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Gender:

Female

Location:

Canada

Occupation:

Family, Youth and Mental Health Counsellor

Age:

31

Member Since:

July 13, 2006

Answers:

410

Last Update:

October 16, 2007

Visitors:

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about

Hello All,
I am counsellor with over 12 years experience specializing in parenting, families, youth and mental health. I answer questions in a blunt and straightforward way so if you are looking for coddling or really touchy feely type advice thats not me I provide real solutions for your problems and concrete suggestions in other words I tell you the plain truth I don't sugarcoat.

I am really worried these days with the easy access to the internet and all the false information that is out there and the fact that people believe it!! So please ask first. I don't claim to have all the answers but I can claim that NOTHING will shock me you can try though :)

I look forward to hearing you thoughts and questions.

advice

what are the symptoms of autism and what causes autism?why do some people have it and not others?
I have a cousin who has autism he's 2 years younger than me he's about 15 years old and when i went to school the other day i punched somebody in the nose becouse they tried to beat him up and i was thinking in my head no they did not just slap my autistic cousin what should i do?

Ok first off there are no proven causes to autism, there are theories but no ironclad reason. There are also types of autism, people who are autistic but very high functioning could have aspergers syndrom where the disease focuses more on the socialization aspect.

Now while I am not someone who thinks that fighting is ever the answer, I do understand that it was a gut reaction. I would suggest that you talk to someone at your school or your parents/aunt/uncle so that he is not targeted in future. If this ever happens again, first make sure your cousin is safe, second don't use your fists use words, ask this jackass how it makes him feel to pick on someone who is weaker then him, does it make him feel like a big man?? Then I would suggest you go talk to a teacher or another authority figure.

HOH.

i have had them for like an hour.
tips on getting them to leave?
duude pleasee help, it hurts. thanksss.

Without using a calculator do this math problem and actually do it in your head without looking further:

564+55+22*3+65-88+64-22

What is your answer???

I don't know but if you followed the above instructions and did not go to the bottom of the question then your hiccups should be gone. Works everytime for everyone I know!!! Its due to the shift in your thinking patterns.

Hope this helps.

13/f.

I am very forgetful. I have a very short memory and can't even remember what I ate a couple of nights ago or what I wore. I often tell people about my experiences like something interesting happening or about a party that I went to, but I tell people again, and not even realize that I told them the first time. Help?

I was having the same problem and now I take Gingco, it is an herbal supplement that helps with memory and has no side effects that I know of, it has helped me quite a bit. Talk to your parents and give it a try.

Hope this helps.

What exactly is OCD, and how do you know if you have it?

The first answer is correct on a definition of OCD. As a professional I thought I would add that there are degrees of OCD, there are people who are so caught up in it that it controls their lives and all they do. There are also those who simply need their rooms a certain way, or need to double check that the stove is off or the doors are locked. Having OCD usually implys that until you follow through on the obsession you are "stuck" and cannot move forward with your day, plans or in extremely serious cases life itself.

In order to find out whether or not you have it you will notice intense anxiety and should talk first to your GP and if he/she feels its warrented perhaps a psychiatrist. If you do have it there are some new medications out there that work really well for alot of people.

Hope this clarifys things for you.

I think i have ADD and i am going to be tested for it before i go back to school. I have taken adderall a bunch of times before and that helped me. I was wondering though.. is adderall more for people with ADHD? Cause i dont think i have that. If i got diagnosed with ADD, do you think i would be prescribed adderall?

Be very careful with taking adderall as it has actually been recalled in Canada. What I have found works best in clients is a medication called concerta. You should listen to your doctor though as he will know what is best for you.

Hope this helps

Alright i am a 15 year old girl. im pregnant. i have a great boyfriend. i dont get along with my dad or little brother. my mom and dad are getting a divorce. i choice to move with my mom. and my little brother choice to live with my dad. just recently i started cutting again. i no its not good and i talked to my boyfriend about it and ive been trying so hard to stop but there is so much drama. i just cry and i want to do it so bad. but i can i promised my boyfriend i wouldnt. my mom and i are moving out the end of the mnth. so i wont have to put up with my brother or my dad any more. but thats to long i cry everyday! and i want to cut everytime i cry or get angry. i need help!! and im crying out for help. i dont want to go talk to someone. i have a fear of talking to someone i dont know! so hopefully you guys can help me!

