about

My name is Kambrey and I am a very oppinionated and strong willed person, however I am also very open-minded to new ways of thinking and others opinions. Being a minority where I live has helped open my eyes to the struggles of others. And since the minority I belong to is a religious one I am also very repectful of others beliefs, life styles and points of view. I know it's hard to be different sometimes, and even harder asking for help when your worried others are judging you. I'm NOT going to judge you. Period. My only purpose is to help. Feel free to hit me with ANY question you need help with! And to anyone reading my column with comments, oppinions or really any constructive critisism PLEASE let me know! Can't wait to hear from you! ~Kambrey
P.S.- Feel free to hit me up at my private e-mail for questions you don't want displayed on the site! AskKambrey@yahoo.com

advice

Alright I know we all hate these questions but im finally in a position to ask for help.....
Here it goes...

I have a boyfriend of 4 months...But basically 6 months from the time we really started talking.
Then i have a boy that i was on and off with for 2 years. We never "went out" but we hooked up and EVRYTIME we see eachother we always get these feelings back!!!

Well this other guy called every 2 weeks asking if i am still together with my BF and i say yes and hes like okay il ttyl. So finally he called 3 days ago and he wanted to hangout so i was like YEAH!!! so I hungout 2 days NON stop. And I got these feelings back.
I missed him SOOO much.
And ive thought about him while being together with my BF.
BUT my boyfriend knows about the relationship we had or 2 years and that we were on and off and that we like loved eachother.

What do i do?
Do i leave my Bf who I love?
For someone Ive loved 2 years?
I keep thinking i should do I can just HAVE FUN for a while! But Im scared of doing that and Missing my BF terribly.
This is killing me and i havent said much to my bf I kinda avoid calls cause I wanna decide before I talk to him so I have something to say.

PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!

Dear "bf vs. 2-yr love",
Though your feelings for your boyfriend may be very strong it is definatly not love if your thinking about someone else. Especially if your even thinking about this other guy when your with your boyfriend.
I couldn't tell you what would happen with this other guy or if you'de regret leaving your boyfriend; but I can tell you that you will regret not finding out for yourself. You obviously can't fully give your heart to either of them as long as your spliting your attention on both of them. Plus it really isn't fair to your man that you are stringing him along while you try and make up your mind.
My suggestion would be to break it off with your boyfriend because if your thinking about someone else your obviously not thinking about him. And it's not fair to either of you to be held up in a relationship that isn't going anywhere. That's not to say that it can't go anywhere, but rather that it won't go anywhere as long as your so mixed up about your feelings.
Take some time apart-- and that means from both of them, not just your bf. Clear your head and really think about both sides. Sometimes it's helpful to make pro/con lists- it sounds silly but when you have it written down infront of you to look at it often makes more sence. But in the end your going to just have to ditch the lists and go with your gut. You intuition won't ever let you down. But you won't be able to hear what it's saying until your in a neutral zone.
Good luck! If you need any more advice you can send it to my personal inbox or my private e-mail at AskKambrey@yahoo.com and I'll do what I can to help.
~Kambrey

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When I was 5 I lived down the street about a mile from my cousins Paige and Chase, and she lived directly across the street from this boy named Steven, who was Chase's best friend. I always had a crush on Steven, right up until I moved when I was 10 (6 years ago). I went to church with my cousin on Sunday and I saw Steven there, cute as ever, and I caught his eye and smiled at him and he smiled at me and I saw him watching me a few times, but I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I still like him, eventhough I haven't seen him in 3 or 4 years and haven't talked to him since I moved. Am I nuts for still liking him, should I ask him out, and can anyone think of a way to go about asking him out so I don't sound like a crazy stalker?

