I am student attending college and I am majoring in Journalism and Print Media. I also love to help people because it is my nature to help people; it is a gift that I have inherited from my parents. I feel good helping people no matter what the circumstances are. I love people; I think we should all help each other out because we are all family. If you ever have any questions about anything, I will try my best to help you out in any way I can. Please feel free to email me at milziefrommel@live.com.
E-mail: milziefrommel@live.com
Gender: Female
Location: New York, NY
Occupation: Student
Age: 21
Member Since: October 10, 2011
Answers: 48
Last Update: April 1, 2014
Visitors: 5068
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So I started hanging out with a guy last October. We talked all the time (actual talk not text) and spent a lot of time together. He bought me an expensive watch and everything for Christmas. He is a pretty tough guy so he isn't always expressive about his feelings. But I digress. He was always comfortable when I was around and I pride myself on being attentive and loving. I even mentioned that I liked that he was so relaxed with me. It was almost as if it scared him to care so much because he just stopped calling and answering my calls. When I tried to find out what was wrong he said nothing was wrong and that there was nothing wrong with me. He pops up at my house to surprise me and if I say I'm done trying to figure him out he gets mad. I feel like a fool because I care so much about him and he acts like he cares about me but he is so hot and cold. Should I just give up on a real relationship with him? And if not how do I fix things? (link)
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Wow, it seems like you really like him. He does act very hot and cold. If I were you, I would definitely talk to him about his behavior towards you. The only way a relationship would thrive is if there is good communication and that you two nourish and support each other. I don't think you should feel like a fool because you are acting totally normal.
Before giving up on the relationship, just talk to him like I said before and see where things go from there and if you see that nothing is changing then unfortunately something is wrong. I guess your guy friend does like you but is not those types of guys that like to cuddle with girls or be super touchy. I guess you scared him when you told him that you were so relaxed with him. Never tell guys exactly how you feel until they tell you how they feel first. Some guys may feel a bit uncomfortable for whatever reason. Trust me, I have gone through this and any girl would come off as a tease just by saying something so innocent yet the opposite sex, (some, not all) would take it in a different direction. Good luck!
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Theres this guy i meet last year and we started being friends and i started liking him. after a couple of months we started being best friends and i trusted him with my life and later on i told him i told him i liked him but nothing changed for good it just got worse.he started talking bad about me. but then he would make up for it . during the summer he left the city but before he left we hung out and it seemed like if he also felt something and when he left we talked several times on the phone and it seemed like if he actually wanted a relationship but when he came back we became distant and we act like strangers towards each other and i tell everyone i don't care but i do and he knows i do. a few days ago he started flirting with my cousin she talks bad about him and that she ignores everything he says but that's not true she flirts with him too and i just don't know what to do can anyone helpp please!!!!!!!!!!!!!:( (link)
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Hello,
What a compelling story! I do not think you should trust anyone with your life because unfortunately, humans are traitors, most of the time. Anyway, I suggest you talk to him to know what is really going on between you and him. I think he does like you, but he feels bad for what he did that he wants to forget you by flirting with someone who is close to you like your cousin. Remember this is only an assumption. You should try to talk to your cousin and your friend to know where you really stand. Remember communication is the only way to solve any problem unless the person refuses to reason and start a fight or argument which is not understandable. Good luck!
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What do i call my boyfriend instead of babe, baby, or hun? (link)
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Ask your boyfriend for his preference.
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there is 1 girl nandini i love her very much but she do not love me what can i do?i am from india. I am male my age is 14. (link)
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Hello,
I think you should accept her rejection. If she definitely does not love you, then you should move on, find another girl who will value you for who you are. The girl that you love is missing out on a nice, heartbroken guy like you. Rejection is a part of life and will always be experiences that we will encounter. If it does not bother you much, you should be friends with her so that at least you will have her friendship. Good luck!
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I'm a 15 year old freshman in high school .. I kinda like this guy named zach but I don't talk to him .. I need help with like what to say and do to see if i have a chance with him .. I'm used to the guys coming to me first so im nervous .. Anything would be helpful(: Thanks (link)
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Hello,
I think all of us have gone through feeling nervous with guys who we like. The question is how to start a conversation with them. You can have a casual conversation about class and talk about school like you can say do you like your classes? Who's your favorite teacher? Just have a casual conversation. Who knows, maybe you guys will have something in common! Good luck!
