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is he cheating?
17/f with a 19/m - Canada
I used to have a boyfriend who treated me great, like he really truly cared about me, but then i found out he was living with another girl, and i didn't even know it. we broke up and now i'm with my new boyfriend. I like him alot, like more than anybody and i want to trust him, but i just don't think i can because of what this other guy did. he prefers if i call his cell phone because he lives with his parents, and when i was supposed to go over to his house, he said his sister was studying and so we shouldn't be there. also, he never drives anywhere, or gets picked up. He always takes a cab. Also, i drove him home one night, and later that week, he tells me that that wasn't his house, it was his aunt's house....
i don't know if it's just me being paranoid because of what that other jerk did to me, but i just don't know if i can trust any gu ever now....what do y'all think?
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Dear Reader,
The first thing that I want to tell you is that you should never let a bad experience with another guy get in the way of someone you truely care about. I know it's a lot harder then i'm making it sound, I've been there, but sometimes you just let in the bad with the good. You just have to follow your instincts and trust your own feelings about people.
Now to the guy your with now. Just with the information you have given I would say to definatly watch your heart with this one until your a little more sure about him. Your in a really tricky situation where following your instincts is harder then usual because you are already second guessing yourself and men in general because of what this other guy did to you. That's natural, and it's ok to keep your gaurd up and be careful and questioning with men. It's a smart thing to do with everyone you meet not just romantic interests. You just need to be careful not to let your guards block off all your chances with the good guys. Listen to what your gut is telling you, it will advise you better then any advice columnist ever could. If you look deep inside yourself you'll know the right thing to do. Just don't second guess yourself.
You said that you don't think you can trust him because of what the other guy did, but maybe you just can tell he's not to be trusted. A lot of the things you said about him and what he does makes me very suspicious about him personal life and psychological well being. But I don't have enough information to really judge him because I don't know him. I hope I've helped a little bit and would love to help more. If you would like further advice, I would like to know a few more specifics such as: if you ever hang out with him AND his friends, if you have ever met his parents, and what kind of things he likes to do in his spare time- does he work? does he play any sports? that type of thing. Let me know if I can help. Send it to my inbox at Advicenators or my personal e-mail at AskKambrey@yahoo.com
~Kambrey
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All of your boyfriend's statements could be perfectly true. Maybe his sister gets easily irritated when she's studying; maybe he takes a cab because he can't afford the payments, insurance, and maintennance on a car. Check for a few red flags, though:
(1) Have you EVER met his parents? If not, there's probably a reason. That reason might be that he's embarassed about his dad's teddy bear collection, or it might be that they've already met his other girlfriend and you would be hard to explain.
(2) Do you ever hang out with his friends? If not, that's an even bigger red flag, because he would have no reason to be ashamed of them.
(3) Are there evenings when you're "forbidden" to call him? It may be because he's out with someone else.
Of course, like I said before, he may simply be telling the truth about everything and there is no cause for alarm. But considering how your last relationship ended, I can't blame you for being a little paranoid - and more to the point, neither should he. I suggest you tell him exactly what happened to you last time, and then say, "I can't face that kind of heartbreak again. You deserve to be trusted, but please understand that I can't trust as blindly as I once did. I need to SEE that I'm your only girl."
Again, the best kind of proof he can offer is to introduce you as his girlfriend to his family and friends. Odds are, they're not all in on some kind of conspiracy to deceive you. If he can do that, or if he HAS done that, then I think you can trust him.
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