Ok you have alot of issues going on right now. First of all you need to make sure that you are getting the proper prenatal care for your child if you are going to keep it, this includes vitamins and regular visits with your doctor.

Second issue is your parents divorce, I know that you are hurt and angry right now but you are stuck with your brother and father for life and just because you are having issues now doesn't mean that you always will, so don't close your heart to them completely.

Third issue, the cutting, every negative thought you have now is going to your child. Cutting is an addiction and although hard to stop it is as you know possible. Try to use different things to relieve your feelings of stress and anxiety I often tell clients to set up a room where they can go to yell, scream or break stuff. Also keep in mind that right now your hormones are not only going nuts due to being pregnant but because you are a 15 year old girl.

I know that you don't want to see a counsellor but honestly it would probably due you a world of good, a counsellor won't judge you and can't repeat anything you say its a safe place to vent.

Think about it. Hope this helps

40's(f)
I saw the advice you gave someone else with this fear and as I asked this question generally sometime ago, and got nothing in the way of a helpful answer, I thought I would ask you.
I have a phobia of vomiting, me or other people. I have tried counselling, hypnotherapy, NLP and confrontational therapy. Nothing has worked. I have run out of ideas on how to beat this. Do you have any other suggestions on things to try? If so, how? Thanks.

First of all in all the different types of counselling have you discovered the root of your phobia? Usually it is the biggest key to helping you to solve the issue. Now you also need to seperate your fear, there is a difference between other people vomiting and you vomiting. I as a professional who often works in hospitals can't handle other people vomiting, so leave that one aside for now.

As for you vomiting, without knowing why you have this fear I would suggest that you perhaps try cognitive therapy. I have seen it work on similar fears, basically this takes you back to events in the past where your fear is rooted and helps you to re-create memories so that your fear is no longer an issue.

I hope this helps somewhat, if you know the root of your fear then I may be able to give you a few other hints and tools.

EDIT***
So it sounds to me like your fear is more rooted in the fear of disappointing the men in your life and even sending them away, this is obviously sub conscious as your logical mind knows this won't happen. What I would suggest you do is first is to look at this a different way your husband gets upset not only because no one likes to see others throw up but because he hates seeing his wife ill or in pain. Also write out a list of worse case scenerios throwing up will not cause you to die, it will not cause you to lose the love of your husband its unpleasant yes but not life threatening. Write it on a piece of paper and put it somewhere where you see it first thing in the morning and last thing before bed.

Hope this helps a little.

I know FOR SURE that I have OCD, but my phsyciatric doctor only diagnosed me with anxiety. I take two medicines for it, but they don't help. I need OCD medication, but he hasn't diagnosed me with OCD. How can I prove to him that I really do have it? I was thinking that I could keep an OCD journal, and write down all the rituals and OCD things I do each day and show him, but I need other ideas.

Why do you think you have OCD? What medications are you currently on and how long have you been taking them? I know I am answering with questions but your question lacks details to answer properly from a stand point of someone who has worked with clients with OCD for numerous years mis-diagnosis is very possible. If you would like more info and tips let me know some more details.

Sara

i think that i might have a little bit of anxiety. i'm almost certain that if i just went to go see a phsycologist, he or she could just tell me whether or not i do and/or if i can take something for it. the problem is that my mom won't take me. she says that it's normal to experience anxiety when you're PMSing. But, i'm not always PMSing. i think i even know why i have anxiety. iv'e tried explaining it to her, but i'm sure if she heard it from the phsycologist, she might stop doing what is making me feel like this. how can i convince her? cuz she needs to hear it from someone else i think

Talk to your regular gp, if he/she feels that you are overly anxious they can perscribe something for you. You don't have to go to a psychologist.