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im currently in a relationship with my girlfriend for around a year 3months now, due to my past e.g parents spliting up etc, im worried my girlfriend will do the same and its now putting pressure on our relationship. how can i stop the past in my head. (link)
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Hello,
Don't worry about the past. Things happen for a reason; good or bad as they only serve as experiences. Don't worry about your girlfriend either, if she loves you she will be with you. Just don't get obsessed in thinking about the past because it will ruin your relationship and it will eventually ruin yourself. Try to think in an optimistic way and enjoy your life and important people who make you happy. Good luck!
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Okay, so I currently starting talking to this guy, his 17 and im 16, his name is Ben but I call him by his middle name. We've been talking for a while, his already came up with a nickname for me, "lovebug". He currently just told me his in love with me, I'M in shock still, I want to make this work and last. So to make him extremely happy I want to come up with cute nickname for him. I need help. (link)
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Hello,
What does he like? In other words, what does he like to do? His favorite food? Out of those endless possibilities, you should be able to choose a nickname. Honey, sweetheart and dear are definitely overrated.
Good Luck!
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I have a boyfriend but i still like my ex! i see my ex every day at school and well my boyfriend every other day! i know its not right to still like your ex is it?? and well maybe i could get some advice from u on this! I do love my boyfriend but my ex is still in part of my heart to! :( (link)
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Right, it's not right to like your ex if you have a boyfriend. You have to analyze the whole situation because you do not want to through something so painful such as losing both guys. Usually what happens is that when there are two guys that are really into a girl and the girl fliers with both, the guys get confused and confusion is definitely not good for them so they forget about the girl. You have to make up your mind and really think of which guy actually makes you happy. Regarding your ex, I do not know why you guys broke up, but if you had a bad experience, you should remember what he has done to you. Also, I do not think if your boyfriend is a such a good guy or not, but I do think that no one deserves to be cheated on. Imagine if you were your boyfriend and vice-versa, how would you feel? We as humans are very selfish and do not think about others, but ourselves. I understand you are a teenager, but life is about making correct decisions or at least try to and learning about our own mistakes. Good luck and I hope you wil make the correct decision!
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Hi! Well I'm 13 and I've never really OFFICIALLY have had a boyfriend :P there is this REALLY sweet,funny,cute,and kind boy that I like and I know he likes me back, and he's gonna ask me out this friday I know for a fact but I don't know what to say back. I mean I know I will say yes but I don't wanna say something casual like "sure" or "okay"or even "yes" or "yea", I'd personally like to kiss him (on the lips lol) and be like "does that answer your question?" but I'm afraid he might now want me to kiss him(oh and I've never kissed a boy :P :P) :P I'd really like advice on what to say and if I should kiss him or not. Please don't call me dumb etc because I don't know what to do, also I will reply to your comment honestly! Oh and I'd like if you could reply ASAP because he's asking me in 3 days!!!! Thanks for reading and please reply! -Tabitha (link)
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Dear Tabitha,
Do what you have to do. This might seem lame, but just follow your heart. Don't assume things, just do whatever you have to do. Of course you are not dumb, but definitely anxious. Love is love and very spontaneous! Good luck!
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21/f. so... i'm the first person who gives the advice "he/she is just not that into you..," but this guy is confusing. he isn't very easy to read. i had that mentality for a long time when guys just didn't really give me the response I was waiting for to show me that he liked me. but, one of my cousins taught me a lesson. he's been in love with this girl for a long time. but, he's extremely shy. he use to be even worst! now that he left town for medical school, he's a little bit more assertive. but, he's never even had his first kiss... and he's 25. i know that this is a little extreme and this guy is not like that. But, it made me realize that there are guys who are extremely shy and need a little bit of a push.
so... this guy and i are in a club together. he's very cute and not too tall, which is nice because i'm very petite. but, he does little things that hint at me that he likes me. like, he knows what i like to drink and brings it to me when we're somewhere. he always gives me a hug when he sees me. during sorority recruitment at the beginning of the semester, he kept asking me every day how it went and wanted to know if I was happy with the sororities I was seeing so far. the other night, he and i went to the movies, with other people from our club. it was a scary movie so we ended up holding hands and all of that. i could tell that he was so happy. he didn't even try to let go of my hand that quick when we were leaving the theatre. but, since there were other people there, it would have been a little awkward if we would have stayed holding hands. it was only like 3 other people and trust me, it would have been awkward. but he was walking next to me the whole time and before i left, he hugged me again.