Dear "am I nuts",
Your not nuts at all but there is an obvious connection between you and this guy. The next time your at your cousins you should talk to him. It definatly wouldn't hurt anything just to ask him out to coffee or something. If you can invite him to do something you feel comfortable doing, such as bowling or mini golf, that way you'll feel in your element so to speak and will be much more comfortable talking to him.
Or if your not at your cousins very often then ask them for his number. And when you call just be very up front and tell him you asked them for his number(that way he won't be freaked out trying to figure out how you got it) and just say that it's been a while and you wanted to catch up and see how he's been doing. Most likely he'll be really impressed by your forwardness.
Besides, what have you got to loose? It's not like your really great friends and asking him on a date would ruin the friendship. You already don't talk to him, so there would be no awkward conversation when you visit your cousins. If it didn't work out between you at least you can say you tried. Don't waste your life asking yourself "what if". You win some you loose some but at least that way you know.
Good luck and best wishes!
~Kambrey

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Hi, can anyone help me, I'm turning 16 in a few months and I've never even been on a date!
I feel so pathetic, no boys ever even smiled at me!
I have loads of friends (mostly girls) and they tell
me I'm pretty, but I think they just feel sorry for me. Does anyone have any advice (I'm a girl by the way) even if I do get a boyfriend now, he'd probably be into much more serious stuff than I'm ready for.

Dear "never been kissed",
I you feel pathetic that's how people will feel about you too. I know it's a cleche but you have to love yourself before anyone else will-- trust me I learned that the hard way. The first thing you have to do is stop assuming that your friends are telling you your pretty because they feel sorry for you. If they're really your friends they wouldn't lie to you. Just learn to take a compliment and you have to really believe it! Hearing something enough times you learn to believe it and that includes what you say to yourself so stop telling yourself your pathetic it won't help your situation in any way.
The best way to get a guys attention is to carry yourself like your worth a million dollars(because your worth way more then that). Smile at everyone you see, not just the boys, they notice. Even if they don't smile back the first, second or even third time-- they will eventually and they'll remember you.
Your second problem was that your worried the guys are all ready for a lot more then you. Well honey get that idea out of yourhead right now! Boys, though they act like they're on top on the world, are really just as nervous as you are. Most guys your age don't have any experience with girls or kissing either. There will always be those couple of guys that have gone the whole nine yards already but trust me you want to stay far far away from them anyways. That kind of behavior show that they're really insecure and don't have any respect for themself or the girls they're doing that stuff with. To them it's just a show, a competition even. You don't need that in your life.
The best advice I could give you is just to be yourself and not worry about what your friends are doing or what anyone thinks of you. Guys like girls who feel comfortable in their own skin and if your friends are right(and I'm sure they are) you are in beautiful skin and have nothing to worry about.
Oh and most people your age, girls and boys, haven't been kissed. I didn't get kissed until I was almost 18! And I don't regret the wait at all, because when it finally happened it was with a guy that I really cared about.
You want to always remember your first kiss as something happy and beautiful and romantic-- you don't want to regret it later by rushing it with the wrong guy.
Good luck! and if you need any more help feel free to e-mail me at AskKambrey@yahoo.com
~Kambrey

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14/f

today -> one month anniversary
we haven't kissed yet
we're both SUPER shy
i want him to kiss me and i'm pretty sure he wants to kiss me too but who should make the first move??????????????????????????
we're in the same class but we keep out relationship one the DOWN LOW so we can't really be like i love you blah blah blah in front of other people
we hardly talk in class cause we're SHYYY
how do i start talking to him or flirt or something cause i don't really know him that much but i'm hoping i can so that i wont be shy around him??????????????????????????
So .. any advice? Thanks in advance.

Dear "kiss",
If you have been dating this guy for one month already and don't feel like you really know him it's imperative that open up communication with him if you want your relationship to last. Talk to him about how you feel about stuff, even simple things like a book your reading in the class your both in or that really hard homework assignment. Something you can both relate to so he can get in on the conversation too. The only way to become more comfortable together and loose that shy feeling is to get to know him. People love to talk about themselves so ask him about something you know he's into. If you hit the right topic he will totally open up.
My advice on the whole kissing thing is wait until you know him a bit better. You don't want that to be what your relationship is based around. The best relationship all start out as friendships so first become his friend; when the time is right for you guys to kiss you'll know it. And when you feel that moment come if he's acting to shy then you make the first move-- it may really impress him.
Best of luck! If you need anymore help you can e-mail me at AskKambrey@yahoo.com I'de love to help any way that I can.
~Kambrey

