be salvaged if possible.
(3) Your own children, when you have them. It is a fact that kids who are abused often become abusers themselves.
You are the one who will have to make the call insofar as how much actual danger you're in. If you are fearful for your heath and safety right now, then it may be necessary - no matter how much it scares you to do so - to get outside help. If you don't trust your teachers or councilors, consider whether there is any other adult out there that you can trust. Remember, though, that a school official is required by law to report instances of abuse - if you tell one of your teachers, then something WILL be done about it.
If you do not feel that you are in immediate danger at this time, then there is an alternative. From what you're saying, it seems to me that you are trying to deal with the matter during the heat of the moment, right when your mother is angry or immediately after she's had a blow-up. Try approaching both your parents about it, together, when the situation is calm. Your mother may be in a more receptive frame of mind and better able to see that she's hurting you; and if you're not actually having a fight, your dad won't be able to blow it off as such. Approach the matter with as much calm and maturity as you can; screaming accusations will not help, and neither will sobbing uncontrollably. It may very well be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but it must be done.
If nothing gets better, then it's definitely time to go outside your family to get help - but no one will be able to say you didn't try to work things out first.
Your only other alternative is to simply deal with it until you're old enough to move out. Before you decide to go that route, though, look again at the list of what's at stake and think hard about whether it is worth the risk.
You have my sympathies. Best of luck to you.
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I"m seriously doubting anyone can help me with my problems but here goes anyway. I have a daughter that just turned 18. She is so lost, she has given me problems since she was 11, well now shes 18 and her life consists of black men,crack and sleeping with as many as she can. She was recently disgnosed with a veneral disease and confessed to her oldest sister that she may of slept with a man who was HIV. She is a leading influence on her 13 yr. old sister who is following in her path as hard as she can. I"ve had to get the law to look the 13 yr. old twice this week. She is failing school and I can't reach her. She and her sister are so full of hate towards me, I;ve been called so many foul names, I can't take much more. I'm thinking of sending the 13 yr.old to boot camp. I tried to send my 18 yr. old last year, but they called me to come and get her because she was threating staff. I am a decent person, I dont drink, smoke, I work hard, I feel like its my fault, they are this way. I so depressed, I think it would be better to be dead sometimes, if I didnt have to keep watch on my 82 yr. old father, I saw a therapist once ,but they cost to much. what do I do? (link)
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35/m
You have my sincere condolences for your situation. I really don't know if I can say anything that will help, but I will try. Please be aware that I have never faced anything remotely like what you are going through, so this advice falls under for-what-it's-worth.
As a practical matter, it's going to be hard to rein in the 18-year-old any further. She is, after all, a legal adult. All she has to do to get out from under your influence is just say she wants to be, and what you want no longer has any bearing. You can't send her to boot camp or anywhere else if she doesn't want to go.
Her younger sister is someone you can exert some influence on. I think sending her off might be the best thing you can do. She isn't likely to listen to you anyway, so if you can at least get her out from under the influence of her sister, then that's accomplishing something.
You don't mention whether your oldest is still living at home. If she is, then you do have that much influence, although she could leave anytime. What concerns me most is the idea that you could be in physical danger. People on crack aren't known for being reasonable, and if you ever suspect that your daughter may become violent with you, you need to take action immediately. You owe it to your younger child to keep yourself safe.
I suggest you give your 18-year-old an ultimatum. She must clean up her act, or take it elsewhere. In other words, shape up or ship out. She will probably choose the second option, and you will have to let her go. BUT - make it clear that it's the behavior you're throwing out, not her. If she needs a place to come back to after she's gone through the wringer, and she's willing to make a real effort to get clean and decent, be sure she knows that she still has a home.
Speaking of home, it might be time to consider changing your location. One thing I know about bad behavior in kids is that it's very difficult for them to break it when they are constantly surrounded by the bad influences that keep them there - friends, gangs, drug sources, or what have you. You indicate that you don't have much money, but see if there's ANY way you can relocate to someplace a few hundred miles away. It might save all your lives.
I don't know what kind of parent you've been; I can't say whether any of this is your fault, or if it would have happened to the best of us. However, one thing is clear, which is that something will have to change. As you are well aware, you can't go on this way, and neither can your kids.
One more thing... I feel compelled to point out that although there is something wrong with using crack and promiscuous sex, there is nothing inherently evil about black men. I'm sure that the ones she's hanging around are bad characters, but it's not because they're black; that's beside the point.