thinking about it, he reminds me SO much of my cousn... just not to that extreme. i know he's dated before. but, it seems like when he likes someone, he needs like a push... a reassurance of some sort. like, he grabbed my hand after i grabbed his arm. he needs like a green light. i can understand that. i just don't know how to give it to him because i'm not a very assertive girl. i don't think that's what he needs either. he just needs a little bit of a push, like I said. But, I'm very traditional and I've always let guys make the first move and all of that. but, i know i'm dealing with a shyer one here, and that's ok :)
Suggestions? (link)
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Yes, you have the whole idea or perspective on the guy needing a little push. I guess guys who really like someone are shy because they are scared of getting rejected or had bad experiences before. Maybe you need to boost his confidence a little like make him feel more comfortable by doing things that would interest him. Let's say the guy likes to go bowling, then go to a bowling alley and have fun. Every guy is complex and has a way of being himself, but that is what makes him different from everyone else.
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I am a 20 year old female enrolled in northern illinois university. I met my boyfriend here freshmen year and we have been dating for two years. He has been an athlete on the golf team here at school, but was cut from the team last week. He wants to golf professionally, so he is going to try to find another college to play golf at. His parents live in south carolina. He said he might go back there to go to school.
I feel like this could hurt our relationship greatly. I do not know what I should do. I thought about transferring schools to be closer to him, but there is so much to think about when doing that. What should I do? Please help. (link)
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You are in a tough situation. I could only say that you should let it be like if your boyfriend is thinking of moving to South Carolina to go to a college to play golf then you do not need to go with him. I think that you should talk to your boyfriend about all the possibilities that he could have in Illinois or a college closer to Illinois. There should be some colleges that have golf as a sport. If that doesn't work out then support him all the way. Things happen for a reason.
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ugh its been about 4 years now that i've liked a guy. i haven't gotten over him not even once. i've tried but it doesn't work. everyone tells me to get over him, but i just can't i don't wanna get over him. i've never talked to him, and i don't think i will ever have the courage or strength to... he is a huge star player on his football team. and he is well known all over my school. i can't just tell him how i feel, but i want to. he's know for 4 years that i've liked him. oh btw i'm a sophomore in high school and he's a junior. anyways if i talk to him i know he would tell his friends. i put myself down because of him, and tell myself i'm not good enough for him. he's kinda a bad kid, well that's what i've heard. he smokes and all that crap, but he's not obsessed with it. and i'm all innocent, i've never done any of those things. i just wish i could be with someone like him. i've wanted him for so long, and i don't wanna go on for the rest of high school waiting for him to talk to me. cause i know that's never going to happen. he's so much popular than me and he looks at me a lot.. i figured that means something, right? and i am not a stalker, k? a lot of people think i am because i talk about him all the time, but that's not a stalker. i am just head over heels for this kid. so please just give any advice that you can to help me get through this, thanks. (link)
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You are not a stalker, but you are a little obssesed with him. I definitely know how it feels to be obsessed with a guy, but most of time, being obsessed with a guy is bad because it has bad consequences. Just put yourself in his shoes, imagine you were him and he was you. How would you feel if a guy secretly liked you and talks about you and all he thinks about is you an you do not even like him? We can't always have what we want. The crush that I use to have before was an enormous crush that I used to think about and I was his friend too and I thought I could never forget him. Until I realized that all I wanted was for him to be happy. That is the best love that one can give. You should not put yourself down because you are just as capable as being important as him. First, you should never put yourself down or a guy instead have some confidence in yourself because guys really look at that. I mean, not a super cocky high-self esteem, but definitely appreciate yourself. Who cares if he does not like you if he not the only guy in this world? There are probably a few other guys who interested in you that you do not know about. It does not hurt to talk to your crush and maybe be acquaintances because what you feel may be lust or infatuation and maybe you will open your eyes and see that he may or may not be the guy for you. I think you want him to look to at you a lot or he wants to make sure that the feeling that you have for him is true. Again, you have to talk to him because it would take such a long time for him to talk to him and just get to know him to see if your feelings are right. Remember to act normal; be yourself and that he is not the only guy in the world because there are other nice guys who would love you the way you are.