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okay well im thirteen tomorrow and my boyfriend is a year older than me and yesterday my boyfriend told me that his best friend which is my best friend's boyfriend kept asking him how far me and him have gone but he wouldn't tell him. then they made a bet that my boyfriend would finger me by the 27. and last night i asked my boyfriend if i was just a f**king bet to him and he was like oh how do you know about the bet? and no your not just a bet. and we only made it because he wouldn't leave me alone. and then my boyfriend told me that it was also because he feels weird because my two best friends and their boyfriends have sex and stuff and he feels weird because we haven't and he feels left out. and then i was like well what are you trying to tell me ? and he was like well maybe we should do it because i want to because i love you. and i was like no. and he was okay with it but then he kept asking why and stuff and dont i want to know what its like and stuff like that. and i was like yeah i'm curious but i'm not ready to find out. we have only been going out for almost three months. it would be 3 january 10th. and then he was like well i love you and i want to go farther with you. and i was like " okay, i want to go farther but not all the way " and he was like "would you feel comfortable with 3rd?" and i was like yeah i guess and then i found out today that my best friends boyfriend bet my ass that he wouldn't finger me and my boyfriend bet my best friend's tit's that he would. i don't know wahat to do. i don't want to let him finger me if its all just because of a stupid fricken bet. im not a whore or a slut but i'm also not prude. a little advice please?

--Answer removed due to technical glitch--

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The guy I've been in love with for 6 years, im sending him one last email before getting over him.. one detail you should know though, I'm seeing him this christmas! he's always invited to our christmas-dinners, so i dont know.. but i need to do this anyways.

so my question is, what should i say in this email? im not confessing my love for him, im just telling him that im deleting my email..and because of that..im sending him an email incase we never ever speak again (even though i know ill see him this christmas) so i have a few things to tell him.. but what exactly should i tell him? i know i wanna wish him good luck now that he's a senior, and i wanna tell him i think he'll go far in life, and to always belive in himself..and that he's meant a lot to me (never actually syaing i have a crush on him) just that i care basically..

so is there anything that's good to say??
thanks

Dear Reader,
I understand how you feel. I too have been totally in love with this guy from work for near 6 years now, so maybe I'll be able to give you a little insight.
Everything that you mentioned you want to say to him is all fine and good but you left out the most important thing that you want for him. ...to be a part of your life. I understand that this is no easy task, but neither will be you wondering "what if" for the rest of your life. For someone to be able to hold on to feelings like that for that long a length of time is extrordinary! A connection like that doesn't come along every day! You NEED to let him know how you feel.
I'm assuming that you are close or have a long history together if he comes over every christmas, chances are that he feels a connection too. And it's not as though if you say something he'll never speak to you again and you'll loose a dear friend because if your severeing all aquintance then it has obviously already become to hard to see him as just a friend anyway.
Look- I know it's easier said then done, and I'm not going to try and tell you that by your honesty he will be blow away and admit his undying love for you. He may, but usually things like this take time. You already have the basis for a strong, lasting relationship by your long-time friendship with him. And your seeing him at Christmas could be perfect timing if you let him know now. It will give him time to mull it over in his head and to sort out his emotions. You've already waited 6 years, will another 2 months really hurt?
All I'm saying is give it one last chance to be what you've been hoping for all this time. If you think he's worth all the love and heart-ache you've put into him then he's certainly worth the truth. It wouldn't be fair to him to not know, if you love him he DESERVES to know.
With my guy, I told him and he told me he has a girlfriend. But when I look into his eyes I can see that he cares, and you know what? I cryed for a week and now I'm fine. I know right now it seems like it could never be fine. -it's seems humiliating and takes a lot of courage but at least you'll know.
If you never know, you'll never get over it. No matter what you tell yourself and who comes into your life, you'll still wonder. And you can't give your whole heart to someone if part of it still belongs to someone else. You need closure.
Just give it a try, I PROMISE you will NOT be sorry.
~Kambrey

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17/f with a 19/m - Canada
I used to have a boyfriend who treated me great, like he really truly cared about me, but then i found out he was living with another girl, and i didn't even know it. we broke up and now i'm with my new boyfriend. I like him alot, like more than anybody and i want to trust him, but i just don't think i can because of what this other guy did. he prefers if i call his cell phone because he lives with his parents, and when i was supposed to go over to his house, he said his sister was studying and so we shouldn't be there. also, he never drives anywhere, or gets picked up. He always takes a cab. Also, i drove him home one night, and later that week, he tells me that that wasn't his house, it was his aunt's house....
i don't know if it's just me being paranoid because of what that other jerk did to me, but i just don't know if i can trust any gu ever now....what do y'all think?

