In my lifetime, I've been a lot of places, and seen a lot of people.
I'm never going to claim I know the correct answer, but I will tell you what I think is the right thing. And no matter what, I will respect that you asked for help, and want it. No unneccesarily cruel answers. No talking down to you. Just honesty and kindness.
Peace be with you all.
Gender: Male
Location: The World
Occupation: Writer
Age: 25
Member Since: May 9, 2008
Answers: 31
Last Update: March 29, 2009
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pseudophun
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F .
i went out with this guy for 2 years, and throughout the whole relationship he was really abusive. he would hurt me physically and mentally so one day i was caught skipping school with him and i knew i would never be allowed to see him again, so i decided to end it. So i went out with this other guy named Patrick but at the same time im not sure who i really want . i love them both but its just confusing cause anthony was such a big deal in my life. I am really confused about what to do. Please help! (link)
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Hon, I really think you already know what you should do.
You've stated it. 2 years of abuse. 2 years of physical and emotional pain. And ending it was a good decision on your part.
Yes, he was a big deal in your life. Some of us still have problems and issues with early love because they were a big part of our lives.
But I don't think that he was a good part of your life. You shouldn't have to deal with someone who would treat you less than you should have been treated.
I say, you put Anthony to your past. Remember the good times, but don't forget how you were mistreated. While you haven't said how Patrick treats you, the fact that he doesn't abuse you at all shows that you've really stepped up.
Go forth and be happy, and let not the problems of the past hold you down.
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so my ex and i were together for a year and half. and we broke up like 2 months ago. i am soo ready to just move on, but it seems like there's no one there that likes me, or wants to be with me. What should i do? i really want to just move on and forget about my ex. but i just need somebody to move onto.
thanks to anyone that helps.
(link)
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I thought the same after my first relationship went to hell. And it ended up being a big mistake.
The thing is, when we seperate from someone who has been part of our lives for a long time, we sometimes feel desperate to fill the space that they left. But if you look for someone just to fill the void, it isn't as honest.
Honestly, I'd wait until you are over your ex, and you want someone just for them, not just to move away from him/her.
Hope this helps.
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How do you get a guy to ask you out? (link)
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Well, the negative answer to you would be to dress in a more revealing way.
But the fact is, you can't get a guy to ask you out. He just will when he is ready.
Alternatively, you could just ask him out instead.
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okay, i had this ex named bradin about a yr ago and we both liked each other but i dumped him for another guy that i went out with. now im startin to like bradin again because we've been talking again. he says he likes me too but has a girlfriend or "has a girl in mind".. he always flirts with me, saying he wishes it was me and everything just doing normal flirting stuff but wont break up with her because he says hes been waiting for her for a long time. whenever i ask him if i have a chance or whatever he says maybe and then when i ask him if theres any point to liking him he says yes but he doesnt know what. i know he has been waiting for this girl but she says that they arent going out but they both like each other. i really want to go out with him but i dont know what i should do or say to him or act around him or even if i should stop liking him. i dont want to stop liking him. he really does act like he likes me and everything but doesnt want to cheat on his "girlfriend"
what should i do! (link)
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Seriously, I think you're getting into something you're going to regret.
Just get out now, and don't look back, because this is one of those topics where a smarmy maybe shouldn't be used if you're serious.
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I really like this guy that i just met (right before school ended) and well i've liked him for about a month and the next time i'll see him is probably in august or september. And I like him sooo much i think i'll go crazy if i don't see him now. can someone help me?!
15/f (link)
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I was in a similar situation. Thank God for email.
Basically, just keep in contact with the guy. A tiny spark has started, and it's up to you to keep the fire going.
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17/F.
Okay, so I dated my ex for like 7 months, I broke up with him almost a month ago because I didn't feel like I was myself and he thought he was the first thing to go which he wasn't.. and after of us hating/ignoring/pissing eachother off for 2-3 weeks, we started talking again as friends and a lot of the things I thought he did... he didn't. And so now we've been sort of hanging out a little bit and when we do.. all we do is like make out and basically all over eachother. He thought I lost feelings for him, I really didn't, I just had a wall up and I was already stressed out about everything else so I felt like I needed time to myself, which helped a lot. Well we both feel like the break up brought us closer because we were always teasing eachother about sneaking over to eachother's houses... well last night he really did.