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17/f
Me and my ex boyfriend, Johnny, had the type of relationship that was really good when it was good but when it was bad it was really bad. I broke up with him one night after finding out that he stayed night after night at his ex girlfriend's house after telling me he doesn't talk to her. (She is crazy obsessed with him) After a month or so Johnny and I ended up becoming friends. We got really close, he would call me every night just to tell me he loves me and he would tell me all about his day. He transferred over to my school (small school, about 50 students, impossible to avoid anyone) the minute he saw me talking to my friend(male) he came up and mugged my friend until he left. I told Johnny that his actions were unnecessary and he said he didn't realize he was doing it. Later that night I was at church and Johnny called me, I ignored it because it would've been disrespectful to answer. I called him about an hour later when I got out and he accused me of being with other guys. We got into a big argument and during the argument I asked him why we did he even care since we're just friends. He said he's trying to mend our relationship. After that we were arguing on and off for the next 30 minutes or so. He said he doesn't want me talking, hugging, hanging out, or even looking at other guys. We got off the phone and he hasn't showed up at school since then (Wednesday) he got his phone disconnected so I haven't been able to talk to him. I found out that he's been at his ex girlfriends house since that night. i would ask my friends for advice but they don't like him at all so they would obviously say only negative things. All my guy friends said they're going to purposely talk to me in front of him just to make him mad. Should I wait it out and go with the flow or should I confront my ex about his "ex"? any opinions and extra advice will be very helpful because I am completely lost. Thanks in advance (link)
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Wow this is a long touchy story. I think that you should not confront him, but talk to him because communication is an important aspect of solving any type of issues. Why should he care what you do with your life if you two are not going out? He obviously does not want to see you happy because if he did he would only be a good friend and understand. Do not let your friend be involved in your situation because it would matters worse. Again, I think you should to talk to the guy about your feelings because the guy is being very stubborn. He has to understand and grow up because rejection is something that all of us go through to learn lessons in life and see our mistakes. The guy depends on the past and does not see the future which is very important. I want you to analyze the situation and see what he and you have done wrong. Point to him the wrong and right things that he has done because as a person we talk when we want to solve an issue, but we have to listen to the other side of the story which is the other person. I guess sometimes we tend to judge people without understanding the real reason behind the whole issue. I have a quote here which is "the reality of the other person is not in what he reveals to you, but in what he cannot reveal to you. Therefore, if you would understand him, listen not to what he says but rather what he does not say." The quote is self-explanatory and I want to wish you the best of luck.
Kahlil Gibran
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Hi I'm Charlotte and I'm 14. I like this boy and we talk in class but yesterday my friend told me he does weed along with lots of other boys in my year. I totally believe my friend cos hes never lied to me but i still cant believe it. Should I carry on flirting with this guy and not do anything about it and ignore it or give up and stop liking him? I dont know what to do? (link)
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Dear Charlotte,
That is a tough decision because you are either going to trust your friend or with your instincts. I think you should still like him if he is nice to you and is a cool person to tallk to. If you like him and he is a total jerk then you should not like him because you want to like someone that can appreciate you and love you for who are. Your friend told you that he does weed, but can you actually trust him? I think you shoul see your crush doing weed with your own eyes. You should see it for yourself. I am not saying never trust your friend, but in this situation, how do you know your friend is jealous of your crush or if he has a small crush on you? If your friend does like you then he would make up things so that you would not like the other guy. Again, you should see the guy doing weed for yourself. If your crush ever offers you weed, then say no thank you. Your situation reminds me of when I used to like a guy when I was 15 and he was cute, but he was not the best guy in the world. I had a guy friend who told me that my crush smoked, got drunk often and just told me negative things about him. Before, I really liked him and I talked and flirted with him, and I thought he was so cool and smelled unbelievably good. Until I saw him in one of my classes sleeping, being lazy and the day that he aske me out I said no, and then later on, he told some friends that he can get any girl he wants. What he said actually hurted, but I was nit going to die for him. I moved on. I only want you to open up your eyes and your mind and listen to your heart and do not listen to others because only you can come up with a decision. If you have any questions, please feel free to e-mail me and I wish you the best of luck.