Dear Reader,
The first thing that I want to tell you is that you should never let a bad experience with another guy get in the way of someone you truely care about. I know it's a lot harder then i'm making it sound, I've been there, but sometimes you just let in the bad with the good. You just have to follow your instincts and trust your own feelings about people.
Now to the guy your with now. Just with the information you have given I would say to definatly watch your heart with this one until your a little more sure about him. Your in a really tricky situation where following your instincts is harder then usual because you are already second guessing yourself and men in general because of what this other guy did to you. That's natural, and it's ok to keep your gaurd up and be careful and questioning with men. It's a smart thing to do with everyone you meet not just romantic interests. You just need to be careful not to let your guards block off all your chances with the good guys. Listen to what your gut is telling you, it will advise you better then any advice columnist ever could. If you look deep inside yourself you'll know the right thing to do. Just don't second guess yourself.
You said that you don't think you can trust him because of what the other guy did, but maybe you just can tell he's not to be trusted. A lot of the things you said about him and what he does makes me very suspicious about him personal life and psychological well being. But I don't have enough information to really judge him because I don't know him. I hope I've helped a little bit and would love to help more. If you would like further advice, I would like to know a few more specifics such as: if you ever hang out with him AND his friends, if you have ever met his parents, and what kind of things he likes to do in his spare time- does he work? does he play any sports? that type of thing. Let me know if I can help. Send it to my inbox at Advicenators or my personal e-mail at AskKambrey@yahoo.com
~Kambrey

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Ok heres the thing. I have been with my recent boyfriend for more than a year now. I love this boy to death and want to be with him for the rest of my life. NOw there is this other guy who I dated back b4 my recent. He calls and says he wants to get back with me and asks me what if questions like, what if I kissed you and stuff like that. I have tried to explain to him that I'm with sumone already, he even knows the most intimate stuff I have done with my recent bf. What can I tell him so he will backoff and not ruin my recent relationship with the guy I have???? By the way, I am 15, He is 16 and my bf is 15. Also that guy lives out of state from me.

Dear Reader,
The best thing to tell him is nothing. Just cut off all contact with him. Even just talking to this guy could cause problems with your current boyfriend. After a while of you not returning his calls and ignoring him he'll get the picture.
~Kambrey

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i'm 15. almost 16. my special someone is 17. almost 18. our birthday are in the next two months. where I live it's ilegal for a 18 yr. old to date anyone under the age of 16 and i'm not quite there yet. but we've agreed we're not going to let that stop us. my mom doesn't let me go out with him because last week she decided that he's a loser because he droped out of school. and she thinks he's too old for me. my someone and i have been together for 8 months and i would do anything for him and we have a undying love for each other. but it's getting so hard and now he's listening to peoples opinions and wants to break up with me because he doesn't want to try anymore. i know i could have tried more instead of trying to find someone else. but now i regreat it. i know that if i convence him that we can do this then we can make it.. i just have to get him to see that we're supposed to be together any suggestions?

feel free to ask me any questions about this

Dear Reader,
Firstly I would like to apologize for taking so long to reply to your e-mail. My readers me a lot to me, and I feel aweful for letting you down. My sincerest apologies; I have had some circumstances beyond my control over the last few months and did not feel that I was in a state of mind to be giving anyone advice. I hope you can understand and forgive me, and continue to read and write to my column.

Now, concerning your problem, I realize that you mentioned that your birthdays would be in the next couple of months and hope that it is not to late for me to help you out.

