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I made out with a guy that has a girlfriend.
There's a guy that lives in the same dorm that I live in, he'll be Brandon. We talk and hang out a sufficient amount of time but not a lot that we are annoying about it. I've always thought that he was handsome but had never told him or tried anything because he has a girlfriend. The relationship they have is weird, though, due to the fact that they both cheat on each other so often. I think they're only together for security, just to always know they have someone there.
However, Saturday night, my best friend invited us to a party at his house so Brandon and I went. When we first got there, we were standing in the kitchen talking and these scantily clad girls were getting a bottle out of the fridge and he had said something to the effect of, "ooh, look over there" and his roommate gave him a look and left so after he left, Brandon looked at me and told me that he thought the bottle was cool looking and that's what he was telling his roommate to look at, not the girls. Then, I was in the living room with my girls and he came in, grabbed my hand and told me he and I were going to play pong, I told him I'm not very good at pong but my friend that invited us is and he told me he doesn't care, he wants me. So we played and when we finished, I sat on the couch and was going to take a snapchat, he saw and came and sat next to me, put his arm around me, got in my snapchat and then still kept his arm there. Then he told me he has to go to the bathroom but didn't know where it was at so I took him there and as soon as I got off the couch and held his hand to guide him through the masses of people, everyone started hollering (which I later found out from my friend, that invited us, that his friends do that when they think people are going to have sex). After he went to the bathroom, I could tell he had too much to drink so I told him to sit for a while and take a break. I took his cup from him and set it on the table behind me while he sat in the chair, I went to sit on the arm of the chair. He got so irrationally angry that I took his cup so he started punching the floor, his roommate tried to calm him down to tell him he was just taking a little breather and that didn't work so I grabbed his face and told him that everything was okay and it'll all be good in a few minutes and he calmed down almost immediately. He pulled me to sit on his lap after that and asked what I wanted to do while he was taking his break and I told him we can do whatever he wants since he was actually listening and taking a break. He looked at me and said "well, I want to do this" and he pulled me in and we started to make out. After a few minutes, he had my bra unhooked and he kept asking me to go back to the dorm. I told him this shouldn't even be happening because he has a girlfriend. He said "fuck my girlfriend, she's cheated on me so many times and I've cheated on her so many times. Let's forget about my girlfriend." We made out a little more and I thought it was ample time that he waited for another drink so I got off of him and told him to go get one and he said he didn't need it anymore, grabbed my hand and pulled me back on him. We made out for about ten more minutes until my friend started going through an existential issue so I got off of him to be with her and by the time I got back, his roommate said he was outside smoking and then he was gonna head back.
The next morning, his roommate was hanging out with my roommate and she asked how he was doing and his roommate said every time they wake up from the morning after a party, he says how much he regrets the previous night's happenings then tells his girlfriend that he cheated. His roommate said when he woke up he told him that he didn't want to tell his girlfriend about me and he'll just keep this one to himself. Which made me think that he regret it and everything but his roommate told my roommate that he never once said that he regret anything that happened between us.
That morning, I had work (I work for housing at my college, so I sit at a desk and help residents in our dorm lobby) so he sat in the lobby with me and we hung out and talked like normal. After my shift was done, Brandon, his roommate, my roommate and I all went to the diner for breakfast and he and I sat together on one side and our roommates sat on the other and he and I sat pretty close the whole time.
Before the party, we would only message each other on facebook. Today, he was out of building and I messaged him and he said "why did I never give you my number before? Here, just text me." I always felt like I was bothering him, messaging him first on facebook all the time but I don't think I was a bother to him now, since he gave me his number to talk to him on.
Finally, I have talked to every girlfriend of mine and told them everything and all of them said that he likes me and that's why he isn't telling his girlfriend about me.
So, my question for you is: why do you think he didn't tell his girlfriend about me even though he told her when he cheat every other time? I don't know his girlfriend so that wouldn't be an issue or anything. We're both fine, it isn't awkward or anything and we've even joked to each other about it happening but neither of us regret it so I think, deep down, even though we were both pretty drunk, that we wanted it to happen. I just don't know why he didn't tell her.
This is, indeed, a more in depth question to a previous one.
Thank you!
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I don't think it'd really matter. I mean I guess it's fun to think that you're special and that's why he won't tell his girlfriend, but he might just not want to have another fight with his girlfriend. That's probably the most likely. You can only guess at this point anyways.
I mean it's not like he broke up with her or something. If that came up, then you'd have more reason to believe he likes you. But he's still with her.
Besides that, why would you want a guy who cheats on his girlfriend? I'm just assuming you like him or else you wouldn't be trying to go so in depth into figuring out if he likes you. I mean if you two got together, he'd probably cheat on you too.
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It may be nice to believe that he's not telling his girlfriend because he likes you, but it's just as likely, if not more likely, that is sick of fighting with her or that he doesn't want to loose your friendship by making a big deal out of a drunken make-out session or simply because you don't know her, he doesn't feel he's at risk of getting caught in the lie!
That's just as likely. So you really should stop giving preference to the theories that your prefer. Of course your friends think it means he likes you! That's WAY more interesting then shrugging your shoulders and thinking "Well, he's a cheater. So we already know he's a liar, maybe he's just decided to lie about this too now?"
