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him..
ok.. so there's this guy. we used to be BEST FRIENDS.. we talked about everything. he would flirt with me all the time even if he HAD girlfriends (one happened to be my best friend) and i admit i flirted back. sooner or later i fell for him.. and this was also even when he had a girlfriend. only my close friends knew, but my heart seriously ACHED for him. his girlfriend broke up with him.. he was SINGLE.. things didn't change.. still best friends. so then he asks out my best friend again (the one he went out with before) and she turns him down and him and his friend call me one night and tell me he likes me alot and he asks me out. OF COURSE i say yes.. we were together.. everything was perfect. he was the perfect boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. his smile was amazing and he could make me laugh no matter how bad i felt. but then i got a text message just out of the blue after a week or so of us going out and he says he wants to just be friends like we used to be.. and my heart just drops. i cry and cry.. all my friends were calling me and i couldn't even talk while tears were running down my face. the next day i sat right next to him in social studies and i felt tears swelling up in my eyes. he tried to make things go back to normal and we talked.. just acted like everything was alright when inside i was dying. so then i find out more news.. he got a new girlfriend. and surprisingly i don't care because she has liked him for a LONG time and i'm happy for her.. we were just aquantices (can't spell) so it wasn't one of those "going out with your friend's ex" type of situation. but there's more.. i find out he cheated on his ex-girlfriend.. not my best friend, but the other one. my whole world falls apart. i don't think of him the same way.. i thought he was the perfect guy ever. it may not seem like a big deal, but it just makes me wonder.... for weeks i have been ignoring him and he knows why now. but i STILL miss him.. i want him back so bad.. i mean if he asked me back out i would say no just because of all the pain he put me through.. or would i? yesterday he wasn't at school and all i could do is put my hand down.. him being absent ONE DAY killed me. it's like i hate him when he's there, but when he's gonna i love him sooo much. even when he isn't there i still think i secretly love him, but i just don't want to admit it. i mean.. there are other guys who have my eye right now.. i LIKE them.. but i LOVE him. i seriously think he's THE one. i probably seem really stupid, but you don't understand. he was AMAZINNGGG.. he was so sweet to me and funny and outgoing.. and he was smart.. he could actually hold a conversation. he would stick up for me when other guys were being jerks and his hugs were so cute and cuddly. anyways.. what i'm saying is.. idk what to do. it seems like my heart's incomplete without him. maybe i should move on? or just wait? if he just wants to be friends.. then i guess that's what i'll have to do.. but i just want so much more than that. and plus i still hate him, but i love him?! wtf.. ok.. just please help me..
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I know how awful you must feel.
You know, I can kind of relate. Let me tell you what happened to me. When I was 11, I fell for a guy in my class at school. Really fell. I was convinced he was my 'one'. The person I would be with for the rest of my life. He never told me he liked me and I never told him I liked him but we were very good friends and when I was ill in hospital, he visited me. Then one day, a friend found out and started harassing him without my knowledge or consent. She phoned him 3-4 times a day, asking him out for me or asking him whether he liked me. When I found out, I phoned him to set the record straight but he told me never to phone him again and hung up. I didn't see or hear from him for around 5/6 years after that. I was crushed and cried for days on end.
Then one day, I met him in town and we went for a drink. He had lost the good looks I had once known and was now a rock punk festival goer who spent his free time getting drunk. Not the sort of guy I would ever want for a boyfriend. I never saw him after that. Shortly afterwards, I met my real 'one' and I have been with him ever since. I thought I was in love before but I realise I couldn't have been because it felt nothing like this and I got over that guy.
What I am saying is that this guy who you really think is the one, isn't the guy you think he is and if he was your one, you would still be happy and with him now. I know it sounds harsh and I'm sorry to put it so plainly, but if he doesn't feel the same way, and it sounds as though he doesn't, then he isn't your one. The good news from this being that it means your real one is out there somewhere, waiting to be found.
Having your heartbroken as you have is the most painful thing in the world. It's worse than any broken limbs because it's a pain that you can't ease with any medicine and it leaves a hollow inside you. But it does go away if you let it. By hanging on to the idea that he is your one and by getting your hopes up that he might like you because sometimes he looks at you, you are only preventing yourself from moving on. It's difficult to let go of a first love but love is lightning that can strike more than once and believe me, when you do find that special person you are meant to be with forever, what you feel for this guy now will pale into insignificance because what you will feel then will be so much stronger.
Instead of worrying about the possibility that he might like you, (please bear in mind that friends shoot worried glances at friends who look sad), try to focus on moving forwards. You WILL get over him, if you let yourself get over him. Shut yourself away for two days in your room and allow yourself to cry, kick, scream, shout and completely wallow in your sadness. Eat as much ice cream or any other fattening foods as you like. Write a letter to him telling him how you feel and then burn it or rip to shreds. Do NOT send it or you WILL regret it, I promise you that.