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hay, my name is sally and theirs this boy hes really cute he stares and looks at me all the time i don't no if he likes me or not i want him but i don't no if he wants me so my question is how do i get him and make him like me back and also notice me i could really need your adive!. ;)
sinserly,
sally
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Dear Sally,
That is a beautiful story that you wrote because it reminds me of when a guy had a crush on me and did the exact thing to me. The guy stared at me and he was cute and he was actually the one who talked to me and I felt the same way as you did like I did not know if he liked me or not. As for you, I think he does have a crush you or may be is attracted to you which are two separate things. Attracted as in he finds you pretty and crush is that he likes you although he doesn't know you well; whatever he knows about you he likes. I do not recommend you to ask him if he likes you or not because things are going to get awkward and you would not like the result of that. There is no way to get him to like you because he probably does, but you should take the chance to introduce yourself and talk to him because that would make you two become friends which was what I did with the guy that kept staring at me. It is possible that the boy is shy and is intimidated by you like if he talks to you and says something stupid then you might not like him. Trust me he already notices you, but he wants you to notice him so try to talk to him and please update me on what happened with the guy. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that the guy is a good guy with a big heart because all of us deserve to be loved.
Sincerely,
Junie Bazinet
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well i like this guy and we talk sometimes but i don't know if he likes me what should i do (link)
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I think that if you like a guy and you two talk to each other then that is a good sign because maybe you can become friends with him. I know exactly how you feel about liking a guy and then you talk to him and you feel like you have butterflies in your stomach and you blush. It feels good to like someone and just the feeling of having a crush feels awesome. I do not recommend for you to ask him if he likes you because things can get sort of awkward, but I do insist that you get to know him and be friends. Possibly your friendship may blossom and something might happen. Be patient and see if you actually like the guy because sometimes girls fall for a guy who they think are "out of this world" and unfortunately are not. Be careful and I hope he likes you and good luck!
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ok im a 9th grader and i have gone out with thi guy off and on scienc 7th and we been through alot we wouldnt fight but everytime we would break up he would go out with people i dont like or people i thought were friends and all of them were useing him for something. with every realship i ethier faught them or was about to. and he AWLWAYS cheated on them with me saying he loved me i said to break up with them then he said he couldnt lose his bet.so we went on and ect. but now were in high school he got a girl from a diff school and last week he got caught steeling from lunch and got 3 days supended then got in a fight with his step dad bcuz of it and got moved to his dads and now i cant see or talk to him I DAY DREAM and write his name without n=knowing i love him so much i would do anything for him but now he is gone what should i do. my bff is like his bff and he tells her he misses me and i cry when i hear things bout him. im so confused what to do im just so in love with himm:( (link)
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I think that he does like you. But I do not understand why he can't be with you? By cheating on other girls and being acting tough will not get anywhere. I know that you like him if you keep thinking of him. The best thing to do is to talk to him because communication is the best solution to solve problems. Do not send your bff to talk to him, but YOU have to talk to him about what you feel for him and vice versa so you can fix your problems. There is no such things as perfect relationahi
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18/f.
my boyfriend and i have had a terrible relationship. alot of jealously problems and non faithfullness. we still love eachother, the problem is sometimes i feel like im falling for someone else. the idea of something brand new seems so nice to me. but my boyfriends my best friend too, were somewhat attatched to eachother. when we seriously broke up at the beginning of summer, i met someone else. hes 21 but absoultely wrong for me. he does alot of drugs, doesnt have a job, and alot of other things. we hooked up alot but i could never be with him because i loved my ex. i feel like im just so more sexually attracted to the 21 year old. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS. i dont want to like him but sometimes i miss his smile. my head says stay the hell away from this kid and my heart melts for him honestly. this sounds really lame but i was so depressed i went to a phychic. she told me between my boyfriend there is no more passion between us. i guess i sort of answered my own question. i just dont know what to do? i feel like sometimes i play a doubled role life where i keep calling him my boyfriend but my boy/ex whatever we are i'll hang out with him the next week hang out with the 21yr old. im only 18 should i have to decide right now? or do i keep things going the way they are... ive never been so stressed over this. (link)
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I think that you two love each other because you two get jealous of each other and that is normal to a certain extent. Probably unfaithful because maybe there is something that is missing that you seek in other people. It is good to like something new, but sometimes something new has consequences whether bad or good. If you were falling for another guy you have to analyze why you like that guy? Why are you attracted to him? Sexually? Physically? If you are not attracted to him in the three aspects e.g sexually, physically or emotionally then what you are feeling is lust or some crush that is going to go away. You are probably sexually attracted to the 21-year-old guy because he's older maybe more experienced, but does he actually value and cherish you as a person? If he doesn't then he is not a guy you want because you want a guy who loves you the way you are. I do not think you should listen to the psychic but listen to you heart. What do you want to do? Analyze your goals and the consequences. I think the best thing to do is to tell your ex and the 21 year old how you feel and that is the only way to make you feel less stressed and if the two guys are not worth it there will be other guys out there who would possibly make you happy. Maybe you have a guy friend or a guy that might be a stranger that might have a feeling for you.
