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E-mail: ravelle21@hotmail.com
Location: Indiana
Age: 25
Member Since: August 2, 2007
Answers: 207
Last Update: April 17, 2019
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I was in the poultry department today and the nice looking guy behind the counter asked me what was I cooking, I said fried fish, spaghetti, mac n cheese and peach cobbler and he said oh that sounds good, and he said ill bring the wine...I just lol....was he making a move and my silly but was too silly to see that.... (link)
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It sounds like he was probably flirting in a joking manner.
It's hard to realize sometimes when people are flirting and you don't see it until it is too late.
Best of luck.
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Should i break up my 7 year marriage?
My husband is a gambler and we are aleays broke
I recently met a man who is a widower and livling
with his sister i like him but I think it is too soon for him to move in,
Please help
I am 53 Gentlemen in question are 63
Thank you (link)
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You say you have a 7 year marriage, but you are 53. Were you married previously or is this your first marriage?
Was gambling a problem before you married him?
I would first talk to your husband and ask him not to gamble as much. Personally I think it's better to attempt to save the relationship you already have than starting a new one. However, if things do not improve, I would look into leaving him as long as you have your own source of income. Also, if you do have your own source of income, can you block him from using what you earn so that you aren't always broke?
Secondly, if you do decide that leaving is the best option, is jumping into another relationship a good idea right off the bat? Also, does he have his own source of income and just lives with his sister? Or is he broke and relying on her? You wouldn't want to go from one broke man to another, it would just be unneeded stress for your life.
Honestly - 1. Try to fix your current relationship. Do you still love him at least? If you are thinking of someone else, you aren't being faithful to your husband and that isn't fair.
2. If you decide to leave, take some time and get an apartment of your own. Relearn what you like and figure out how you enjoy living.
3. Then if you decide to continue things with the new man, will he fit well into the way you want your life to go? Or will he be too much like your previous relationship?
Hope this helps a bit. Best of luck.
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So I am one to believe that life is nuanced and there are definitely gray areas in many situations.
My partner does not. He thinks in black and white.
The problem is he only applies this black and white thinking to other people. But to himself not so much.
I am asking I guess for perspective, because I have thought about this issue so many times and i can’t seem to come to a solid conclusion.
Background: I have been with my partner for about a year and a half. The first 6 months of our relationship were mostly long distance. We’ve now been living together for about a year.
The issue: Because of deep rooted childhood and past relationship traumas that I won’t get into here, he has always had trust issues. For the long distance part of our relationship he always worried that I was cheating on him. I wasn’t.
When we first began, I tended to be honest with my past and answered his questions and shared about who I dated and what I did. This of course made someone with a troubled past even more insecure (except I didn’t know that about him at that point so my naivety kept me talking and sharing).
Now by no means have I had a sketchy past or hundred of sexual partners or anything like that. I may have made a mistake but who hasn’t. Anyway he was not able to get over my past and the things I shared with him, and it would lead to bad fights so eventually I stopped sharing.
Where I was wrong: Because of his overblown reactions, and constant judgement of my past, I started downplaying situations. I wouldn’t lie per se, but I would only share the bare minimum and omit things that I knew would set him off or make him insecure. For example, if I was out with some girls and guys, I would only talk about the girls. If I was having lunch with a friend who I knew liked me but who I was not interested in, I wouldn’t share that this friend had a crush on me. If he asked me about a past vacation and who I was with, I would say a friend , when it was actually someone who I liked (but nothing happened with them). Once I even told him that I only hooked up with someone when I actually did more than that, but all of this was before I met him! I didn’t think it fair to be judged for something I did before I knew my partner.
See, I know this is wrong. I know not telling the whole truth is like lying. But if it was my past, and if I’ve never cheated and if I have never been interested in anyone except my partner and I was trying to avoid upsetting him and irrational fighting, is it really that wrong?
Part of me says yes it’s wrong.
But part of me also says, I’ve caught him doing the same thing. Downplaying a situation or telling a white lie for something to not seem as bad. We’re human. We do this out of fears, to avoid punishments, etc.
Anyway he found out about a few of these situations where I downplayed and now he’s flipped it around to “I’m not mad about what you did I’m mad about you lying”.
But he is not free of his own mistakes either.