So when we were in my room, we were making out on my bed and everything and it was very sweet, cute, amazing, etc. Well he was over for about 3 hours and all we did was kiss and everything, we were going to do the usual thing we used to do which was fingering and eating me out (that was embarrassing to say and sort of weird... haha.) but I stopped him because obviously I was on my period and thats just sick if you mess around with someone while your on your period... so we just made out and massaged eachother and shit. WELL he just left for Las Vegas for 2 weeks (which is good because I need time to think about things) and so anyways, the real story...
When we were just laying there... we started talking about him going out on dates with my friend Candice... well I thought they were just going out as friends (just to the movies, not dating). Well when he told me that they were real dates I felt like shit and like a whore and I started crying because she is/was (i don't know anymore) my friend and I could never do that and he was saying that he was still in love with me and I love him more than I ever have... well he doesn't really like her but why do I still feel like a whore? I mean she's my friend... and I told him I still wanted to go out on dates with her... and he asked me what if I knew about them before he came over last night and everything(again, their not dating) and I told him I would have never let him over last night...
WHY AM I SO CONFUSED? I mean I know why, but I feel like a whore but I still want him over at my house in my room, just me and him... a;ljf;lkas;lfkaj I feel so bad because she's such a great person and she's like him since NEW YEARS and I just found out last night... =/
But anyways, I know he doesn't have a title and I shouldn't feel like a whore, but I still do and I still have feelings for him (I'm pretty positive haha.)
Anyways, all of this was just getting some weight off my chest... if you give me advice, that would be fantastic.
Thanks in Advance!
-Ginger. (link)
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You are not a whore.
Honestly, if he was in anyway worth anything, he either would not be making out with you behind the other girl's back, or would have broken it off with her before coming back to you.
Seriously, talk to your friend, deal with the problem, and never let him take advantage of your feelings again.
Again, you are not a whore. You're an innocent that is being hurt by someone who is scum. *hugs* Be strong, and push on.
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i was in love w/ this guy, Michael, and then i thought that he didn't like me so i dumped him and then he said that he wanted to get back together, but he wanted to hang out first, so i was hanging out w/ him a lot and i was getting more heart broken, and then he had his ex-gf call me and go off on me that i wouldn't leave him alone and i know that he knew that she did it, b/c it was his name and number on the caller id and then i called him pathetic and he was going off on me and calling me a LOT of stuff that i don't want to remember and then he was threatening to jump my new bf and me and then i was just messaging him on myspace, and he was calling me the Leader of All Hoes and a lot of other things, i want him out of my life, but how? (link)
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Wow, that's what I call a situation that spiralled out of control.
If you have just cause to think he would follow through on his threat on you and your boyfriend, I recommend looking into something like a restraining order.
And whether or not he is that kind of guy and you do or don't get a restraining order on him, the best thing to do is ignore him.
I mean, if he's such a coward that he has to play such a disgusting trick like having his girl call you on HIS phone so that you can get taken unaware and made to feel horrible, then honestly, he is beneath you, and doesn't deserve even to be spat on.
Good luck, and God bless.
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f/13.
i'm in love withe my best friend.
and she's in love with me.
but the thing is, i'm moving soon.
and she has a boyfriend.
her boyfriend is cool with it, because he and i are great friends.
he wants to see me and her make out.
and we're going to.
but what should i do.
i don't wanna let her go.
but i have to.
i'll still talk to her.
but i really don't know.
what should i do.
please help.
(link)
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Umm.... okay..... Let me just absorb this a bit before I answer.
I think that the hard part is over. Your friend knows you love her. She loves you too. Keep in touch and just see what happens.
I however must stress caution with the boyfriend angle. Honestly, I don't see how a guy like that can be cool with his girlfriend being in love with a girl. While all guys want a threesome with two girls, they want to be the focus of love.
Seriously, be careful in that regard. I sense a set-up. Take care.
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I have dated one guys for 5 years now an he has cheated on me 17 times. I moved out from his house an now i live with someone i really get along with. Everytime i try to break up with the other guy he begs me not to do it that he will change. Please i need so advice on how to tell him i dnt want him no more (link)
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5 years. 17 times.
Look him dead in the eye and ask why the hell you should stay with someone who doesn't respect you, himself, and has had more than enough chances.
And make it abundantly clear that you can do much better than him.
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your a guy right? well ha duh your a guy...but okay
well i have a few questions.
