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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)
advice
Lately, I have been having a gut feeling that my husband may be big curious or even gay. In the very beginning of our relationship (been married almost three years together almost 4yrs.) He admitted that when he was younger a friend and him were playing around and the friend ended up giving him a Blow***. I asked him then if he was gay or if he would do it again. He said no. Keep that in mind. A few months back my husband his friend and I started going to the gym. My husband is a man who is in and out of the shower, 7 minutes top! Every time the two went in there they would take ATLEAST 30 mins. I take long showers I would take one myself in the girls room and would still have to wait. I have asked my husband and he said he would just wait for him. Now his friend on the other hand, let's just say if you met him you would think he had sugar in his tank. I live in a small country town and my female friend said her husband had sex with a man before. People in this town including his family say he may be gay or curious as well. For a week now my husband and I are not talking, because I feel like I am being lied too when I ask him if he is gay or bisexual. I can work with bisexual, I just want to know so we can both have safe sex. He still says NO. I don't want to think that I am over thinking everything but I don't want to end up like my husbands mother, lied to and turn out that my husband is bisexual or gay. IDC what he is, I just want to know. I have told him how I felt and how its okay to like other men. I just don't know anymore. I won't let my husband touch me nor look at me because I feel like I am being lied too. I even talked to his friend and asked in a mature matter. I was not disrespectful nor did I just pop the question are you gay? Or what's going on with my husband and you. I explained my reasons first then asked. His friend says he's not gay.
Take a minute and breathe. Think about this: what if he is completely 100% straight? Think of it from his perspective. He can only tell you so many times before becoming frustrated. If he really isn't gay, you are completely destroying your marriage out of fear, which is coming from what happened to your in-laws. What if he hasn't done anything wrong and it's all you? You have to consider this as a possibility. Flip the switch for a second. Imagine your husband accused you of cheating on him and you hadn't, but nothing you could say would make him believe you. You fought over it every day and your relationship began to deteriorate. What would you do? Would you start to think that he'd never give up on getting you to "admit" something that you never did? When you say "I just want to know" to him, it really means that the only thing that he can do to help the situation is tell you that he is gay whether that's the truth or not. That's what you want to hear (even though it isn't what you want to be true). That might not make sense, but think about it. What can he do to make you believe him if he really is straight? Would you believe him or have you already decided?
Here's what you need to do. Look for concrete evidence. Talk to your husband's friend that he goes to the gym with. It is very possible that you're right, but at this moment, you're rampaging like a madwoman with no reason to do so. If you can't find any evidence, you have to believe him when he says he's straight. If you can't believe him, you need to speak to a counselor to help you resolve your issues. What happened with your in-laws is very much affecting how you are relating to your husband and it shouldn't. He is not his father and your relationship is not their relationship. You need to follow your gut and not completely drop this because you could be right, but start going about it in a more constructive and less anxiety-filled way. Trade in your fear for self-reflection, realism, and logic. Good luck.
(Rating: 5) Anxiety is exactly what I have! You are very right, especially with the evidence. I really have nothing but the little things I mentioned in my question. I know I need to see someone. Y'all just don't understand how real this all feels to me. I know his parents are not us. But I have lied, I have cheated. I told him. He trusts me. I just don't know why its so hard for me to trust him. Its all taking me back. The BJ, the gym and lies I THINK he is telling me. :( when the two (my husband and his friend) are in a room together I feel like crying and running away. They don't do anything in front of me. But it makes me feel uncomfortable. We haven't went to the gym for a while. I told him after I started having my doubts that I didn't want him or me to go anymore. Its been months since we have went.