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I really don't even know where to begin. My boyfriend found out two months ago that he was potentially the father of a two year old girl. He took the DNA test and he is the father. We have been together since a couple of months after the child was conceived. I have a 6 year old and we have a ten month old together.
The mother of the little girl was arrested for drug use and the child was put in temporary custody of the grandmother.
My boyfriend wasn't even in a relationship with this girl, it was just a very stupid mistake he made. Now they are trying to get him for back child support, as well as current support and medical bills since she got assistance from the state. Our children currently get medical coverage from the state so I don't see why he should be responsible for this other kids medical bills.
He has wanted to give up his rights to the child since we first found out about it. At first I tried to get him to do the right thing and try and get custody, but the more I think about it the more angry I get. I feel betrayed and hurt about this and it has me very depressed. I am trying to be strong for my children but I don't know what we should do. I love my boyfriend very much but I don't know if I can deal with him having a child with someone else. Just the thought of it makes me want to strangle him. If he had known about this child before I entered into a relationship with him I probably wouldn't ever been with him.
I sometimes think it would be best for him to try for custody for the sake of the child, but at the same time I feel I would have a strong hatred for her. Besides the emotional issues I'm not sure we could financially. I'm so tired of feeling like I am being torn apart inside. I just don't know what to do.
I'm really not a bad person, but I just can't figure out if I should stay with him or just leave. If I stay I don't know what we should do about this whole mess. Should I let him try and sign over his rights to her and just forget about it? He wants our lives the way they were before we found out any of this. I do too, but should we try and get custody of her even though it could ruin our relationship?
I really need some advice first of all to help myself feel better and not be so angry at him and the child(even though I know it isn't her fault, I feel like it is because she was born) Then I need advice about what we should do as a family. I would really appreciate some unbiased advice. Thanks (link)
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One thing that you will need (or more accurately, that your boyfriend will need) is expert legal advice on this matter. You ain't gonna find that here, so he will need to visit a lawyer. But I'm sure you know that, and I realize it isn't the question you asked anyway. I'm only mentioning it because it may not be possible for him to simply give up his rights and responsibilities. Laws regarding these matters tend to be very complex and often not entirely straightforward.
The decision regarding whether he will terminate his parental rights, try for custody, or find some point in between, is up to your boyfriend. She is his child, not yours. What you must do is decide how you will deal with the decision he makes; that is something that would be best for him to know up front.
The "right" thing to do is not necessarily for him to try and get custody. If I may be so bold, I think it was a mistake for you to encourage him to try for custody when it wasn't what either of you wanted. It seems that you were saying, in effect: "I think you should do what I feel to be the right thing, but I'll despise you for it." Furthermore, I am a firm believer in the idea that, when one has a choice, one should never adopt a child into a household where they will not be loved. It is clear that you will not be able to love this child, and I don't think that's a failing on your part.
Try not to be angry at the child, however. She, like you, didn't ask for this. She made no conscious choice to place herself in this position. She is as much a victim as you are - probably more, since she will have no say in what happens next. You don't have to love her, but hating her will only hurt you and your relationship with your boyfriend and your own children.
Insofar as practical advice, I think that this is a case where the child's best interests will be served by not having a shared custody arrangement. Of course, they are also not served by her staying with her mother. I don't know what kind of job her grandmother will be able to do raising her, but it may at least give her some stability.
Finally, the hard truth: Your boyfriend does indeed have some obligation to the child. The two of you are obviously not wealthy, and I think that a judge would take that into account to a certain extent; after all, what good will it do to turn over all your boyfriend's income to this child if it means that his other child starves? (Unfortunately, your six-year-old doesn't enter into it legally; you'd have to be married for that to even register on the radar). It would probably help the case if he suggested an amount that he would voluntarily contribute, taking into account his own financial position, the fact that he has another child to support, and the fact that the existence of this first child was hidden from him for two years.
You, in turn, have made a commitment to your boyfriend. You aren't married, but you have conceived and decided to raise a child together, and that is morally equivalent. This means that, to a certain extent, you must accept his past and even share some of the burden. If it helps, remember that he didn't betray you; the child was conceived before you were together, and born without his knowledge. He probably would have been truthful with you had he known the truth himself.