1) i heard that guys like when girls will try to take them from their current girlfriends..true or false?
2)what kind of attitude do boys like? What do you guys look for in a girl? because most of the time they go for the short skirts and stick size girls...
3)how do you turn a guy on without giving him the idea that you want to go any further than kissing??
19/f if it helps??! i know i should have more experience but i was on a really REALLY tight chain when i was young... (link)
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Yes, I'm a guy. Now, onto the questions:
1) Unless a guy is a complete and utter horrible person who just loves himself, no guy wants another girl to try and take him from their current girlfriend. Even if we as a gender are turned on by females beyond the ones we date, no decent guy wants the drama, stress, and more-than-likely heartache that a girl trying to take them from their current girlfriend.
2) I can't speak for other guys. I can only speak for myself. And honestly, I look them in the eyes. If a girl truly is someone I could connect with, I'll see it in her eyes. Her honesty, her humor, her insecurities, her confidences. I've fallen for different kinds of women, some shy and reserved, and some outgoing and fun-loving. Fashion and size means little to me, although I like a woman in proper proportion. Meaning, if she looks natural to be big, or small, it works for me.
3) Sadly, not a lot of guys are like me, who would be cool with that. But a hand through the hair or lightly tracing the fingers along the neck works often.
And don't worry about age and experience. People should only do things when they are ready. I got my first kiss at your age, because I waited for the right one.
I hope this helps you out.
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16/f
is it weird that i like like 20394823 guys? and i dont mean just a little crush. i have like a thing for a bunch of guys. and im not a whore. i dont like hook up with all of them or anything.. even though a lot of them like me back. i dont want to lead any of them on or anything. i just want to know what i should do. i think its because i see them all in different situations/environments. like they go to like 4 of 5 different schools. some are from my youth group. i dont know.. its like i like them when i hang out with them. but then i change my mind. theres like one guy that i ALWAYS like when i hang out with him though. i actually did hook up with this one but i decided that he was a bad choice because he liked me but he like is physically incapable of having a relationship.
what should i do? is it okay that i like so many guys? im only sixteen.. (link)
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You're human. At the basic nature, we are always going to like so many people. It's basic attraction. Acting on every single one of them would be a problem.
Just accept that you surround yourself with likeable people, and one day, you'll find the one you like more than any of them.
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I am still contantly thinking about him.
I was for sure in love with him and he told me he loved me.
I cant stop thinking about him.
The other day was my birthday, and he sent me a text telling me happy birthday, and I replying saying thanks.
& he sent back, im sorry for the way everything happened, and I wanted to let you know that im still a friend if that is okay with you.
I wrote back that that is fine and if he ever needs someone to talk to im here.
But you see, ever since we broke up, he hasnt said a word to me. Nothing.
It kills me that he wont talk to me, and I dont want to make the first move and talk to him, since he already has a g/f. ( his gf is one of my friends)
but I dont know what to do, im about to move, and school is almost over and I want to talk to him.
I really do think I am heartbroken.
Any advice?
Sorry its so long.
Thanks in advance. (link)
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First, you have to be honest with yourself. If deep down you still want him, then I think you should just let it go. This already sounds like a powderkeg waiting for a match, and the last thing you need is drama between you, him and her.
If you don't still want him, and have come to terms with the fact that you are no longer together, then I suggest brokering a meeting. Say that you need some closure before you move, and if your friend/his girlfriend has to be there, then let her.
Once you do finally make contact, say goodbye. Get all the feelings you need to out without causing drama between them, say goodbye, and go.
Don't wait for him to make the first move, because you may end up moving with nothing being resolved.
And as for your heartbreak, remember this: every guy that you love and lose is but a step towards the one who shares your soul. And one day, you WILL find him.
Good luck.
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i am so mad at my ex because he did so much crap to me and he was my very best friend. when we broke up i lost a part of myself. im leaving soon so i wont see him again at least until i visit in a few months and he wont talk to me. hes avoiding me because he doesnt want to deal with the emotions he has. i just want to talk about a couple things and get closure but he wont. he refuses. i have tried many times. i cannot let go of my anger and sadness and its making me depressed literally. i never feel just happy now and i hate it. i am a different person and the person i was before left with his and i's relationship. once i move i will become another person but right now all i am is depressed. how can i let go of the anger i have and move on? and i have suckish "friends" that i really cant stand so they dont help AT ALL. they make things worse. i only have a couple friends i really love and care about. they try to help but no one understands how hurt and crushed i feel. they have never felt it before. he had a part of ME and now its gone. and i feel like i cant forgive him for that. i feel like he destroyed me. please help (link)
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I've been exactly where you are. Only difference is I couldn't move away, and she made me out to be a monster when she was the one who abused the relationship.