I say if I have always respected our relationship. Never cheated or done anything nor would I, is it fair for him to continue to torment me about my past and about who I was with where and what I did with them and about downplaying situations?
Now we live together so this doesn’t happen anymore, but he’s likely to bring up the past and remind me that I haven’t been 100% honest with him all the time.
I just don’t know what to say or do in that situation. Turning it back on him is not mature, but then again , how can you hold someone to a standard you don’t hold yourself to?
And was it so unforgivable for me to downplay a situation about my past out of fear of his reaction?
Have I dug my own grave here?
Thanks in advance for reading this. (link)
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If you can't be 100% open and honest with the person you are dating, you shouldn't be with them. That being said, it doesn't seem like it is your fault. If he can't get over little details, especially things about your past which YOU CANNOT CHANGE, it seems like that's his problem.
In a healthy relationship, there should be trust.
A conversation should go something like this:
A: Yeah I was out with some friends.
B: Who? (asking interestedly, not controllingly)
A: name them all - girls and boys.
B: Oh sounds fun (or something along those lines)
if it doesn't go casually like that are you really comfortable in the relationship? And if you aren't should you even be with them?
And if he can't handle the full truth, that's his issue.
I've not had a lot of relationships, but all of the ones I've had have been serious. I can tell my husband anything and he is fine with it. He trusts me (it would be bad if he didn't.. I like people regardless of gender so he'd have to be jealous of everyone!). I feel like all relationships should be like that, but maybe I've just found a fairytale relationship and real life isn't like that?
I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped!
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Ive been unsure about my sexuality im 16 male but now i think i am gay ive become more attracted to guys i get turned on looking at guys and ive become real friendly with this guy he is gay and he told me he likes me i was unsure how i felt about him but the more time i spend with him i like him even a couple of days ago we were hanging out we nearly kissed i wanted to but i was too nervous i do like him a lot and i think i do want to be with him should i tell him how i feel? (link)
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I think you should be honest with him. when you are hanging out, just tell him that you like him, i know it might be hard, but just tell him, and you said he likes you, so i think it will be ok, just get up the courage and tell him.
Good luck, and i think it will end up great :)
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How can I get a guy to like me for me? I mean I dated this one guy for 6 weeks and now i want him back what do i do? (link)
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Well, just start talking to him again, and see where it goes. He might have moved on, but it never hurts to try. just be your self, that is the most important thing to remember.
If you don't get him back,there are many other fish in the sea, so keep looking.
good luck :)
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14/f
I sit next to this really cute guy in German class where we're barely allowed to talk in English. I like him a lot and can talk a little before the teacher comes in but we're both shy. He knows I like him because my friend told him (his friend as well) but I'm not exactly good with guys. I'm very socially awkward. What do I do? Thank you! (link)
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Just try talking to him. He's shy too, so he knows how you feel, being socially awkward. just talk and get to know him. If a relationship or something is meant to happen, it will :)
good luck
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Ive just turned 15 im male and lot of people say your too young to know if your in love or if your gay or not i dont really think that ive known for some time that im gay ive only been interested in guys and ive become really close to this guy ive really like him for awhile now i havent said anything to him about how i feel we are good friends hes friendly towards me i might be wrong but the way he acts i think he might like me im not sure do i give him signals do i talk to him about it? how can i find out if hes gay or not? (link)
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well, i believe you can love at 15. I was in love at 13. Though, i also believe you can love more than one person in your life, but only one is your soul mate..
Anyways, I also think you can know if your gay or not.
Depending on if you want to come out that your gay or not (you never really said if you have told him you are gay), i would say ask him. alot of guys dont realize when someone is giving signals. some do. and you could try it. but i think you should just talk to him about it. if he's really your friend he wont care that you are gay. If he too is gay/bi, then that's great, and if he's not, try to move on.there are billions of people on the earth ,and you will find someone you love.
i hoped i helped and good luck. if you need any more help, im always here!
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15/male im gay ive been with my boyfriend almost 2 months everything is going well and i really want to kiss him im not sure if its too soon we havent talk about it im unsure about all this at what stage do you start kissing holding hands hugging all thst stuff? (link)
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Well, it really depends on the relationship. My first boyfriend and I hugged... alot. we kissed 3 months into the relationship, and it took a while for us to hold hands. that is my only relationship that we did anything. I had 2 other boyfreinds and a girlfriend and i never hugged, held hands or kissed the boyfriend, and i hugged the girlfriend the first day.