Hope this helps

hey my names jess....well my friends mom nd step dad went away for the night and considering were teenagers we invited a couple of boys over..well me my friend taylor nd 2 boys decided to go in the bathtub with bathingsuits on bc we were just swimmin but the girlswho house it was at took a picture of me nd one boy in the tub. her mom looked threw her camera nd found a the picture and she found another pic of my friends poisin with boys..her mom is flipping out and says she was gonna call the cops to find out what happened..im like really have a panic attack over here i know what i did was wrong but i dont know what to do...im having trouble breathing...im a very paranoid person so its really getting to me...how can i sop being nervous and make this situation better...without getting in more trouble than i should be in?

please help me!!
jess

It does not sound like any of you did anything illegal. The police are going to tell her to deal with this on her own unless the boys were alot older then you (obviously well above 18).

The worst thing that could happen is that she will call your parents, so I wouldn't worry about it. Your parents would be angry but they will get over it.

The person that I am dreaming about is a guy that I dated off and on for about 2 years around the age of 15. I am now 33. The first dream that I can remember having about him was about two years later. It was very vivid like he needed help or something. I had a few of those. Then, he showed up at a party I was at. He said he would soon be moving and had hoped to see me before he did so. I felt like i had mentally connected with him. Over the years, I had several more boyfriends and would still dream about him from time to time. I am now married (have been for 5 years) and seem to be dreaming about him pretty frequently. I should stop here and say that I did see him again briefly about 5-6 years ago at a bar. I with my fiance, he with his. Needless to say, I was drunk as was he and I dont think I made a very good impression (wanting to hug him 3 times when I saw him, mentioning the dream, etc)Anyway, these current dreams, they are not sexual (he was not a good lover) but I always feel so warm and content and happy, protected, etc. when he is there in my dream. Why am I still dreaming about him after all this time? I was a teenager when we dated, I had other teenage boyfriends, its not like he was the only one. PLEASE HELP!

Sounds like to me you may be associating your old boyfriend with a time in your life when there was less stress and obligations. Also he may represent safety for you which is why these are not sexual dreams. I think the reason you dream of him as opposed to another teenage boyfriend is the age that you dated and the length of time. At 15 it was probably your first serious relationship and at 15 your body and mind are at a pivotal growth / state of maturing.

Hope this helps.

Question #1 You asked if my mom was in the service area.

I guess you could call it that (shes teaches horseback riding, you also answered my question that was in the normal pool)

#2 My relationship with my mom is okay. i resent that she treats her coustomers different then me she is always so cherry around them and everyone says oh you are so lucky you have such a nice my ( which i do) but it is so different from home and the bran and that has always bugged me.

#3 No i have never had this "obbsession" with a man before. but when it does happen its this is what goes on in my head
Oh my god i have to get up and see ____ i cant wait and i just get soooo overly happy.

hope that helps and dont worry, if i can answer anything else i would love to [=

OK well I think I was right with my first assessment, you are looking for the relationship in other women that you with you had with your mother.

It's ok to be attached to other women but not to try and create a relationship with them that would serve to make you feel like you had a better mom. I understand why your mom acts differently from her point of she must feel like she is always "on" because she works where she lives and the only person she can be "off" with is you and your sister.

Back to your problem, I think that you should talk to your mom and say that you understand why she acts differently but that you feel that sometimes she puts the customers ahead of you and that hurts.

Secondly I would maybe look into getting a male counsellor, simply because these issues wouldn't arise and because they would be able to help you more, without you feeling so attached. I think that you should only spend short amount of time with older women for a while at least so as to avoid this.

If it would help you you can email me anytime and I will help you the best I can, this is what I actually do for a living.

Let me know what you think.

What books changed your outlook on life?

I am not sure how old you are, but "A Boy called It" its a true story and it made me realize how strong the human spirit really is and how lucky the majority of us have it. Another really inspirational book for me was "The Power of One". As I am an avid reader (I read on average 10/week) there are probably tons more that I can't think of off the top of my head. If you tell me what type of book you enjoy I could probably tell you a few more.

Hope this helps, Enjoy!

recently i learned how completly nieve ive been. it turns out like a ton of people at my school cut themselves and i didn't notice at all. these are people im rwally close to...one's my best friend but you don't know her so as i promised i probably dont have to kill myself for telling you. you know i dont want her to hurt herself and what hurts me even more is that she says its the only thing that makes her happy. when i think about it i dont feel like im thinking a bout the same bff ive had since 1st grade and i just want her to stop. shes trying but im afriad if she doesn't have a theat it wont work. i dont want to tell an adult(well canr really) and i dont want her to be unhappy...but i DONT WANT HER TO KEEP DOING IT! How can i tell her to stop? and this doesn't mean shes like a masochist does it?