After those two days, realise it is time to move on. Go out with some friends and make sure you smile and laugh and have fun. Yes, you will still feel sad but the more you make yourself feel happy, the easier it will get. Don't talk about the guy and while you are with them, prohibit your friends from talking about him too. Flirt with other guys and remind yourself that you can find love still. Once you start getting yourself 'out there', so to speak, the easier it will become. The rest is up to time.
Don't worry, you will find love again.
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ok well i say that you should wait for him show him what he is missing act like you got over it and dont let it bother you. i know how you feel it happened to me to and ya it was bad i sat in my room for days and ate ice cream and this guy came in to my life and changed it and ya it was hard my friends would try to cheer me up and tell me dont worry about him and forget it cause he dont love you like i do and yep dont worry there is someone out there waiting for you just wait you will see
i feel the same way you do dont worry youll be fine any more advice talk to me!
lexii lou<3
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Love often seems like both a good and bad thing. The thing is, if you can't decide whether or not you love him, maybe it's not meant to be. Your heart should tell you but if it's undecided then there is no guarantee. Ask yourself this--am I willing to take a risk? If you are than shoot for the stars. After seeing what he has dont to other people, it really is putting yourself at rist. Maybe it's love and maybe it's not. I'm no expert. But think of it this way. Would you use a knife that stabbed somebody else? May all of your problems be solved.
**uponacloud920**
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Dear Reader,
Wow! What a dilema, and believe me I DO understand. In fact I am in almost the EXACT same situation right now. And the part that makes your situation the most difficult isn't your love for him, it's the he's "the one" feeling in your gut telling you not to let him go. This is the game plan I suggest. You said that you have a couple other guys that you like, right? That's good! For a while concentrate your energy on one of them. I know this is easier said then done, but it will do two things for you that you need. The first thing is it will answer(or begin to answer)your is he the one, do I actually love him OR is it just the closest thing to love you've felt up to this point in your life? The second thing that will happen is it will show you how he(the friend/love) feels about you. Trust me, no guy no matter how strong can handle a case of jealousy with grace. If he still feels for you as more then a friend this will come out, especially if he feels anywhere near as strongly about you as you feel for him.
The other thing I really want to point out is something you said, that he could also be feeling that could explain his sudden decision to break it off with you. "I mean if he asked me back out I would say no just because of all the pain he put me through". You obviously still love him, HOWEVER you said you would probably not go out with him again. Maybe(and I don't want to get your hopes up because I could very well be wrong), he does feel just as strongly as you and was afraid of getting hurt and going through the pain himself. In his might he might have thought that since you'de only been going out a week that if he broke it off sooner he'd be able to spare both of you from a lot of pain. NOTE: he got a new girlfriend almost IMMEDIATELY after you two broke up... can we say 'rebound'?
Another possible reason for breakup could be verballizing feelings. Did you ever tell him how you felt about him? Did you use the 'L' word on him? With communicating feelings you have to find a perfect medium. You need to tell him that you care for him, and that you really like him a lot(we all need that security in a relationship to let us know that we are not going to get our hearts torn out when the other does recipricate the feelings). However saying the word "love" is enough to make anyone, who really understands it's meaning, nervous; esspecially in a new relationship. Even if you feel the same way about them...
Like I said go out on a few dates with this other guy. If you don't feel any chemistry(or the possibility of chemistry- remember love is something that needs to be grown, love at first sight is a rareity) then try going on a couple dates with one of the other guys that you have had your eye on(Make sure you try to at LEAST go on two dates with each before you make a judgement, unless it's just really aweful). -Try not to think of the other guy when your dating the new guys(don't try and compare them- I know it's hard), everyone is different you can't judge quality by comparing to another guy; instead compare him to what your looking for in a guy and DON'T SETTLE!
To finish the deal(for the see if he's jealous part)just make sure that he knows that your interested in them, AND THAT THEY'RE INTERESTED IN YOU. Don't make it obvious that thats what your trying to do, just say one or two subtle things. Believe me that MORE then enough, if he likes you at all he'll notice.
Good luck! Tell me how it works out. ;)
~Kambrey
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Hey,
Its like my old saying that I tell all of my friends..."IF HE IS WORTH HAVING HE IS WORTH WAITING FOR"! Honestly, I have been in the same situation cept he was single an EXTREMLY confused, good god played so many mind games, went out with my best friend then denied it now we are like no longer best friends over this boy. But just what I would suggest with the whole situation is just think about what I said up there in the beginning of my answer to your question!!
-Stephanie
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