Lets address these problems one at a time. As for your mom disliking him, I have learned that parental support is very good in relationships for a few reasons. Now I don't know this guy so I'm not going to presume to judge so don't take this as a insult towards either your taste or your guy. Typically(though not always) when anyone-guy or girl- drops out of high school, esspecially if they are seniors, it shows a lack of commitment or ability to see commitments all the way through. This could be a very bad sign for their ability to see relationships through (which could be partly why he was able to give up such a strong bond so easily). That is not to say you should never date a drop-out by any means, it is simply something to consider. And if you see the relationship becoming more serious you also have to consider if he would be able to support you. I am a firm believer in love solving all problems, but that doesn't mean it can pay the bills. I realize that being 15/16 you don't have to worry about that yet but it will sneak up on you sooner then you know and it is something to think about.
Also parents are most often great judges of character. And even though you don't ever want to think of someone you love in any negative way, that doesn't mean that there isn't something there that they see and you don't. Trust in your mom, more often then not with parents they want nothing more then to see you happy and with somebody who will treat you right. She loves you and has nothing to gain by you not dating this guy, so consider her motive. If this guy is really the right one it will work out in it's own time, don't try and force it.

As to your question about if you had tried harder to hold on it would have worked; well not nessesarily. Everything that happens in your life happens for a reason, even if you can't see or understand it now. And if he is the one who just gave up then don't waste your time beating yourself up about it. As much as we wish that we could change one thing or another about the guys in our lives(and believe me you will have plenty), we can't; we just have to exept people for what and who they are and if who they are isn't right for us you need to let them go and find someone who fits you better.

What's meant to happen will happen, and take what your parents say to heart- they've been there. Even if it's been a while... ;)

Best of luck, let me know if there's anything elso I can help you with and I apologize again.
~Kambrey

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ok.. so there's this guy. we used to be BEST FRIENDS.. we talked about everything. he would flirt with me all the time even if he HAD girlfriends (one happened to be my best friend) and i admit i flirted back. sooner or later i fell for him.. and this was also even when he had a girlfriend. only my close friends knew, but my heart seriously ACHED for him. his girlfriend broke up with him.. he was SINGLE.. things didn't change.. still best friends. so then he asks out my best friend again (the one he went out with before) and she turns him down and him and his friend call me one night and tell me he likes me alot and he asks me out. OF COURSE i say yes.. we were together.. everything was perfect. he was the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. his smile was amazing and he could make me laugh no matter how bad i felt. but then i got a text message just out of the blue after a week or so of us going out and he says he wants to just be friends like we used to be.. and my heart just drops. i cry and cry.. all my friends were calling me and i couldn't even talk while tears were running down my face. the next day i sat right next to him in social studies and i felt tears swelling up in my eyes. he tried to make things go back to normal and we talked.. just acted like everything was alright when inside i was dying. so then i find out more news.. he got a new girlfriend. and surprisingly i don't care because she has liked him for a LONG time and i'm happy for her.. we were just aquantices (can't spell) so it wasn't one of those "going out with your friend's ex" type of situation. but there's more.. i find out he cheated on his ex-girlfriend.. not my best friend, but the other one. my whole world falls apart. i don't think of him the same way.. i thought he was the perfect guy ever. it may not seem like a big deal, but it just makes me wonder.... for weeks i have been ignoring him and he knows why now. but i STILL miss him.. i want him back so bad.. i mean if he asked me back out i would say no just because of all the pain he put me through.. or would i? yesterday he wasn't at school and all i could do is put my hand down.. him being absent ONE DAY killed me. it's like i hate him when he's there, but when he's gonna i love him sooo much. even when he isn't there i still think i secretly love him, but i just don't want to admit it. i mean.. there are other guys who have my eye right now.. i LIKE them.. but i LOVE him. i seriously think he's THE one. i probably seem really stupid, but you don't understand. he was AMAZINNGGG.. he was so sweet to me and funny and outgoing.. and he was smart.. he could actually hold a conversation. he would stick up for me when other guys were being jerks and his hugs were so cute and cuddly. anyways.. what i'm saying is.. idk what to do. it seems like my heart's incomplete without him. maybe i should move on? or just wait? if he just wants to be friends.. then i guess that's what i'll have to do.. but i just want so much more than that. and plus i still hate him, but i love him?! wtf.. ok.. just please help me..