First off cutting is an addiction and she may not be able to stop. You need to talk to an adult and make sure she gets help.

As for what gatekeeper or Jon said, Manic Depression has NOTHING to do with cutting. Manic depression is when you have extreme highs and lows it is also called bi-polar disorder and is an extremely serious diagnosis.

Clinical Depression could be one of the reasons behind your friend cutting but she needs professional help to diagnose this and get her treatment. By telling you are not hurting your friend or being a bad friend you could be saving her life so even if she gets mad she will realize that your actions show how much you truly care.

Hope this helps

Alright lately i just have been crying and crying and im not really sure why. i havent been hanging out with friends and i dont even want to. i feel like i have no one to talk to or to trust and i dont even really want to talk to anyone about it. i hurt myself a few times but my mom and sister saw it and made me promise never to do it again. now my mom is making me go to the doctors and i really dont want to. i dont know what to expect and im scared. because i dont really know what to say beacuse there gonna ask my what happend and nothing really happend.. it just kinda started you know.. do you think i have depression? i dotn know im confused, frusterated and lonely and i just want to hear anyones opinions on what to do or expect.. thank you

Ok oyu may be depressed but the cutting or self harm is a different issue. Self harm releases endorphins and allows you to feel better for a short period of time. I think the reason your mom is so worried is because self harm can actually turn into an addiction. Going to the doctor will help you, but you need to be open and honest with him/her.

Keep in mind that as long as you are over 14 the doctor cannot repeat what you tell him as long as you are not at risk.

Your Mom is really awesome to be taking action now, it is obvious she loves you alot. You will also feel alot better once you talk to a professional.

Good luck, Hope this helped.

My sister is the youngest in our family and suffers from depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, she also suffers from agoraphobia and has been housebound for over six years. She still lives at home with our mom who seems to be enabling her condition. (My mother is separated from my dad and would otherwise be alone in the house.)

Although I live a fair distance away, I try to go over when I can and get my sister out of the house by taking her to the store. But otherwise, she doesn't bother going out. I have a couple of other siblings who are of no help.

Additionally, as my husband and I get closer to retirement age, he is starting to get concerned that once my mom passes away, that my sister will become my responsbility.

My question is how (and if) we should get her to take that first step towards recovery. I know from personal experience that one must actually WANT to get well before actually doing so. However, it's been a LONG TIME now and doesn't seem to be taking an steps toward recovery. (She's refused all offers of counseling.)

Any ideas you can give me would be much appreciated.

You really are in a tough position. If however you are able to get your sister to the store she is in a better position then you think. If she is willing to go out at all then she is able to deal with hear anxiety and fear somewhat.

The first step you need to make is to talk to your mother, explain that your sister will not leave her but that she needs to start getting out. Explain to her the issues that will arise after she dies. If you can get your mother to sign on to the plan to support getting your sister out that would also be a big help. Whether or not you mother aggrees to help you should go to a community mental health agency, and ask their advice.

At the end of the day though this is your sister and you cannot be your sister's keeper, if she refuses all help then there is not alot you can do. Keep encouraging her to get out but you can't force her. Just letting her know she is loved is often all you can do.

Hope this helped.

okay, seriously.. i must be an insomniac. it's 5:27 am and i cant sleep, i cleaned my whole room, bathroom and kicthen to give me something to do, and im hyper as ever still, for the past 2 months i have not been able to sleep, and when i do sleep i sleep to much, what is rong with me? am i going insane???

Hey there, I am an adult and have had the same issue for over 15 years. I have visited sleep clinics and tried every trick out there. Basically I find I cycle I sleep well for 3-4 months then I will be hit with insomnia for a month or so where I can't fall asleep and if I fall asleep I can sleep for 14 hours at a shot. There are many tricks you can try the ones previously suggested are great, also what works well is having a bath right before bed and using a sleep mask to block out all light. Also if I have something where I need to be well rested I sometimes take a benedryl I AM NOT RECOMENDING THIS!!! I am just saying that for me it helps sometimes. (Benedryl is the same drug that is in over the counter sleep medications)

Hope this helps

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