In terms of practical advice, your first step needs to be a lawyer's office. Find out what his options are so you at least know what you CAN do. Also, take what steps you can to increase your household income, because whatever happens, it's going to be expensive.
To heal your anger is going to take time; there is no way to sweep it under the rug. It might help if you got the chance to meet the child; perhaps you will be able to see for yourself that none of this could possibly be her fault, and then you can at least let go of that.
Best of luck to you.
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Well i have this friend who told me that her parents (who my parents are best friends with) hit her and her dad tried to drown her in a pool. What should i do?? we are only 13 and i don't want her to get into trouble and my mom wouldn't beleive me! They already called DSS but that didn't help. (link)
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Go to a teacher. They are compelled by law to report all cases of suspected child abuse, even if they don't believe it. If your teacher blows it off, go to the school principal.
HOWEVER, make sure it is your friend who reports it, not you. Go along for moral support, but make no accusations of which you do not have first-hand knowledge. It is not impossible that your friend is exaggerating or even making the whole thing up, and you don't want to be caught in the middle of that mess. You can say "my friend told me this happened" or "She looked scared to me", but do not confirm or deny events you did not witness. Remember, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
I don't know what DSS is; I assume it's some kind of Child Protective Services organization.
This kind of thing can become extremely complicated. Document what you say, when you say it, and who you say it to. Assume that you may one day end up on the witness stand, and prepare to defend yourself and your actions. Your purpose and duty here is to support your friend, but make sure you support and protect yourself as well.
This is a very difficult situation for a 13-year-old to be in. You're going to have to grow up quickly and think like an adult. Good luck to you and your friend.
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Im 15 and there is a chance im pregnant. if so the father would be my stepbrother. I want him to know its his child bout I wanna keep him a secret to everyone else because are intamantcy is unknown. How can I give him a chance to bond without family finding out? (link)
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First, find out for certain whether you are pregnant by visiting a doctor (over-the-counter pregnancy tests are an indicator, but not 100% reliable). Planned Parenthood can probably help you do so discretely.
Second, whether you're pregnant or not, stop having sex with your stepbrother. Familial relationship aside, you are likely under the age of legal consent, which is 16 in most states and 18 in some others. After you reach the age of consent, it's probably STILL a good idea to seek out a sex partner who doesn't share parents with you.
Assuming you are pregnant, you do have an obligation to tell him the baby is his. Hopefully, he will take you at your word that it couldn't be anyone else's, but be prepared for him to meet the situation with denial. He may not WANT to "bond".
This whole situation is likely to cause some major rifts in your family, but that's one of the reasons why sex with siblings just isn't recommended.
To be perfectly blunt, I don't see a bright, shining future ahead for this poor baby, who's going to be born into a seriously messed-up family. My advice is to consider the child's welfare first and foremost, and put the kid up for adoption. And if you must have sex with your stepbrother again, use stronger protection.
(I recently received feedback on this response insisting that "its not wrong for steps we have no family members that share the same blood." To which I would say, if it's not wrong, then why the need for secrecy? Go ahead and tell everyone!)
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I was logging on to my computer and my dad's screenname was on and i found some porn on his recent go-to sites. It made me really really mad. *&& said something about an escort [[yeah I know what that means]] it really hurts me. I want to confront him *&& my mom about it, but I know i'll get yelled at for my parents thinking i just went on his screenname at this time they wont believe me, because they recently grounded me from myspace. Please help me ! thank you (link)
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Don't jump to conclusions. Just because your dad is browsing porn sites, even escort sites, it doesn't mean he's hiring escorts; there are lots of men who window-shop without ever intending to buy. It's also entirely possible that what you're seeing is the result of pop-up ads or spam that your dad has no control over.
However, it's certainly within the realm of possibility that he is, in fact, looking through escort sites with the intent to use them. It places you in a difficult position, unfortunately, because all you've seen is circumstancial evidence and you don't really know what's going on. I would suggest speaking to your dad about it first, assuring him that you didn't intend to snoop but that it happened nonetheless. If he reacts calmly, it's probably not something to worry about; if he "blows his top", or tries to sidestep the issue, then I would imagine that he does have something to hide. At that point you should probably go to your mother.
I'd say that probably 98% of men who use the internet eventually go looking for porn. It's a natural human curiousity. Try not to judge your dad too harshly just for looking, if that is indeed all that's going on.
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