So he didn't tell her. He also didn't break up with her - just the exact same way they haven't broke up, or stayed broken up, when one of them has cheated in the past. You see, they have agreement. They have an agreement where one of them cheats, maybe they talk about it maybe they don't, maybe they fight and yell, maybe they break up and then get back together, and then they do the exact same thing all over again. You can say it's just for security, or it's just for the sex, or it's just out of habit. Whatever the reason, that's the deal they've got with one another.
They might not acknowledge aloud that this is just the agreement they have, but clearly, it is. And nothing about making out with you, has apparently changed that at all.
It's nice to think that him not telling his girlfriend about it is such a big fucking change for him - but it's probably not. Hell, it's even, very, very likely that he's kept other cheating events secret too and that he just feels better about claiming that he always comes clean to her. I mean, how could you believe him if he said this is the only time he hasn't told her? I couldn't trust that was true if I were you, not completely.
Maybe he did want it to happen, but that doesn't mean he wants to break up with his girlfriend, it doesn't mean he wants to magically turn into a trustworthy and loyal person either.
I appreciate that you are hung on him, but you have to recognize this for what it really is: He got - at least some - of what he wanted from you, and since he thinks you are cool with that, there is no reason at all for him to change anything about his choices or his life or make himself uncomfortable at all by telling the girlfriend.
Maybe he does like you, but if he only likes you enough to drinkenly make up with you and lie to his girlfriend about, that's actually not very much like at all.
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After your long story, the final question then is "why didn't he tell his current girlfriend?" Let me ask you something first.What is it that happens or changes to differentiate a person going from friend or aquaintance to girlfriend/boyfriend.
Is it merely an exchange of words like 'lets be girlfriend/boyfriend and both agreeing and saying yes. Words are cheap. Lots of people say things they don't really mean. The younger generations have no idea how to be a person of their word, how to keep their word. That is not enough to constitute a healthy relationship. There needs to be a commitment made to each other if two people were only going to see each other when in a committed relationship. There is dating for social reasons or to learn who a person really is and if they fit you good enough for you to make a commitment to them if they are wanting to make a solid commitment. And then there is a different situation, one you kids still call dating, but it is different because the two have made commitments with their words AND their heart and back it up. If at any time such a relationship is not working out, the thing to do is make a clean break from each other and then start seeing others.
My guess is, that neither of them made a commitment to each other IF he is telling the truth. He says she is cheating on him. It could be true, or he could be lying to get your sympathy.If you don't really know her and her story, then how do you know whats going on. For all we know, she made a real commitment to him and is keeping to it, but he is the one bedding girls as often as he changes his socks! If he doesnt tell her or doesnt want her to know...then something isn't on the level. I don't understand why girls are so desperate for the attention of a guy that they will choose to ignore warning signs that a guy is not relationship material, and will settle for less and take whoever comes along, even if he is a 'player'. Now if what you want is a player, who makes no commitment to one girl, the swinger type, then he's perfect! He's your dream come true! Okay, lets imagine you and he have been dating for 2 weeks solid, every day some contact, then a friend of yours comes to you and says, I overheard Brandon talking to another girl on campus. He was telling her that he has a girlfriend (You) and that you have been cheating on him so he doesnt feel he has to stay true to her and he was asking her if he could go to her room since her roommates away, so they could continue with more than just kissing. So how would you feel? Hey its fine, we have no commitment to each other, we're both free individuals with a healthy sexual appetite. He's free to do that, it doesn t bother me. If you can't answer like that, and you feel betrayed instead, then you are not cut out for hanging with him. My recommendation, is figure out exactly what it is you are looking for, date several guys without making a realship commitment to just one. Date long enough to learn and determine which one sounds like what you are looking for, at which point you totally stop seeing the others and stay with just the one and he with you. Dating is meant to be something we do to form our ideas by our experiences of what we are looking for in a mate. Many of us have given it little thought. If you don't give it some serious thought, then you may end up in a bad relationship like I did at age 20, marrying an abusive man. It wasn't until divorce 30 yrs later, I began to really learn and grow. I learned to make a list of what I wants and will tolerate and what was an absolute no in a guy. It sure helped. I found my 2nd husband and he is the sweetest man ever. Married just about 5 yrs now. Even if you are no where near ready to marry, you are at the stage of learning what is 'marriage material' in a guy, or at least long term relatioship material. With Brandons track record, he doesnt sound like he's ready...just thinking of himself with his "smaller head". Immature men who lie or react to cheating as he does by doing the same, are not going to change overnight to be totally devoted and in love with you. The fact is, all humans are creatures of habit. We don't like change and avoid it even if its for the better. Change is scary for most of us. Some people take their entire life to change and grow on one little area. I wouldn't count on him changing any time soon. Maybe he will slowly become mature by age 40. Do you want to wait that long to find a reliable long term partner?
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I can understand your confusion but to someone a little older...its plain as day. :)
He didn't tell his girlfriend because he is cheating on her. I know what he told you, but people lie to get what they want. He wanted you, but do you really want someone like him? Think about it. He has already proved himself to be a cheater and a liar. If he REALLY cared for you, he would have left his girlfriend first & then pursued you.
You will do what you think is right for you. Just please realize that this boy has a history of cheating & lying.
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