Dear Reader,
Wow! What a dilema, and believe me I DO understand. In fact I am in almost the EXACT same situation right now. And the part that makes your situation the most difficult isn't your love for him, it's the he's "the one" feeling in your gut telling you not to let him go. This is the game plan I suggest. You said that you have a couple other guys that you like, right? That's good! For a while concentrate your energy on one of them. I know this is easier said then done, but it will do two things for you that you need. The first thing is it will answer(or begin to answer)your is he the one, do I actually love him OR is it just the closest thing to love you've felt up to this point in your life? The second thing that will happen is it will show you how he(the friend/love) feels about you. Trust me, no guy no matter how strong can handle a case of jealousy with grace. If he still feels for you as more then a friend this will come out, especially if he feels anywhere near as strongly about you as you feel for him.
The other thing I really want to point out is something you said, that he could also be feeling that could explain his sudden decision to break it off with you. "I mean if he asked me back out I would say no just because of all the pain he put me through". You obviously still love him, HOWEVER you said you would probably not go out with him again. Maybe(and I don't want to get your hopes up because I could very well be wrong), he does feel just as strongly as you and was afraid of getting hurt and going through the pain himself. In his might he might have thought that since you'de only been going out a week that if he broke it off sooner he'd be able to spare both of you from a lot of pain. NOTE: he got a new girlfriend almost IMMEDIATELY after you two broke up... can we say 'rebound'?
Another possible reason for breakup could be verballizing feelings. Did you ever tell him how you felt about him? Did you use the 'L' word on him? With communicating feelings you have to find a perfect medium. You need to tell him that you care for him, and that you really like him a lot(we all need that security in a relationship to let us know that we are not going to get our hearts torn out when the other does recipricate the feelings). However saying the word "love" is enough to make anyone, who really understands it's meaning, nervous; esspecially in a new relationship. Even if you feel the same way about them...
Like I said go out on a few dates with this other guy. If you don't feel any chemistry(or the possibility of chemistry- remember love is something that needs to be grown, love at first sight is a rareity) then try going on a couple dates with one of the other guys that you have had your eye on(Make sure you try to at LEAST go on two dates with each before you make a judgement, unless it's just really aweful). -Try not to think of the other guy when your dating the new guys(don't try and compare them- I know it's hard), everyone is different you can't judge quality by comparing to another guy; instead compare him to what your looking for in a guy and DON'T SETTLE!
To finish the deal(for the see if he's jealous part)just make sure that he knows that your interested in them, AND THAT THEY'RE INTERESTED IN YOU. Don't make it obvious that thats what your trying to do, just say one or two subtle things. Believe me that MORE then enough, if he likes you at all he'll notice.
Good luck! Tell me how it works out. ;)
~Kambrey

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thank you. i asked him if he wanted to go to the movies and so we are going this weekend.

Congrats! I am so happy to see that everything is working out well for you! :) I hope things turn out the way you want. If you need anything else you know where to find me ;)
~Kambrey

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ok well i kinda like my ex boyfriend again. we broke up because his parents wouldnt let us date anymore until they got over some problems. well, i dont know if he likes me or not. i just dont know what to do. will you please help me?

Dear Reader,
First off you need to find out if his parents are over whatever problem it is they were having. If they aren't yet it's best to wait; if it cause problems earlier chances are it might again. If the are however then you can take the next step, and that is finding out if he still has feelings for you too. First let's point out the no-no's, the things you want to avoid. Avoid phrases like, "I still like/have a crush on you" and "Do you still like me?". Usually all that these do is make them feel uncomfortable and weird, and those are two feelings you don't want him to associate with you. You want him to like you, like he did before. So instead try a different approach. Ask him on a date. I know that's easier said then done when it comes to a crush, so take the pressure off yourself by wording it a different way. Say something like, "Hey do you want to go bowling with me this weekend?" or "You wanna come check out this new miniture golf place with me?". Now I know that those may sound like lame date idea's but really those(or something similar)would be ideal for what you are trying to do. Both of these activities are fun and challenging(Challenges create positive endorphins that are sent to your brain, making you feel good). And you do want him to associate those feelings with you. But those are the only things that make this the perfect environment to find out the information you want and help him re-grow those feelings for you. Both places are busy enough that you avoid that horrible aqward silence but quite enough that you can talk normally. Plus in both games you can take the game as slow or as fast as you want, depending on how the date is going. AND if for any reason you get nervous and don't know what to say or start feeling weird you can simply shift your attention to the game and it's completely normal.
Just remember, no matter how it works out, what's meant to happen will happen; just give it time.

Good Luck! Let me know how it turns out :)
~Kambrey

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