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forbidden relationship
I'm 19, my boyfriend is 20. I'm not religious whatsoever, but my boyfriend is muslim and his family is very religious. He's met my whole family and they love him. He's forbidden from dating outside the race/religion, and me, being white and very un-religous makes it worse. His family has no idea of us & he's not even worried about it, saying "we'll take care of it when it comes down to it". I worry constantly because I think we have a future together! What am I supposed to do? Never meet his family?
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I am a Muslim man. I've been in a similar situation.
I think your boyfriend is trying to relax you, but he is worried about it. Especially if you have a connection like you think you do.
This isn't so much a Muslim thing as just a family approval thing. He, like I was in his place, is probably thinking about how to bring you into the family without pushing his family or you away in the aftermath.
The key thing to never do is push him, like saying "Either I meet your family or we're through". He's probably trying to delicately handle things on his end.
Have faith, and good luck.
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hey look
im muslim
and it is forbiden to date..
and honestly..
if you really cared about your boyfriend
respect his religion
i mean what if in christianity
sex was forbidden before marriage??
ok would u do it ??
i mean you both have to respect eachthers desicion
you dont have to date in order to have a future together.
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Have the courage to force your boyfriend to live the truth of his faith...leave him.
I know you love him and he, in all likelihood, loves you very much.
If you leave him, and demand that he introduce you to his parents or else you will not be with him as his girlfriend, then it will force him to make a decision.
BUT YOU MUST BE STEADFAST.
Prepare yourself for some difficult emotional pain by surrounding yourself with friends, families, and activities that will help you take your mind off of him. It's okay to be friends with him, but do not be intimate, don't spend more than 5% of your time with him and don't go out with him alone period.
Force him to choose so that you can have the relationship you deserve.
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I was in the same situation you are in now, all of my other arab/muslim friends told me I was wasting my time and that he was basically fooling around with a white girl until he could marry an arab. I ignored them and continued dating him, after 2 1/2 years of never meeting his family and him being emotionally distant I broke up with him. I told him that I didn't want to see or talk to him again unless he was willing for me to meet his entire family and to get engaged.
We didn't talk for 2 months and he called me up to say that he realized that he was a fool and he wanted to be with me and that he is ready for me to meet his family and he has already told them about me and that we will get engaged after I meet his family.
I am still not sure if I want to take him back but I just wanted to let you know my story since it is very similar.
In my experiences this is what you can expect while dating him:
You certainly won't meet his family until he is ready for marriage (that's just the muslim way) and you either have to accept that and deal with it and hope he wants marriage.
Or
you have to reevaluate and possibly move on to someone different. As to the poster that said meeting someone's parents isn't important unless marriage is involved, their is a difference between meeting parents and being actively hidden as I guarantee that she is being since dating is considered 'haram' (sinful) in Islam.
Personally I would sit down with him and ask him where he feels the relationship is going, the majority of muslim men don't have any intention of a relationship leading to marriage with a white woman especially a woman who is not a believer. Arab men are allowed to marry outside of the muslim faith but only to 'chaste believing women of the book' i.e. Jews and Christians. It's hard to sit down with him and have such a serious discussion but you at least need to lay your cards out on the table about how you feel and where he sees the relationship going.
Good luck with your conundrum, my two and a half year relationship was both the happiest and saddest time of my life.
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It sounds a bit like he is ashamed of you. If he really loves you he won't care what his family thinks. True love can't be broken by religion or race and if his family cares about him they will respect his decisions and just be happy for him. I personally don't think it can be a good relationship if you haven't met his family.
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I really dont know why it should matter what race/religion you are. if two people love each other, their familys should accept that!!! I hope that in the end everything works out. and im sorry i couldnt help you that much (im only 14, im not that experienced)
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I hate to say it but I think your boyfriend is right. Unless you're planning on marrying, what's the point in meeting his family? Enjoy what you have right now and be happy that you don't have to stress about living up to his family's expectations. Don't worry about your future, concentrate on the present day and enjoy what you have now. Your boyfriend knows his family best- if he says he'll take care of it trust him.
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honey.... its a big dilemma.... and i dont know what you mean by future -i'm assuming marriage- i'd have to say it may be hard to overcome but its not a doomed relationship...
my best friend (we knew each other since we were 3) is arab and muslim.....and i know her family very very very well. they are fine with our friendship but she can't do half the stuff i can do (including date).... so i know how strict their traditions could be.
her brother, recently got married to a girl from Michigan they have been seeing each other since college.... his family hated her... but they are super happy now and they are beginning to accept her.
so long as your guy says its alright i think you should trust him. he'll introduce you on his own time.. muslim boys usually have control over who they want to get married to. and in islam a man (not a woman) is allowed to marry anyone anywhere except that you should realize your kids will be raised muslim with more or less his culture as background ... its a sacrifice you have to make or otherwise discuss with him.
its not your problem if they do not like you. just be nice and sincere. also be prepared to get in couple of disappointing -even hurtful and offensive- situation. they aren't meant towards you as a person its something to do with the whole situation. after all, religion, linage, reputation, culture and tradition are all things that matter very much in the Islamic world.
hope i helped.... drop a question if you need anything....
good look!
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