So it just depends on what your both comfortable with. Talk to him about it. if he really likes/loves you, he will be ok with it. You could just try hugging him and see how that goes. also, this all depends on if you are "out" because depending on where you live, people have different views of gay, so be careful what you do in public if you arent "out" or whatever. but just start with hugging, or holding hands, and when you feel its ready, kiss. its really not as hard as it sounds.
I hope i helped, and if you have any other questions, just ask! =)
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22/f, he's my age.
I recently got out of a relationship with a VERY sensitive guy, and it was a LONG relationship, so this all feels very new to me...
I had a very short, very tightly scheduled coffee date with a guy from a class I no longer attend. I was at work until half an hour before we were supposed to meet, and was actually at the coffee shop on time, but never called him to confirm. I didn't know he wanted me to call him beforehand, and I had forgotten my phone. I figured I'd just show up and we'd meet up. So that was my mistake, I guess.
I did call him back (an hour later) after I got his message asking if we were still on, telling him what happened, but he hasn't called me back yet. This was yesterday evening. We've hung out before, but it was under the pretense of studying, so this was gonna be our first actual date-type-thing.
My question is, should I e-mail him, too? Or will that seem too clingy/panicky/smothery? I've always felt like I understood social dynamics, but all of a sudden I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. >.<
Suggestions? (link)
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I think you should wait a few days. He might not have had time to reply to your messages.
You could try calling him again in a few days. but then if he doesnt answer, then let it go, it wasnt meant to happen.
If you ever run into him somewhere, just talk to him.
Good luck!
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19/F
I've always been very picky about who I would want to date and wanted to make sure it was someone I could really have a real relationship with. I never wanted to date just to date and I never dated anyone until January last year. My boyfriend was the first guy I went on a date with, my first kiss, and various other firsts. We've been together a year now and are absolutely perfect for each other. We're already thinking and planning our future life together and I already know that when the time comes for him to pop the question I will say yes.
I'm not asking for advice really but more of a Poll of sorts. How common is it for someone to marry their first boyfriends? Am I just really lucky that I found the right guy on the first try? Also just out of curiosity how many of you think I'm nuts for marrying my first boyfriend? :P
Anyone's thoughts are great. I was just pondering this and thought I'd ask. (link)
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I dont know how common it is, but i think its cute! your lucky to have found someone on the first try. many people never even find their perfect someone. so you are blessed and lucky.
i think its cute and i hope every thing stays perfect for you!
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ok iwas datng a guy for almost a month after we had been talking and friends for like 3 months im 17 and hes 20 idc about age and he broke up with me and idk how to like get over it bc i know its weird but he was my first kiss and i started to really trust him and i found out later he let me for a 45 yr old :( so i don't know what to do im so hurt by what he did i trusted him and i thought we were starting to actually love each other. his excuse for the break up is that we were to different and it wouldn't last no matter how much we loved each other i just don't know what to do :( i tried talking to him like a week after he broke up with me and he said he needed sum space so i feel like all he wanted me for was sex and thank god i didn't im just so hurt by him . (link)
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I also had the problem of having to get over someone i loved.
The only thing i can really tell you, that wont get all of the love and good feelings away, but what really helped me, think of EVERY bad thing about him. He hurt you, let you for a 45 yr old, lied to you, and probably just wanted you for sex. concentrate on all the bad things he did.
That will help, though it can lead to hating him, but sometimes its for your own good to hate someone.
I hope I helped, and im sorry if that wasnt the type of answer you wanted. If you have any more questions, im here for you!
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I am going to be hanging out with a friend this weekend who I really like and who turns me on. We're both attracted to each other but I want to make a move on him. How do I cross the line without being cheesy and how do I deal with it if he turns me down? (link)
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Kissing is a hard subject. You pretty much just have to wait for the right time. If he turns away, or says no or something, just think, its ok, because there are so many other guys in the world, and one of them is meant for you, and it just isnt this one.
When my (now ex) boyfriend and i were going out he was soo cheesy! For making out he was like... "Do you want to kiss how they do in france?" but it really just depends on what he likes. if he likes cheesy go for that.
but i think the best thing would be to wait for the right moment, and dont say anything, just do. lean in going for the kiss, and if he leans toward you, kiss him.