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I'm 18, a freshman in college, and I know this is sort of dumb, but I needed some objective advice. About a month ago, I was chosen to be a part of my institute swim team. We went across country to represent the institute. This was the first time I've travelled without some sort of adult chaperoning. As a 'freshie', I didn't talk much to the other members, just to my immediate senior. And, more importantly, to the captain of the boys team, who was, more or less, an authority figure. He was nice to me, mostly because I'm a 'kid' who's never 'travelled alone'. And throughout the trip, I kept noticing all these things, like how funny he was and... well, you get the general idea. We were a small team, only about 16 people and thrown together a lot. So I learnt a lot about him, too. I'm sure he's a good person, but I'm also sure that if he ever finds out that I(quiet and boring) have a crush on him, he'd laugh. He's a senior, 21, sporty and cool. My friends got me to add him on facebook-not a big deal for most people, but a huge deal for me, cause I only add people I know well. They(my friends) say I should chat with him on there or something. I, on the other hand, just want to spy on him in basketball practice, but I'm too afraid he'll see me lurking and think there's something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me? What should I do, talk to him or not? (link)
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It is very normal to feel like you have a crush on a guy who is older than you. I know I had a crush on a guy who was wa older than me and we were good friends at first because that is how a relationship starts. You shouldn't put yourself down and call yourself quiet and boring because I am sure you are not and if you view yourself as such a person then the guy you have a crush on would feel the same way. Try to feel confident about yourself and take the chance to talk to him because you do not know what could happen in the future. I do not think that you should talk to him on Facebook because the conversation would be awkward and you should talk to him face-to-face and just be friends with him. Find out what he likes and does not like and you will be surprised by what ou guys have in common. Just don't stalk him. Good luck!
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I am with a wonderful man whom I love very much. We are in a long-distance relationship but he is endlessly sweet, thoughtful, and loving to me. We talk every day on Skype. In most ways I feel I could not ask for a better man. But. He has been hurt by many women in the past, and he's told me many times about how for 20 years he put a wall around his heart and did not love anyone, nor allow anyone to love him, for fear of getting hurt again. He tells me that he was miserable before I came along. He also says that if I were ever to leave him, he would put the wall back up around his heart, would be miserable again, and would not even try to love anyone else for the rest of his life. (He is 50, so this is conceivable, and knowing him, I believe it might actually be true.) Although we are close and can talk about most anything, I would not marry him yet, because we just don't know each other well enough. I love him because he is a good soul and there is no one with a kinder heart, and don't plan to break up with him, but I still don't like feeling pressured to stay with this man forever or else always carry the guilt of breaking his heart and ruining his life. Is this normal, or am I being a jerk, or what? (link)
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This is a very romantic relationship, but you are facing a tough problem. I think that you should talk to him about what you feel about the relationship and about him. He should understand and should listen to what you have to say and if he does not then he does not care. Why should you carry the guilt of breaking his heart and ruining his heart? He is only a person and if he is making you feel pressured then you should really analyze the situation and think carefully before you make a decision. It is obvious that you care for him, but you should care for yourself and then care for him. You are not being a jerk because you are helping him and if he does not appreciate your support and still threatens to "put the wall back up around his heart, would be miserable again, and would not even try to love anyone else for the rest of his life" then he needs to analyze the situation and know what he wants in life. If he gets depressed about the past then you can't expect anything about the future. He has to live life to the fullest because mourning about past loves is pathetic. I think that he fears love and you are the only one that he can count on and does not want the feeling of rejection. That is part of life though rejection because it helps us grow as a person.
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