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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
advice
What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?
I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.
I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.
I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.
One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.
Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.
The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.
Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this?
What's going on with you is very normal, don't worry. :)
It can be hard to deal with at times like this, but some people with strong religious beliefs feel the need to preach, unsolicited at others at the most inopportune times. This is an unfortunate fact of life that you'll deal with from time to time. Nobody can know what happens after death. That's why we call them "beliefs". It's hard to be polite to people when they are being forceful and/or insensitive, but that's the best way to go. Politely excuse yourself from any conversations about where someone goes when they commit suicide and don't start any of your own. Don't argue with anyone, try to convince them of anything, or try to change their minds. No amount of debate will change anyone's minds and it's just going to make people upset for the wrong reasons. It's just not a productive thing to do. You know in your heart where he is and that's all that matters.
Even though what you're going through is completely, 100% normal, there is still something that you need to do. In all likelihood, you have easy access to grief counselors through your school. Talk to someone about how you're feeling and the choices you've been making recently. Breaking up with your boyfriend, even though it wasn't just because of this event, wasn't wrong, but it could be a concern. It's a red flag. You want to make sure that you're okay and that your life isn't going to spiral out of control suddenly. You may feel like you're alright, but it's good to talk to someone just to be sure. Grief counselors are awesome people that have a lot of experience in helping people understand their feelings and do the right things.
You're going through a lot right now. Try not to make any big life changes or decisions for awhile. Even though what you're going through is natural, it's definitely hard to handle. Good luck.
(Rating: 5) Thank you so, very much for your wonderful, intelligent advice and I'm sorry it took so long to thank you for it. It means so much to me and everything you've said sounds perfect it's definitely useless to argue with people about where Levi is as you've said and I'm planning to go see a counselor as soon as I can. Thank you so much and God Bless.