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hot and cold
So I started hanging out with a guy last October. We talked all the time (actual talk not text) and spent a lot of time together. He bought me an expensive watch and everything for Christmas. He is a pretty tough guy so he isn't always expressive about his feelings. But I digress. He was always comfortable when I was around and I pride myself on being attentive and loving. I even mentioned that I liked that he was so relaxed with me. It was almost as if it scared him to care so much because he just stopped calling and answering my calls. When I tried to find out what was wrong he said nothing was wrong and that there was nothing wrong with me. He pops up at my house to surprise me and if I say I'm done trying to figure him out he gets mad. I feel like a fool because I care so much about him and he acts like he cares about me but he is so hot and cold. Should I just give up on a real relationship with him? And if not how do I fix things?
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There's obviously something going on that he's not telling you about. It might actually be that he's scared for some reason.
I think you should ask him if you guys can talk. Make sure it's face to face and let him know that you like him, you think he's great but you're getting mixed signals and you'd like him to clear things up for you.
If he doesn't, then maybe things just weren't meant to be.
Every and any type of relationship needs communication. If you he can't communicate with you, things just can't happen.
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Have you ever read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman? It's great.
One thing I've learned over the years is that people do not communicate their feelings in the same way. The fact that he feels comfortable with you, spent lots of time talking and being with you and bought you a nice gift tells me that this guy really likes you. It sounds like he is afraid of feeling too much. It's possible he's been hurt in the past by someone he cared about either a girlfriend or family member and doesn't want to go through that again.
My advice would be to actually take your own advice and stop trying to figure him out :)
Try not to tell him with words how you feel about him. He seemed comfortable with you showing him through your attentiveness and loving actions toward him. Keep that up. When he shows up unexpectedly just show him that you're happy to see him. Enjoy the time you have with him and eventually he will be comfortable enough that he'll start opening up about his feelings.
If you know that he prefers to communicate without words then you will learn to interpret the things he does for you or the way he acts with you as his way of saying he cares.
Hope this helps. Good luck :)
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Wow, it seems like you really like him. He does act very hot and cold. If I were you, I would definitely talk to him about his behavior towards you. The only way a relationship would thrive is if there is good communication and that you two nourish and support each other. I don't think you should feel like a fool because you are acting totally normal.
Before giving up on the relationship, just talk to him like I said before and see where things go from there and if you see that nothing is changing then unfortunately something is wrong. I guess your guy friend does like you but is not those types of guys that like to cuddle with girls or be super touchy. I guess you scared him when you told him that you were so relaxed with him. Never tell guys exactly how you feel until they tell you how they feel first. Some guys may feel a bit uncomfortable for whatever reason. Trust me, I have gone through this and any girl would come off as a tease just by saying something so innocent yet the opposite sex, (some, not all) would take it in a different direction. Good luck!
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