Hope i helped! Good luck, and if it works hope you have fun ;)
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My boyfriend and I broke up because of stress being put on him by his family which caused us not to see each other much and although I tried to understand, I was still hurt by us never getting to spend time together. Now we are broken up but still good friends. I think taking time off from the relationship has helped us. He said he would like to "try again" when his family issues are resolved, but I don't know how long that will be and I really miss us being together. How can I convince him I want to help and not hinder? I just want us to be able to be more than friends again... (link)
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Tell him that you want to be more than friends, and offer to help with his family issues. Just because he has them, doesnt mean he cant be with someone. You could try and help him with his problems, while giving him the love and support he might be missing out on while his family is having problems.
suggest that to him, and i mean, he will do what he wants, but that might help change his mind.
Hope i helped and good luck!
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I am 16 female.. I dated this guy for just under a year he dumped me because there was rumors atschool that I was cheating so he dumped me even though I wasn't cheating.. My problem now is we have been apart for basically two months we have talked a bit decently but we always end up yelling and getting Mad but we have both aknowledged that we still have feelings for eachcother... I can't stop thinking of him he meant everything to me and was my life we had been through a lot together his name is in my doodles he's in my dreams please someone is this normal or is something wrong with me please help before I go crazy. -sleepiesheep (link)
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You miss him, and that is normal especially for dating someone for so long. (believe me i know, i dated someone for almost 3 years and he broke my heart and it was terrible. also, im 16 as well), but you have to think about what is best for you. You did have wonderful times together, but people do change. If you guys are fighting, dating most likely wont end well.
but if he is up to it, you two can try dating again.
It is normal and you still like him. when i like someone i dream about him and write his name everywhere.
It may seem like you are going crazy, but you arent, you just have a MASSIVE crush, or you love him and are kind of obsessed. but its ok. alot of girls get obsessed with guys. believe me!
I hope i helped, and if you have any more questions or want to talk, just ask, because im always here for anyone with questions!
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15 year old male and im gay and i have really strong feelings for this guy we are good friends ive had feelings for him for awhile im too nervous to tell him ive come close to telling him but im not sure if he likes me not real sure if hes gay im worried he might reject me im nervous about it getting out that im gay but i really like him but im nervous to say anything how do i go about it do i just talk to him? (link)
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Ok, this is kind of a hard question.
You have to be ready for rejection, because, first of all, he might not be gay. and you cant really make him be either. If he's your good friend, you should just sit down and talk to him, and say that you are gay, and if he's truely your friend he will be ok with it. If he is ok with it, tell him that you like him, but you would understand if he only likes you as a friend, and you dont want it to ruin your friendship.
If he isnt ok with you being gay, then, you should probably stay away from him. He can start rumors (or even truths) that you dont want to get out.
Also, about getting out that you are gay, does anyone know that you are??
Depending on where you live, such as a city, people might be more accepting of gay people. If you live in an area where I live (like... christian churches EVERYWHERE, unnaccepting of gay people) you might not want to come out that you are gay. But you are who you are, and people SHOULD accept that. just, some people arent comfortable around what they dont understand, and it comes off as hate.
Im sorry if my answer was confusing, but i really hope i helped. if you have any more questions, just ask!
Good Luck!
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what matters more to you, what you really really want or what you deserve? and why? (link)
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Other people matter more than what you want or deserve. But you cant always get what you want, or what you deserve, but you SHOULD Want what you deserve.
this is a really difficult question to answer, but i hope i helped.
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19/f
I recently moved into a house near college with two people, my best friend and her best guy friend. Not to her knowledge, he and I have been seeing eachother for almost three months now. Ergo, we've had to be secretive about our relationship.
Yesterday he asked what I was doing for Christmas, I instinctively answered that I was spending it with my parents, and then he asked if I wanted to go home with him for New Years, in that case visit. I was super psyched and I agreed, but said I would have to get my parents permission since I would be taking their car to drive to his place (2-3 hours away). My parents are aware of the situation and approve, and have been since the beggining.
This is what brings me to my dilhema; he doesn't want to tell his parents about us as a couple. I mean when they visited the house for Thanksgiving, I understood why we were 'just roommates' because it had only been like a month since we started dating. However, this time, he invited me to spend the holiday with him, at his home, with his parents. Would this not qualify as a 'meet the parents' situation? I mean, of course I've met them already, once when we moved in, and again at Thanksgiving, but this just seemed more 'legit' in a 'comming out' way. Am I wring to think this?