You have a right to be angry if he did put you through such crap and was that close to you. It's natural. Let it pass through and take its course.
Once you have done that, you have to decide: Is this guy going to be a turning point in your life, or a footnote?
Next part of my advice is optional. IF you truly need to, go straight up to him, tell him how you feel. Even if he isn't affected by what you say, it'll only mean he didn't deserve you in the first place, especially if he can't be decent enough to provide you with closure.
Best thing to do to be just happy again is something you love to do from before you met him. Even if you have to fingerpaint like you might have done in preschool, do it. Just revel in it.
The last thing I can tell you is this: Yes, you have been beaten to the ground emotionally. You want to just curl up and die.
But the truly great people, the ones that are admirable, just, and good, never stay down. It's about how much you can take, and still push forward towards what you want.
Now stand up, and push forward.
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i was asked out on a group date, but i am sort of socially awkward.
what can i do to lose that and make him think im the best thing since sliced bread?
(link)
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This is going to sound generic, cliched and silly, but it works.
Be yourself, and have a good time. If somehow he doesn't think you're the best thing since sliced bread, then he may not be the one for you.
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I'm 19, my boyfriend is 20. I'm not religious whatsoever, but my boyfriend is muslim and his family is very religious. He's met my whole family and they love him. He's forbidden from dating outside the race/religion, and me, being white and very un-religous makes it worse. His family has no idea of us & he's not even worried about it, saying "we'll take care of it when it comes down to it". I worry constantly because I think we have a future together! What am I supposed to do? Never meet his family? (link)
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I am a Muslim man. I've been in a similar situation.
I think your boyfriend is trying to relax you, but he is worried about it. Especially if you have a connection like you think you do.
This isn't so much a Muslim thing as just a family approval thing. He, like I was in his place, is probably thinking about how to bring you into the family without pushing his family or you away in the aftermath.
The key thing to never do is push him, like saying "Either I meet your family or we're through". He's probably trying to delicately handle things on his end.
Have faith, and good luck.
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i need some ideas on what to get or give my boy friend for our 1 year anniversery. he is 19, i am 16 if that helps. please do not suggest things like "your virginity" or "give him a bj". any other help would be greatly appreciated. i only have 1 week from today. (link)
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Something that would remind him of your first date or kiss would probably be a smart idea.
Of course, something that you know he'd love anyway would also be good. Depends on his hobbies or interests and such.
Then again, accessories can be fun, like a necklace or watch or something.
Hope these all help.
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15/f
I have the same class with my best friend and the guy that i like. she sits next to him and she knows that i like him. I try so hard trying to talk to him and getting to know him but the only thing i get out of his mouth is stupid things like "yup, right, yes, no, maybe, alright, sweet" and its so annoying. he won't have a normal convo with me! but then when i look over at by bff, she's always having a convo with him. she even wrote me a note once and said that he was singing the sound of music!!! =(
I confronted her about it and i told her that it was bothering me. she said that she isn't flirting because she already has a bf and she would never do that to me. I told her it was okay that she talks to him (that would be way too harsh if i told her she couldn't ever speak to him, besides i need her to hook me up with him) and i totally trust her that she wouldn't try to get with him.
I need advice on what to do! thanks (link)
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This may sound a bit harsh but also confusing, but if he's being more himself around your friend than you, it can mean one of two things:
1)You really make him nervous, which is a sign that he likes you like that.
2)He really isn't into you.
Either way, I think you should trust your friend to help you out in this regard. But I'd do a little research and see which of the two situations I mentioned is the likely answer to this question.
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my boyfrend and i have been together for like 3 months now and have not kissed yet
weve talked about it but i never know when the
'moment is right'
and how do u start a kiss?
dont give me any websites because that doesnt help me.
i really just dont know
help? (link)
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Believe me, it'll happen naturally. This will be something you remember for a long time. The moment will be right as soon as you both just feel it.
Hope that helps.
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