I understand if he just doens't want to tell people because of the risk of our roommate finding out, but he hasn't even told his best friend, which kind of bothers me as well, but I'm okay with it, I guess I just like to talk to my friends. But why won't he tell his parents? I know he doesn't tell them much, but if he's inviting me over, would that not be a good thing for them to know? I mean, I don't want to be lying to them, that wouldn't go over so well. (link)
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Well maybe if he invites you over, he is either getting his parents used to you, or hoping they will understand that you two are together, without straight out coming out and telling them.
If they ask, then tell them, because they dont deserve to be lied to, but you dont have to go out of your way to tell them.
Does that make sense?
its kind of like the saying "you arent lying if you only tell part of the truth"
I hope i helped, and have fun!
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A couple of days ago my boyfriend said, "I tend to **** everything in life up." And I said, "No you don't, you haven't ****ed up this relationship." Now here's the weird part... the next thing he said was "Well, I'm trying to distance myself from you so when I do **** it up, the breakup won't kill me. Because it will." He wouldn't talk about it after that... what the heck does it mean and what do I do?! I'm sort of freaked out. (link)
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Truthfully i understand your situation. I really dont know what to say to you though. My ex told me something like that, and we both have depression issues, and he is trying to prevent pain to the both of you, but im not really sure why.
What happened with me and my ex boyfriend, he does stupid things, for absolutely no reason, and he knows he does that. Maybe your boyfreind is kinda like that, and knows that he might do something to **** it up.
All i can really tell you to do, is try to put yourself in a mindset that, whatever happens, if you love him, and he is happy, that is all that should matter. Also keep an open mind. if he breaks up with you, there are 7 billion more people on earth. You will find someone eventually.
I cant really tell you much more. but if you need someone to talk to, im always here for you, and just ask me.
Sorry i couldnt help more, but dont forget im here for you!
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i have been dating this guy for 5 months now, and we have had sex and we both care about anther. i love him and i have loved him for awhile now. i know he cares about me but he hasnt said "i love you" he has told me that he is scared and doesnt want me to get hurt and that he about about me.he knows how i feel, even though i havent come out and told him that i love, but he knows. i dont want to tell him i love him because i dont want him to feel pressured into saying it back. so the question is; does he love me? (link)
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I'm guessing, if he cares so much not hurt you, then he probably does. its really hard to tell, why dont you ask him, but tell him that he shouldnt be pressured to say something he's not ready to say.
I hope I helped.
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hi im 15 male and im gay my boyfriend is also 15 weve been together just over 6 months i love him a lot and the other day we were in his room we were making out and we nearly got caught by his mom and i freaked out a little we havent told anyone yet i dont think i want to tell anyone yet im not sure how to tell my parents about it or anyone else im worried about what they will think
should talk them or wait? (link)
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well, there's a couple different options.
I myself am bi, but i'm not telling my parents. but my aunts are lesbians, and one of my really good friends is gay. so i do have a bit of knowledge about this.
here are the options i have for you, and you decide what you think is best.
1. You could straight out tell them, if they love you, it wont matter to them that you are gay.
2. Wait a while and tell them,(if you are afraid of how they will react, watch what they do, like, their thoughts on gay people. do they have any friends that are gay? or what? if so, that will help, because they are ok with gay. then again, there are those very religious people who are anti-gay, if your parents are like that, then my advice would be not tell them now)
3. You could not tell them, and try to hide it, but this i wouldn't choose that as your first choice, because eventually they will keep asking you why you don't have a girlfriend. (but this CAN work with people at your school, if when you go to college, you move away from where you live.)
4. you could totally shock them and bring home your boyfriend and say "parents, i just want you to know, i have a boyfriend"
It really just depends on your parents thoughts of gay people.
Also, if you are going to tell them and they don't really like gay people, i think you should wait until you are about to move out. like... 17 or 18 years old, because i have heard storys of people getting thrown out because their parents disown them for being gay.
It could go either way, and im sorry if my answer was at all confusing. if you have any more questions, just ask me, because i am here for you. Really, if you need anything, just ask!
I hope i helped, and good luck.
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